saudade

Peter ran through New York’s dark alleys and climbed on buildings to get to the shooter. He put his costume on again so no one could see who he really was as he made his way up on walls and rooftops. Then he saw it. He saw Uncle Ben’s car fleeing from the police. There was only one option to keep up on the car’s speed and that option failed every time he had tried it, but he had to do it. For Uncle Ben.

Peter shot a web and aimed it at a roof. Then he jumped from the roof he was standing on and swung through the street without swinging into a wall. For the first time, it worked. So, he made his way through the streets and followed the carjacker.

When he was close enough to the car, he let go of his webs and jumped on the car’s roof. He punched a hole in the roof to get the driver, but he took his gun and tried to shoot Peter. Peter had no choice but leaving the car, so he jumped on the roof of a truck that drove in the same direction as the carjacker.

As soon as the truck was close enough to his uncle’s car, Peter jumped on the engine hood and punched the glass of the windshield which made the carjacker lose the sight of where he was driving. The car crashed into the iron fence of an old warehouse and Peter managed to jump upon the scaffolding just in time. The police arrived only a second later so the driver panicked and ran inside the warehouse.

Oh no, I won’t let you get away, Peter thought and followed him in the shadows so he wouldn’t be seen. He followed him on his tiptoe, so he didn’t draw attention to himself. It was satisfying for Peter to see this asshole anxious like that. The carjacker aimed his gun at different spots on the wall and when Peter frightened him so much that he shot into the wall, Peter allowed himself to be seen. He hung from the ceiling by a web thread, waiting to be discovered.

When the carjacker tried to flee, Peter jumped on his feet and grabbed him just to bang his head against the door. He did it until the glass broke. Somehow the carjacker freed himself and tried to attack Peter with a knife, but Peter dodged and catapulted the knife into the ceiling where it got stuck. Then he kicked the guy and pinned him against the giant window.

“Don’t hurt me. Give me a chance!”, the carjacker begged, “Give me a chance!”

Peter mercilessly looked him in the eyes. “And what about my uncle? Did you give him a chance? Did you?”, he yelled and grabbed the man at his collar. “Answer me!”

In the moonlight, Peter could see the fear in the man’s face, and he somehow looked familiar to him. Then it hit him. It was the thief he let escape because he was furious at the wrestling tournament manager for betraying him. Peter could’ve stopped him. He could’ve stopped him, and nothing would’ve happened, but he let him go and because of his actions, because of his temper, because of Peter, Uncle Ben got killed.

In shock, Peter let go of him and stumbled back. It was his fault that his uncle died. His.

The thief laughed and aimed the gun at Peter’s forehead. “See you.”

For a moment, Peter considered being shot. It would release him from his feelings.

“With great power comes great responsibility”, he could hear Uncle Ben’s voice. Uncle Ben wouldn’t want Peter to give up. He would want him to fight for what is right. He had to live. For Uncle Ben.

Peter knocked the gun out of the man’s hand. He wouldn’t let him kill another person.

The man stumbled back in shock, terrified of what Peter may do and fell over a pipe backwards right into the window. The glass broke into pieces and the man fell out of the window. As he hit the ground, he was dead. Peter looked at the dead body. At least no innocent person could get killed anymore. As the police discovered him, Peter swung into the night.

He took a break from swinging through New York and sat down on the rooftop of a house on the edge of the city. He pulled his knees to him and cried. He had lost Uncle Ben and the last thing he said to him was that he shouldn’t pretend to be his father. He had not only hurt his uncle, no, he was the reason he got killed. And now another human died because of him. Was he really turning into a criminal? He wanted to be good. Maybe he could use his spider abilities to do something good. Maybe he could be Spider-Man and make New York a better place.

Peter didn’t know where to go. He had to get off the roof but where could he go? He could go to Harry but Aunt May was waiting for him to get home. Aunt May … how could he ever go back to her, knowing her husband was dead because of him? But she was waiting for him and probably worried about him, and he didn’t want to cause her more pain, so he made his way back home.

“Peter! Where have you been? I was so worried about you two”, Aunt May said as he entered the house but the look on his face told her something was wrong. “What happened, Peter? Where’s Ben?”

“He got shot”, Peter sobbed, “I’m so sorry, Aunt May, I couldn’t protect him.” He couldn’t tell her what really happened.

“Oh no. No.” She pulled him into a hug and cried on his shoulder.

Peter had never seen his aunt like that. He hugged her even tighter. They were standing like that for a long time, trying to comfort each other.

Aunt May blew her nose. “Do you wanna eat something? It’s been quite a few hours since you ate something.”

“No, it’s fine, thank you”, he said.

“I’ll go to bed. I need some time. It was a tough day. I don’t want you to be alone, Peter. Do you wanna call Harry?”

“If it’s okay for you.” He wanted Harry to come over, but he didn’t want to make things complicated. Aunt May tried to appear composed but he knew she wasn’t.

“Of course, it’s okay for me. He can stay overnight.” She kissed him on the cheek and hurried upstairs to hide in her bedroom.

Peter sighed. He wanted to be there for her, but he understood she needed some privacy.

He picked up the telephone and called Harry’s number.

“Osborn?”, Harry said.

“Harry, could you come over? I need you.”

“Pete, what happened? Of course, I’ll come over.”

“Uncle Ben died”, he sobbed.

“Oh, Pete, I am so sorry. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

As Peter opened the door, he threw himself in Harry’s arms.

“I’m so sorry”, Harry whispered and stroked Peter’s back gently to calm him down.

Peter buried his face in Harry’s shoulder and cried.

“It’s okay, let it out. I’m here.”

“Thank you”, Peter murmured into his shoulder.

“You don’t need to thank me. Of course, I’m there for you.” Harry placed a kiss on Peter’s hair. “Maybe we should go inside. It’s cold and you don’t wear a jacket.”

“Yes, of course, sorry for letting you stand outside in the cold. I should’ve thought of that.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Pete.”

They went upstairs in Peter’s room and sat down on his bed. Peter snuggled up to Harry. Harry’s presence made him feel safe.

“It was all my fault, Harry. It’s my fault Uncle Ben died.” Peter’s voice was shaking.

“Pete, how could it be your fault? I understand it’s hard to accept but don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t have influenced at all.” Harry gently kissed his forehead.

“You don’t know what happened. I wanted to go to the wrestling tournament, but I said I was going to the library and Uncle Ben insisted to drive me. We had an argument, and I went to the warehouse where the event took place. I won but the manager wouldn’t pay me and then he got robbed and I was so angry that I let the thief escape and he turned out to be the carjacker who shot my uncle. He could still be with us if I didn’t let my anger take control”, Peter explained, and the tears streamed down his face again. He buried his face in Harry’s chest.

“Oh, Pete”, Harry pulled him closer. “That’s terrible but it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t know what was about to happen. This asshole of a thief is at fault but definitely not you.”

“I should’ve listened to you as you said I shouldn’t participate”, Peter sobbed, “And the worst thing is that the last time we had a conversation, I told Uncle Ben to stop pretending to be my father.” He cried into his chest.

“Don’t torture yourself. I’m sure your uncle knew you didn’t mean what you said. He was such an understanding and loving human. He knew you loved him and I’m sure he didn’t want you to blame yourself for what happened even though you couldn’t have changed anything”, Harry tried to comfort his boyfriend.

“I want to be a good person, but I’m scared I’ll turn into a bad one”, Peter admitted his deepest fear.

“You are a good person, and nothing will ever change that”, Harry assured him.

“But the carjacker died because of me, too. Because of my anger. I’m horrible.”

Peter explained the whole story as Harry couldn’t believe him.

“It was an accident. Apart from that, he killed himself and you had nothing to do with that, okay? And don’t you dare ever saying again that you’re a bad person because that’s not true. You’re the sweetest and smartest person I know, and no one could make maths as sexy as you make it. You’re so kind and gentle. Peter, you’re wonderful.” Harry looked him deeply in the eyes as he said it and kissed him on the lips. Peter should feel he meant it.

“I don’t know what I would do without you”, Peter sobbed.

“I’m always there for you, Pete”, Harry promised.

Harry just held him and tried to comfort him while they stayed silent but for Peter, that was enough. It was enough to calm him down and make him fall asleep in Harry’s arms. Maybe everything will turn out to be okay, after all.

“I love you so much, Pete, and nothing will ever change that”, Harry whispered and placed a soft kiss on Peter’s temple. He laid the blanket over them, careful not to wake Peter.

Harry couldn’t fall asleep. He had had a bad feeling about the whole wrestling thing right from the beginning. He should’ve told Aunt May even if it meant betraying Peter’s trust. If he had told her, Uncle Ben wouldn’t have died. Peter would’ve been mad at him and in the worst case would not have spoken to him for a few days, but Uncle Ben would still be alive. Every lie had its price.