parentless
Coulson’s friend Melinda May, a stoic and quiet woman, acted like she was allergic to children. Like they were a ticking time bomb that she couldn’t defuse because the instructions were in another language. Any time she was in the same room as Yelena, she would look everywhere but her and flat out ignore her.
Yelena doesn’t know why she has that reaction. At first, Yelena assumed that it was because of where she had come from and that May had known what she’d done. If May knew she was a child assassin then that would explain the reaction.
But then Coulson catches Yelena glancing at May and he assumes that she’s upset about May’s actions. He tells Yelena that it’s not her fault and that May just had a thing about children.
Yelena tilted her head to the side. Coulson knew the truth about her. “So it’s not the fact that I’m a child assassin?”
Coulson blinks in surprise, like he had completely forgotten that she had murdered probably hundreds of people. “No. No, it’s not that.”
“So is she one of those people that get all freaked out when they see babies?” Yelena inquired and Coulson stares down at her.
“I don’t know.” He says before he sighs, running a hand over his head. “What’s with all the questions? Did she do something?”
Yelena shrugs. She did find it odd that May suddenly needed to go and do something else whenever Yelena was in the same vicinity of her. She had even tried to worm her way out of a meeting that Yelena slipped in on because she needed Maria. Maria had wasted no time in telling May to sit back down as she welcomes Yelena into her lap.
Coulson had just given her a reassuring smile and the conversation is dropped.
It’s not until Maria has a very important meeting and passes off Yelena to Clint, who had to pass her off to Coulson, who was called into a meeting and called May, that Yelena finally gets to know the stoic woman.
Coulson must of had some dirt on her or was bribing her because May looked ready to bolt at any moment. She and Coulson have a harsh hushed conversation as Yelena watches from the chair she was curled up in Coulson’s office.
Coulson finally leaves with a cheery wave to Yelena and the office descends into quiet. Yelena is left staring at May, waiting for her to do or say something to clear the terse awkward air around them. May peers down at her, clearly unsure of what she should be doing.
They’re left staring at each other before Yelena looks away first, glancing down at the comic book Coulson had given her to read. Yelena wasn’t quite good at reading English but she liked looking at the pictures and making her own story.
Comics clearly weren’t May’s thing and Yelena felt kinda bad that May seemed so uncomfortable. “Do you wanna go throw knives?” Yelena suggests.
Her question seems to startle May before the woman arched an unimpressed eyebrow. “That seems like something that will make your mom kill me.”
“Maria’s not my mom.” Yelena flips the comic book closed. She doesn’t know why she has to keep telling everybody that. Something in her is unsettled each time she denies the claim. Like deep down, she wishes she was.
But she’s not. Maria’s not her mom and Yelena’s not her daughter.
May stares at Yelena for a few more moments before glancing away first. “Alright. But if you hurt yourself then you’re taking the fall.”
Yelena grins. “I won’t hurt myself.” She says confidently.
It seemed that once May understood Yelena wasn’t like other children her age, interested in glitter, dolls, and horses, that they really connected. It was mainly through Yelena’s knowledge of weapons and various fighting styles. Yelena was able to share what she knew with May and in turn the woman would share things Yelena didn’t know with her.
Yelena was finally able to fight and she looked forward to being looked after by May. It was usually only last resorts for Coulson but Yelena would sometimes wish Coulson to be called out because she liked spending time with May but wasn’t sure if the woman would appreciate her approaching her when she didn’t have to have Yelena around.
When Maria was late for a meeting and was searching for Clint or Coulson, May saw her and offered to look after Yelena.
Maria stopped and stared at May for a few moments but doesn’t hesitate to accept the offer and is gone in a blur.
Yelena figured out quickly that May liked spending time with her too. Coulson acts all offended whenever May pops up to steal Yelena away from him after that but Yelena catches him smiling fondly.
The one issue Yelena had was that there were people who knew her as Alyssa and not Yelena. They were confused not only at the name change but the difference in body language and behavior.
Some would try to look up her file but would be greeted with a file beyond redacted, her name and age the only thing not blacked out. That usually clued them in that they had to drop their curiosity before it got them into trouble.
Some people knew her as Alyssa Daniel. Some knew her as Yelena Belova. Everybody knew her as Maria’s kid.
Yelena eventually stops correcting people when they call Maria her mom. Something inside her hurts every time that she has to vehemently protest that, no, Maria wasn’t her mom and she never will be.
They didn’t understand. People like Yelena didn’t get to have moms. Widows didn’t have parents, the General made sure of that. Widows were cold, ruthless murderers and they didn’t deserve love.
At least, Yelena had been told that. Taught that since she was ripped away from her family at the age of six. The only person she ever knew as her mother wasn’t actually her mother and was now dead.
That’s why some part of Yelena is unsettled when Maria takes the time every night to remind her what she means to her.
Yelena hadn’t been tucked in since she was six years old but ever since Maria tucked her under the covers when Yelena had been too exhausted to get under the covers, Maria did it every night.
Maria would then sit on the edge of the bed. Sometimes she’d stroke Yelena’s hair and sometimes she’d just smooth the sheets out. Being tucked in and fussed over was an action that was foreign to Yelena.
“Goodnight Yelena,” Maria would always say softly. “I love you.”
And each time Yelena’s chest would get a little tight at the words like there’s a heavy weight on her chest and she might cry. Yelena never manages to say it back, always afraid that if she opened her mouth then she’d start to cry.
But that brief period at night becomes Yelena’s favorite part of the day, the one part that she looks forward to when Maria’s attention is only on her and Yelena is her sole focus.
One night, Yelena wasn’t tired. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep but still got into bed anyway because Maria said so. Maria could tell that she wasn’t tired and told Yelena to lay on her stomach.
So Yelena does. It’s a vulnerable position but she trusts Maria.
Maria’s touch is gentle as she rubs Yelena’s back. Yelena buries her face into her pillow to stop Maria from seeing her face and knowing how overwhelmed she is at the kind touch. Yelena had been so focused on soaking up the positive physical contact that she didn’t even remember falling asleep.
There were pros and cons to sharing a room. The main con was that they both had nightmares and would sometimes wake each other up. Yelena’s been woken up by Maria shouting out in her sleep before and Maria would wake up to Yelena violently twisting until her sheets are tightly wrapped around her.
The first time Yelena had wanted to crawl into Maria’s bed to seek comfort was after a violent nightmare about something that had happened in the Red Room. Yelena had woke up so disoriented and upset that she wanted nothing more than Maria’s comfort.
Yelena had been too afraid to wake Maria up and had settled for curling up in a ball and watching the rise and fall of Maria’s chest.
The second time, Yelena did the same thing. She felt like she didn’t deserve the comfort Maria would so freely give if she woke her up. Yelena curled up in her bed and hid her face in her hands to muffle her sniffles as she cried. She hadn’t been as quiet as she meant to be because she woke Maria up.
Yelena didn’t even realize that Maria was there until a hand falls onto her shoulder and Yelena jumped at the sudden contact, ready to retaliate before her teary eyes met Maria’s soft baby blue ones.
Seeing the concern on Maria’s face, Yelena just couldn’t help herself as she lurches forward to cling to her. She just wanted that feeling of safety that she got when Maria held her.
Maria doesn’t disappoint, untangling Yelena from the blankets to scoop her up into her lap. Yelena fists Maria’s pajama shirt to try and pull herself closer.
Maria holds her, cradling Yelena close in her lap. By the time Yelena finally calms down, Maria tries to settle Yelena back down in bed but Yelena doesn’t want to let her go. The whine slips past Yelena’s lips before she could stop herself and Maria froze.
Yelena was almost sure right then and there that she’d be punished for being such a baby.
But then Maria surprises her by asking what she needed.
Yelena finally manages to swallow her pride and her fears as she asks Maria in a tiny voice if she can sleep with her. Yelena was afraid of overstepping a boundary that she wasn’t aware of. It’s the first time Yelena’s finally given in to ask what she seeks out.
Maria hesitates and Yelena is ready to pull away and apologize but is startled when Maria scoops her up and stands, crossing the few feet to her bed and sets Yelena down.
Yelena is hit with a memory of crawling into her big sister’s bed back when the only monsters she was afraid of were the ones under her bed. Yelena curls into Maria, filled with a sense of relief that Maria wasn’t angry with her.
Yelena dreams of Ohio that night. It’s such a nice dream that she wakes up with tears on her face and Maria asks her if she had another nightmare.
Yelena doesn’t know how to tell Maria that she was so happy in her dream that she cried.
Yelena misses the girl that she called her big sister.