trust
"Healthy relationships are built on trust. And trust applies to fidelity, finances, parenting, and more. Trustworthy partners are predictable, faithful, and reliable."
If attractiveness could kill, Scaramouche thought that one look at you might finish him off.
You were getting ready to go out with a group of friends to a new club that had opened nearby - Lumine had practically begged you to come with her, saying that you will have the time of your life and that she would never ask you for a favour again (she most definitely would). You decided that, since it had been a while since you spent a night doing anything other than being curled up with your boyfriend, you would go all out and dress up.
Your outfit was stunning. The colour co-ordinated top and bottoms perfectly accentuated your eye and hair colour, the jewellery that you used to embellish the look made you look classy, expensive even, and to top it all off, the way you styled your hair was completely perfect for the look you had in mind.
You were touching everything up in front of your bedroom mirror while Scaramouche scrolled through his phone, sprawled out across your bed. He looked up at you as you struggled to clasp the necklace you had chosen.
"Do you want help with that?" he asked, eyes scanning your figure. He could not seem to stop staring - something about you was especially magnetic that evening.
"Yes please," you eagerly nodded as he slowly pushed himself off the bed to approach you.
He took the two ends from your hands, clasping them together and gently lowering the necklace down onto your neck. The coolness of the metal made you flinch ever so slightly.
An even colder sensation followed as Scaramouche smoothed his fingertips along your exposed collarbone. You couldn't suppress a shiver at his light touch.
"What's gotten into you, huh?" you teased, trying to keep a composed demeanour as his fingers traced down your arm. "You never touch me this much..."
He leaned in close to your ear before replying. "Just out of curiosity, who's going tonight?"
"Well, Lumine and Paimon are the ones taking me, then we are going to meet up with Venti and Kaeya for drinks," you listed.
At the mention of the latter's name, Scaramouche's hands froze. "Kaeya?"
"...yes?"
He was silent for a moment.
"I'm not asking anything of you," he spoke cooly, but you could sense a bitterness in his voice. "I'm just telling you this because we promised to always tell each other what we are thinking. I'm currently thinking that I'm not really happy with you going out with him."
You weren't sure whether to be happy that he was being honest and able to communicate in a mature way, or anxious because of his tone of voice.
"Ok," you replied slowly, processing his words. "Any reason in particular?"
He scowled. "He has always flirted with you so openly, and I wouldn't put it past him to continue. Plus, you liked him in the past."
"Do you not trust me?"
Your simple words made his eyes widen and his words get caught in his throat.
"It's not.... it's nothing like that.... I...." he stuttered.
You realised that your question was unfair, and that you shouldn't say things that would guilt trip him, even if that wasn't the intention behind your words whatsoever. With a deep sigh, you turned around to face him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have phrased it like that."
"No, I'm sorry for feeling like this," he frowned. He was trying his very best to suppress the way he felt - the last thing he wanted was to be controlling and ruin your evening out. As much as he would like your evening to be spent with him, you deserved extra time with your friends (he was also slightly afraid of the consequences of you refusing Lumine's offer).
It wasn't that he didn't trust you; he would put his life in your hands in an instant, and he had no reason to suspect you would be unfaithful. It was Kaeya he didn't trust. He was terrified that the charming cavalry captain would be able to whisk you off your feet with his sweet talk that made all sorts of people swoon, in a way that Scaramouche would never be able to. The thought of you leaving him for someone better made him want to be sick. He grimaced.
"If you are worried about me leaving you, I promise that he could never compare to you. The way you make me feel cannot be replicated," you reassured him.
Normally, that kind of compliment would make heat rush to his cheeks, but his uneasy expression didn't waver. "Listen, I..."
He wanted to tell you everything, explain himself so that the tiny speck of sadness in your expression would be wiped out. He hated that you probably assumed you were somehow doing something wrong yourself, that it was your fault he was not comfortable. Though, he wasn't sure if he could handle your reaction to him divulging such personal information - he would hate to see your pitying eyes, or perhaps you would be upset for him? You were empathetic in that way, and making you upset would grieve him terribly. What if you looked at him differently? You might think of him as broken beyond repair - he fretted over the possible outcomes.
However, he had already taken the embarrassing step of being honest about how he felt at that current moment in time. He would rather be completely honest with you, getting it over with so you could enjoy your night.
"I... have been abandoned before. Three times. My mother, my family, and my friend. I blamed them at first... how could they leave me alone? But then.... I blamed myself. Something must have been wrong with me to be left on three separate occasions. Was I not worthy of being wanted? That mindset still affects me to this day, which I suppose is why I feel so... jealous.... of you being with others. I feel like being with someone like Kaeya, who's charming and kind and witty, will make you see how inferior I am, make you want to leave like the others did. I'm only telling you this because I need you to know that I trust you, more than anyone. I trust you enough to tell you this, when not a soul has heard it before. It's nothing to do with you, it's entirely my fault that I don't feel comfortable."
As he spoke, his eyes were glued to his expression in the mirror behind you, looking anywhere but at your face so that he wouldn't break down into tears. He looked utterly pathetic in his eyes, the sight of the pitiful expression etched onto his face making him regret opening his mouth.
He hesitantly tore his gaze away from his reflection to look at you. Your eyes were slightly glassy, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as your hands shakily grabbed his.
"I'm so sorry," you breathed out. "I am so, so, so sorry you've been through that. You must be so strong to have kept this to yourself this whole time..."
"I don't feel strong. I feel weak for even feeling this way," he responded, eyes glancing between the ground and your hands in his.
"Listen to me," you gave his hands a comforting squeeze. "Having feelings doesn't make you weak. It's natural to have your relationships impacted by previous ones - we are all shaped by our experiences, and to be honest, it's a miracle you aren't a complete recluse who shuns people after what you've been through. Your feelings are totally valid, and I'm so glad you've been honest and told me about this. I'm going to do everything I can to reassure you and make sure you know how much I care about you."
He looked up at you while you spoke. He couldn't stop the tears from falling. Out of everything he expected you to respond with, you chose the most kind and understanding thing you could have. If he wasn't in such emotional turmoil, he could've laughed. He shouldn't have expected any less from you, and he felt silly for doing so. You were an angel in his eyes. He didn't deserve you, truly.
"Thank you," was all he could utter.
You pulled him into a hug, a gesture that was still quite foreign to both of you, but it was becoming much more frequent as Scaramouche opened up to you. You stayed there for a moment as Scaramouche silently sobbed into your shoulder.
"I don't want to ruin your outfit," he sniffled, turning his head so his tears wouldn't leave a stain. "You look so good, so beautiful. Won't ruin it."
You were shocked by his compliment. An evil thought ran through your mind - you were enjoying the touch and his affection he offered you when in a mood like this. You needed to take a cold shower, or pray, or something.
"Don't worry about that," you tentatively placed your hand in his hair and stroked it softly to calm him down. He leaned into your touch. "Again, I can't stress enough how much I understand where you are coming from, but there isn't much we can do to change the situation. I'm going to be around other people who naturally have flirty personalities, and you can understand that it would be unreasonable for me to completely cut them out of my life, can't you? Having a professional and platonic relationship with Kaeya is important for many reasons..."
He nodded slowly.
"So, step one of dealing with you feeling like this is for you to accept that I'm going to encounter people like that, people who are charismatic and people that I have liked before. It's going to happen, and it's ok to feel unhappy about it. I know that Kaeya is actually respectful despite his outward flirting, so it isn't likely that he will continue to act how he did now that we are in a relationship, but I will still do everything I can to accommodate your feelings. How about I don't sit right next to him, and I'll try to avoid interacting with him outside a group setting? That way you can be reassured, and I won't make things awkward and we can maintain our friendship. And I promise, hand on my heart, that if he were to make an inappropriate comment or advance, I will remove myself from the situation straight away and tell you about it. Plus, you are definitely the only one for me... Kaeya couldn't make me feel so at home and relaxed the way you do. Does all of that sound good?"
It sounded better than anything to him. Once again he thanked the stars for bringing you into his life. He wouldn't know what to do without you.
"I guess so," he mumbled nonchalantly as he wiggled out of your arms. It made you chuckle to see him act so indifferent as if he wasn't sobbing into your shoulder a few seconds ago.
A ding from your phone alerted you that Lumine was outside. "I have to go."
"Have fun... be safe... and keep your promise, ok? You better tell me if he tries anything. I will be driving there instantly."
"Yes sir!" you saluted jokingly. He rolled his eyes and tickled your side, making you cackle uncontrollably.
Before you left, you turned around and pulled him into an embrace once more. It was becoming more familiar to the pair of you to find yourself in each other's arms, but both of your faces still burned when you felt the other's touch.
"If you aren't asleep when I get back, we can watch the new episode of the season we started yesterday... will you wait for me?"
He nodded in confirmation and shut the door behind you. Once he was confident you were safely in Lumine's car and out of earshot, his face broke out into a soft smile.
"I'll always be waiting for you."