Storage
With my headphones in, I waited impatiently for my coffee to brew. Steady beat, slow drip, soft sweater. I count these small insignificant comforts like beads of a rosary. I keep them tucked in the back of my brain neat and tidy in storage. Just in my reach to count them again, and add more blessings as the days pass.
dark eyes, steady hands, sleepless nights, tired mornings.
I worry that I may run out of room for all the things he has given me to count.
I cant believe how goddamn lucky I am to be worried of such frivolous things.
Me. The girl worried of having to make space for so much love.
As if anyone couldn't tell, I was feeling particularly good today. Everything had fallen into place. I didn’t have any stressors invading my brain chemistry. Even my powers were completely healed. I had all this pent-up energy from being benched that I just couldn’t wait to expel. It channeled through my hands, restlessly tapping on the counter along to the music pouring through my headphones. Yes, today was going to be a great day.
A hand wrapping around my waist pulled me out of my thoughts abruptly, making me jump. I pulled out my headphones to hear Loki laugh in my ear, “sorry, love. Did I scare you?”
I huffed, relaxing my shoulders. I almost leaned into him, but a thought stopped me. I found myself pulling away, creating space between us. He let his hand hesitantly fall from my waist, taking a beat before moving to stand next to me, leaning against the counter.
He let his confusion spread up into his face, furrowing his brow. It was always amusing to see him look at me like that, as if he was trying to read my mind instead of directly asking me what I was thinking. To save his pride from completely diminishing, he tried to recover himself with a irreverent smile, ‘don’t tell me you’re getting shy now.’
I instinctively rolled my eyes and kept moving, keeping my hands busy with the coffee machine in front of me and failing at my attempt to hide my grin, ‘please. I know you don’t take this superhero shit seriously, but this is my job. I’m on the clock. I need to keep a level of professionalism in common areas.’ I knew he wouldn’t take me seriously, that he would see it as another boundary to push.
Just as I guessed, a mischievous smile formed on his face as he inched closer, “you don’t want the others finding out about us.”
I waved a hand in dismissal before grabbing the coffee pot to pour, “no, I don’t care if they know about us. I just don’t want them thinking I can’t separate work from personal. I’m not going to be that girl who’s too busy swooning to pay attention during briefs.”
Before he could answer with some dismissive sarcastic notion, the door to the kitchen kicked open. I gave Loki a final warning look, don’t you dare embarrass me. He waved his hands innocently and I rolled my eyes again. Tony had walked in, seating himself at the kitchen island, staring attentively at his phone. I saw my opportunity and took it, picking up my coffee mug and moving to sit next to him with such bravado that I narrowly avoided spilling my coffee.
“Stark, did you see my latest physio reports? The doc cleared me. I’m back at 110%, I’ve been training, my powers are completely back. When’s the next mission? I’m off the bench, right?” I looked at him hopefully as the words spilled out of my mouth, unable to hide the tones of excitement.
Tony waved his hand at me, “calm down, Maleficent. You have my blessing. By the power vested in me, blah, blah, blah. Happy?” I nodded, wide eyed and antsy to get back in the field. Tony didn’t even look up from his phone.
I had been wearing the nano-tech pin that Tony had given me 24/7. I refused to take it off, just in case I would have magically been granted privileges before the doctors I was working with allowed it. I craved the blood, sweat, and thrill of being an Avenger. It was a drug that I would never take for granted ever again. The impatient wait for the alarm on my phone of an impending mission assignment was going to kill me.
But as luck would have it, the timing was perfect.
Tony’s phone lit up first, then mine. Then came the blaring PA announcement from FRIDAY, “Attention, all notified personnel report to the third-floor hangar. Attention, all notified personnel report to the third-floor hangar.”
I practically jumped out of my seat, unsuccessful this time in saving my coffee, reaching to press the insignia on my pin. My body was consumed by my nano-tech suit, and I breathed out a sigh of anticipation.
Stark looked at me, my face beaming, “good to have you back, kid. Lets go,” he nodded towards the door. I fell into step quickly behind him, but just before I reached the door something caught my wrist.
Jesus, in all my excitement I forgot Loki was there. He turned me around and took my face in his hand, smiled in acknowledgement, “come back in one piece this time, love.”
I rolled my eyes for the third time that day and let him kiss my forehead, “no promises,” I quipped before turning on my heels to catch up to Tony, who was patiently waiting for me at the end of the hall outside the kitchen door.
He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me, making my steps hesitate. I knew what was coming. Not five minutes ago I was all high and mighty about that professionalism bullshit. I waivered knowing that any hopes of keeping the team banter about Loki and I's relationship at bay.
What he said wasn’t as bad as the rein of ridicule I was expecting, “Steve owes me twenty bucks.”
I scrunched my eyebrows as we kept walking, “you bet on my love life? I shouldn’t be surprised.”
He shrugged, “Steve didn’t think you were the bad-boy type. I disagreed; you think good guys are boring. Right? You hate that upstanding citizen shit.”
“You're not wrong,” I huffed and pushed open the door to the third floor hangar. Steve and Natasha were already there waiting for us.
“Alright team, remember that waiting game were playing with HYDRA? The waits over. SHEILD field agents reported suspicious activity at an event in downtown Washington. For now, were gonna keep an eye out a survey the area.”
“If you see something, say something?” Steve nodded in reply to my quip as I climbed into the jet ahead of the rest of the team, eager to get bloody and bruised.
“Oh and,” Steve called for my attention at the bottom of the jets stairway; when I turned to look back at him he gave me an apologetic look, “sorry, civilian clothes. Were gonna be working in the crowd.”
I slumped my shoulders dis-heartedly, pressing the insignia on my pin to recoil my nano-tech uniform.
***
LOKI'S POV
***
“He was right there, Steve! What the fuck did you want me to do?”
“I wanted you to work with the team. You caused a scene; it was reckless and its all over the news now! You weren’t thinking- “
“I was thinking! Thinking that they have been one step ahead of us for months, and that every second mattered!”
“You don’t get to make that decision.”
I watched her face heat up, the fire behind her eyes would be enough to make any man burn. I waivered for a minute, I should have stepped in the moment I heard their voices raise.
I spent the better part of the day wandering, keeping myself busy throughout the compound until everyone came back from the mission. I heard the jet land back in the hangar and made my way towards the common areas in hopes that I could steal her away for the rest of the night. Now, I'm caught in a rather less than ideal situation listening to a heated argument between her and Steve near the doorway to the lounge just off the third floor hangar. And now, I desperately wanted nothing more than to steal her away.
I could hear her voice in the back of my brain though, I can take care of myself.
I didn’t want her to have to.
But that would be a decision that only she could make. So I let her stand her ground alone, as much as it broke me to let him tower over her like that.
“If I had the chance, Id make that decision again.”
I watched the captain draw in a sharp breath; she stayed firmly with her arms crossed as he looked down at her.
His words poured out, sharp and meant to leave marks, “You’re childish. Sloppy. Insubordinate. How could you jeopardize the team like that?” He abruptly moved his hand in a gesture, causing a wavering flicker of uncertainty behind her eyes. “You can be so stupid, you know that? I cant trust you to do anything right.”
He continued yelling, but I wasn’t focusing on him anymore. She was buckling under the weight of his words, trying to keep a straight face. But I could see her breaking. The rate of her breathing was picking up, and her eyes were starting to glaze over. In that moment, I felt her emotions as my own, and I could see what was happening. As much as I know she is determined to out run it, her past was slowly creeping up behind her. Burying its marks in her throat, burning at her eyes. I remembered the first time she flinched at me, and how I would let worlds collapse before I'd let her feel that way around me again.
I couldn’t let her stand there alone anymore.
She must have though the same thing; her eyes dropped to the floor and she turned away from him, defeated with overbearing emotions. When she took a step, his hand caught her arm.
It happened so quickly that I could barely register it. She grabbed his hand, ripping it forcefully and holding it between them. Her tears were streaming freely now, but her face twisted back into the heat of anger that I had seen before.
Her voice was steady and low when she looked back up towards the captain to speak, her voice dripping with venom. “Touch me, or talk like that to me ever again, and I will kill you. You do not want to see what the last man who did that to me looked like after I was finished with him.”
Steve wavered, brows twisting together. I had never seen that man fold so quickly.
She let go of his hand, and he let it fall back to his side. He kept his feet planted as she made her way across the room towards the stairwell, slamming the door behind her.
That’s my girl.
The thought hung with me for only a second before I was overwhelmed with the need to find where she had gone.