It Was All Over
It was 2:56am when I decided that despite my best efforts, my brain was not going to allow me to fall asleep tonight.
I groaned and rubbed my eyes; I had been willing my body to sleep since eleven, and I was growing increasingly frustrated as the minutes passed.
I kept thinking of Loki.
Thinking of the last time his hand lingered on my waist, the last time he kissed my temple, the way he looked at me with that something I just couldn’t place written in his eyes.
Thinking about when he kissed me with delicate urgency, pulling me in so that we were breathing the same air, letting his hands roam up my sides.
I thought in that moment, that everything had fallen into place. I sighed, knowing I should have not been so deliriously optimistic.
Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe I could get us back there to that moment. Maybe if I was bold enough I could will time to bend in our favour.
Maybe.
He was the only person/thing/situation that I had ever let myself be sanguine when thinking about.
That had to count for something, right?
I have fought aliens, been stabbed and shot countless times, I have faced bombs and imminent death, I can do this.
I climbed out of my bed.
By the time I got to Loki’s room, the adrenaline was wearing off. My heart was lurching with panic.
I couldn’t let this go on any longer.
I knocked.
He answered with a tired voice.
So I opened and then closed the door behind me, leaning against it. He was in bed and seemed groggy, considering how little sleep the two of us got I felt guilty for interrupting.
I realized I had been standing there for a little bit too long. ‘I couldn’t sleep,’ the words tumbled out of my mouth with nerves to fill the silence.
I could just make out a smile on his face as he shifted to stand up and walk towards me, ‘I gathered that much, what brings you here?’
I took a breath, ‘I’ve been thinking; terrible how brains do that, right? Think. So inconvenient and annoying, especially when you’re trying to sleep.’ It was a shitty joke; I was rambling. God I’m pathetic, keep it together.
He raised an eyebrow, taking humour in my anxious mannerisms. ‘What could you possibly be thinking of that makes you this nervous?’ He smirked, rolling up the sleeves on his shirt before taking a few more steps.
I hesitated, time to rip off the band aid. All my courage had left my body, and it showed through my voice as I barely managed to whisper, ‘you’.
In the darkness of the room, I was growing increasingly aware of how close he was getting. I felt his hand move up my cheek and into my hair. The slow movements made my breath unsteady. ‘Are you scared?’
‘of course I’m not scared of you, don’t be ridiculous.’ I huffed, hoping he couldn’t see my blush in the dark.
‘I didn’t mean of me, love. I meant of what this might mean. What it could be.’ He rested his other hand on my hip, teasing the bottom of my shirt, lifting it slightly so that his cool hand could trace my bare skin lightly. I drew in a sharp breath at his touch.
‘You’re scared of this?’ He pulled my hair back lightly and I gasped, he exposed my neck so he could leave a kiss at the base near my collar bone. My heartbeat was erratic, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move.
“You don’t want this?’ His mouth made its way up my neck, and his hand made its way up my shirt. I bit back my breath when his teeth pinched the sensitive area just below my ear before longingly kissing the mark.
“This makes you nervous?’ He left an imprint on my jaw; my breathing was getting heavy, and I only now noticed that I was letting my hands roam him. His hips rolled against mine and he tucked one leg in-between my own, getting closer to me than I thought was possible.
‘Tell me and Ill stop’ his lips barely brushed mine as he spoke, all I knew was that I wanted more.
So I let him kiss me.
It was much more heated than the last one, full of passion and longing. I delicately traced my fingers up from his chest, past his neck, and knotted them in his hair. He parted his lips in a sigh when I gave a light tug so that I could make my way down his neck, leaving marks. When I found the sensitive area near his ear he moaned, his voice hoarse from the sleep I interrupted. He gently bit the exposed area of my shoulder, as if he was trying to control the instinctive sounds climbing up his throat.
I was exactly where I wanted to be. I had finally closed the distance. I had stared into the eyes of possible future misery and won. He was mine, and we were going to spend whatever time we had left getting to know each other. I was going to be losing sleep for a reason other than nightmares. I was going to allow myself to be consumed whole heartedly by him.
When he lifted me so that I could wrap my legs around his waist, I knew that it was all over. He was going to be the death of me.