saudade

“Welcome home, Harry”, Bernard said and pulled his protégé into a hug. “Thank God you’re all right, my dear boy.”

“Thanks, Bernard.”

Bernard took Harry’s things and left them alone.

“Pete, can you tell me what happened after your birthday?”, Harry asked. “The emptiness in my mind is driving me insane.”

“It’ll get better when time passes, Harry.” Peter put a hand on his shoulder. “You had a really big contract with OSCORP, but the scientist involved ruined it, but you saved the company. Everything’s fine, don’t worry. We had a few dates. And-“ Peter cleared his throat. “MJ died.”

“What? Why?”

“Said scientist killed her.”

“Was it my fault?”, Harry asked, the anxiety in his voice was impossible to overhear.

“What? God, Harry, no! You didn’t have anything to do with it. It was the scientist’s own fault. His machine made him crazy”, Peter explained.

“She’ll be at a better place just like my father, right?”

“Right”, Peter assured him.

“My father … I wish I could remember more about him”, Harry said as he saw the giant portrait of Norman Osborn.

“He loved you so much, Harry. He was really proud of you.” Peter considered telling Harry the truth but was it the right moment? He had just learned that MJ was dead and learning that his dad was a mass murderer who tried to kill Peter wouldn’t be of advantage, would it? “Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving”, Harry admitted.

“What do you wanna eat?”, Peter asked as they entered the kitchen.

“Waffles”, Harry responded. He liked to eat them as a kid when he was sad. Funny how it was possible to remember such a small and unnecessary detail but not what happened recently.

“Then we’ll make waffles.”

Together they made the dough. The radio was playing in the background.

“Do you wanna dance?”, Harry asked as the waffle was baking in the waffle iron.

“I’m a horrible dancer, you know that”, Peter muttered, his face turning red.

“Impossible. Can I dance?” As much as Harry tried to remember it, he couldn’t.

“You look wonderful when you dance.”

(Everything I do) I do it for you by Bryan Adams was playing in the background. Harry took Peter’s hand and pulled him closer. His left hand rested on Peter’s waist; his right hand was one with Peter’s. They fell in step, letting the rhythm control their movements. Nothing else mattered – it was just Peter and him.

Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me. Harry gently lifted Peter’s chin so he could see in Harry’s eyes how much he loved him. He stroked Peter’s cheek, making him smile. The soft touch of Peter’s breath sent a pleasant shiver down his spine.

Their bodies merged into one, slowly moving through the kitchen. Their heartbeat matched the melody. Everything surrounding them dissolved.

Peter’s head rested against Harry’s shoulder.

“Search your heart, search your soul, and when you’ll find me there, you’ll search no more”, Harry whispered, his lips touching Peter’s forehead.

Peter looked up at him, his eyes shone because of the tears inside; but the adorable smile on his boyfriend’s lips made Harry’s heart flutter.

Harry lifted his arm so Peter could make a turn, but their hands, like their hearts, stayed connected with each other. Harry’s hand instinctively found its way back onto Peter’s waist and Peter’s hand rested on his shoulder.

“Take me as I am, take my life. I would give it all, I would sacrifice”, Bryan Adams sang in the radio, expressing Harry’s feelings towards Peter. He’d sacrifice everything for him.

Peter pulled him closer. There’s no love like your love and no other could give more love. Harry caught him as Peter was about to stumble. “I got you.” He took the lead, guiding Peter along the rhythm until they were one again. The heat between their bodies made the feeling of them connecting even more intense.

“I would fight for you, I’d lie for you, walk the wire for you, yeah, I’d die for you”, Harry sang along quietly, laying a hand on Peter’s cheek making him tear up. Peter let out a quiet sob. Harry softly wiped the tears away before kissing the marks they had left behind on his cheeks. “You know it’s true. Everything I do, I do it for you.”

As the song ended, their feet slowly stopped moving. Harry cupped Peter’s face in his hands and laid his lips on Peter’s. However, Peter didn’t respond to the touch. Harry hesitated, confused. Did he do something wrong?

For a moment Harry wanted to end the kiss, but then Peter became more active. Peter grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, kissing Harry like there was no tomorrow.

Harry didn’t ever want this kiss to be over. His stomach was a real rollercoaster, but Peter should never stop kissing him.

They were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the waffle iron, and they took a deep breath as they ended their kiss. Their foreheads rested against each other, and their faces red, but both showed a smile.

“I, uhm, think the first waffle is done”, Peter muttered.

“Seems so”, Harry agreed. He was still a bit breathless.

After they’ve made a plate full of waffles, they sat down at the kitchen table and ate in silence.

“Do you feel better?”, Peter asked.

“Yeah, waffles are my comfort food. It’s all so weird. I remember little details from years ago but then I don’t know a lot about my parents or what happened after your birthday. Every time I try to remember it, it’s like fighting against a wall.”

“It’s okay, Harry. You need time. I’m here for you and I won’t go. You’ll get your memories back, trust me.”

“And if not? What if I never remember my whole life? If I continue being a book that’s partially destroyed? Or what if it gets worse? What if in some time I can’t remember who you are?”, Harry said. He was scared. He didn’t want to end up lost with no one at his side.

Peter took his hand. “It won’t be like that. The doctor said only your short-time memory is affected so it won’t get worse. And even if you don’t get these memories back, it won’t make you less worthy or anything. I love you no matter what happens, and I’ll try my best to help you. But you need to allow yourself to take time. If you force your memories to come back, they won’t. I understand it’s hard, but we’ll get through this together, okay?”

Harry nodded. “Thank you for being with me. I know I’m not easy and I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you-“

“Stop.”

Harry frowned. Did he do something wrong?

“There is no need to apologize. You’re not a burden, Harry. You’re a gift, a blessing”, Peter told him.

“I love you so much, Pete, and nothing will ever change that”, Harry promised.

The smile on Peter’s lips seemed to fade but as he blinked, it was still there. Maybe he only imagined it. After all, the medicine he got in the hospital was still in his body.

“I love you more than anything else. Losing you is my greatest fear.” Peter sounded like he already made this experience but if Harry really was close to death after the accident, then it wasn’t surprising for him to have this fear.