Bed Rest
The third time I woke up, Loki was sleeping on the couch to my left. He was peaceful, with one hand pressing his book to his chest and the other hanging down grazing the floor with his fingertips. His neck was at an uncomfortable angle. My heart gave a tug at the idea of him subjecting himself to sleeping on a couch because he couldn't find it in himself to leave me alone.
I was feeling considerably better; my headache had faded and I was left with only a general soreness throughout my body. I turned to the bedside table to see an array of clinical looking bottles and concluded it was the 'Asgardian morphine' I had requested. That explains my sudden lack of pain.
I managed to sit up and take a few steps to the window with a lot less struggle than a few hours before. I drew back a curtain cautiously to reveal the view from the castle. My eyes widened as I took in the scene stretching out beneath me. It was absolutely stunning. The sea and the sky blended together in the horizon, creating a brilliant shade of blue. Mountains and trees stretched up to tangle together, and the village was filled with people that had a certain air around them you would never see on Earth. They moved slowly, with no stress to rush them. They were all perfectly happy and content in what they were doing. I felt a pang of jealously for that type of peace.
I felt his breath in my ear before I heard his low, soft voice, making my breath hitch. ‘I thought I told you to rest.’
The feeling of him standing so close behind me sparked the memory of all the feelings that had built up inside me over the past few months. I held my breath and willed away the thoughts tugging at my brain. Now is not exactly the best time to unpack all of that.
I turned my face a few inches toward him, feeling his nose gently graze my cheek, which sparked the butterflies in my chest. I spoke low and gently, ‘I did. And then I woke up. That’s usually how people rest.’
He let out a small breath in a quiet laugh, ‘your body isn’t ready to move, come,’ he put one hand on my shoulder and the other on my waist, pulling me away from the window. I steadied myself against him and let him walk me back to the bed with futile protests.
After I settled again, he asked if I was hungry. My stomach mulled uneasily, ‘no. I’m bored. Did I see a garden out there? I think some sun would be good for me. Or if there’s a library?’ I bargained with him, wearing a small smile of hope.
‘No,’ he said sternly. After I slumped my shoulders down in disappointment and softened my eyes he sighed, ‘I will take the library to you, but I am not taking you to the library.’ I twisted my brows more; I was never good at taking orders or making compromises. I did/said/took what I wanted. Unfortunately, my body was betraying my ability to do this.
He gave me a small smile and kissed the top of my forehead, ‘pouting, albeit adorable, will get you nowhere.’
I scrunched my face under his touch, ‘fine, bring me your stupid library then’ I huffed, my voice full of annoyance, as I adjusted myself on the bed and crossed my arms.
He gave a small laugh, taking joy in the small window of opportunity that left me compliant. He turned and walked towards the door, ‘I'll be back soon; there’s a guard outside your door so don’t think about getting up again.’
I didn’t say anything, I just shot him a look when he closed the door behind himself.
He came back with one arm precariously holding five large books, and a serving tray with fresh fruit and other snacks.
I scrunched up my nose, ‘I told you I’m not hungry.’
He let the books fall onto the bed in front of me, ‘you haven’t eaten in two days,’ he sat the tray down next to me. Just looking at it made my stomach protest sickly.
I turned away and reached for a book; Loki’s hand blocked mine. I looked up and him, ‘eat’ he said sternly. I shot him another look. I was growing increasingly infuriated. I angerly grabbed a singular berry from the platter and ate it before pushing past his hand to grab a book aggressively.
‘My, such a temper,’ he smirked and leaned away from me slightly.
‘I hate you’ I grumbled before settling in to read.
*LOKI POV*
The way she looked at me when I told her she cannot leave her bed again almost sent me over the edge. Looking upward with wide, soft eyes that said please, with her head tilted slightly to the left. She had never looked at me like that before. Granted, I was never in a position to tell her what to do before either. Those deep doe eyes set off a longing turn in my stomach that only she could manage to spark. It took everything in me to control my breath as I told her no again. God, she’ll be the death of me.
After seeing how mortal she really was, I felt an overwhelming need to protect her. I hadn’t left her side since arriving in Asgard, willing myself to stay awake just to watch the rise and fall of her chest to make sure she was still alright. I have never cared this deeply for someone before. She was intoxicating, and I found myself looking for reasons to get closer to her every second.
A reason to touch her, a reason to kiss her forehead, a reason to close all distance. Every time I did, it was in fleeting moments of casual affection, and I was left wanting so much more.
It felt juvenile to be so infatuated yet fearful of telling her. I’ve lived thousands of years with millions of lives, there have been people who have come and gone. But I had never felt for them what I felt for her. Up until a few years ago, I would have never thought myself to be deserving or capable of such affection.
These thoughts still linger, and I can’t help but feel that the possibility of future misery is far more likely than anything else if I allowed myself to fall into her. I shouldn’t be so greedy with how close she has allowed me to get already.
Her tempered compliance was enchanting. The scrunch of her nose, cross of her arms, left me hopelessly consumed with affection. If I ever let her know that, she would no doubt use it against me. I wouldn't mind letting her. Not that she needed to in any circumstance outside of this moment anyway; I would give her the nine realms if she asked.
The days that followed were filled with her asking to go explore the city, my refusal for allowing her to do that while on bed rest, her asking me a thousand questions about Asgard, and me bringing her more books to sift through.
We were up until the nights latest hours, encompassed in the dark. Both of us laying on the bed staring at the ceiling and talking, avoiding sleep. These hours where the rest of the world was quiet were my most valued. I didn’t know how I was ever going to spend my nights alone when we inevitably left Asgard.
‘What was she like?’ She asked, her voice small and gentle.
I took a moment before answering, ‘She was the kindest person I have ever known. She showed me softness that the rest of the world never gave me. She was smart, powerful, charming.’ I replied into the darkness.
There was a pause before I heard her turn her head on the pillow to face me. After a minute she said, ‘I would have loved to meet her. Maybe in a different lifetime.’
I smiled slightly, knowing that Frigga would have liked that response, and knowing that she would have loved to meet her too. ‘I wish I had more time with her. If I…’ I trailed off. I played that thought over and over in my head every day, but it was too heartbreaking to say out loud. Even to her.
I heard her shift again, then felt her head rest against my shoulder and her arms snake up across my chest, pulling me in. ‘We cannot blame ourselves for things that did not happen the way they were supposed to. The only thing that will do is make it hurt more.’
I gave a small soundless laugh, ‘that,’ I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her even closer, ‘is exactly what she would say.’
I can’t remember how long we layed like that, tangled in her bed that night. Neither of us pulled away, staying there until sleep consumed us both.
I couldn’t help but feel as if the fact that she never pulled away was a sign that maybe future misery wasn’t as possible as I thought.