I sat on my bed in silence. Andrew had just proposed again. I refused. I took a deep breath and hurried all those harsh memories back to the core. Melinda May doesn't have feelings. I believe that. Laying down on the bed, I closed my eyes as the events of Bahrain ran through my mind.
"Let the girl go, Melinda."
It had been seven years but the events were as clear as yesterday in my mind. I remember replying to Andrew with an 'I love you too' but I don't remember my heart matching those words.
Deep down, I knew those words were only meant for one man. I knew I had married Andrew to bury those feelings for him. I knew I had left Andrew because I didn't want to hurt him, but also because I didn't want to give him hope for a life I didn't want.
With a loving wife, a kid - I'm not ready for more kids right now - , and maybe a dog. I couldn't give him that, not when the past still haunts me.
A knock on the door interrupted my train of thoughts and I sat up.
"It's me, May."
Daisy called out from the other side.
I cleared my throat, "Come in."
The door opened and a nervous Daisy walked in, "Hey, sorry for disturbing you. I just- I wanted to talk to someone and FitzSimmons were busy and Coulson was working and I couldn't find anyone else." She started rambling, "You're probably tired and don't need me rambling my head off to you just because the t- thoughts in my head are too loud. I'll leave now. Sorry."
I shook my head and made space for her to sit, "You can stay."
"I can go. You- you'll get annoyed by my rambling anyway."
I rolled my eyes, "Coulson rambles more than you. You can stay."
She nodded and sat on the offered spot.
"So Coulson rambles to you?"
I softly smiled as I closed my eyes, "Yeah."
"Are you guys together or something? Because I've never seen two people be as close as you two."
Still smiling, I opened my eyes and looked at a sheepish- looking Daisy, "We've just known each other a long time."
"Right." She nodded.
"I'm sorry, by the way."
I raised an eyebrow, "For quaking you, and-" she looked down, "and using Bahrain against you." She whispered.
"It's fine." I felt a lump in my throat.
"No, it's not." She bit her lip, "I used your worst trauma against you and you let it go as if it were nothing. I- I know it still bothers you because you tense up whenever someone brings it up."
I looked down, "Doesn't matter."
"BUT IT DOES, MAY!" She exaggerated, "IT DOES MATTER because you're blaming yourself for it. And it's - I know you did it because you had to and I 100% agree with your decision but you carry that trauma around like it's nothing. But I KNOW it weighs down on you."
I shook my head and opened my mouth to speak but she interrupted, "I know I'm not in a place to tell you to do anything. Just, please, I know you prefer flying solo and all that but I don't think you deserve that."
I took a deep breath, "Why do you care?"
"Because - because you said 'Hope your mother is who you wanted her to be' but she wasn't and you were."
Tears prickled my eyes, "You - what?"
"I - I realized you were always my mom since I came on the bus. You - I was always fascinated by you and everything you could do. I wanted to be you. I wanted to learn everything about you. And - and this year just blinded me."
I bit my lip, "I - I don't know what to say." I admitted softly.
"You don't have to." She smiled, "Thanks for listening." She got up and walked to door, she looked back at me, "And May?" I looked up, "Burying your emotion takes a toll on you. Trust me."
She had come when I was at my lowest and she left me at my highest. I had the thought of leaving for the last few days. I soon realized, I'm right where I belong.
Smiling, I let sleep consume me.