Exile

“I have done bad things. I can’t take them back, and they are part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like the only thing I am.” —Veronica Roth

“You’re saying the Winter Soldier is Steven’s love?” Thor asked. He had not sensed evil in the young man’s heart. He had not even recognized him…

Nat stared at the side-by-side pictures of the Asset and James. “It’s him.”

“So, we bring him in,” Clint said. 

“No, we’re not bringing him in,” Tony said. “He’s too dangerous.”

“He is like Loki?” Thor asked. “He did not have a choice.”

“We can’t just kill him,” Clint said. 

“Tony, don’t make this about Steve,” Nat warned. 

Tony laughed. “This isn’t about Steve. It’s about what we have to do. You remember last time we fought him? He’s got the closest thing to Erskine’s super-soldier serum. He’s a better spy and assassin than you, Nat. And he fucking killed my mom!”

Thor frowned. He did not want to go into battle with anger leading the way. “We cannot just attack out right. What of Steve and the little one?”

“Extraction,” Nat said. “We get them as far away from the fight as possible.”

“You don’t think he’ll fight for them?” Bruce asked. “He’s been with them for months. He considers them his pack. He’ll go feral…”

Tony made a face. “He could just as easily use them as hostages.”

Thor thought to the ball, remembering how James and Steven had looked at each other. He had not seen a pairing so in love since Loki and Sygin… He doubted the soldier of winter would use his pack against them, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t fight viciously for those he considered his own. 

“Thunder for brain!” Tony snapped. 

Thor shook his head, clearing his tumultuous thoughts. “Aye?”

“Can you extract Steve and P-Peggy?” Tony asked. “Steve knows you. He’d probably be more willing to go with you.”

“Of course, I will get friend Steven and small one Peggy to safety.” Thor hoped his friend would forgive him… 

“We don’t attack until Steve and the kid are clear,” Natasha said. “Tony.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Tony’s hand clenched into a fist. 

“He didn’t have a choice,” Clint said, voice cracking, unable to not think of what Loki did to him. “We can’t just kill him… We’d be no better than them.”

Tony ignored him. He wanted revenge for his mother, for himself, and even for his daughter. He’d been broken when his mother died, and he’d done nothing right since. Everything he’d fucked up was the Winter Soldier’s fault. 

***

Steve jerked awake, struggling to breathe. He didn’t understand at first, but a heavy hand was clasped over his mouth. 

“Easy, Steven,” Thor said softly. “I shall get you and young Peggy to safety.”

Wheezing, Steve looked up at Thor. 

“I need you to trust me,” Thor said. He was a god, an Avenger, and his friend. If he asked for Steve’s trust, Steve knew it was important. “We must be very quiet.”

Steve’s heart was pounding as they crept into Peggy’s room. He picked her up, breathing in her scent, trying to calm himself. But Thor picked both of them up. “W-What about Bucky?”

Thor’s face was painted with grief. “I am sorry, my friend.” With that, Thor jumped out of the window with Steve and Peggy in his arms. 

Steve screamed—

Someone catapulted out of the window after them. “Let them go!” It was Bucky’s voice. 

“You know I can’t do that,” Thor said softly. 

“Let me go!” Steve squirmed, trying to break free. “It’s Bucky!”

“He is not who you think he is,” Thor said gravely. 

Steve couldn’t fight against the god’s strength, but that didn’t stop him from trying. He saw another figure jump to the ground, standing between Thor and Bucky.

“Get Rogers and the pup out of here.” It was Natasha’s voice. 

“Natalia, you know better than to get between an Alpha and his mate,” Bucky’s voice had never sounded so dangerous. 

“And you know people like us don’t get the simple life, Yakov,” Natasha said. “There’s too much red on our ledgers.”

While they were talking, Thor was slowly backing up, dragging Steve further away from his mate. 

Panic swelled up in Steve’s chest. He writhed like a soaking wet kitten, but Thor’s grip was unyielding. “You can’t take me away from him!” His voice cracked, desperate. “Please, don’t do this.”

Bucky growled low in his throat, shifting his stance. His metal hand flexed, and in an instant, he was moving. Natasha was fast, but Bucky was faster. He dodged her strike and lunged at Thor. 

Steve barely had time to gasp before Bucky slammed against them, sending all four of them tumbling to the ground. 

Thor absorbed most of the impact with a grunt, but it was enough. His grip loosened, and Steve managed to break free, rolling instinctively to protect Peggy.

“Steve, run!” Bucky ordered. 

But Steve couldn’t run, not without him. 

Natasha was already on Bucky, knife flashing. 

He blocked it with his metal arm, but Thor’s eyes were sparking with electricity. 

There was no way Bucky could take them both, and they probably only had a short window of time before the rest of the Avengers showed up. 

Scrambling to his feet, Steve panted, his brain working a mile a minute. And then—It was like the universe whispered in his ear. 

There. 

His fingers wrapped around something smooth, cold, and impossibly heavy. Except, it wasn’t heavy. 

The noise of the fight went deathly silent. 

Steve looked down, breath catching in his throat. Mjolnir. He’d grabbed Mjolnir! Thunger rumbled overheard, not following Thor’s command but Steve’s.

Natasha and Thor froze, staring at Steve with wide eyes. 

Steve swallowed hard and tightened his grip. He didn’t have time to process what this meant. Didn’t have time to be shocked. He just turned and—

SLAM

With a mighty swing, he smashed Mjolnir to the ground. The shockwave blasted outward, throwing Natasha and Thor into some kind of cellar. It was enough. 

“Bucky, go!” Steve yelled. 

But Bucky wasn’t moving. His eyes were locked on Steve, wide and dark with something raw. Reverence. Fear. Love.

Steve didn’t hesitate. He grabbed Bucky’s wrist, hauling him down the alley. 

Behind them, Thor was already back on his feet. 

Steve turned and in one swift motion shoved Mjolnir’s handle through the cellar handles, trapping Thor and Natasha inside. 

Bucky gaped at him. 

“Steve, you’re not safe with him!” Natasha yelled. 

“Friend Steven we are trying to help!” Thor pounded against the cellar doors. 

Wiping sweat from his brow, Steve apologized to the Avengers. “Sorry, but you don’t have a fuckin’ clue!”

With that, Bucky and he ran. 

*** 

Steve sat on the edge of the lumpy motel bed, cradling Peggy against his chest. The weight of their situation felt it would crush them, destroy them… The fucking Avengers were after them! But why? Did Tony—? No, it didn’t make sense. None of this did.

Bucky hadn’t said a word since they checked in. He paced, movements stiff and tense, like he was fighting something inside himself.

Steve couldn’t take it anymore. He needed answers. Carefully, he placed Peggy in the crib the front desk had provided. She slept so peacefully, oblivious to the chaos around them. A sliver of normalcy—but nothing about this was normal.

Turning to Bucky, Steve crossed his arms, voice soft but urgent. “Buck, talk to me.”

Bucky froze, back still to Steve. Shoulders tight. Head down. “I should’ve never gotten you mixed up in all this.” His voice cracked.

“Mixed up in what?” Steve asked, confusion tightening his chest. “Why did the Avengers attack us?”

Bucky finally turned, raking a hand through his hair. “There’s something you don’t know. Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

A chill ran down Steve’s spine. “Bucky, whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together. You’re not alone.”

Bucky looked at him then—really looked at him. But it wasn’t the man Steve loved staring back. There was something darker, something haunted in his eyes.

“I’m not the man you think I am, Steve.”

Steve’s heart clenched. “I know exactly who you are.”

Bucky shook his head. “I’ve done things, Stevie. Things you wouldn’t believe. I’ve hurt people. Killed them.”

Steve swallowed hard. “Y-You were a soldier.”

“I was in… World War II.”

Steve let out a breathless chuckle—until it died in his throat. Bucky wasn’t joking.

“That’s not possible,” Steve whispered.

Bucky’s face twisted. “I’m ninety-six years old.”

Steve took a step back. “No… that’s not—”

“I was born in 1917 and grew up during the Great Depression. I dropped out of college to work as a mechanic so my sisters could stay in school. I was too much of a coward to volunteer for the war, but then I got drafted. They sent me to the 107th, and I did my best. I was a damn good sniper, loved my men as if they were my own brothers—but war changes you. We were captured, tortured. Experimented on. I didn’t know it then, but they were turning me into this.” Bucky gestured to himself. “Somehow, I got us out, and we kept fighting. Then I fell off that damn train. I thought it was over. But Hydra found me. If I thought Azanzo was bad… it was nothing compared to Siberia. They erased who I was and turned me into something else. I wasn’t a person anymore. I was an asset. The Winter Soldier.”

The words slammed into Steve like a fist to the gut. He remembered watching the Battle of Triskelion on the news. The helicarriers exploding… The Avengers fighting Hydra…

Bucky’s hands trembled as he took a step closer. “I did what I was told. It was the only way to stop the pain. I didn’t know my name. I didn’t remember my family. But it was my hands—me—who killed them, Stevie. So many people who didn’t deserve it. I—I killed her.”

Steve’s breath hitched. “H-Her?”

Bucky dropped his head, refusing to meet his gaze. “Peggy Stark.”

Steve recoiled. “No. No, Bucky, you couldn’t have—” His mind spun. Howard’s wife. Tony’s mother. Peggy’s grandmother.

“I didn’t recognize her.” Bucky’s voice was barely above a whisper. “They ordered me to kill her, so I did. I didn’t remember we were friends. That I fought with the Howlies. That I tinkered with Howard. T-That I strategized with Peggy.”

Steve felt like the ground was crumbling beneath him. “Bucky, I—I don’t know what to say.”

Bucky finally looked up, tears streaking his face. “I ain’t asking for forgiveness. I don’t expect you to understand. But I should’ve told you. After Triskelion, I had a chance to run. I didn’t have my memories back, but I knew I didn’t wanna fight anymore. I was gonna disappear—but then I found you and Peggy.”

Steve’s breath shuddered. His heart should have been telling him to run because Bucky lied to him. A lie of omission was still a lie… He should grab Peggy and run as far away as possible. But instead, all he felt was the aching, overwhelming need to hold Bucky.

Bucky reached for him—then hesitated—his hand curling tight. “I have to flee the country. The Avengers won’t stop coming for me. Tony wants me dead, and I can’t even blame him. I hate him for what he did to you, but I killed his mom.” His voice broke. “But you and Peggy don’t deserve to be dragged into my mess. You deserve a normal life. A life without me.”

Steve’s anger flared. “Stop. You’re not leaving me.”

“I have to.” Bucky’s voice cracked. “You almost got hurt tonight because of me.”

“But we didn’t!” Steve surged forward, grabbing Bucky by the collar and yanking him into a kiss. It was desperate, full of everything he couldn’t say. “I love you, James. Bucky. Winter—whatever the hell your name is. Peggy and I weren’t living before you—we were just surviving. We need you.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. “It’s only a matter of time till they get me, Stevie.”

“Please…” Steve whispered. “Don’t leave.”

Bucky shook his head, eyes filled with anguish. “I love you. But this is the only way to keep you safe.”

Steve set his jaw. “I won’t let you! If you try to leave me, I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth, till the end of the line.”

Bucky met his gaze, and for a moment—just a moment—Steve saw something raw. Longing.

“You don’t get it,” Bucky rasped. “If you stay with me, you’ll be in danger constantly. I’m not the man I was. I thought I could have a normal life with you, but I was a goddamned fool. I can’t go back to who I was, can’t be somebody else, either.”

Steve closed the distance, pressing a hand against Bucky’s chest, feeling the frantic beating of his heart. “I don’t care.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I don’t care what you were. I care about who you are now. You’re not the Winter Soldier. You’re mine.”

Bucky swallowed hard, his gaze flickering to Peggy, still sleeping peacefully. “I’m not safe, Stevie. I could hurt you. I could hurt Peggy.”

Steve cupped Bucky’s face, brushing his lips over his forehead. “You’re not gonna scare me. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you. I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of losing you.”

Bucky let out a shaky breath, then, suddenly, he pulled Steve into a kiss. It was fierce and desperate, filled with everything unsaid. Steve gasped, hands gripping Bucky’s shirt, pouring every ounce of love, fear, and need into it.

When they broke apart, breathless, Bucky rested his forehead against Steve’s. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do,” Steve said fiercely. “You deserve everything.”

Bucky’s chest heaved as he pulled away, pushing Steve gently onto the bed. Before Steve could get another word out, Bucky kissed him again—slower this time. 

Steve’s fingers traced the scars on Bucky’s back. Goosebumps rising under his touch as if Bucky were afraid of him.

Bucky paused, his breath shallow, his lips brushing against Steve’s neck.

Steve barely had time to react before he felt the sharp pressure of teeth sinking into his flesh—Bucky had bit him! He’d finally claimed him. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Steve knew he’d never leave him behind now. You didn’t leave your mate; you just didn’t.

Steve gasped. The sting burned, but it wasn’t pain. It was something deeper.

Primal.

Protective.

Belonging.

Bucky growled low in his throat, his breath hot against the fresh wound on Steve’s neck. He licked over the mark, soothing the sting as Steve writhed beneath him.

This was the only way.

If—when—he left, this would keep Steve safe. Instead of being an unmated single mother, Steve would be claimed. Alphas would leave him alone, and Tony wouldn’t be able to hurt him or Peggy anymore. By law, Steve and Peggy would belong to him. And that had to count for something. 

Steve moaned, arching against him, his fingers ripping into Bucky’s back, a marking of his own… “Bucky—” His voice was raw, needy, filled with trust, with love. 

Bucky clenched his jaw. He didn’t deserve that trust. He never deserved Steve. But he couldn’t stop. His hands roamed over Steve’s body, memorizing every inch of him, savoring the heat, the way they fit together. Bucky kissed him again—fierce, consuming, like he could burn this memory into his bones. One last time. He felt the shift coming, the pull of instinct as his body locked with Steve’s, knotting him in place. A low, possessive growl rumbled in his chest as Steve gasped, his body trembling, surrendering to him completely. Bucky clenched his fists, resisting the urge to tilt his head, to offer his own throat. He couldn’t.

If Steve bit him back, it would be final. It would be a bond neither of them could break. 

And Bucky knew—he couldn’t stay. So he pressed his forehead to Steve’s, breathing him in, feeling the heat between them, the connection that was almost everything. But not quite. “I got you,” Bucky murmured, his voice thick with emotion. I can’t stay, but I can do this. I can leave you with this.

Steve sighed, spent, blissed out—but Bucky felt the hesitation in him, the vulnerability. “Let me bite you,” Steve whispered, a hint of fear tinging his voice.

Bucky could feel Steve’s tumultuous emotions. He’d finally claimed, but he hadn’t claimed in return. It went against all his instincts. Did his Alpha not want him? 

Bucky’s heart clenched. He swallowed hard, brushing his lips over Steve’s forehead. “Not tonight,” he murmured.

Not ever.

Steve didn’t fight him. Didn’t push. Just held him tighter as if he were strong enough to keep Bucky forever.

For now, this was enough.

Even if it was only half a bond.

Even if, one day, Steve would realize it wasn’t enough at all. That Bucky’s final gift was the most selfish thing he’d ever done.

Later, as they lay together, Bucky’s arms wrapped around Steve protectively, Steve felt a momentary peace. Despite the world crashing down around them, despite everything Bucky had been through, they were together.

Steve drifted off to sleep, the steady rise and fall of Bucky’s chest beneath him lulling him into a sense of security. But when Steve woke, his hand reached out instinctively for Bucky, but the bed was cold. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes darted around the room.

Bucky was gone!

Steve shot up, the weight of the empty bed sinking in. His heart thudded painfully in his chest. He scrambled to his feet, rushing to the crib. Peggy was still asleep, blissfully unaware of the emptiness that now filled their lives.

“Bucky?” Steve called out hoarsely, as if the name itself might bring him back.

There was no answer. Just the loud hum of the motel’s air conditioning. And the soft sound of Peggy’s breathing.

Steve sank back onto the bed, his hand clutching the pillow Bucky had slept on. It still had his scent… Burying his face in his mate’s scent, Steve inhaled it. A part of him had known this would happen, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He had talked Bucky into staying. Or so he thought. But now, with the light Bucky had brought into their lives snuffed out, Steve realized that Bucky had made his choice.

And he’d chosen to leave them, to leave Steve in exile…

***

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