Exile

“Is it history or home that hurts us more?” —Robin Ekiss

“You look well!” Howard grinned at Steve. 

Steve shrugged. He felt better than he’d felt in months. He almost hadn’t recognized himself in the mirror without the bags under his eyes and the exhaustion weighing his body down. He hadn’t realized how haggard he’d been looking. 

Howard swooped Peggy into his arms, making engine noises. 

Peggy giggled like a lark. 

“Did my little miss get a new onesie?” Howard asked. He tried to keep curiosity out of his voice, but Peggy had worn the same onesies her whole life. 

Steve nodded. He bit his lip and hoped his cheeks didn’t flush. 

“Wait a sec—” Howard’s eyes gleamed. “You’re seeing someone!”

“No!” Steve’s face burned. 

Howard smirked. “C’mon, tell me everything!"

“I-I guess I kinda met someone,” Steve admitted. “But we’re not, I mean...”

“But you like him?” Howard asked. 

Steve blushed with all the pinks of a sunset. 

“I’m happy for you, my boy!” Howard wrapped his free arm around him. “He treats you well?”

Steve nodded. “He’s kind.”

With Sam’s help, James found a job as a mechanic. He was even able to move into the apartment next door. 

Steve had yet to put much thought into it at first. 

But then, James had knocked on his door an hour before he left for work. He had been carrying a large tray of breakfast foods. “I made too much. Can’t stand for it to go to waste.”

It had been the longest sentence that the Alpha had spoken to him. 

Steve had thought he was just being kind, but then he started walking with him back to their apartment building after their VA meetings. 

He’d knock again about an hour later carrying a tray of food with the same excuse: he cooked too much and didn’t want it to go to waste. 

Steve had been embarrassingly oblivious. He’d thought that James just wanted a friend, and he would probably still think that if Sam hadn’t stepped in. 

“I’m just gonna say this once,” Sam said softly. 

They’d been watching James lift ten foldable chairs without breaking a sweat. 

“Hmm?” Steve asked. 

“That Alpha is head over heels for you,” Sam whispered. 

“What!” Steve said a little too loudly. 

Sam shook his head. “He’s doing our job ‘cause he doesn’t want you lifting those chairs. He walks you to and from work every day. And he’s feeding all three of you.”

Steve hadn’t believed it. 

James was just being friendly! And then, he'd stopped by one morning with an adorable onesie for Peggy. It was yellow with honeybees and flowers. “It’s soft,” James’ voice had been soft. “I thought it was cute.”

Steve had been a little taken aback, but he’d seen with his own eyes how much James adored Peggy. 

He provided for her... He provided for him...

Steve was so screwed. 

“So, what’s the problem?” Howard asked. “He sounds like a wonderful Alpha.”

“He is.” Steve sighed. “B-But there's no way...”

“There’s no way what?” Howard asked. “There’s no way that he likes you too?”

“E-Even if he does, it won’t last,” Steve whispered. “And I c-can’t do that to Peggy! She’s already too attached...”

Howard frowned. “I hope you don't believe that. I can't say whether it'll last or not. It's the beginning; you’re not supposed to know.”

But all of Steve’s beginnings felt more like endings. 

“I know what Tony did to you,” Howard whispered. “And I pray you do not think all Alphas would do the same.”

Steve blinked back tears. 

Howard pulled Steve into his arms. 

Peggy settled between them. 

“I love my son,” Howard’s voice cracked. “But I hate what he has done to you.”

Steve sniffled. “I-It was my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Howard said. “Now, I want you to promise me something.”

Steve wiped his face and, with it, any trace of the sadness he carried with him. 

“Promise me, you’ll give it a chance,” Howard said. “You remind me so much of my Peggy, and I want you to be brave. Yes, there’s always risk when it comes to the heart. You might get hurt, but it’s still worth it to try.”

Steve was sick of believing the worst of himself. He’d made himself smaller and smaller until he might not have mattered at all. 

James was too good to be true. 

But Steve wanted... God, what exactly did he want?

“You should invite him to my birthday party!” Howard grinned. “I’d love to meet him! Sides, I gotta put the fear of God into him!”

Steve cracked a smile. 

“I can’t wait to see the Howlies!” Howard exclaimed. 

Steve’s heart twisted. He never understood why Tony wouldn’t let Howard out of the Tower. 

“D-Do they ever talk about me?” Howard asked. His voice cracked, revealing how lonely he really was. 

“Yeah, they do,” Steve said. He couldn't bear his friend's pain. 

“I know I wasn’t really a part of them,” Howard whispered. “But they were the best pack I ever had.” 

The Howlies grinned cheekily at their captain. 

“You got a beau?” Dum Dum asked. 

Steve blushed. "Maybe.”

“I am happy for you, my friend,” Happy said with a genuine smile. 

“Qui est votre amour (Who is your love)?” Frenchie asked. 

“It’s a little soon for that,” Steve whispered. 

“I am happy for you nonetheless.” Falsworth grinned. 

"We all are,” Pinky said. 

“I’m gonna ask him to Howard's party,” Steve admitted. 

The Howlies grinned conspiratorially. 

“Please, don’t!” Steve begged. He could see it now. 

They would grill James even harder than Sarah Rogers. The interrogation would be more intense than the Cold War. 

“No promises, Cap. Gotta make sure you’re being treated right,” Dum Dum said. 

"We’re not even officially dating yet,” Steve said. “I’m not even sure...”

“He’d be a fool,” Jim growled. “You’re the best of us.”

Steve took a wheezy breath. “Enough about me.”

“I dreamed bout Sarge again,” Happy whispered. 

Dum Dum sighed. “I can’t help but wonder how he would’ve lived.”

“I can’t imagine the Omega who woulda caught his eye,” Falsworth said sadly. 

“I can,” Jim whispered. “He woulda been just like our Stevie.”

Dum Dum smiled sadly. “You’re right our sarge woulda loved our cap.”

James and Steve walked side by side. 

“How was your day?” Steve asked. 

“Good,” James said. “I finally fixed that ole beater.”

Steve smiled. 

“D-Do you want to go home r-right now?” James asked hesitantly. 

Steve shrugged. “We don’t have to. Is there somewhere you want to go?”

“The museum?” James’ voice wavered with insecurity. 

“I’d like that,” Steve said. 

Peggy cooed in agreement.

They walked through the museum. 

James listened intently as Steve rambled on about his favorite pieces of art. 

“Is there something specific you want to see?” Steve asked. 

“The World War II exhibit,” James’ voice was so soft, Steve barely heard him. 

They were silent as they walked through the exhibit. 

James felt like he was trapped within a painting. He stopped dead in his tracks before his own history. 

James Buchanan Barnes

“A-Are you alright?” Steve asked. 

James nodded. “I-I want to leave.”

“Let’s go then.” Steve squeezed his hand. 

James was shaken up about something. 

As much as Steve wanted to ask him about it, he knew that it wasn't his place, but he could offer something else. “I-I like you.”

“What?” James asked. He hadn’t expected that. 

“I like you,” Steve blurted out. “I-I think you like m-me.”

“I do,” James whispered. The corners of his mouth curved. 

Channeling his peculiar burst of adrenaline and spontaneity, Steve kissed him. 

James smiled against his lips. 

***

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