saudade

When they arrived at Aunt May’s house, there were moving boxes everywhere. Peter swallowed. She was still angry at him, wasn’t she? He took Harry’s hand instinctively. Harry squeezed it gently to assure him he was there for him.

“Aunt May, what’s going on?”, Peter finally asked.

“They gave me another few weeks, but I decided the hell with it”, she explained.

“But we found a way to help you. You can stay here.”

“I’m quite able to take care of things myself.”

“Please, Aunt May, take our help. We don’t want you to move out”, Harry tried to persuade her.

“I can’t take that money from you, dear. I know you have good intentions, but I’d never be able to return it to you”, she said.

“I don’t want you to return it to me. You did so much for me. You are my family”, Harry insisted, “Now, please take it.”

“No, I can’t. I appreciate your offer, Harry, but I can’t accept it.”

“Is it because of what happened during my last visit?”, Peter burst out.

“What? No, of course not. It’s water under the bridge. It was brave of you to tell me the truth. I thank you and I’m proud of you.” She showed a little smile.

“Then, please, let us help you. A wise man once said there’s nothing wrong in accepting gifts from people you love.”

Harry smiled. It was him who said it. “He’s right. We want to help you, Aunt May.”

She sighed. “All right. But I’ll return it to you some time later, Harry, and don’t dare try to convince me of something else.”

“As long as you accept it, I won’t say anything”, Harry assured her, terrified of being scolded by Aunt May.

“I love you two boys so much.” She pulled them both into a hug. Tears left her eyes.

“We love you too”, they said in unison, trying to comfort her.

“I settle the affairs with the bank right now and you can start unpacking the boxes”, Harry said and kissed Peter before he left to hurry to the bank.

“He’s a real angel. Don’t ever let him go”, Aunt May told Peter, a bright smile on her lips.

“I won’t”, he assured her. He’d make his fallen angel fly again.  

The doorbell rang and Peter went to open it. It was Henry Jackson, the neighbour’s son.

“Hi, Peter.”

“Hey, Henry. You’re getting tall.” Peter smiled. Incredible what can change within a year.

“Henry, I don’t really have work for you since some things changed but maybe you want to help us unpacking the boxes?”, Aunt May explained.

“Okay, Mrs. Parker”, Henry said, “You take Spider-Man’s pictures, right?”

“Uhm, I used to”, Peter replied.

“Where is he?”

“I agree. I don’t see his pictures in the paper anymore”, Aunt May added.

“Well, uhm, he … quit”, Peter answered, wanting to change the subject as fast as possible. He made a choice, and he didn’t want to start doubting it.

“Why?”, Henry asked.

“Wanted to try other things.”

“He’ll be back, right?”

Peter innards cramped because of the hope in Henry’s voice. He wanted to be back, but he couldn’t. Otherwise, he’d risk everything he fought for. “I don’t know.”

Henry took some of the boxes and started to unpack them.

“You’ll never guess who he wants to be. Spider-Man”, Aunt May told him.

“Why?” Why would such a young boy want to be Spider-Man? It only causes trouble.

“He knows a hero when he sees one”, she explained, “Too few characters out there, flying around like that, saving old girls like me.”

Peter couldn’t help but somehow, he knew Aunt May assumed it was him. The way she talked about it underlined it. But he wasn’t a hero. He hurt people. He was the reason people died.

As if she read his mind, she continued: “And kids need heroes. Courageous, self-sacrificing people, setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People who tell them to hold on a second longer. I believe there’s a hero in all of us – even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most, even our dreams. Spider-Man did that for Henry. He needs him.”

Give up the thing we want the most. No, he couldn’t give up Harry. But not being Spider-Man was wrong as well. There was no right answer. Whatever choice he made; someone will always get hurt by it. A hero had to put the greater good before himself, but could he be a hero?

“I’m sorry, Aunt May, but I’ve gotta go now. Will you two manage the rest alone?”, Peter asked.

“Sure, take care of yourself.” She smiled knowingly.

“I’ll see you soon.” He quickly said goodbye and rushed out of the house.

Some blocks away, he climbed up a house wall. Peter needed to try out if he was still able to be Spider-Man. He had to know.

Focus on what you want. You can do it, Peter, you just have to believe in yourself, he told himself before he ran. He ran faster and faster, the edge of the wall was there. Then he jumped.

“I’m back!”, he shouted into the city. But when he fell, he tried to use his genetic webs but again, it didn’t work. Why wasn’t it working? Was it because he still wasn’t completely sure about if he wanted to return or not?

Peter was caught by a clothesline. He tried to use it as a web, but he immediately swung into the next house wall and crashed into the roof of a car. Peter got up, his back aching like hell. Maybe he wasn’t ready to return as Spider-Man.

“Pete, what happened to you?”, Harry asked as Peter entered their flat. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just my back. It’s nothing”, Peter answered.

“Come here and lay down on the sofa.”

Peter followed Harry’s instructions.

“It will probably hurt a little, I’m sorry”, Harry apologised in advance as he removed Peter’s shirt.

“It’s okay, just do it.”

Harry set Peter’s back and Peter moaned in pain.

“I’m sorry.” Harry placed a soft kiss on Peter’s neck as an apology.

“Thank you so much. It’s way better now”, Peter said as he sat up.

“What the hell have you done for your back to look like this?” Harry eyed him in concern.

“I overstretched myself while unpacking the boxes.”

“But where did you get all those scratches? I’ll get you an ointment.”

“I bumped into a few things”, Peter lied, “There is no need to worry.”

Harry carefully rubbed an ointment on the scratches on Peter’s back. “You need to be more careful.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Peter Benjamin Parker, it’s not funny. You need to take care of yourself”, Harry scolded him. “I can’t allow you-“

Peter didn’t let him finish his sentence by kissing him. “I love you so much. Never forget that.” He kissed him again.

“Don’t ever stop kissing me”, Harry whispered.

“There’s nothing I’d rather do.” Peter put on his shirt. He laid his head on Harry’s lap and looked into the brown eyes that meant safety to him.

Harry played with Peter’s hair. “I won’t ever let you go, I promise.”

The telephone rang and they both groaned in annoyance.

“I’ll go”, Peter sighed and get up to pick up the phone. “Parker?”

“Hey, Peter, it’s MJ. Are you two free tomorrow afternoon? I thought of going to a café or something.”

“Hang on, I ask him.”

“It’s MJ. She wants to meet us tomorrow afternoon. Are you free?”

“I have an appointment with my therapist and an important board meeting. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll ask her if we can postpone it to another day then”, Peter decided.

“No, it’s fine. You two can have a nice time tomorrow”, Harry said.

“Hey, MJ, Harry isn’t free tomorrow but he says it’s fine”, Peter told her.

“Oh, that’s a pity. What do you think about meeting tomorrow and at the weekend so Harry can come with us?”

“That sounds great. Have a nice evening.”

“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow”, MJ said and hung up.

“She wants to meet us again at the weekend so you can be with us.”

Harry smiled. “All right.”

“What do you think of reading a book?”, Peter suggested.

“Only if you read.”

Peter giggled. “Okay, I’ll get us a book.”

Peter chose The Hobbit. It was their favourite book when they were kids. He wrapped a blanket around them, and Harry laid his head on Peter’s shoulder.

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat; it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort”, Peter began to read but Harry had already fallen asleep.

Peter smiled and placed a gentle kiss on Harry’s forehead. “I love you so much, my little hobbit.”