The snap

There are three topics of conversation that remain firmly taboo between them: Tokyo (that’s on Alex’s part), Kara (on both their parts) and Lex.

“Alex, are we… doing the right thing here?”

It’s late. Or early, depending on what end you see it from. And, as she’s been doing of late, Lena’s sought her out for a night cap. She never comes empty handed: today it’s a bottle of shimmering amber, complete with two glasses (yesterday an obscure Ukrainian cherry liquor). 

She takes the offered glass without drinking from it. There’s a lot to unpack there and she has a feeling she’ll want to be sober for it. “Uh…?”

“I can’t help but wonder if… What if we do end up with all the tools required to go back in time…”

“We will” Alex cuts in, certain of it.

It’s not always deep existential conversations. In fact: they don’t always talk. But it’d appear Lena’s in a philosophical mood tonight.

“You and Captain America,” Lena tsks, shaking her head “and your endless optimism…” She takes a long sip. “Very well, when we do” she starts over, sliding into one of the barstools, “is this the right thing to do?”

“The right thing to do?” 

“Yes, ethically speaking…”

She puts her glass down, the promise of delectable whisky all but forgotten. “You’re asking if bringing back people who were essentially snuffed out of existence for no reason whatsoever – no… no justifiable, no viable reason – from one day to the next... You’re asking if that is the right thing to do? Isn’t that… a given? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well… for starters, what if we make it even worse? What if we fail and mess up the timeline? What if we lose more as a result? What if our grief is blinding us to all the ways this is or could go wrong?”

“I thought you were comfortable with making such decisions? Isn’t that what you said?”

“I am. As L-Corp CEO I take decisions that will impact millions on the regular. It is the endeavour I question.”

“Stark brought that up as well, you know: the risk of making things worse. But…” she shakes her head, “I have to believe we won’t, you know? As a sort of prerequisite… to giving this my all. We can get it right and we will!”

“That’s… Don’t take this the wrong way, Alex, but… naive at best.”

“Why naive? Why not optimistic? Or even: realistic. Come on! We’ve got you, we’ve got Banner. The greatest minds and the Avengers. The odds have to be in our favour.”

“I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. So have the Avengers. You and I know how quickly – how often – errors in calculations happen. And what we’re attempting here… it’s so far beyond anything mankind’s ever accomplished. There’s so much that could go wrong…”

Lena’s growing agitated. This must not be the first time she’s going down that rabbit hole.

“Ok. Then what do you propose: not trying at all? For fear of failing?”

“No. Of course not…”

“Ok…” She swirls her glass’ contents around. “I suppose there’s a way we could calculate probabilities, right? The chance of getting it right vs getting it wrong? And then, based on these, maybe reach a somewhat better informed decision? I don’t know…”

“We could…”

There’s something in her tone, something in the way her eyes are now avoiding hers. Of course: “You already did, didn’t you?”

The blush on Lena’s cheeks is answer enough.

Alex shakes her head, smiling: “You’re fucking incredible, you know that?”

Lena’s blush darkens, the compliment seemingly catching her off guard.

Which begs the question: “If you didn’t tell us, then that means the results were dispiriting.”

“I started calculating the probability of us conquering time travel before I joined you all here. The probability of a best case scenario vs it backfiring terribly is a more recent addition and much more complex…”

“How bad?”

Lena starts fidgeting with her glass: “You must understand, it’s an exercise in imprecision at best. Mathematics is not my core field of expertise. I must be missing so many variables...” 

Alex gently takes a hold of Lena’s glass, her eyes locked onto Lena’s. “Come on. How bad?” she repeats with an encouraging smile. 

“The probability of it working, period: less than 10 in a million. For the rest, I’m still working on a formula. It’s not quite there yet.”

That’s… yeah, still not precise, and this was always going to be a (very) long shot, but definitely not great. And still: Lena joined them and is still here. She grits her teeth and feigns resolve. “There you go. This means we actually stand a chance! If there’s the slightest, the slimmest, chance we could succeed, then we owe it to the disappeared to try.”

Lena pours herself a generous second helping. “What if we’re weighted down by grief to the point we don’t see the good in things?”

“The good?” What good?

“You’ve seen the stories, there’s been all this talk about the Earth finally… just… breathing. Whether on purpose or inadvertently, the Snap halted most of human destruction in all its pernicious forms. Destruction of life, destruction of the environment. Global warming was at an all time high. Now it’s under control and way below past projections. Biodiversity is not disappearing anymore at the alarming rate it was. Epidemics and pandemics have decreased in frequency and death toll. Our overall health has improved with better overall water and air quality. There have been fewer wars for resources… I could go on.”

“So essentially Thanos’ argument.”

Lena nods silently. “All moral considerations aside, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“Unless you were to make the argument of future generations and what we owe them…”

“Right… future generations…” See, she was doing just fine up to now, but Lena’s officially lost her.

“Say we succeed. What is the point of all that, if it leads to more tension, more conflict, more disease. More deaths all around. Or worse: an unlivable Earth.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re working on though? With L-Corp, I mean: finding technological solutions for a more sustainable future?”

“Yes. You’re right.” Lena drains her glass: “You’re right.”

“And you’ve made tremendous progress. In generation of and access to clean water. In green energy. Right?”

“We have.”

“So there can be – there is – a possible future for all of us. Not just a random half. All of us.”

“A lot still has to be done. Considerable challenges remain. But I’d like to believe that there is, yes.”

“Now who’s the incorrigible optimist” she chides. “See, there you go. Problem solved” Alex concludes, shrugging. She peers at Lena intently: “What’s got you truly worried?”

“I’m not afraid it won’t work. I know it will” Lena admits.

“Do you know what a person in possession of the ability to travel back in time could do?” she starts, looking out the window and into the night. “The havoc they could wreak? Do you know what a state in possession of such technology, would do?” 

“Good thing then the government’s not involved.”

Lena shakes her head. “What a single person would do, Alex! How all powerful it’d make them.”

“We won’t give this to anyone. Lena, we agreed: we keep this just among ourselves and then we destroy it.”

“It’s not that simple. Once something’s been thought of, been developed, it’s only a matter of time before others get there. The Pym Particle, the Quantum machine, all of it: by developing it, we’re bringing it into existence once and for all.”

“So…what? We don’t ever try anything because of the inherent risk someone could use it for something else than good? You can’t possibly be saying that. L-Corp’s got one of the biggest R&D departments…”

“I don’t.”

“Is this…” Careful, now. “You’re thinking about your brother, aren’t you?” A touchy subject if Alex’s ever known one.

“Yes. No. » Alex, I’m thinking of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“This amount of power… over time itself and at my command. The temptation is… undeniable, overwhelming.”

“To use it for good.”

“To use it for whatever I need. Good or not.”

“No, you would use it for good.”

“My brother thought he was fighting the good fight once, too. Good is… tricky.” 

“Your brother was ill, Lena.” Can she say that? “You’re not. You can tell right from wrong.”

“He wasn’t always, you know.”

“But he was in the end, wasn’t he?”

Small nod. “I wonder sometimes, whether even when he was just a brother to me, earlier on, whether even then… I suppose there were warning signs. And yet… He fought them, you know, so hard. He didn’t share their political views at first, quite the opposite. He would have never said it like that, but he was downright terrified of becoming like Lionel.” 

When you’re in a position like mine, there’s no one left to tell you if you crossed a line.” 

So, what you’re saying is you want me to make sure I blow this joint up once we’re done? trying to lighten up the mood.

“Lena, can I… Can I hug you?”

A sniffle.

“You are not your brother. You are not your family.”

“Thank you. For listening.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I like these…moments. With you” Alex admits realising how true those words are.

“So do I.”

She dreams of Kara and Krypton that night, of a planet collapsing under the weight of Human activity.