saudade

It was the right choice. Finally, Peter had time to focus on his work for university. He did his homework and studied a lot, so he earned good grades from Dr. Connors. The exhaustion was gone and instead there was a much bigger amount of energy. The only thing that made him doubt his decision was the crimes he had to see and ignore almost daily.

But Peter was genuinely happy – also because Harry’s therapy had the first small achievements, and their relationship was as it used to be before. That Harry felt better made Peter feel better as well. Peter’s life finally was as he always imagined it. Tonight, they were going to see MJ’s play.

“I bet she’s brilliant in it”, Peter said as he put on a suit and tried to tie his tie.

“Let me help you.” Harry adjusted Peter’s tie skilfully since he had to do it every day.

“Thanks. Do you think we should’ve told her about our visit?”

“I think a surprise visit is better because she’ll be happy about us showing up, but she won’t be nervous about it”, Harry shared his thoughts.

Their seats were in one of the front rows, so they had a good view of the stage. Harry took Peter’s hand as they watched the play. When MJ discovered them sitting in the audience, you could see that she was really happy about their visit. They smiled at her to indicate how great she was performing even though she missed her part as she discovered them.

“Guys, you could’ve told me you were coming”, she scolded them after the play was over.

“We wanted to surprise you”, Harry explained.

“You were amazing, MJ, truly amazing”, Peter told her.

She hugged them both. “I love you guys. Are you up to going to a restaurant to have dinner?”

“We’re starving”, Peter said what made her laugh.

They went to a small restaurant and sat down at a table next to the window.

“By the way, congratulations to your wedding”, Harry said and hugged her.

“Thank you. I’m so nervous about it”, MJ confessed.

“Is that John guy treating you right? His father isn’t the best at social skills”, Peter explained.

“John is such a sweetheart. I hope you will both come to my wedding, won’t you?”

“Of course, we’ll be there. We wouldn’t want to miss it”, Harry assured her.

“It’s your big day, MJ. You finally found your happiness in life, so we won’t miss it under any circumstances”, Peter added.

MJ smiled. “When is it your turn to marry?”

“Uhm, well, we didn’t really think of that”, Harry responded quietly.

“Why? You’re perfect together. You’re literally spreading love everywhere you go”, MJ told them.

“I want to finish university first. Then we still have time to think about marrying”, Peter explained. He always dreamt of marrying Harry one day but now it was definitely too early. Not just because things had just gotten normal again but also because they had just started their adult life.

They had a nice evening eating together and talking about the most random things.

“It was great to see you again”, MJ said as she had to leave. She hugged both of them and kissed them on the cheek.

“What do you think of a movie night?”, Harry suggested.

“That’d be perfect”, Peter agreed.

It was the day of Uncle Ben’s death and Peter got ready for visiting Aunt May.

“Do you want me to come with you?”, Harry asked, “I know it’s a tough day for you.”

“That’s sweet of you and I appreciate your offer, but I think I wanna be alone with Aunt May, if you understand”, Peter refused.

“Yeah, I understand what you mean. I’ll cook us something nice for dinner and we’ll have a nice evening.”

“I can’t wait to get back home”, Peter said and kissed Harry.

“And Pete, give this to her.” He handed him an envelope.

“You’re serious about that?”

“I promised you she won’t have to leave her house and I keep my promises.”

“Thank you so, so much.” Peter hugged Harry before he left to visit his aunt.

Peter picked up Aunt May and together they went to Uncle Ben’s grave. It still hurt to see the grave.

I’m sorry Uncle Ben, but I had to stop being Spider-Man, Peter apologised in his thoughts.

“It wasn’t fair to have gone like that. He was a peaceful man.” Aunt May laid a bunch of flowers on the grave. “And it was all my doing.”

Peter hugged his aunt. “I miss him.”

“Oh, Peter, I miss him too.”

At his aunt’s house, they had tea together.

“You don’t have to punish yourself”, Peter said, the feeling of guilt as fresh as it was a year ago.

“Oh, I know I shouldn’t. It’s just that you wanted to take the subway and he wanted to drive you. If only I had stopped him”, she explained.

As he heard how much Aunt May was blaming herself even though she didn’t have to do anything with it at all, Peter couldn’t stay silent anymore. He had to tell her the truth.

“I’m responsible”, he blurted out.

“How should you be responsible? You were at the library”, she said in confusion.

Peter shook his head. “He- he drove me to the library, but I never went in.”

“What do you mean?”

“I- I went someplace else. Someplace where I thought I could win some money to help you. Everything went so fast. I won the money, and that guy wouldn’t pay so when he got robbed, I let the thief escape because I was angry.” Peter paused to prevent his voice from shaking. “I let him get away. He wanted a car, so he took Uncle Ben’s and he got shot. I held his hand when he died. I’ve tried to tell you so many times, but I was so afraid.”

He took Aunt May’s hand, but she pulled her hand away. She couldn’t believe what Peter had just told her.

“Aunt May”, Peter said but she stood up to go upstairs.

“I should give that to you from Harry”, he called and laid the envelope on the kitchen desk.

“I don’t want it”, she said.

“I’ll leave it here”, Peter murmured and got up. He knew he wasn’t welcomed any longer. Did Aunt May hate him?

“Pete, what happened?”, Harry asked as soon as Peter entered the door.

“Nothing.”

Harry laid his cooking utensils aside. “Come here.”

Peter threw himself in Harry’s arms.

“It’s fine”, Harry said and stroked Peter’s back while he played with his hair.

“Nothing is fine. I told Aunt May the truth – about what happened the night Uncle Ben died”, Peter explained.

“Oh, Pete, I’m sorry.”

“And now she hates me”, Peter sobbed.

“She could never hate you. She loves you just as much as I do. She just needs some time to process the information. It’s going to be okay”, Harry whispered.

“You really think so?”

“I do”, Harry assured him and kissed Peter’s temple. “Dinner?”

“Starving”, Peter admitted.

They made pizza together, Peter’s favourite food.