siblings
The next few days consist of Yelena clinging to Maria like a limpet, refusing to go further than ten feet away. Maria doesn’t seem keen on letting her out of her sight either. Yelena sat in on meetings, drills, all-hands-on-deck’s, and followed Maria wherever she went.
That does mean that Yelena’s schedule falls out of wack as she’s woken up in the wee hours of the morning or kept up late at night. She never quite realized the odd hours that Maria worked.
After the first few early mornings, Maria stopped having Yelena change out of her pajamas, instead just scooping her up out of bed with her blanket and all. Yelena got used to walking around the helicarrier with bare feet in her pajamas. She did notice how the floors were suddenly cleaner and less cluttered after she started walking around without shoes.
Those who regarded Yelena with suspicion were suddenly kinder to her but Yelena thinks it’s just because they’ve seen her all tired in her pajamas and nothing brings people’s awareness down like sleepy little kids.
The appearance of the Widow had spurred Yelena’s fear of abandonment that she had buried. Yelena needed to be by Maria at all times because she knew that Maria wouldn’t let her be taken, not like her fake parents.
Then came the first time that she had to be separated from Maria. Maria kept trying to soothe Yelena and reassure her. “You know Clint. I’ll be just down the hall.”
In the end, Maria had to pass Clint an armful of clingy child. Clint holds Yelena close against him as Yelena squirms and begs for Maria to come back.
Clint carries her down the hallway and Yelena twists her fingers into his top, unsure whether to pull him closer or push him away. “Mama!” Yelena can’t help it. Some part of her brain is screaming that she’ll never see Maria again and that as soon as she disappears that she’ll leave forever.
Clint carries her to the shooting range and takes a seat on the crates, not letting her go quite yet. Yelena’s harshly chewing on her lower lip to stifle the tears rolling down her cheeks. She feels like such a baby.
“You know, when I was your age, I shot an arrow into the hat of the ringmaster,” Clint had told Yelena about growing up in the circus briefly. He didn’t talk about it a lot but Yelena was always interested in his stories, having never been to a circus herself.
Yelena’s eyes flicker to peer up at him, letting him use the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at her cheeks.
“His hat was this big red tophat and it had a permanent hole in it. My brother laughed so hard that he threw up,” Clint said.
Yelena takes a few moments to try and collect herself. “Brother?” She hiccups out.
“Yeah… I had an older brother,” Clint nods his head, a sad smile crossing his face. “I haven’t seen him in a really long time… I don’t know if he’s dead or not. But he was a great big brother. He was very protective of me.”
Yelena takes a few breaths to calm her breathing. “What was his name?”
Clint glances down at her in surprise. “Barney. Barney Barton.”
“Tell me more,” Yelena orders and in order to keep her attention off of Maria, he does.
Yelena learns about Barney Barton. How he had turned to a life of crime to help him and his brother survive. How they parted ways when Clint realized what they were doing was wrong and they fought.
Yelena absorbs every word, quiet as she listens.
She doesn’t know what makes her interrupt when Clint paused, lost in memories. “I have a sister.” She blurts out.
Clint’s gaze snaps to peer down at her. “Yeah?”
Yelena nods her head. “A big sister.” She said. “She was kinda like my Barney.”
Yelena finds herself telling Clint about Ohio and the fake family she was with. She mentions how her big sister wasn’t very fond of her at first but when Yelena fell and broke her arm, she also broke her big sister’s resolve.
Like Yelena, Clint asked Yelena about her big sister.
“What was her name?” Clint inquired, his voice soft as Yelena leans against him.
“I called her Nattie…” Yelena paused for a few moments before continuing much softer. “Her name was Natasha. Like your Barney, I don’t know if she’s alive.”
Yelena hadn’t realized how much she wanted to share her big sister with somebody until she tells Clint every fond memory she had of her. Big, warm, protective Natasha.
“Maria might be able to find her,” Clint offers, and Yelena freezes, going stiff.
Natasha was something Yelena didn’t want to share with other people. Ohio, Alexei, Melina, the Red Room, Yelena was okay sharing bits of information of those. But Natasha was something Yelena held close to herself and on bad days, Yelena would remember the way Natasha would hold her. Yelena can remember what she smelled like, the scent that she associated with security, comfort, and love.
Yelena almost didn’t want to search for Natasha because there was that lingering ‘what if’.
What if Natasha was dead?
At the moment, Yelena could cling to the little kernel of hope that her big sister was alive somewhere. She could hold onto the belief that Natasha was okay wherever she was.
And if Maria searched and found her then maybe Natasha would remember her and maybe, just maybe, they could be sisters again.
Yelena knew it was a childish wish to cling onto. Natasha probably never wanted to see her again because Yelena was too much of a reminder of Ohio or Natasha was only acting like the rest of her fake family.
But if Maria searched, and she found a death certificate or even Natasha’s body, then that last little bit of hope that Yelena had would be snuffed out.
Yelena doesn’t know how to grieve people. She’s witnessed the aftermath of her assassinations, she’s seen people fall to their knees in grief when they find the body of their loved ones. She’s seen as people tilt their head back and wail because they don’t know what else to do.
Yelena doesn't know how to handle the thought of her big sister dead.
“I get it.” Clint tells her when she’s quiet for far too long. And he does, he understands more than anybody else. He told her about Barney.
“Do you think she’d be mad at me?” Yelena can’t help but question aloud, her chest tightening at the thought. “For going to the enemy?”
Clint doesn’t make a joke about Yelena being Russian or how SHIELD wasn’t the enemy like he usually would have done. Instead, he wraps an arm around her. “No.”
Yelena blows out a breath of air. “Really?”
“You’re safe here. I think she’d probably want that for you above everything else,” Clint grips her shoulder. “Look at me, kid. You did what nobody else from the Red Room had guts to do.”
“It took two years before I could do it,” Yelena murmurs, remembering each time she held the phone in her hand but never had the courage to dial.
“But you did it. You decided to go ahead and pick up that payphone and call for help. I’ve never had a little sister before but you are everything I’ve ever wanted in one.” Clint said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, wrapping her up in his arms. Yelena enjoys the bear hug, burrowing into the hold.
“I’ve never had a big brother before.” She comments, some part of her is afraid of rejection at the statement. “But you’re a really good brother.”
“Do you know what my job as a big brother is?” Clint questioned her. Yelena stares up at him in confusion just before his fingers dig into her sides. “Lots of tickles!”
Yelena squirms, a startled laugh escaping her lips as Clint tickles her. “Clint! Nooooo! Stoooop!” She giggles.
“I can’t hear you, too busy being the best big brother,” Clint says, shifting to tickle her other side.
“Clint!” Yelena squeals with laughter, pushing at his hands. She could easily stop him if she wanted to but she doesn’t. “Noooo!”
“Admit it. I’m the best big brother,” Clint orders with a wide grin on his face.
Yelena has been trained to withstand torture but she folds easy under his ministrations. “You’re the--” She gasps out, sucking a breath in. “The best big brother!”
“What the hell are you doing to my daughter?” Maria speaks up from the doorway although she doesn’t sound mad, more amused than anything.
“Nothin’,” Clint comments, standing with Yelena in his grip and crosses the room to drop the still giggly child into Maria’s arms. “Whelp, I’ve done my job.”
“Rile my child up and leave me to deal with it?” Maria raised an eyebrow, kissing Yelena’s cheek as she shifts her grip.
“You know it,” Clint gives her an innocent grin. “Tis my specialty.”
Maria rolls her eyes. “At least you weren’t shooting your new explosive arrows.” She comments. “God forbid you’d blow yourselves up.”
“Maria, please. I am a responsible adult,” Clint haughtily tilts his head up, holding a serious expression for exactly five seconds before his facade breaks and he giggles.
“Do I even have to mention your mission in Jamaica?” Maria adjusts her grip on Yelena until the girl is propped on her hip.
Yelena witnesses Clint’s cheeks pinken. “We don’t talk about Jamaica.”
“I’m sure Yelena would like to hear all about Jamaica,” Maria gives Clint an evil grin.
“Maria, no!” Clint cries out. “C’mon! You tell Yelena about Jamaica and I’ll tell her about California!”
Yelena rests her cheek onto Maria’s shoulder, a grin on her face now that she was back in her mama’s arms, listening to Maria and Clint bicker.
So yes, Yelena really missed her big sister.
But she had a big brother and a mama to make up for it.