hello my old heart

There was something familiar about Spiderman. 

From his tone of voice to the way he stood, to the way he seemed to talk too much with his hands - even though he clearly didn't notice as they moved - everything about the boy across from him screamed familiarity. 

And Taehyun didn’t know why. 

He watched as Spiderman glared at his attackers, the lens of his mask narrowing into slits as his hands seemed to subconsciously clench into fists. Even the way he held himself back was familiar, and like a memory etched in dust, Taehyun could picture it. A boy not-so-much taller than him standing in front of Taehyun, protecting him from something but holding himself back from the fight. 

He could feel the headache coming but he clutched onto that memory, trying to fill it out and brush the dust away. It was like cobwebs crowded every inch of his mind, blocking the most important details yet leaving the smaller ones alone for Taehyun to see. He could almost see it, the edges clearing away - 

“Are you ok?” Spiderman’s voice - his familiar, comforting voice - startled him and Taehyun lost the memory. “He didn't, you know, get you or anything?" 

Taehyun blinked, silently mourning the loss of the memory as he shook his head, "Oh, no, I'm fine. Other than this and probably some bruises," he trailed a hand up to his face, gently touching the scratch from that guy’s ring on his cheek. Some ointment and a bandaid and Taehyun would be right as rain. 

Something began to … tingle in the back of Taehyun’s mind, itching its way to the front but he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Something about Spiderman was eerily familiar - which honestly, wasn’t surprising to Taehyun. After all, the friendly-neighbourhood superhero was a popular figure. Everyone loved Spiderman - Yeonjun even had a little shrine in his room for the masked hero. Well -  actually -  not everyone was a fan of the hero, he supposed. The Daily Dispatch seemed to hate him with a passion, blaming him for seemingly everything that went wrong in Seoul, (which was completely unfair and honestly ticked Taehyun off a bit). 

Taehyun found himself staring at the masked hero, focused on figuring out what it was his mind was trying to tell him. As his eyes lingered on the hero, however, he found himself becoming even more lost in the familiarity of the figure in front of him. Did he, perhaps, know Spiderman? Was the masked hero someone he went to school with, or maybe someone he worked with? Everything about the hero in front of him was hauntingly familiar but Taehyun just couldn’t place why. 

From the way Spiderman stood slightly slouched to the way he spoke with too much hand movement, all of it made Taehyun’s heartache - and to his eternal frustration, he didn't know why. His head was beginning to hurt from how hard he was focusing, trying to place the Superhero desperately. He didn't know why, but everything in him screamed to remember who he was - to remember his name. 

Taehyun paused, eyes widening slightly. 

Spiderman seemingly didn't notice Taehyun’s realization, slouching in on himself and eyes squeezing close, beginning to say, “Thank goodness -" when Taehyun interrupted him, a single name on his lips. 

“Beomgyu,” and just like that, Taehyun remembered everything. He remembered the sweet dates Beomgyu planned for them, he remembered the soft yet firm way Beomgyu held his hand. He remembered how easily Beomgyu loved him, always choosing him over anyone else. He remembered the way Beomgyu protected him, held him, never using his superstrength unless it was against someone who deserved it. He remembered how Beomgyu remembered every little detail about Taehyun, proving again and again to him that Taehyun mattered, that Taehyun was his someone. 

He remembered Beomgyu, covered in blood, sweat and tears - the grime of the city practically painted on his skin - smiling towards him so softly, so gently it had broken and mended Taehyun's heart all in one. 

He remembered the feeling of Beomgyu's palms against his cheeks as he cupped them, the way their lips pressed together perfectly imperfectly, the sting and taste of tears as Taehyun tried to hold back a sob but failed.

He remembered Beomgyu at the end of the world, telling Taehyun and Yeonjun he'd find them when everything was over. 

Yet nothing mattered more at that moment than Beomgyu himself, who froze at Taehyun's voice. 

Taehyun took a step closer himself, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips as more and more memories rushed through him, the cobwebs finally clearing away. Beomgyu asking him out. Beomgyu saving him from falling to his death. Beomgyu creating him that mixtape full of songs that reminded him of Taehyun. Beomgyu blushing as he gave him the very necklace Taehyun wore at that moment, the star charm glittering in the light. 

Beomgyu kissing him the first time - the feeling of free-falling but trusting Beomgyu to catch him as his heart fluttered, body yearning to be closer. The feeling of drowning in everything the other boy was and knowing with such desperate certainty that Beomgyu was just as much his as he was Beomgyu's. 

Taehyun stepped closer to the frozen form of the boy across from him, and closer still when he didn't move. Finally, he was so close Taehyun could see himself clearly reflected back in the reflective portion of Beomgyu’s mask. 

Taehyun could see the way that Beomgyu stiffened as he gently raised his hand to his cheek, easily stepping closer into Beomgyu’s space. Taehyun smiled wobbly, feeling the familiar sting of tears as they began to gather in his eyes as his boyfriend subconsciously pressed his cheek into his palm. 

"Oh Beomie," Taehyun spoke softly, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of Beomgyu's suit, over where the other boys' cheekbone was as he felt Beomgyu begin to tremble, "You silly boy - I told you to come find me!" 

And just like that, Choi Beomgyu crumbled into his arms, falling into him like he was falling home. 

His name. 

Taehyun said his name. 

Beomgyu froze, eyes widening as far as they could go as he processed the sound of his name falling from Taehyun’s lips, the soft way Taehyun spoke it ringing in his ears. He watched, almost in a daze, as Taehyun took a step closer, a familiar smile forming on the other boy’s lips as he came closer and closer. 

For a second, Beomgyu wanted to press his eyes closed. He wanted to pinch himself, to wake himself from the dream he was clearly having. Or should he say the nightmare? 

He’d had this one before, countless times - and everyone ended the same way. Taehyun touching him, kissing him, hugging him and then vanishing into the empty darkness that was Beomgyu’s mind as he woke up alone, tears wetting his pillow and heart just that much more empty. Sometimes, on really bad nights, Yeonjun was present too, and even rarer it was his aunt. They all ended the same though. 

Beomgyu alone in the real world, quickly losing the will to keep being Choi Beomgyu. What point was there being someone that no one remembered, someone no one would ever remember? 

Taehyun took another step closer and Beomgyu willed himself for what was to come. Taehyun was going to touch him, was going to smile at him and lean in for a kiss - and then he was going to vanish like every other time. 

He willed himself not to move, staring at the face of his boyfriend as he got even closer, close enough Beomgyu could imagine the warmth Taehyun always seemed to carry. 

Then, he did it. Taehyun raised his hand and Beomgyu knew this was it. In mere moments he’d be shooting awake, cheeks wet and pillow damp. He followed Taehyun’s palm, refusing to look at Taehyun’s face as he held his breath, bracing himself for what was going to happen. 

And then Taehyun touched him. And he didn’t fade away. No, in fact, he moved even closer to Beomgyu, feeling oh-so-real and oh-so-alive as he gently ran his thumb across Beomgyu’s cheekbone with a crooked smile. 

Beomgyu trembled, eyes widening as shockwaves ran through his body at the realization that this was real. This wasn’t a dream or a nightmare, this was real and really happening right then and there. Taehyun was touching him and Taehyun had said his name. 

And Taehyun speaking again, voice sounding wet yet scolding, "Oh Beomie. You silly boy - I told you to come find me!" 

Choi Beomgyu fell forwards into Taehyun’s chest, uncaring of how strange anyone would think it to see Spiderman clutching at the shoulders of a young college student as he fell apart, finally feeling safe enough to break down in the arms of the boy he loved and who loved him back. 

And just like that, Spiderman didn't matter more than Choi Beomgyu anymore. 

Taehyun shuffled slightly on the bed, smiling softly as Beomgyu whined and clutched at his waist slightly harder, pouting towards Taehyun as he laughed. 

“Stop moving,” Beomgyu muttered, sending a half-hearted glare towards the other boy.

“I’m sorry,” Taehyun replied, shuffling one final time before settling back, pressing a kiss to Beomgyu’s cheek as he did so, “This bed wasn’t exactly made for two people, you know.” 

Beomgyu huffed out a breath, “It came with the apartment.”

Taehyun eyed the ‘apartment’ in question, raising an eyebrow, “You mean your closet with a stove?” 

Beomgyu whined again, burying his face into the crook of Taehyun’s neck, “Stop making fun of my closet with a stove!” 

Taehyun laughed again softly, gently running his fingers through his boyfriend's hair and grinning as the other visibly relaxed even more. Tearing his eyes away from Beomgyu - which was honestly so much harder than one would think, every time Taehyun looked away, he always found his eyes falling back on the other boy - he glanced around the ‘apartment’ again, biting his lip as he really took in the state of it. 

Shaking his head, he silently began to plan how to get Beomgyu out of there and into Taehyun’s own apartment - which he shared with Yeonjun and a boy named Peter who was out more than in - figuring that the older would easily be able to share his room with him without any issues. 

Mind drifting slightly, Taehyun thought back to a mere hour ago, back to the moment in the alleyway that had led them to here, cuddling in Beomgyu’s shitty twin bed in his closet with a stove (that Taehyun was sure was a fire hazard, by the way).

Taehyun had held Beomgyu in that disgusting alley long enough for the rats to start chewing on his shoelaces and for his leg to fall asleep, but he hadn’t dared move, simply holding Beomgyu to his chest as the older boy sobbed and sobbed, offering him a silent comfort. 

Eventually, Beomgyu had pulled away and tugged off his mask, allowing Taehyun to see his face, blotchy skin from crying and all. Taehyun himself had wasted no time in gently wiping the tears from Beomgyu’s cheeks as he ignored his own tears, pressing a soft kiss to the boy’s forehead as Beomgyu took shuddering breaths, trying to calm himself down. 

He truly didn't know how long they sat there, but soon enough Beomgyu had calmed himself down enough to speak. 

“You remember me,” his voice had cracked, throat clearly hoarse from sobbing his heart out into Taehyun’s chest moments ago, but Taehyun didn't mind. 

Taehyun himself felt his throat ache with that tell-tale feeling of holding back tears even though it hurt, “I don’t think I truly ever forgot you,” he had responded, watching as Beomgyu’s face twisted again before crumpling in on himself once more, crashing forward to press his lips against Taehyun’s own in a near-perfect mimic of their last kiss. 

This time, however, it ended with Beomgyu gently swinging Taehyun through the night air and sliding open a broken window that led to his (closet) apartment. 

Taehyun’s eyes now landed on the clock on the microwave across the room, eyes widening slightly at the time. Now that he realized just how late it was, Taehyun also realized just how heavy his bones felt, just how tired he really was. On top of that, now that he was focusing on himself, he felt the sharp pain in his head, which probably was due to the onslaught of memories that had been flooding him all night. 

“We should sleep,” Taehyun said softly, running his fingers through Beomgyu’s hair again. Nearly instantly after he spoke those words, however, Beomgyu tensed and sat up, lip trembling slightly as he faced away from Taehyun, “Beomgyu? What’s wrong?” 

For a second, Beomgyu didn’t respond and Taehyun was left staring at the other in worry. Finally, Beomgyu spoke, voice nearly whispering as he did, “I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” Taehyun tilted his head, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. What could Beomgyu be scared of? 

Beomgyu took a deep, shuddering breath before facing Taehyun again, “I’m scared that when I go to sleep, I’m going to wake up in the morning and realize that this was just a dream-like every other time. That I’m going to wake up alone in this stupid bed in this shitty apartment without you and I’m going to be alone again.” 

Taehyun felt his heart break. He squeezed Beomgyu’s hand with his own, silently intertwining them together as he tried to think of a way to comfort his lover, “Oh Beomie, I promise you this isn’t a dream. This is real - I’m sorry it took so long but I’m here, I’m real and I’m going to be here when you wake up.” 

Beomgyu smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, “I know - but I can’t stop being afraid of it. What if when you wake up, you don’t remember me again? What if this was just some flook and you’ll forget me permanently?” 

Taehyun bit his lip, racking his brain for an answer before he straightened up, squeezing Beomgyu’s hand again before letting go and climbing off the creaky bed and heading towards where he’d dumped his bag earlier. He could feel Beomgyu’s gaze on his back as he dig around his bag, searching for the one thing he hoped could help. 

He hummed in triumph as he pulled it out, fingers catching on the familiar spiralled wire of the notebook as he held it up in the dim light. Climbing back on the bed after turning on the duck-taped together lamp beside them, he gently patted the space next to him with a smile. 

Beomgyu easily fell back into the space, eyes lingering on the book now sitting in Taehyun’s lap, “What’s that?” 

Taehyun smiled again, fingers tracing the familiar cover of the book before he turned it over to reveal the very first page completely filled with his handwriting and sketches. Silently, he let himself gaze at the words he knew by heart by now before passing it over to the curious Beomgyu. 

“...what's this?” Beomgyu asked again after a few seconds, fingers tracing over one of the half-finished sketches Taehyun had pasted in. He paused before reading out loud, “I remember he feels like sunlight; warm, lively and all-around comfort. I remember spending days admiring how he seemed to glow, my breath was stolen every time he smiled or laughed. I remember realizing for the first time that I loved him sitting under the sun after he had just told the stupidest joke ever, and had laughed at it so hard he’d begun to choke on his spit. Just hearing his laugh made me happy and I knew I’d do anything to hear it forever.”

Taehyun smiled softly, “This book is filled with everything I remembered about you. I couldn't remember your name, or what you exactly looked like - hence all the shitty sketches that had my sister think I was going crazy - but I remembered so much about you that I had to write it down. I couldn’t stop remembering you and I don’t think I would have until I finally did.”

Beomgyu didn’t respond for a second, gently tracing over the tear stains on some of the pages as he flipped through the book, “I should have told you. I should have listened to you -”

Taehyun squeezed Beomgyu’s hand again, stopping him from continuing, “As much as I wish you told me earlier too, it’s in the past. I’m here now, and I’m not leaving you again until the day I’m no longer breathing.” 

Finally, a smile cracked on Beomgyu’s lips, “Yeonjun is going to whine so much,” 

Taehyun snorted, “Even more so when he realizes he built a shrine to you in his closet.” 

Laughter spilled from Beomgyu’s lips, loud and bright and instantly Taehyun knew everything was going to be alright. It might take a while, with its messy ups and down’s but that was life. He knew that in the end, everything they had gone through would be worth it, and already was worth it just to be beside one another again. 

Taehyun watched with a fondness that left him aching as Beomgyu thumbed his way through the notebook that had kept him going in his darkest moments, a wave of contentedness flowing through him as his boyfriend settled against his chest, curling into him without even thinking about it. He pressed a kiss to the crown of Beomgyu’s head, resting his cheekbone against it as he just held the other, finally feeling as though he could relax. He’d done it, after all, he’d finally remembered that faceless boy that had haunted him. He’d remembered him and Taehyun knew he’d never, ever forget him again.

For the first time in a long time, logic didn’t scream at him. Instead, it agreed with his heart as Taehyun tugged Beomgyu even closer to himself, promising to silently never let go of the boy in his arms until the day he died. 

Kang Taehyun had finally remembered who Choi Beomgyu was - and he was going to make sure the world remembered him too.