The battle of New York had just finished and they were all eating shawarma when Fury walked in. “Clint, Natasha, can I talk to you alone” Fury asked nicely which scared Clint. “Sure sir” Natasha replied easily. They got up and walked over to a corner Fury following at a small distance.
“I expect you to take at least a week off” Fury starts, now Clint is even more worried because neither of them had sustained any major injuries “Phil is dead” the words come out a bit choked off but they both understood what he said. It took a few seconds for it to sink in but when it did Clint collapsed to the ground.
His Dom was dead. His fiancé was dead. His handler was dead. His best friend was dead. He let out a sob and clutched at his chest as if that would stop his heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. His one hand ran up to his neck and he tried to feel his collar but it wasn’t there and his sobs came harder.
After a minute Natasha and Fury pulled him up off the floor and took him back to the table. Clint refused to look at any of them and ignored their stares. “Can we go back to the apartment” he asked quietly “sure, do you want Nick to come with us” Natasha questioned “please” he wanted a Dom with him that he could trust and that Phil trusted. “Alright” Nick said as him and Natasha helped Clint up and over to the SHIELD issued vehicle.
They drove in relatively quiet silence except for Clint’s occasional sniffle. As they pulled up to the apartment building Clint gasped. There were holes all over the building. He quickly climbed out and ran up the stairs to his and Phil apartment.
When he made it the bedroom he let out little sobs as he went through their destroyed closet looking for something. As he reached the bottom of the closet he saw his collar. It was torched and ruined but it was still his that Phil gave to him and he clutched it to his chest. He curled up on all of their ruined clothes and held his collar tight to his chest. It smelt faintly of Phil with a hint of charred.
Fury and Natasha slowly made it to Clint and Phil’s apartment. They made small talk along the way and as they walked in Natasha frowned. They could hear Clint’s small cries but couldn’t see him anywhere as they walked throughout the apartment. “Clint, where are you” Natasha called and all she got in reply was a loud sob.
After a few minutes they both walked into the bedroom and opened the closet where they found Clint curled up on Phil’s suits hugging his collar. “Oh” is the only thing that left Natasha’s mouth before she curled up with him and ran her fingers through his hair. After a few minutes Fury did the same and Clint curled into them as his body shook with the force of his sobs.
After awhile Nicks phone rung and he answered it but didn’t get up. “Director Fury” a few seconds later Fury responded to what must have been someone asking him to come in “I’m busy, I’ll be in at some point later in the week” is all he said before he hung up.
“Clint” Natasha started “do you want to go to SHIELD or the tower, Tony said we could stay there” all she gets in reply is a louder sob. “We could bring some of Phil’s clothes, maybe a pillow and blanket or two” she suggests and Clint nods his head once before slowly clambering out of the closet with Nick and Natasha following.
They pack a bag full of Phil’s clothes, Phil’s pillow, and the blanket while Clint holds his collar tightly. They make their way downstairs and back to the vehicle. Nick gently helps Clint into the backseat and sets the bag beside him before getting into the drivers seat with Natasha sat in the passengers.
The drive felt like it took forever to Clint but when they got there Clint felt like it hadn’t been long enough. When they got inside and up to the floor everybody else was on Clint had started leaning against the director and Natasha as a way to keep close to people who he knew would protect him.
When the doors to the elevator opened everyone looked over at them confused. “Where were-” Tony starts but Bruce elbows him “we’re glad you’re here” Bruce smiles softly at them. Clint nods sadly “Stark do you have rooms figured out” Fury questions “yes, if you’ll follow me” Tony says as he starts walking down a hallway. They follow tony and end up at the end of the hallway “these two rooms are connected and I assumed you two would want to be close so” Tony tells them before turning to the others and pointing at their rooms.
“Debrief is in an hour” Fury says before he leads Clint and Natasha into Clint’s room. “You two don’t have to go to debrief” Fury tells them “want too” is all Clint replies with before he dumps the bag out onto the bed. Clint smooths out all the clothes putting them around the bed before he sets the pillow down and climbs into the nest. He motions for Nick and Natasha to get in with him and they do, both curling around him as if protecting him from the world, they pet his hair and hold him.
Around fifteen minutes before the meeting is supposed to start they all get out of the nest and walk to the meeting room. As they walk inside they see all the avengers there waiting, including Tony. Bruce glances at the two chairs next to him and than glances back at them. They take the hint and Clint sits in the middle of Bruce and Natasha right across from Fury.
“Alright, Stark-” Fury says switching into director mode. Clint zones out and plays with his collar underneath the table, he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until Natasha is hugging him and whispering soothing words into his ear. “Clint, do you want to leave” Fury asks gently “no, I’m fine just” Clint shrugs as if that explains and Fury nods “while we were just getting to when Tony took the nuke up into the portal” Fury informs him.
By the end of the meeting Clint had ended up leaning on Natasha “that’s all, does anyone have any questions or ideas” Fury asks “what did you tell the assassin twins” Tony questions and Fury looks over at Clint who nods slowly. “I told them that Phil died” Fury answers and gets nods around the table. “I’m sorry that happened” Bruce says gently “what do you mean Bruce it wasn’t your fault” Tony says incredulous “I know” Bruce replies and pats Clint’s shoulder before leaving.
Everyone looks confused except for Clint, Fury, and Natasha, everyone leaves after a few seconds and the trio go back to Clint’s room. They fall asleep for a few hours before Clint wakes up sobbing with Fury and Natasha there petting him and giving him reassurances. “Do you want to eat with the team or in here” Fury asks gently “team” Clint says softly “ok”. They get up and go out the dining area and sit down with Clint on the chair between Natasha and Fury.
“Hey guys” Tony says “how are you” Bruce asks softly and it’s directed at Clint “not to good” Clint says looking at the table. Natasha lifts his food for him and he eats slowly only half listening to the conversation. “What’s everyone’s status” Tony asks unable to stop himself “cause I’m a dominate but only by one point higher than neutral” Tony continues. “I’m dominant” Steve tells them as if they didn’t already know that. “I do not know” Thor says “your probably neutral or dominant” Bruce tells him. “I’m a neutral” Bruce answers before adding “the big guy is dominant though”. “I’m neutral as well” Natasha says looking at them all. “‘m a sub” Clint mumbles looking up to see them all looking at him and quickly looks down. “Fury you just radiate dominance” Tony says filling the silence before looking back at Steve. “What’s your level” Tony asks Steve eagerly “I’m a 13” Steve says looking uncomfortable. “I’m a 50” Bruce says smirking proudly because fifties are perfect neutrals and those are rare. “I’m a 69” Natasha deadpans as Tony laughs. After a few seconds Tony calms down and Clint can feel all the eyes on him. “Guess” he tells them as mischief fills him. “75” Tony guesses and Clint shakes his head “80” Steve guesses and Clint smirks “nope”. Bruce shrugs and Natasha just refuses to answer and Fury does the same. “I’m a 98” Clint smirks as shock filters across everyone’s features except Natasha and Fury. “I assumed you were high but not that high” Bruce says finally.
After dessert they all make some small talk. “So Clint did you have a dom or…” Steve asks and Clint frowns plucking at the collar he’s been holding onto since he found out. “I did, he was the best” Clint says and everybody takes notice of the past tense Clint uses “we were supposed to get married in a month on our anniversary” his frown deepens. “Than he decided to do something utterly stupid and brave and heroic that got him killed” Clint says devastated “we were supposed to get married” Clint says looking up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry that you didn’t get to have your happy ending Clint” Bruce says sympathetically. “Do you want to tell us about him” Steve asks “I guess” Clint says resting his head on Fury’s shoulder and holding Nat’s hand as he brings the collar up onto the table. “He was perfect for me, he was an Alpha, always knew when I needed something or didn’t. He always cuddled me, always took care of me, whether we were in the field or at home. Never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to” a ghost of a smile appears on Clint’s face as he continues talking about Phil. “He never let me drive Lola and rarely let me drive when we took any other vehicle. Always cooked for me too. He would’ve let me be kept if I wanted to be but I could never do that. I love him a lot but he loved me too and I know that. He was the perfect Dom and always will be” Clint tells them sadly. “What was his name” Steve asks “oh uh it was uhm it was” Clint stumbles over his words “it was Ph-Phil” he says as he chokes back a sob “Coulson” Steve asks and Clint nods as tears come rushing free. Fury hugs Clint and Natasha rubs his back.
After two years Clint finally managed to not think about Phil every second of the day. He thought about Phil and for half an hour each day but he was getting better.