Redemption

“Ikaris?” Wait, that voice…It was Sersi’s.

“Ikaris? What’s wrong?” Someone was nudging his shoulders gently. He woke up with a start, eyes wide open, only to meet Sersi’s concerned look with worry written all across her face.

“...It’s…It’s just a nightmare.” Ikaris panted, wiping off beads of sweat from his temples. After they part their ways in Babylon, Ajak told him the truth behind their mission, in private, and he had been haunted by this nightmare ever since. The scenes in the dream always stay the same: at the beginning, a harmonic picture where they lived among humans happily, and all of a sudden, the emergence that destroys Earth.

“The same nightmare again?”

“Yes.” Ikaris nodded. Ikaris did mention that particular nightmare to Sersi once, telling her that the world might be destroyed in the future. Except for themselves, everything they loved (or at least some of them loved) on this planet will not last forever. Sersi agreed with him although, being the most optimistic person he has ever met, told him that instead of thinking that all of this may cease to exist in the future, living in the moment, watching lives thrive under their protection from the Deviants, and enjoying this rare peace for the first time in thousand years, is what makes their memories here even more precious.

What Ikaris didn’t tell her is the truth that lies behind their numerous endeavors of protecting humanity, the origin of this inevitable apocalypse. Their only mission was to ensure the birth of a new Celestial. When Ajak told him everything, it was difficult for him to accept for a while. He couldn’t believe the mission that he thought was the most important and legitimate was to destroy the world and humanity which they shaped together with their own hands.

“Why telling me, Ajak?” Ikaris looked quite puzzled.

“You are a good soldier, my Ikaris. You are the strongest among us, both physically and mentally, you are entitled, but also obliged to carry the weight of truth and to fulfill Arishem’s design.” Ajak smiled, like a mother instructing her son, though he can see sparks of firmness 

inside those loving, passionate eyes.

“Did Arishem say so?” 

“Yes.” Ajak continued as she put her hand on his chest and closed her eyes. “Your faith in Arishem is strong. I can feel it. I was shocked when I first knew the truth from Arishem, just like you, Ikaris. I can’t imagine those wonderful worlds turning into ashes during the emergence. I tried to question him then-”

“And?” Ikaris interrupted, quickly lowering his head as if noticing that it seemed inappropriate.

“He asked me to remember my position and our mission.” Ajak smiled wryly. “The birth of a Celestial is an essential process for the operation of the universe. Their ability to generate cosmic energy to create galaxies is far beyond our imagination. Those galaxies host thousands of planets, where intelligent life thrives. We are not in the position to prevent the formation of other worlds just because of our sympathy for a certain world.”

“So we are just tools created by the Celestials.” Ikaris sadly concluded.

“But at the same time, we are the driving force of the formation of other worlds, Ikaris. It is a very divine and crucial task.”

Ikaris’s mind was in chaos, a part of him blaming Ajak for this. Being the prime Eternal, only she was capable of direct communication with Arishem, and since she had known everything from the beginning, why did she keep everyone in the dark for thousands of years? Those fights with the Deviants turned out that they were never to protect humanity but to ensure the growth and birth of the Celestial lying inside the core, Tiamat.

“I’m afraid that the others had gotten too attached to humanity and this world… I don’t know if it’s a wise choice to tell them the truth, so I lied, Ikaris. But I’m afraid I have no other choice.” Ajak signed deeply. “Will you keep this secret for me?”

“Ajak…wouldn’t it hurt even more if we keep on hiding them from the truth?”

“I think it is the best for everyone to enjoy and live a life in the remaining days. Besides if we somehow disobeyed Arishem’s instructions, I don’t know what punishment awaits, and there is always a risk that Earth might fall victim to Arishem’s judgment.” Ajak looked at Ikaris gloomily. “We’ve worked so long and so hard for this. Now human civilization is in progress, I cannot take any risk for this to end beforehand, therefore, what we can do is to follow Arishem’s design, and perhaps, before the emergence, we may witness the prime era of humanity. ”

“Sersi will be heartbroken if she finds out.”

“We all will, Ikaris. But there are things we cannot weather or change freely at will. Remember, we are born to help the creation of more worlds. We are Eternals.”

“Everything’s gonna be fine.” Sersi took Ikaris’s hand in her own, eyes shining with hope as he gave him an assured look.

“Even if the world is ending, we’ll face it together, you and me. And all the Eternals.” She said softly, drawing little circles on the back of his hand to soothe him. Sersi’s words always have a kind of reassuring magic, which probably explains why can get along with humans so quickly and even become good friends. But facing the cruel fact that has been parasitized inside him for thousands of years, even with a mind as strong as Ikaris’s there’s eventually going to be a breach somewhere. The feeling of powerlessness and the guilt of hiding such facts from his fellow Eternals had started to erode him imperceptibly. Slowly, he couldn’t enjoy pure joy as he knew all of this is going to end somewhere in the future. Every genuine smile he observed on Sersi’s face was a dagger to his heart. Sersi did notice her husband’s transformation, but every time she tried to bring it up, an unwavering, emotionless “I’m fine” from Ikaris was all she got.

He never wanted to hurt Sersi, but no matter how hard he tried, it seemed impossible to find a balance between love and his mission. Sometimes he would just close his eyes, hoping maybe that Arishem may respond to his questions and struggles inside his heart. But the only reply he got was darkness and loneliness.

The price of the truth was just too painful to bear.

After being startled awake by the same nightmare again for ‘celestials know’ how many times, Ikaris couldn’t take it anymore. He left a simple note on the bedside table, looking at his wife’s sleeping silhouette for the last time.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, before making the most difficult choice he had ever made-leaving Sersi without saying goodbye. He didn’t take anything with him, the only object that connected the two was the necklace around his neck- it was a souvenir given by Chandragupta II as a love token after they got married in the Gupta empire.

He ascended into the night sky, streets of London below turning into a blur as tears swelled up in his eyes. 

“Goodbye.” He said to himself silently and flew towards the north without turning back.

-TBC-