“Hey Beck, there’s someone I want you to meet.” To say you were nervous was an understatement. Although you and Bucky had been dating for six months now, this was the first time meeting anyone from his family. You took it as him just being nervous about your budding relationship; at least, that’s what he had told you. You weren’t sure if the chill down your spine came from the cold outside or the welcoming hug she gave you before helping you with your scarf and jacket. Her sunny demeanor quickly had your nerves fading, as you began to feel more at home.
Bucky’s family came as a bit of a shock to you. Where he was more reserved in his love, taking longer to become comfortable, his sisters immediately spoke to you as if you had been around their whole life, and you could see something that looked like hope in his mother’s eyes as she watched you interact with him.
Though you were only there for a couple hours, you left feeling like part of the family, and it warmed your heart in a way you didn’t think was possible. And you could tell Bucky felt that same warmth as he drove you through the backroads of his hometown, trying to cherise a little more time before you were thrown back into the whirlwind of the city. It was so late and you were so caught up in each other that Bucky nearly ran a red light in the middle of downtown.
His bashful smile made your heart flutter. “I’m sorry, you’re just so beautiful, I couldn’t stop lookin’ at ya.” The glimmer in his eyes matched yours as the autumn wind flew by you, and you could swear this is what forever felt like.
When you finally made it back into the city and to Bucky’s apartment, your hands were all over each other, giddy with happiness. As you step through the door, still giggling and sharing kisses, you realize you left something back at the Barnes’ house.
“Bucky! I lost my scarf. That was my favorite, what am I going to do?” You pouted and he had to contain his laugh and the seriousness on your face; it was incredibly endearing.
“Don’t worry, doll, Becca already texted me and said you left it over at the house. I’ll get it for you later.” And with that he kissed the pout off your face before tossing you on the couch as you laughed uncontrollably. Later that night, as you lay peacefully asleep on his chest, he can’t help thinking about this as his forever.
--
Two years later, you’re back at Becca’s house, this time to celebrate yours and Bucky’s engagement. There were more people than last time, relatives had come to town, and all your friends were there. Mrs. Barnes took great pleasure in pulling out all of the family’s old photo albums to embarrass Bucky. You found it adorable, while Bucky’s ears turned red and he grumbled something about how “at least he was a cuter baby than Steve.”
But no part of the night compares to when everyone gathered around you to hear the story of how Bucky proposed.
He had been thinking about it for a while, he even had the ring upstairs in his sock drawer. He just had no clue what to do. You deserved a lot better than whatever proposal he could come up with. But he was too scared to ask for help, so he just put it to the back of his mind until the time was right.
Apparently waiting for the right time isn’t actually a great plan, because almost a year after he bought the ring, he still hadn’t proposed. He was beginning to think there would never be a time he could find the courage to do it, until one night he came downstairs after waking up alone in bed.
He found you with your head in the fridge, headphones in your ears, dancing as you tried to find a late night snack. His heart swelled and before you could even look in his direction, he had swept you off your feet. You let out a terrified shriek, dropping your shredded cheese to the floor in the process. When you finally realized it was him, you ripped your headphones out and tried with all your might to get out of his grasp. But in the process, your phone started playing the music you had been listening to, and he dragged you around the kitchen until you danced with him. And there, with your messy hair and pillow creased face, illuminated by the refrigerator light, he decided that was the right moment.
With a quick promise to be right back, he bounded up the stairs for his sock drawer, and was back down before you could even start to clean up your mess.
“Hey, close your eyes for me,” his voice was so soft and serious that you didn’t even consider making a joke of it like you usually would. He took your hand in his and let out a shaking breath before he dropped the ring in it. Your eyes fluttered open and you let out a soft gasp, tears immediately springing to yours eyes.
“I have loved you with my whole heart, for so long. You make me feel things I never knew existed, and I want to spend every second feeling like I do right now. I want to scream lyrics to songs we barely know, and use our house as a dance floor no matter what time it is. I want these little moments and all the big moments. I want to remember everything about us. I would trade anything in the world if it meant you said yes right now, yes to marrying me.”
By then, you were both in tears, and you could barely get out the “yes, a million times yes” before he crashed his lips to yours, pouring every ounce of love he had into you. He finally managed to slip the ring onto your finger in the midst of a thousand kisses, and you danced around again until you both collapsed on the couch, in each other's arms, until the sun came sparkling through the front window.
The sweet story had everyone else on the verge of tears as well, even Steve who had heard already - right after you all had woken up that next morning. The love between the two of you was palpable, and it brightened the room for everyone in it. It seemed as though your love story was something of a fairytale. It was hard to grasp two people sharing that same amount of love for each other, especially as strong as yours was. But there wasn’t a glimmer of doubt between you as you dove into your own space in the universe right there beside the fireplace. Some might say it was almost too good to be true.
--
You would think that being engaged would be a dream; who wouldn’t cherise spending time with the person you were going to vow your life to? But for Bucky, your engagement had begun to seem more like a death sentence. Everything had been going so well, or maybe it had just been your rose-tinted glasses. But it felt like as the months went by, and you tried to start talking about wedding plans and the future, the less Bucky wanted to hear about it.
It started off small, like when you and Wanda had gone to a bridal show, and you brought back a stack of magazines to look through together. He said he had plans with Steve that he couldn’t bail on, even though he said nothing of it that morning when you left. You figured maybe he had forgotten to mention it, and occupied yourself the rest of the night, nose deep in a particular volume of dresses.
Then it became bigger things, like later work nights, and days when you didn’t even see him because he was gone before you woke up and came in long after you had gone to sleep. You tried to rationalize that he was just stressed - weddings do cost a lot, after all - but you knew you were only fooling yourself. You had felt his distance for months now, and just didn’t want to believe it. You told yourself the next time he was home you would confront him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to, even when you saw his forced smile. You wanted to keep pretending you were happy and in love; you didn’t want to face the worst.
Your final straw came when Bucky forgot your anniversary. You didn’t hear from him at all that day, and had hoped that maybe he was planning a surprise for you when you got home from work. But you knew the moment you stepped in the house and heard an eerie silence, that this was the beginning of the end.
You waited up that night until he came home at around midnight. He was startled by your deflated figure on the couch, and you quickly gathered yourself to stand on your feet.
“Hey, I thought you would be asleep by now. What’s going on, honey?” He almost sounds sincere in his worry. Almost. But for as much as Bucky had pulled away, you still knew him like the back of your hand. You started shaking, desperately trying not to cry; trying to be strong in the face of potentially losing the love of your life.
“Who is she? Who have you been seeing, and what does she have that I don’t? What does she have that has taken everything away from me?” There was no point in holding back anymore, you heaved as your knees dropped to the floor, no self respect left, all you could do was beg for his love. “Please, James, please. I need to know, I need to know why you’re tearing me apart so willingly. I need you to stay with me; I can’t live without you.”
The next thing you knew he was on his knees in front of you, prying your arms that had been clutching your chest away from your body, trying to envelope you in a hug. It took every shred of strength you had left to push him away and look him in the eye, pleading for an answer.
“There’s no one else, I swear on my life. I would never, ever do that to you. You deserve so much better than that.” That, at least, you felt was sincere.
“So what is it then? Why don’t you love me anymore?”
“Sweetheart, I do love you,” he seemed to hesitate just a bit before delivering the killing blow to your heart, “I’m just not in love with you anymore.”
You felt like you were underwater, anything else Bucky said was a million miles away, and you were drowning. You honestly wished that were true, because anything would feel better than the pain you were going through right now. It was like no other feeling in the world.
All you could hear was a ringing in your ears as you scrambled through the house, grabbing your essentials, because you couldn’t stand another moment of heartbreak encasing the air. Maybe tomorrow you would come back, talk it out, and see where this all left you; but for now you needed some space to let your mind stop racing.
You finally snapped out of it when Bucky grabbed your arm as you were walking to the door. You expected him to ask you to stay, to not leave him yet. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.
Because all he said to say to you was, “are you sure you’re okay to drive?”
The disbelief mixed with your shattered heart kept you from being able to even form a sentence. You ripped your arm from his grasp and got into your car, tossing your bag beside you. You wished you were strong enough to leave without a glance back, foolishly hoping to see him watching you go, but when you looked up, he had already closed the door.
The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache and puffy eyes, and Wanda was already up making what you know will be a far too intricate “sorry you had to sleep on my couch last night” breakfast that you would take one bite of. When you walked around the corner to the kitchen, she already had pain medicine and a glass of orange juice for you. Thankful that your best friend knew exactly what you needed without having to ask, you sat down at the island with a soft groan.
“I don’t even know where to start. I knew it was coming, but I couldn’t have ever imagined a pain like this.” Your sobs started all over again, and Wanda wrapped her arms around you, whispering “I love you” and “it’s okay” over and over. Just when your tears begin to subside, you hear your phone ringing in the other room. That same feeling of false hope feels tight in your chest when you read Bucky’s name. You try to shove down your thoughts of reconciliation, but you can’t help what your heart is desperate for.
“Bucky? I’m so glad you called, I really think-”
“I packed up most of your things last night. I can mail them to you or drop them off, that way you don’t have to come back here; that would only make it harder.”
Your heart didn’t just shatter - it crumbled to ash that no amount of time could reconstruct. The thought of this heartbreak getting worse had never crossed your mind; you thought you had hit rock bottom, but apparently rock bottom has ten levels, and you were truly done for now. It took everything you had left to keep your head clear enough to hear him explain how he would give you the money for you to find a new place - he thought that would be easier than having to stay in the place where you had spent almost two years of your life together. He had thought everything out already, almost as if he had planned for this.
You hung up without another word. Two days later, your life was in boxes in Wanda’s living room, and two weeks later, they were in a strange apartment that felt like it could never possibly be your home.
The next months of your life went by in a blur. You got dressed, went to work, and came home. You didn’t see your friends; you picked up the same meal everyday. You hadn’t even unpacked anything except for some clothes. Nearly everything sat the same way it had since you moved in, since Bucky had packed it all up for you.
No matter how many times Wanda or Natasha, or even Steve once, knocked on your door in an attempt to get you to interact with them, all you did was send them a text to let them know you were alive, staying sedated from your semi-permanent spot on the couch.
By the time it was approaching a year, you had managed to stray from your routine a bit. Wanda came over once a week to cook dinner for the two of you and put on a movie; sometimes you watched it, sometimes you just stared at the TV, and sometimes - on your good days - you even talked to her. It wasn’t much, but it was progress.
On a crisp October morning, you were searching through opened boxes trying to find your favorite scarf. It was driving you insane, because you knew you would never get rid of something you loved so much, and realization hit. You hadn’t seen it since that first night you met Bucky’s family, and you somehow knew he had kept it all this time. It was like you ran into a brick wall, paralyzing you; you could feel every inch of progress you made slipping through your fingers. But you were stronger than you were a year ago. You didn’t cry or break down. Instead, you grabbed your jacket and headed out the door, determined to keep your resolve. If you could make it through today, you knew you would be okay.
As a reward to yourself, you stopped at your favorite coffee shop on your way to work - one you hadn’t been to since the break up. But you felt confident as you stood in line with your head held high. It was almost going perfectly until someone ran into you on your way toward the exit, knocking your purse out of your hand.
Both of you bent down, scrambling to grab it, and you looked up to meet steel blue eyes, the very ones who had haunted your dreams for months and months. Shockingly, you could still read them as if they hadn’t been gone a day. Bucky looked as bad as you felt, and you knew the year hadn’t been as easy as he tried to make it out to be that very last time you spoke to him.
You both stood up, never breaking eye contact. Your breath hitched as he opened his mouth to speak, saying just what you knew he would. You knew him all too well.