Chapter 3
Natasha had been avoiding Clint purposefully, taking up missions after missions. She had been avoiding the medical earning disapproving looks from Hill, but she wouldn't take a break from her reminder. A reminder that she doesn't deserve the kindness she gets around here. A reminder that the life she pretends to live can never truly be hers. The blood on her hands keep her intact. Remind her each day of what she is supposed to be. Nothing more than a weapon.
"I had my daughter this summer. You should come meet her sometime." Clint had mentioned it like it was nothing. Natasha may have overestimated the guy after all. Nobody (at least at SHIELD) has ever trusted her enough to share these informations. Those who had were buried in ground somewhere.
She wanted to punch the guy in his face at that. Why would he risk providing her this crucial aspect of his life? Doesn't he know that she was still a trained assassin?
So, Natasha made up an excuse every time. Forcing herself to put the phone down when he mentions the adress. If he wasn't being careful, she will do so for him. He deserved to be with his family. The man had a heart of gold. She had seen it when he rescued her, seen it when he stood up for her. She had seen it when he would be the softest person in the room, the only one who would understand her pain when everyone else were pissed that she was taking longer than expected in the deprogramming sessions. She always had a companion who would never ask her anything or instigate a memory like the woman kept in charge for her deprogramming. Rather he would just sit gazing at the stars. Maintaining a respectful distance but also being there for comfort.
She didn't deserve his greatness or his friendship and yet found comfort in his presence.
Not risking his family's life was the least she could have done for him.
But her endless tries came to a halt.
She was injured while taking down a secret organization. Nobody knew about the hostages present there and in the spontaneous rescue mission, she had gotten one bullet to her stomach and the other dangerously close to her heart.
She was rushed to the hospital at once. In her blurry vision, only face she could make out was of Coulson. She woke up having lost the track of time, looked around to find Barton and Coulson whispering at the other end of the room.
She looked around to find herself attached to a couple of pipes. She could make out by her dizziness she was on a lot of painkillers. She hated how vulnerable she felt. But she knew the men around her were no threats. So, she relaxed her shoulders and struggled to sit up gaining both the agents' attention.
"Oh, please just relax." Clint nearly shouted approaching her, concern clearly evident in his voice. Coulson followed him with a smile on his face.
"How are you feeling?" Coulson inquired.
Natasha had already sat up waving off Clint's worries. "Like I am trapped over clearly nothing."
The comment was enough to make Phil grin but Clint just looked up with disapproval, giving her a look she knew meant 'Not in the mood to mess', so she had to convince him.
"Look Clint, I am fine-"
"Ya, that's why you have two holes in the body, fractured wrist and a burnt leg with countless bruises that were not checked on with the medical." Clint retorted.
"Look, I've had enough of your bullshit. You don't meet with me for months, don't go to the medical and are practically trying up different methods to get yourself killed. I've asked Hill and she has given you two weeks off from work. You are going with me so that I can make sure you truly recover." Clint claimed, leaving no room for argument.
Natasha looked at him with fear before retorting, "Clint, I am not a child. I do not need you as my nanny, so just back off. I won't go to missions but I am not going with you. And that's final."
Clint looked at her with a confused expression. Coulson decided to let them both clear off the matter on their own.
Clint looked down with guilt in his eyes, "Look, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with the offer. If you don't feel safe with me it's alright."
Natasha looked at the dejected face and cursed herself for making the man who was ready to do anything for her, feel so terrible about himself. The tactic would work but she wanted to let him know it wasn't his fault.
"It's not about you" She got a curious look from Clint.
She cleared her throat, pushing down her hesitation.
"I'm a trained assassin. All my life, all I do is kill and hurt people. Sure, I've changed sides now but that is still what I continue to do. And you want me to stay with your family. You're pretty dumb for being the best agent in SHIELD. By now you should know that I hurt those around me. It won't be safe for your family. "
Clint looked at her for a few seconds before putting a sad smile, "You know, you are pretty soft for a black widow." Natasha scoffed at the remark, only half offended. "I know you Natasha. You are not just a trained killer. That is a part of you but not complete you. I took you in when I knew you had the heart of gold. Hell, you just jeopardized a mission and got yourself shot just because a few hostages were involved. I would not force you but just know that you would never be a threat for me. I could easily take you down." He smirked.
Natasha gave him a threatening look, as hard as she could try qnd failed immensely when they both started laughing.
"So, you cominh now or you want more lectures from this guy? Cauz let me tell you I am horrible at this stuff"
She gulped down her insecurities and let her greed guide her just this once as she nodded.
Clint gave her a huge earnest smile before leaving for the preparations.
She knew she was screwed for real.
The car came to a halt as he pushed the breaks. Clint stared out the window. He had been here for a while now, taking some time off to spend it with his family and it's newest addition, Lila.
He opened the car and resisted the urge to sprint down to the gate, waiting for the red head to exit the car. She did so with fearful eyes. Clint wished he could make her feel better but every effort until now seemed futile.
"C'mon" He encouraged moving forward. Natasha followed.
He opened the gate to get greeted by Cooper, his tiny toddler fingers clutching his dad.
Clint picked him up and gave him a kiss on the forehead before introducing her to Nat. She felt her breath stuck as she stared at the tiny kid in Clint's arms.
She held out a hand for a hand shake but in return got the excited toddler reaching out to be held by her. She looked at Clint with doubt. He just nodded and handed out the toddler to her. She carried him gently, careful not to.....break it. She thought she could do that.
Cooper studied her face, moving his hands as he examined her features.
He settled to play with her earrings instead. Nat found herself smiling. She didn't harm the kid.
She was soon interrupted in her thoughts when a lady dressed in brown trousers and black t shirt approached them. She gave a kiss to Barton and then looked joyfully at the red head.
"I'm Laura. You must be Natasha. I've heard a lot about you" she exclaimed, clearly delighted to have her as a visitor. Nat gave her a curt nod.
Cooper swiveled excitedly in her arms as he now decided to be let down.
Natasha carefully placed him on the floor before standing back up and watching the kid leave the adults to play with his toys.
"Time to introduce you to Lila." Clint beamed and took her hand before she could protest. He took her to the nursery where a little girl dressed in her blue onesie was placed in her crib. Clint carefully took her in her arms and placed a kissed at her forehead. Lila beamed with glee. Clint held her out for Natasha to hold her.
Natasha shook her head but hesitantly gave in at his insisting.
She placed her arms to give support to the baby and watched as the girl with her big bug eyes studied her face. Lila gave her the biggest smile and the cutest nose scrunch. Natasha couldn't hide her big grin either as she looked over at Clint with grateful eyes. He just shrugged and smiled brighter. From then on, whenever Aunty Nat was around, Lila insisted on being held by only her and however much Nat was hurt, she would pick up the enthusiastic girl with joy.
It was when Nat found a place she belonged in.
She would later think about the memory on a distant planet, mouth twisting in a smile at the recollection. She would decide, she wouldn't let that beautiful Lila smile waver, even if it would mean she wouldn't get to see it again.