Chapter 18
You watch as Otto struggles to mount the horse, panting in exertion. You feel a twinge of worry. You don’t want him to push himself. As tough and wild as he is, he should really be resting…
“Are you alright? You know, maybe you should rest up-”
“There will be plenty of time to rest when I’m dead,” he snaps, cutting you off. You wince. “Ah, sorry Y/N. I should be a little more careful with my words perhaps, given recent events. But you have to understand, I can’t let Bill go free like this. I have to defend my reputation and your reputation. I don’t want him headin’ back into town and spreading lies about you, pet. I’ll shoot him dead where he stands for what he did to you.” You melt a little at the nickname and fight back a fresh wave of tears.
With a grunt, Otto hefts himself onto the horse, then looks down at you, face impassive.
“Otto…” you say softly, your voice wobbling with emotion. You can’t entirely pin down what you’re feeling. It isn’t anger anymore, at least not anger directed towards Bill. Relief maybe? But also, you worry. Otto still seems so unsteady. Hell, just hours ago you thought he was dead.
As he looks down at you, a flash of something comes across his face. It’s melancholy, almost regretful. But then, it’s gone.
“Don’t worry about me, darlin’. I’ve been taking care of myself all these years, I’ll be alright,” he reassures you with a confident smile. You don’t doubt his resolve or strength, not at all. And yet, you worry.
“I don’t want to lose you again,” you confess, dropping your eyes to the ground and feeling a blush come to your cheeks. “I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life, but… Well, you almost died. I was so afraid I’d never be able to tell you how I feel, what I should’ve told you the first night we met. And now I have another chance, now you have another chance, and I just-” you trail off, blushing. You’ve definitely said more than you should.
“And how do you feel?” he asks softly. You still can’t meet his eyes.
“Shouldn’t it be obvious?” you murmur. With a chuckle, he reaches down, running his gloved hand across your jaw, slowly turning your face up towards him. He bows down to kiss you tenderly on the forehead, allowing his warm lips to linger there for a long moment. You close your eyes and pray the moment will last forever. But then, your eyes flutter open as he carefully, almost regretfully, pulls away, a sad smile playing across his face.
“You have to love me for what I am.” And you know he’s right. Of course, Bill was wrong in so many ways, but in this, he was correct. You and Otto are fundamentally different people, leading fundamentally different lives. You can’t expect him to settle down, to get a job, to raise a family. But what Bill failed to understand was that you never wanted any of that anyway. You were always drawn to Otto’s freedom, his lawlessness. Now, you’re finally ready to embrace it.
“I do. And that’s why you have to let me pull the trigger when we find Bill.”
“That’s my girl,” he says, grinning down at you. Then, he offers a gloved hand. “Now hop up.”