Moving on from someone is never easy. Especially when people part in such a sudden and unchangeable way. Sometimes you lose someone very close to you and there is no preparation for that and maybe there also isn’t a way to ever completely move on from that. Wanda Maximoff felt that way before, yet it was still different every time and it never got easier.
The first time she felt like that she was still way too young, just a child as she hid next to her brother Pietro under the table in the dusty and now destroyed place in which they grew up. Back then it was mostly fear and confusion about what just happened and what was about to happen. At the same time, without seeing them, she was aware that her parents were dead. She knew it but she wasn’t able to grieve for them or even really process it. Scared and stuck and trying to survive for the time to come that eventually the fear and the confusion and rage for who she thought responsible finally took over her.
She always knew she wasn’t living an easy or even safe life in any way. Throughout living on the streets, joining Hydra and eventually starting to help Ultron she was constantly aware that something could happen at any given moment. She kept telling herself that she and Pietro would be alright, that they would always make it out of whatever they got into, as long as they were together.
When Pietro died she could feel it, like her heart was ripped out of her chest and like her entire soul was torn apart. For the first time in her life she was entirely alone, the only person that always was by her side was gone. It wasn’t a feeling a simple word like “Loss” could describe. However there once again was no time to grieve as she was caught up back in the ongoing battle, trying to be more and to be better than before. So she fought for Pietro and for herself and for revenge on the ones responsible for that pain.
There was a time when she was lost. Lost and alone in a new place with new people, without having any control over anything and with no clear path of what to do. She felt like she stranded on a small and sinking island in a huge ocean and as soon as she touched the water she was pulled down and drowning. At first she tried to swim and fight and she told herself she was alright, but eventually she started to give up. She felt herself being close to the end when someone grabbed her hand and pulled her back out of the water.
Natasha started to be Wanda’s lifeline. She wasn’t a cure or a distraction or a magician that could make all the pain and sadness disappear but she was always there. She was there when Wanda needed someone to cry to, she listened when the brunette wanted to talk about Pietro or her childhood. The redhead also volunteered when Wanda was overcome by the rage inside and taught her to cope and redirect her anger into sparring or hitting the punching bag.
Eventually they also started to spend the sleepless nights together when one of them was haunted by nightmares or memories, even though there wasn’t necessarily a difference between those two things. Some nights were quiet, so quiet that no one dared to speak up, both aware of the other ones presence and rather seeking out comfort by leaning against each other or handing the other one the second cup of tea, fingers brushing against each other’s while doing so. Other nights were spent getting drunk, sharing stories and stargazing on the balcony.
Without anyone speaking of it, they started to become more than friends. They didn’t just spend time together anymore to escape the memories and the nightmares. They started to spend time together just to be with each other. And when their lips started to taste like cheap wine and cigarettes it wasn’t to forget anymore, but to maybe just exist for a little while, together.
That’s how their first kiss happened. About half a year after the Battle in Sokovia, as the two sat on the balcony of Wanda’s room, a shared blanket around both of them and each holding a glass of red wine. Neither of them was drunk, both only a little tipsy and the tiniest bit braver than usual when Wanda pointed out a shooting star in the sky and her eyes lit up and a smile grazed her wine-stained lips. Natasha couldn’t help but lean forward then and kiss her, and it was short and sweet and tasted like the wine they had and neither of them talked about it. Not because they were ashamed or regretted it, the opposite actually. There simply was no need to talk and the kisses happened more often, every new kiss filled with even more love for the other one.
The time they were on missions was hard. It was especially frustrating for Wanda when she was on a mission with Natasha, even worse when she had to stay behind and wait for her lover to come back to her. It wasn’t anything new that Natasha would return covered in bruises and cuts, forming new scars all over her body. It was the moments after Natasha would fall asleep, exhausted and just having come back to her, in which Wanda became even more worried. She spent hours looking at the marks of the fights, tracing the scars with her fingertips, and always got reminded of the fact that Natasha neither had some sort of Super Soldier Serum nor had she magic or was enhanced in another way. Yes she could fight but in the end she was only human.
As time passed Wanda was the only one that knew about Natasha’s family and her history in Ohio. She also knew where Natasha was while on the run after the Avengers broke apart. She wanted to come with the redhead, nearly begged her to taker her with her, but both of them knew it was safer for everyone if they stayed apart during that time. It was hard for Wanda, trying not to fall back into that ocean to sink and drown, so she held onto that little bit of hope that Natasha would return safely to her and the both of them would be alright in the end.
But nothing ever seemed to turn out alright. Wanda already had a horrible feeling as she stood in Wakanda, waiting for the first attack to start. With her lover next to her and the air filled with tension there was no time to think about all the things that could possibly happen that day. Wanda only wanted the endless fighting to finally stop, take a break and for once to be happy without having to worry. Determined to make that happen she joined the others in battle. Throughout everything the women managed to catch glimpses of each other every now and then, seeing that they were alright before diving back in or helping each other out when one of them had too many enemies coming for them.
It was a shock when it all ended, confusion spreading all over the battlefield, fear building in everyone as people started to disappear into dust. Wanda and Natasha locked eyes when they finally found each other, hoping the other one would be okay. Wanda felt it, knew it, before it happened. She leaned her forehead against Nat’s and whispered sweet words of love to her before she felt the dizziness take over and she let herself fall into the darkness as she turned to dust in her lovers arms.
It was merely a moment that passed for her before she opened her eyes again. Natasha wasn’t in front of her anymore, her surroundings still familiar but in some way different then when she had last seen them. Looking around she recognized all the people that were gone appear again, taking in everything around them and being as confused as she was.
She was barely able to question anything before she found herself on the next battlefield, not able to find Natasha among the present fighters, no matter how hard she looked for her. Before she got too caught up in the possible reasons for why the redhead might not be there with everyone else she got thrown into the fight. As she fought alongside the other Avengers realization dawned upon her, apologetic and sad looks were all she got met with. One look into Clint’s mind was all she needed as confirmation of her lovers death and once again she let rage and anger take over, taking down any enemies that got in her way without mercy.
She didn’t stay after the battle was won. Time was blurry and messy and she only was vaguely aware of what she was doing or what was going on around her. She only picked up a few things from her and Natasha’s old room, all of it put into a little cardboard box. On top of it a thin envelope with her name neatly written on it and she left to the place they planned to spend their forever at.
Wanda only opened the letter once she parked her car in the driveway and stepped out, looking at the ground in front of her. She opened the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded paper. Printed on it she recognized the layout for the house she and Nat had planned to move into, once they were done with the whole Superhero-being.
Without a warning all of her feelings came crashing down on Wanda, worse than ever before. There was no more battle going on around her, no more Nat to pull her back out, nothing left to hold onto to keep from drowning. She got pulled down further and further and tired of all the fighting she finally let go. She broke down and crashed and fell down onto the ground, letting all her feelings out with a loud and agonizing cry of pain and grieve and loss.
When she eventually opened up her tear filled eyes again her vision was filled with shades of black and white and grey. She was inside a house now, the house she always dreamed about.
A sound behind her made her turn around. Wanda couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
She took a few hesitant steps towards Natasha who lovingly wiped away her tears.
“Hello Darling.”
The familiar voice instantly made her relax and her heart swell with love, a smile slowly spreading across her face.
“Welcome home.”
Why was she crying again?