ornery

Just the sound of Pilgrim World was too much for Reena to bear. "Please, rip my ears off."

"As much as I would enjoy that, I actually need your help," Wednesday denied as they approached Eugene, who was taking a photo.

"Hey, Wednesday, want to grab a Hummers group photo?" Wednesday only stared blankly at him. "Guess not."

A woman dressed in a full pilgrim outfit stood in front of them. "Good morrow, my young Nevermore kin. I am Mistress Arlene. A real OC. Original colonist. Now prithee, put your cell phones on vibrate and make haste, for you are about to travel back in time to the year of our Lord 1625, to Jericho's first pilgrim settlement."

As people began to follow her, Reena and Wednesday found a place near Eugene. 

The woman stopped and pointed at the meeting house behind her. "Yonder. Behold, the meeting house. Inside is a collection of artifacts related to Jericho's most beloved and pious founder, Joseph Crackstone. And beyond is our privy, America's first gender-neutral restroom."

"I haveth a query," Wednesday spoke up.

"Pray, be quick, child."

"In the meeting house, which of Joseph Crackstone's artifacts are on display?"

"It is truly a treasure trove, including original farm tools, tableware, even the Crackstone family chamber pot."

"Sounds fascinating. I volunteer to work in there."

Reena smiled. "I would be overjoyed to join her."

"Pray, no. That exhibit is being renovated. Today, thou will all be working at the beating heart of Pilgrim World."

A minute later, the group was at the fudgery, and Eugene was the only one excited. "Ye Olde Fudgery?" 

"More like ye olde diabetes in a box," Wednesday corrected.

"The last time I ate fudge I threw it all up ten minutes later," Reena shared. "I haven't been able to eat it since."

Arlene came out with a tray of fudge. "Volunteers, prick up thine ears. Fudge is the lifeblood of our humble community. And samples equal sales, so grab a uniform and a box and make our forefathers proud."

"Are these for muzzling tourists?" Wednesday guessed, and Arlene was far from pleased.

* * *

Dressed in pilgrim outfits, trays of fudge in hand, Wednesday and Reena were able to scare off any tourists that came in to buy fudge. Arlene, who was watching over them, glared at the two girls while they smirked. 

When the two girls got the chance, they left the fudgery, only to find Eugene getting attacked by the pilgrim workers they had beaten up in the cafe.

Reena raised an eyebrow. "Hey, pilgrim freaks. What do you think you're doing?"

Wednesday stopped. "Howdy, Pilgrims." She stopped the one pilgrim from putting the board down over Eugene. "Let him go."

"You want to end up in the stocks too?" the boy tried to threaten her.

"Remember what happened the last time we did this dance?" Wednesday reminded him. The two started fighting, but the girl dodged every attack, throwing in some of her own. By the end, the boy was stuffed in the stockade he was trying to stuff Eugene into. "Are you two still here?"

"You might want to get moving," Reena advised.

Lucas, the boy whose dad owned Pilgrim World, sighed. "I can't get into more trouble with my dad."

The two other boys left, and the boy left in the stockade was panicked. "No, wait! Lucas."

Wednesday looked down at Eugene. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"No offense, but you look like a mess, dude," Reena commented.

Eugene sighed. "I know."

* * *

"Nobody's ever stood up for me before," Eugene confessed as Wednesday cleaned him up.

"You said Hummers stick together," Wednesday replied.

"I know this might come as a shock, but I don't have any friends. You remind me of my brother, sans the desire to strangle him every waking moment." Wednesday got up.
"Now follow us. I need to know more about this Crackstone. We have a meeting house to break into."

Reena, who had been to Pilgrim Land once before, led the way to the meeting house, plugging her ears the entire way. 

Once they arrived at the door, Wednesday held out her hand to Eugene. "Give me your retainer."

"What? Why?" Eugene questioned. "Your teeth are really good. Not as straight or white as Enid's, but..."

"Hand it over!"

Eugene handed it over. "What if Mistress Arlene catches us? 

"Hive code, deny everything."

"That's not hive code! What's the big deal anyway? The fudge is definitely the best thing about this place."

"Stop talking. Keep watch," Wednesday ordered as she stepped inside.

"If you let anyone in, I'm gonna find you," Reena threatened Eugene before she followed Wednesday in.

Wednesday dumped Thing out of her bag, and observed the room, stopping at one painting in particular. "The Old Meeting House, 1625. Thing, Reena, this is the girl from my vision. She's even holding the same book. That black one she had outside Crackstone's crypt."

"She looks exactly like you," Reena observed. "But more... blonde."

The other girl kept walking around and suddenly stopped. "This is the book!" Wednesday opened up the case, pulling the book out. "Codex Umbrarum. That's Latin for 'Book of Shadows.'" She flipped through the pages, which turned out to be blank. "Great. It's a fake. I don't know who Etsy is, but I doubt she was an outcast settler."

"Etsy is a website where you can buy stuff like that," Reena explained.

Arlene came storming in holding Eugene by the collar. "Just what the fudge are you doing in here, missiles?"

"Mistress Arlene," Wednesday faked.

"How now? How now, indeed. I proclaimed the meeting house is under repair. I know thoust heard me."

"I'm not sure I did," Reena lied. "You know, with the music and all."

"I told her the door was unlocked and you were dying to learn more about Crackstone," Eugene told them.

"Yes, and this display case was already open," Wednesday agreed.

"That book's a replica," Arlene informed her.

"You don't say."

"The original was stolen last month during the two o'clock witch trial."

"It was probably the only authentic thing you have in here, yet you still charge $29.95 a ticket?"

"Hold thy tongue. I'm reassigning you three. To fudge-churning duty."

"The original meeting house, the one in that painting, where is it?" Wednesday asked.

Arlene sighed. "How the hell should I know? I only moved here from Scottsdale in April."

Reena rolled her eyes. "That's just wonderful."

* * *

Wednesday and Reena were staring at the notice board in the Weathervane when Xavier interrupted their silence. "I thought you were supposed to be at Pilgrim World."

"I deserted it while my sanity was still intact," Wednesday explained as she walked over.

Reena shrugged. "And I wasn't churning any fudge because some lady named Arlene said I had to."

"Oh, yeah?" Xavier questioned. "You want a coffee? It's one of the many perks of this wonderful assignment."

"We're actually here for Tyler," Wednesday let him down.

"I told you he was bad news."

"Twice. But who I speak to is my business."

Wednesday rang the bell and Tyler came out from the back. "You rang? Want the usual?"

"And some help." Wednesday got her map out and put it on the table. "You know the original pilgrim meeting house, the one from the 1600s? You know if it's still around?"

"What's left is out in Cobham Woods, but it's pretty much a ruin."

"Show me."

"Now," Reena hurried him.

"Uh..." Tyler pointed to a spot on the map. "There, but, look, it's kind of sketchy."

"Everywhere in this town is sketchy," Reena shot back.

"Squatters and meth heads use that place as a crash pad," Tyler continued. "My dad has it cleared out every couple weeks. What's this about?"

"Nothing," Wednesday lied and picked up the map.

"You're really becoming obsessed with this monster in the woods thing," Tyler mentioned.

"Would you rather I develop an obsession with horses and boy bands? Thank you for the help."

The two went to leave, but Tyler stopped them. "Hey, listen, the ruins are kind of tricky to find. I could take you this afternoon. My shift ends at 2:00."

"Principal Weems would hang, draw and quarter me if I miss the big statue dedication," Wednesday rejected the idea. "And as enticing as that sounds, I'd prefer to keep a low profile. Besides, I know my way around the great outdoors."

"Don't tell me you were a Girl Scout."

"You were a Boy Scout, weren't you?" Reena guessed.

Tyler shrugged. "For a few years, yeah."

"I could eat Girl Scouts for breakfast. I have an uncle who went to prison for that." Wednesday turned on her heel and hurried out, Reena, as usual, behind her.