Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
And then.
Nothing.
Gwen wasn’t sure what happened the first time she opened her eyes.
She was alone and everything was dark except for the moonlight shining through the broken glass of the old clock tower.
She sat there unsure what to do.
Gwen wanted to leave but she also somehow knew that she couldn’t.
She just sat there staring into the light of the full moon and waited.
The first time Peter Parker showed up was the next day.
The sun hadn’t even reached the glass roof of the clock tower but he was already there.
“Hey Gwen” was all he could say before he broke down crying.
Gwen didn’t know why he was crying.
“Peter what’s wrong” her voice was full of concern but Peter didn’t respond.
“Peter please answer me” still no answer.
Gwen kneeled down next to him and hugged him.
But she couldn’t feel him.
Neither of them said anything.
Peter stayed in the same spot till the sun started to set.
“I’m sorry Gwen” his voice was barely a whisper.
He left.
Gwen stayed.
Peter returned the next day.
He carried a bouquet of flowers.
“Hey Gwen, I brought you primroses. They reminded me of you”
He carefully placed the flowers right in front of Gwen.
Gwen placed her hand on the bouquet but she couldn't pick it up.
“I miss you so much” his look was directed at her.
His eyes were puffy and red just like the day before.
“Please come back to me Gwen” the tears dropped on the sand floor.
Peter cried till the tears stopped coming.
Then he left.
“I’m here Peter” Gwen’s own voice was heard by no one but herself.
Peter didn’t return the next day or the one after that.
The third day he showed up.
He looked even worse than he did the other times.
“Hey Gwen. I’m sorry for not showing up the last two days. A lot happened. I went to your funeral. I still can’t believe that you are gone”
His eyes were directed to the sky.
Her eyes were directed at him.
She was dead and didn’t even realise it.
It explained a lot of things.
But not why she was still here.
This time Peter stayed until the moon replaced the sun.
“I can’t be Spider-Man anymore” were his words before leaving.
Peter visited almost every day for the next few months.
His crying became less.
His self hate grew stronger.
Gwen knew that this was his grieving process.
She wished that she could somehow help him.
But it wasn’t possible she was a ghost.
Trapped right where he left her.
One day Spider-Man swung by.
Peter removed his mask before sitting down on the floor again.
“Hey Gwen. I did it. Spider-Man is back” his voice sounded excited but his expression was sad.
“Oh Gwen, why aren’t you here? I really need you by my side” he wasn’t crying as often as he used to.
“I just wish that you could see me” Gwen’s voice was quiet and unheard.
Spider-Man left again.
“You probably won’t believe me but Ned and Betty are engaged. Isn’t this crazy? They broke up and are now getting married”
Peter was sitting on the sandy ground of the tower and told her what was happening.
Even though he didn’t know that Gwen was really listening.
“Yesterday I saved a pregnant woman who nearly gave birth afterwards. I’m glad that the ambulance arrived quickly. Because you know… I don’t know how to deliver a baby” his laugh was honest.
Gwen was glad that he could smile again.
“But I also was unable to save a man out of a burning building. He was the last one still in, when the building collapsed. I really hope he is where you are” Peter’s voice grew more silent towards the end.
“Of course Jameson made another huge article out of that “Spider-Man fails saving old man”. I’m just glad that most people don’t care about what he’s writing and still support me”
“I will always support you” she was looking at him but like always he couldn't hear a word.
Gwen wished she was there, really there to support him or hold him whenever he felt sad.
But she was in a clock tower and Peter was everywhere he wanted to be.
Peter Parker came back a week later.
Or was it longer.
His visits grew less frequent since he became Spider-Man again.
This time he was hurt.
Parts of his suit were ripped and he was bleeding.
“Sorry that you have to see me like that. I fought against some weird guy with wings.
He called himself Vulture. I think I held him off pretty well but he escaped. He wasn’t even the weirdest guy I met. I visited Harry at Ravenscroft. I’m still mad at him, even though I mostly blame myself for your death”
Gwen once again reached her hand out to touch his, like always she could touch it not feel it.
“I found a cure for Harry. After months of experiments I found one and honestly I was unsure if I should give it to him. But I did and he thanked me. I don’t know if I can forgive him one day” He smiled sadly “Or myself”
He closed his eyes and then sighed
“I got a job. It might sound weird but I’m working as a photographer for the Daily Bugle”
Gwen started to giggle; it really was weird.
“I’m taking pictures of Spider-Man. I know it’s ridiculous but it pays the rent”
He left after finishing his stories.
Leaving Gwen.
Alone.
The next day Gwen was alone.
Like many other days.
She was sitting on the ground of the old clock tower.
Cross-legged in the dim light that was shining through the broken glass.
If anyone could see her they would probably pity her.
Just like they did after the fall.
She didn’t remember it but Peter often talked about it.
How he could still hear her body dropping to the ground, how he held her body while it was slowly becoming cold.
Peter hadn’t moved on and neither had Gwen.
She just sat right where Peter left her.
With no other choice than to stay and listen to Peter’s stories.
It was like she was frozen in time and place.
While everyone got older she stayed the same.
Still 18.
Peter came back.
Gwen wasn’t even sure how long it had been.
He sat down in front of her.
“Hey Gwen. I know it’s been some time since my last visit. I’m just very busy, juggling a real job and being Spider-Man isn’t as easy as it seems. I honestly don't know what I told you last time. I reconnected with Harry. The cure worked and he is normal again. He apologised so many times for everything that happened. I know that it wasn’t really him who did it. It’s weird to talk to him again. He was my best friend for so long but I feel like I don’t know him anymore”
“I forgive him and I forgive you. But you should know that I never blamed you”
Peter never answered.
“I always ask myself what would have happened if I did something different. If you would still be here”
“I’m here I’m always here” Gwen wanted to scream the words out but she knew that it would meet deaf-ears.
She was unsure how time worked for her.
Peter got older.
Gwen stayed the same.
Sometimes he looked like he was managing.
Sometimes he looked like he stopped caring.
He cried and she listened.
He laughed and told stories about Harry, Aunt May or Spider-Man and she listened.
She talked to him and he never listened.
“Hey Gwen. You won't believe what day I had.
I met others like me.
My brothers.
You would have liked them. They were kind, funny and brave”
Gwen looked at him, following his story.
She wasn’t sure who the people he met were, but he described them like she would have described him.
“I saved a girl's life.
She was much like you and the girlfriend of the younger one.
I’m so happy I got to save her.
But it also reminded me that I will never be able to save you, Gwen”
He was crying.
He always did when talking about the night she died.
“The other one, the older one. He told me that maybe, someday I will find someone. To fill the hole you left in my heart”
And Gwen really wished for him to find someone.
Peter's next visit took some time.
At least it felt like that.
He looked happier.
Almost like he looked then they were together.
“Hey Gwen.
It’s been a while. But I really need to tell you something.
Sometime ago I met someone. It’s been a long time since I felt like this but right now I’m truly happy. And I think… I think I’m in love.
I never thought that it was possible to feel that way again. It just happened.
Gwen, I know that I will never be able to forget you.
You will always be my first love.
You will always be my happiest and most painful memory.
And your death may hunt me forever.
But I also think I’m finally able to forgive myself”
Gwen was crying. The tears were happy tears.
All she ever wanted was for Peter to forgive himself.
She wiped her tears away.
It was time.
Gwen faded away with a smile on her face.
Peter stayed.
Right where he left Gwen so many years ago.
But now Gwen was gone and Peter was finally able to move on.