Chapter 5
Kate returned to her apartment and searched for the blonde around the place until she found her taking her clothes and throwing them on the bed, ready to leave.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Oh, Kate Bishop. You are back. Are you two done kissing in the hallway?” Yelena said somewhat annoyed, watching Kate for a moment before going back to put her batons in a black duffel bag. What the fuck?!
“What are you doing? What are you talking about?” She asked between surprised and hurt, sometimes she couldn't understand Yelena at all.
“Now you have a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent watching over you.” She said with that thick russian accent, a pained voice trying to keep from pouting. “I don't think you need me.”
Kate crossed her arms, she was pissed now. “Do you think I let you stay because I needed to feel safe?”
“I don't know.” Yelena answered, shrugging like a hurt child who avoided seeing her best friend because she felt betrayed. Kate sighed deeply, she couldn't understand the mixed signals the widow was giving her but all the voices in her mind were giving her a different advice.
‘Tell her, don't tell her, you're going to fuck everything. Say goodbye to this friendship, let her go. No, tell her not to go, she’s right… you need her.’
“I don't know whether to kick your ass for thinking that I need you to take care of me, or to hit you so hard for thinking I don't.” Kate gasped, shook her head. But Yelena's silence was daggers. “Are you jealous?”
“HA! Me? JEALOUS?!” She let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, Kate Bishop you're so funny! Why should I be? You and I are nothing.”
Kate pressed her lips together, that hurt.
Ease, Kate. Don't do it, don't. Or do you know what? Yeah, do it. What can you lose? She’s already leaving.
“Because maybe YOU don't feel anything but you don't know what I want and much less what I feel. Because… I like you, Yelena.” She exploded, as if she couldn't take that truth anymore. Oh,it was so satisfying, so nice to finally let go all those feelings. Maybe it was more loud than she expected. “Oh god. I like you a lot and I don't know how to deal with this, but I'm tired of keeping it. All these weeks I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Ever since we kissed on New Year's, and then you took off for weeks! I've been thinking about you every damn night.”
Kate's babbling and the speed with which she spoke didn't make it any easier to understand. And all that information fell like a bucket of fucking siberian cold water for the widow. Something that she expected and at the same time not, it was so… strange. Yelena was completely speechless.
“You…like me?” she whispered.
“Then you show up like nothing happened! Everything is okay, looking more gorgeous than ever. 'Hello, Kate Bishop’.” Kate keep talking annoyed as she began to walk away. And this time, Yelena was the one following her like a lost puppy. “You arrive beaten as a punchingbag, I had to heal your wounds! Bear how beautiful you are, bear the desire to kiss you, bear that damn russian accent. So that now you want to run away like a cowardly rat.”
“I am not a coward!” Yelena yelled.
“Then stay!” Kate said almost asking or begging her to do it. Daring her to stay by her side, for her not to abandon the archer like everyone else did. Her ‘friends’. Her mom. Clint. Well, he didn’t but...kinda, it wasn’t his fault. “Because the only person I want to kiss is you, the only person I want to share time with… is you. You're my best friend and I like you, a lot. More than I think. I haven't stopped thinking about you since we met that time on the roof. But not as a friend.”
Kate exhaled, finally able to let go of every weight on her chest. As if she let go of a huge anchor that only sank her deeper and deeper and she could now return to the surface, breathe fresh air. It felt so good. She would now deal with the consequences, knowing that she had nothing to hide but maybe to lose.
The seconds became endless, and although that seemed like an exaggeration, it was real. Silence, an uncomfortable tension that hadn't existed in them until now.
“Are you going to say something?” Kate's gaze run from side to side nervously.
“I don't know how to react to this.” Finally, Yelena spoke, so softly that Kate could barely hear.
“React to what?”
“You… liking me.” She felt like a trapped bird, wanting to fly. Flapping her wings so scared, inside a cage under a cave. She needed to breathe, needed to get out of there.
"It’s easy. Or not, I don't know. I’ve never felt like this, but I only know that… I want you, Yelena.” Those words came out so sincere and real, that her look only reaffirmed the feelings she had for the black widow. Her heart was pounding, waiting for an answer. A positive answer, an answer that she would make both end up finally kissing. Her first kiss, luckily not a new year's one. “Say something…”
Please, say you like me too.
“I like you cause you are a great friend, Kate Bishop. And you are… the only one I've had in my life besides my sestra, but I don't know how… I don't know how to see you right now. Everything is so confusing.” Despite being difficult words to say and above all, to accept, Yelena's hoarse voice tried to be as soft as possible. She didn't want to hurt Kate. “This is turning too weird. I should leave.”
Somewhat nervous, the widow took her bag in a hurry, avoiding seeing the archer.
Like arrows in her chest, Kate accepted reality. Yelena wasn't ready for that kind of relationship, she wasn't ready to accept someone loving her. And even though she wanted to ask her to stay, Kate knew that Yelena needed space to process Kate’s feelings and her own.
Kate clenched her jaw and stepped aside to let her go, giving up. “Do what you think is best.”
Yelena ran away out of her apartment, using the door for the first time. Kate closed her eyes and wondered if she had done the right thing saying what she felt.
In every time, in every season
God knows I've tried
So please don't ask for more.
Maybe we'll meet again.
***
The next few days were a detoxification process, so slow and painful. Every morning, waking up and not being teased by her best friend, every dinner in front of the TV with Lucky, without laughing at Modern Family or The Office. The silence, there were no complaints, there were no laughs. There was no thick russian accent pronouncing her name at all. The silence.
And each day that passed, melancholy returned to fall on her like her worst enemy.
And while lying on the couch and watching a bunch of cliche romantic movies to heal her sadness seemed tempting enough, she preferred to spend the afternoon pounding her punching bag over and over again. Hitting targets with her arrows. Well, I'm not going to lie, she spent the first three days on the couch. After gaining strength and moving on to the stage of anger and bergaining.
Over and over she hit that punching bag until she stopped to catch breath, drink some water. Surely Yelena didn't even think of her, she didn't even miss her. Bet she went after another target that lovely contractor had found for her, leaving some yakuza crime boss dead in his home. She thought it was for the best, before becoming attached to a girl like Kate. Because what could she offer Yelena anyway?
Those thoughts were interrupted by the insistent knocking on the door and for a brief moment, hope lit her eyes. Kate didn’t hesitate to walk quickly to the door and open it expecting to see the blonde on the other side, with those huge coats, so divine and fashionable. But reality hit her again, in front of her a tall, dark-haired woman crossed the threshold of the door. Leather jacket, black boots.
“I'm glad you finally came to open the damn door, your majesty. I was waiting three minutes out here!” Aidan groaned, walking in with several grocery bags to leave on the table. Kate closed the door and walked over confused.
“What are you doing here? What's this?” Kate frowned.
“I haven't seen you leave this place for five days, Kate. Your dog needs to eat more than junk food, you know? He's a dog, not a garbage can.” Aidan scolded Kate as she began to remove the things from the bags, some meat, vegetables, bread and bags of dog food.
“I know.” She whispered embarrassedly and also guilty, she had barely taken time to get Lucky out so she could do dog stuff.
“And you too, moron.” Added the taller brunette as she put some cereal box, dog food and cookies in the pantry. The fridge was empty, just some beers and a jar of pickles. On the garbage can, empty bottles of vodka. Aidan turned to see the girl, ready to get some info. “Okay, what’s happening to you? Why has everything been so quiet around this place and why do you have that long lost puppy face? All these empty bottles, Kate. You're not the fucking Jessica Jones, for Goddess sake.”
“What? Can't I drink? I'm not a kid!” Kate was quiet for a moment, just crossing her arms and leaning her back against the nearby wall. “She just left. I told her what I felt for her and she just ran away.”
“Yelena?” Aidan asked her, although the answer was pretty obvious. “Damn. That doesn't sound good at all. Sorry, hawkie.”
“It's okay.” The younger one whispered as Aidan seemed to be looking for something in the kitchen. "Wait, do you know Jessica Jones?"
“No but her reputation is known. She knows how to break some bones... This place is… huge but small at the same time!” The agent complained. “Do you barely have cutlery?”
Auch.
“Why are you here, Aidan?” She finally asked, snapping out of her constant sadness to notice the agent's visit.
“I stopped by to check that you were okay…” As she spoke, she reached for some pots and pans, then began to take out the bag of bread and meats that she had brought. “I noticed you hadn't been out in a few days and I thought: I'll go see if she's alive or Laura will kill me.” She started out as if it was normal but then she ended up admitting, quietly. “And I was kind of bored, it's not like I have many people here... I felt lonely.”
“I really get that.” Kate pouted a little bit.
“And I was hungry, I didn't want to eat alone again, I assumed you were too and your handsome dog.” She turned on the stove to put the pan on it. The agent took off her jacket, washed her hands as well as the vegetables in the small sink to the left of the kitchen. Kate watched everything without saying a word. “So… go take a shower because you stink... and I'll fix you something to eat.”
“How do I know you're not going to poison the food?” She asked her with a small cute smile, finally after so many days. Looked so tired. “Will you tell me more about your life at S.H.I.E.L.D?”
“Poison is not my style.” The agent smirked and then pointed her finger. “Go take a shower, you smell really bad and when you come back, maybe I'll tell you something.”
“Yes, mom!” Kate yelled as she climbed the metal stairs to her bedroom and bathroom at the bottom of the second floor.
“You b-! I'm thirty three years old! I could be your sister at least!”
***
That long, warm shower made her feel so much better, even think things through. When Kate returned, Aidan was finishing cooking a stew that seemed to go perfectly with the cold night outside. Lucky had gotten some of it, and some dog food while the other two women devoured their bowls.
“This is really good, thank you.” Kate smiled as she cut a piece of bread. “How did you know I was not doing okay?”
“Yeah, I'm an empath. It's my superpower.” Aidan nodded as she took the bread Kate held out to her. “Also I saw you out few days ago, you looked like that Annie girl from the musical. The orphan little girl with her dog, lost in New York...”
“Oh, shut up.”
They both laughed. Finally.
“I learned this from my abuela, she used to cook this for me when it was winter, she used to say that with ‘a full belly, every broken heart would feel better’.”
“Very wise woman… Where are you from again?”
“I already told you, so many places.” The agent dodged the question, smiling mischievously.
“Will you tell me about your S.H.I.E.L.D. missions?” She asked curiously as she handed Lucky a small piece of bread.
“You feel so lucky tonight, don't you?” Aidan raised an eyebrow.
“I'm heartbroken for following your advice, you owe me that.” She played Kate as the best, knowing that it would have the desired effect.
“Oh my, playing dirty. Dishonor on you, Bishop.” Aidan opened her mouth in surprise, pretending to be outraged. “But I will, ‘cause I know it feels so bad. But first…tell me what happened to you, Hawkie. I want the truth.”
Kate grimaced, shrugging. “As soon as I came here, I told Yelena that I liked her. That she drives me crazy from the first day I saw her…” She sighed. “She just left. She said that she didn't know how to accept it, she didn't know how to act after that and ran away.”
Aidan took a sip of her beer before speaking. “She panicked.”
“She what?”
“She panicked.” The agent replied again. “You know, Kate, not all people find it easy to talk about their feelings, and above all: to accept them. For some people it’s easy, that someone loves us or feel affection for us is... something very beautiful. We cherish it, we accept it, we feel so lucky. And when you grow up in a lonely environment or out of love, sometimes it's even more beautiful and meaning to us.” She licked her lips and set the beer bottle beside her. “But it can also happen that… when you have a life without affection, where any little show of love is something weird for you, especially after losing someone close to you… like for a black widow, like losing Natasha… maybe it could have been pretty scary.”
Kate was silent and listened carefully, she was right. She was so caught up in her own pain, in the loneliness she felt and had felt for so long, that she hadn't even thought about what Yelena would feel. How hard it could be to love someone again, and lose Kate by not feeling the same way. It had to be hard.
“Jeez. I didn't... think about that. She must be so hurt, she must be thinking that I leave her alone. She asked me not to leave her alone, I told her that I wouldn't and then I told her that if she wanted to leave, she would. What if she expected me to tell her to stay? What did I do?!” Kate's eyes widened. Now Kate was the one panicking, luckily for her, Aiden snapped her fingers in front of her bringing her back to reality.
“Hey, Bishop, that doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel bad about her rejection. You’re also feeling sad, that's okay.” Aiden clarified looking at her eyes. “You both have reasons to be all moopey and sad, you don't know what she feels and she doesn't know what you feel. Okay, probably she knows what you’re feeling right now. Just…give it time to sink in. Give it time and everything will fall into place. You can be sad. Don’t be so harsh on you or her, it's okay to not be okay. You're not being selfish at all. I know what it feels like, to fall in love with someone who will never reciprocate your feelings. Been there, done that.”
“Thanks, I needed this.” Kate said with a small smile, after taking a deep breath. Time, it was all she had now. “I always wanted an older sister, you know?”
“Not so old, sweetie. I'm still kicking the 30's.”
“Oh, yeah. Just ten years older, you look like you came out of a 90's The Ramones show.” Kate teased her new friend.
“Touche, little sister.” Aidan laughed as she took another sip of her beer. “Now, a promise made is a debt unpaid. What do you want to know?”
“How long have you been working for S.H.I.E.L.D?” The archer asked curiously, resting her elbows on the table.
“Ten years, I was twenty-three years old when I was recruited.”
“Almost my age. How did they decide that…? It is hard? How can you join?” Kate seemed like a curious child, devouring her plate of food and asking more and more questions. And while it might be annoying for an agent, Aidan felt like she could finally talk to someone about that.
“It's not like 'you can voluntarily join here'. I’m a biologist, I first studied and finished my degree and after presenting my thesis on biotechnology and some more other stuff, I received a visit from two agents.” She explained herself before wiping her lips. “But even though I was very good at what I did on the Lab, there were a lot of even more wonderful scientists on S.H.I.E.L.D. than me, and without wanting it, I was better as a field agent.”
“Wow.” Kate whispered. “What was your first mission?”
Aidan paused a moment before answering, lost for a moment in memory and melancholy. “Sokovia.”
“The… The Battle of Sokovia?” Kate asked in surprise, and even more so when Aidan simply nodded.
Kate stammered ready to ask more about it when again, the door was heard again. Three hits on this one, who could be visiting her? She had no one. They both stared at each other for a moment, Aidan got up to stand at the side of the kitchen, taking her gun from her hip.
“If something happens here, you go to Clint. Okay? There's an Iron 899 in the garage. Do not hesitate, Kate.” Aidan whispered to her, worried.
“Coming!” Kate said out loud and nodded.
Kate took one last look at the agent, who gave her the signal to open the door. To her surprise, the person on the other side of her stole a beat from her heart, she didn't expect to see her there. Bad time to show up, maybe.
She was wearing a huge mustard yellow plaid coat. Lose hair, ready to steal her heart. Damn, Yelena Belova. Fashion icon and deadly spy.
“Hello, Kate Bishop.” The blonde said in front of her, hands in her pockets like nothing happened.
“Yelena, what are you doing here…?” Kate took a step forward and thanks to that, she could see that the blonde wasn’t alone. She was with a woman with slightly reddish hair, tied in a side braid. A green jacket bigger than her body and a plaid shirt. She knew her perfectly, she had seen her thousands of times on TV, even Clint told her so many times about her.
“Looks like we're both here to talk to you.” Yelena smirked.
“Hello, Kate. I'm Wanda Maximoff…” The Scarlet Witch introduced herself with that sokovian accent, somewhat embarrassed. “I believe Clint talked to you about this. About me, coming here to talk to you.”
Oh shit, I haven't read Clint's latest messages. Missed so many calls from him. Shit shit shit.
Both women entered the apartment when Kate stepped aside, noticing the agent who kept her gun on her hip again.
“Oh, Agent Longshadow. I am sorry. Did we ruined your date?” Yelena commented wryly, glancing at Aidan who was taking back her black leather jacket. Kate, as well as Aidan, looked at her surprised.
“It's not a date!” Kate said annoyed.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to arrive at an inopportune moment…” Wanda said, even more embarrassed.
“Date? Oh, no. It is NOT a date. It's not a date at all!" The agent exclaimed, her eyes widened even more when she noticed how the scarlet witch blushed at the tense moment.
“Why tho? Would that be wrong or what?” Kate replied to the widow, kinda pissed off.
“Of course not, I don't care.” Yelena crossed her arms.
“It’s not a date!” Aidan exclaimed again, noticing the tension of the moment, the agent spoke.
“I think I should leave.” Wanda whispered, turning to leave.
“Wait, don’t. I’m sorry, Ms. Maximoff.” Kate tried to reach out to her.
“It's not your fault we interrupted their date.” Yelena rolled her eyes. “Sure they have been watching movies together.”
“Okay, enough. Excuse me, Ms. Maximoff, hi.” She held out her hand to Wanda so they could shake it. “My name is Aidan Longshadow, nice to meet you. Do you like tea?” She asked her trying to ignore the other two girls who seemed to be still arguing.
Wanda nodded slightly confused so the agent continued, but leaning in to whisper. “Would you like to join me for a moment? I believe these two… need a moment to finally talk. Don't worry, we'll be at the next door and i’ll explaing you everything.”
Noticing the other two girls tension and knowing that she would not be in danger, being the most powerful being in this world, Wanda agreed to accompany the woman. Aidan made sure to close the door behind them, leaving Yelena and Kate to speak at last.
“What do you want now, Yelena?”
***
Never did this but here some references:
