Tony.
When tony woke, he was laying in the same battlefield.
Tony’s quickly wiped his tears as he sat up, and looked all around him.
An empty battlefield. Identical to the one he was just in but… nobody, anywhere.
Tony grunted as he stood up. Looking around.
He saw spaceships that were once flying, crashed to the ground. Discarded weapons, lying all across the battle field. Tony’s eyes landed on Thor’s dropped hammer as he looked around.
Tony held two hands up to his mouth as he yelled.
“PETER!!…. CAP??”
He continued like that for a while. Yelling names as he made his way through the battle field. He continued walking till there was no more battlefield. There were no noises. No people. Nothing.
Tony saw a landed jet in the old landing place, a bit far off from where the now demolished avengers base.
The back of the jet was opened, as though just used. He went up the ramp, looking around.
“Hello?”
He went inside the somewhat luxurious jet and looked into any door that was in his view, looking for any life. He made it to the front of the jet, immediately heading to the radios.
Tony held the button to the radios push to talk,
“Hello? Coming from upstate New York, is anyone in the area?”
He let go. Only getting static in response.
He tried a few times more before giving up. He got into the seat at the front, feeling something as he sat down, his hand reached down beneath him. Touching the seat, he pulled his hand back up and rubbed his fingers together. Dust.
“Shit.”
Tony started the jet up again, getting it up into the sky. He quickly set the track to New York City, and moved back to the cock pit. He spotted the controller that tony assumed controlled the tv.
He turned on the tv, and was met with normal running cartoons. He flipped through channels, till he got to the news broadcasting channel. The channel was pointed towards two empty chairs behind a sleek glass desk, a mic dropped beside the desk, the words that usually run down the bottom of the news, blank.
He flipped through more channels till he found another news channel. Same story, he continued flipping from channel to channel, getting mostly the same result in each one. He frustratedly threw the controller on to the couch behind him.
“Fuck.”
Tony headed back into the captains seat, taking off auto pilot and going high speeds down to New York. He landed on top of the landing pad at stark tower, he opened the Jets behind door and quickly ran out the back, running to the edge of the landing pad, looking down and around at new york.
Cars but none of them moving. No people on the sidewalks. He ran inside the building, jarvis letting him in. He quickly ran to grab a spare housing unit he kept inside every one of his labs, he stopped.
He looked at a photo “he” had hung up next to the lab door. It was peter.
Peter. Or what he recognized as peter for a second. It was the same intern certification picture they took for peters aunt. But, Peters hair was rod straight, poking out in all directions, and his face skinny, and long. Tony wondered how he even took recognized it as Peter in the first place. Tony’s eyes landed on what he thought was supposed to be him.
“Is that fucking Tom cruise?”
Tony smiled unwillingly at the image. It was silly. This? A blue eyed tony with some short scrawny kid? As tony and peter? It was laughable. Tony laughed a fake, exaggerated laugh as he headed into the lab, opening the cabinet where he kept his newly improve-
“Jarvis?”
“Yes, guest?”
“Guest? Jarvis it’s me tony.”
Jarvis stays silent a Moment before responding.
“Would you like me to call you Tony?”
“Jarvis quit the games. Also, hey- who was that out there, The photo near the entrance to the lab? Also, where’s my housing unit?”
Jarvis takes another pause as Tony continues looking cabinet after cabinet for the housing unit he knew he had around somewhere.
“The picture outside the entrance to the lab is a picture of Tony Stark, and his intern. Peter Parker.”
Tony stills at the new found knowledge, but Jarvis continues, so he continues as well.
“The housing unit, belongs to tony stark and is hidden in a password locked safe.”
“Yeah well I’m Tony stark, so give it up.”
“Not my tony stark.”
Tony looks up and around himself angrily, patience running thin.
Tony pauses, thinking of the best response to get jarvis to trust him and to just let him get the housing unit. He dropped all ideas as his curiosity as to the situation of the place he was in took over.
“Where is everybody? Jarvis?“
“According to my data bases, everyone’s dead.”
Tony sighed, leaning his arms onto a lab table, leaning his head into his hands.
Thanos won, at least here. Wherever this was. Tony felt strange. Like he had just eaten some bad Chinese food and was about to throw up. He felt dizzy. He clenched onto his head as he tried to get his thoughts in order.
Thanos won. Things we know number one. Number two, this isn’t my world. Jarvis being the fact checker in this situation. Number three. Tony didn’t fucking die. Number three being the best news he was sure anyone on his earth now would ever be able to hear.
Problem was. Tony was on some alter universe world where Tom cruise is tony stark and thanos actually won the war.
Priorities. Number one would be to Figure out this earths deal- wait no scratch that, getting home. Number one is getting home to peter and everyone else. Number two is figuring out this earths deal. Number three? Three? Who said we needed three priorities. Twos good.
One get home, two figure this jizz out. Easy. Easy…
Tony started on priority number two, seeing as it was the easiest.
“Have you ever met me before jarvis?”
“No.”
“Yeah- okay that was a dumb question- of course you haven’t.”
Tony say down in a corner of the lab in a glass sleek chair, tossing around a ball he found laying on the floor, from one hand to another.
“If you didn’t know me, why let me in?”
“Nobody is alive, so I figured what harm could you do.”
Tony bit the inside of his cheek as he thought it over.
“Yeah okay, sounds reasonable.”
Tony continues to talk to jarvis about the state of tech in this world. Asking about political affairs and what exactly happened in the battle Field he was just in.
The state of tech in this world is about at the same level as Tony’s #1s, political affairs almost completely the same, besides some historical differences. The situation on the battle field was about the same as Tony’s during infinity war.
“The Peter Parker thats from here, tell me about him.”
“Peter Parker is a college student who is interning for tony-“
“Okay okay yeah I get that- I know that he’s Spider-Man so tell me about all that.”
Jarvis pauses.
“Peter Parker was discovered as Spider-Man by tony stark when Peter was 17. Over the course of the past four years, Tony and peter Parker have worked together on taking down multiple criminals.”
“Does that include thanos?”
“Yes. One of those ‘criminals’ includes thanos.”
“Could you pull up a hologram of the kids suit?”
Jarvis pulls up a hologram of a spider suit that looks almost identical to peters spider suit, at first glance. But The dark blue is shiny, and reflects light off it and the red is vibrant compared to the dark tones of the blue.
“Show me tony starks suit please?”
Jarvis pulls up “tony starks” suit right beside Spider-Man’s. Tony gets up and walks around the suit. It’s metallic looking, grey and, again, almost identical to Tony’s. The same glowing arc reactor.
Tony sighed as he looked around the room. It all looked so familiar but yet so different. The posters, all so nerdy.
“Jarvis, where’s the nearest room? With clothes?”
“Outside the lab, to the left, down the hall, fifth door to your right.”
Tony takes one last glance at both the iron man suit and the Spider-Man suit before leaving the lab.
“What’s Tony Starks super hero name?”
“Steel dude.”
Tony stops his walking to the room as he looks around.
“Are you serious?”
“Tony stark was aiming to appeal to the younger population.”
Tony’s laughs out loud exaggeratedly,
“That’s hilarious! Wow. Steel dude. I’m going to have to tell Peter that when I get back.”
Tony continues smiling as he nears the room, entering the room as jarvis speaks.
“I’m sorry to inform you of this, but, Peter Parker has passed, along with everyone else on earth.”
“Oh I’m not talking about this earths peter Parker.”
Tony confirmed to himself a little while ago that he was on some alternate universe where he’s Tom cruise and peter is another awkward kid from queens.
He enters the room and immediately searched through the drawers pulling out a pair of socks, a pair of boxers, a wife beater, and sweatpants.
“Jarvis, play iron man by Black Sabbath.”
“… I don’t have any data on a song with that title. I do have steel dude by white sabbath.”
“Your joking? Tell me your joking? Please?”
“I’m not joking, sir.”
Tony sighed.
“I can’t go for that? John Oates and Daryl hall? You gotta have that.”
“I do have that sir.”
“Good.”
Tony strips off his deactivated housing unit, throwing it carelessly onto the counter. Clothes left in a trail behind him as he gets into the shower, the water scolding hot.
Pushing his hands through his hair as the song plays, nodding his head along with the beat.
tony gets out the shower, changes and immediately heads off to the lab.
“Nano tech- where is it jarvis?”
“It’s… it’s at the corner of the lab, T. Password combination is 149373.”
“T? what’s with the nickname?”
Tony walks towards the end of the lab, opening the lock to the room with the combination given.
“I don’t think I’m able to call you Tony, because of the attachment I had to my previous one.”
“That’s fair.”
Tony entered the room and was met with papers astray everywhere with pieces of suits strewn across the room. Tony walked up to a piece of paper that still had a pen laid upon it.
He picked up the paper, pen sliding off and read the frantic scribbling of words on the piece of paper.
MULTIVERSE?!?!?! Was written across the paper with several other indecipherable scribbles.
“He was trying to figure out the multiverse?”
Jarvis paused.
“He was desperate for ideas on how to survive thanos’s arrival. He considered traveling to a multiverse for other versions of the stones.”
Tony flipped through more pages around the room as he responded.
“He was that desperate? There would be no guarantee that if he made into another verse he would be able to gather the stones and if they even had them- so many variables that you wouldn’t be able to calculate. What was his situation before thanos came?”
“The stones were all taken over by thanos, besides the mind and time stone. All pym particles were hidden away by the creator. And, all of the revengers were disbanded.”
“Revengers?”
“Yes, the worlds most powerful band of people.”
“Were they evil or something? Revengers doesn’t exactly strike me as something hero’s would use as a band name.”
“… there were conflicting morals with the group that caused the break up between all of them.”
Tony was looking at a piece of suit now, turning the tech in his hand and analyzing the material.
“Was Spider-Man apart of the revengers?”
“Yes, since he was 18.”
“How old was he when the band broke up?”
“19.”
“Just when he joined too… how old was he when he died?”
“21.”
Tony paused looking at the tech, looking around the room as he set the tech he had in his hands down.
“Where was steel dude on the moral spectrum? Spiderman too? Where was he?”
Tony went and collected all the papers strewn across the room as jarvis spoke.
“Tony stark had always thought he had a greater moral compass than others, he was labeled as a philanthropist, even when the revengers banded, even when they disbanded.”
Tony digested the info as he organized the room into papers, books, tech, and tools.
“Peter Parker, Spider-Man, was a very good hearted person, up until the death of his aunt May a year ago. Peter Parker lost contact with tony stark. Spiderman was seen at many points hanging out with Deadpool, the mercenary.”
“Deadpool’s here? Or, I should probably say was here…. What was up between Deadpool and Spider-Man?”
Jarvis paused.
Tony paused.
“They were spotted at many times by tony starks drones to be engaging in… sexual activities in alley-“
“OH GOD- no no more of that- that’s enough. Oh god what if my Peter- I don’t even want to think of it. Thank you, jarvis, that’s enough.”
Tony exaggeratedly gagged, a gag that wasn’t all that fake.
“You said your Peter, T. What do you mean by that?”
“You haven’t figured it out already? Maybe I over estimated the guy who made you…”
“I have a few ideas.”
“Run em by me.”
Tony began bringing out the nano tech infused armor pieces out into the main lab.
“1, is that you are from an alternate universe and you somehow ended up here.”
“Bingo! Wow, you got it first try.”
Tony spread out all the tech across the table, going back to the room for the papers and tools.
“How did you end up here?”
I don’t remember jarvis being this nosy, tony thought, joking with himself.
“Thanos, I think. It’s complicated. But essentially what I remember is dusting away..”
Tony was reminded of peters pleading with him to stay, before tony was dusted off into this place. the memory motivated him to move faster, get back home to peter fast. He didn’t know what exactly was happening between the both of them in his last moments back home. The first time He had seen peter in five years, and tony felt like they weren’t where they last left off, to say the least. They had never ever, hugged, barely touched really, beside touches that tony would give Peter when they hung out in the lab, but the touches would never stay.
Tony saw how tensed peter got when he touched him for a moment longer than what was probably normal. Tony knew why the kid tensed up now, but still. They never touched.
Tony was reminded again of how it’d been 5 years since he saw the boy. The letters he found during the blip.
The letters.
Tony quickly dropped everything and went running to the Guests bedroom he got his clothes from. He went into The bathroom and went searching through his clothes. When he found the papers he sighed in relief.
“What happened t?”
Tony took the letters and opened them again. Reading through the contents as he had a hundred times before.
It was a love letter, actually, plural, love letters. He had found it when he went looking through peter and mays apartment.
—————————————
It had been 4 months since the first snap. 4 months to gather enough courage to visit the apartments that belonged to the kid. He had opened the front door with the key he had gotten when he began paying rent for the people who weren’t there anymore. When he entered the apartment he was hit with the same smell Peter seemed to carry around everywhere. Vanilla and olive.
He closed the door behind him as he entered. What greeted him was the living room and kitchen. He felt the fabric of the couch, now covered in a thin layer of dust. Dust.
Tony pulled his fingers away and wiped them on his sweatshirt. The tv was off, controller on the coffee table that was in the middle of the room Peter and May lived in. He continued to the kitchen, seeing stacks of books on different subjects in science. One of them opened on the island, next to a book with notes written messily all around the page. Tony opened the book and saw Varying topics of notes written all throughout the notebook as he flipped through.
Tony smiled at what was obviously peters work and gently set the notebook back where it was last. The fridge mostly contained moldy foods and take out, that was probably moldy.
He continued down to the three doors in the left section of the apartment. He opened one of the doors, peeking inside. Once tony identified it as mays room he promptly stepped out the room and shut the door.
Tony didn’t want to snoop through some woman he barely knew’s room. He opened another door. This one opened to a bathroom with various and many hair products on the counter. He entered only taking a glance at the contents that was inside the drawers. A certain bottle of gel caught his attention though. Tony picked up the bottle and sniffed the contents, internally cringing at the thing he just done.
It smelled like the kid.
He quickly set the jar down and left the bathroom.
He hesitated before the third door. The room that had to be peters. Peters room. He opened the door.
The room had bunk beds, a desk right besides the door. A whole lot of lego figures and builds all decorating every surface. The rooms was slightly messy, with some clothes thrown around, and it looking like it was filled to the brim with things, but it was nice. It looked like Peter. Tony remembered the last time he was in peters room. Remember how nervous the kid was.
Peter would probably be scrambling around right now, picking up and apologizing for the clothes on the floor. Watching Tony’s gaze, ready for judgement. Tony knows how personal peter takes things so he wouldn’t judge. He’d compliment peter on his figures, since he knew that was something Peter was embarrassed about. They’d talk about old movies. Like the old times. Tony would compliment peter again on his work and how he was getting so smart now and peter would blush-
Tony looked around the room, picking up a few books and flipping through the contents. He could tell Peter slept on the top bunk the last time he was here because of the unmade state it was in. The room smelled like Peter, and looked like Peter. Tony sighed as he flopped down on the bottom bunk, folding his hands on his chest as he laid down. The bottom of the bunk above him had basic wooden support, lining the bottom of the bed above him.
He examined the bottom of the bed more before getting up above the bed. Almost getting off the bed. He saw a piece of paper sticking out of the wall and the bunk bed. Tony crawled to the piece of paper, now on his hands on knees. He tugged a bit on the piece of paper, but not wanting to rip it, got of the bed and pulled the bed off the wall.
A stack of neatly folded papers came flying down between the gap that was now between the bed and wall. The papers were ripped out of notebook based off the lines on the paper and the line where your supposed to tear having scrapes of paper still stuck to it.
He gathered the papers into a somewhat neat pile and looked at the front of the first page of the pile he made.
Tony’s eyes widened as he read the words on the mostly blank page. There were only a couple words but it got across everything.
Tony. I love you.
Tony felt like dropping the papers and running. He felt like his insides suddenly weighed the same as an elephant. But he flipped to the next page, tucking the page he just read underneath all the others.
Mr. Stark, I dont know how to say this but I really really like love you. I know I’m only
The Rest of the words were scribbled out. He turned to the next. The next page looked as though it had been crumpled up, but flattened again.
Dear tony stark,
It’s me, peter, writing. Im writing this in case I die beating up some bad guys in battle or something and I never get to tell you how I feel. How i felt. I don’t know how this would reach you , but I’m hoping it does. I don’t really know how to say this, but I’m going to just say it. Write it I mean. I love you. I have for a while and I only Just realized it myself not that long ago, well not that long ago, in terms of the time I’m writing this letter. It’s august 10th now. My birthday. It’s 2 am, and I just came back from watching the neighborhood. This is a very spur of the moment kinda thing. But, I love you. If you do ever find this letter, don’t feel like you have to let me down. Don’t feel like you have to feel bad for not having the chance to aid the love I have for you to a grave. Don’t feel bad, please.
I hope you and pepper the best. I know that you have pepper and it’s so so so selfish of me to write you this when I know you have somebody else you love. But I think everyone’s allowed to be a selfish person from time to time. I love you, Mr.Stark. Even if you don’t love me back. Even if I had to go by everyday without your love. I’d be fine. Knowing that you had someone in your life you loved. Someone in your life that loved you. Even if you weren’t loving me. I’d be happy. Happy for you.
If you do find this letter and I’m still alive, don’t tell me you found this because ill make sure I won’t be alive much longer…. Just kidding!
Love you,
Peter
P.S.
If you could keep this between me and you, that’d be nice. I think I’d die a second time from embarrassment. Not that I’m ashamed, It’s just, you know, love. Feelings. And sometimes you want to keep your love private.
For my sake only, I love you.
Tears fell onto the page. Tears dotting the letters. Tears ending sentences that weren’t ready to end.
“Tony!!” Tony quickly tucks the papers into the waist band of his jeans, covering it in his sweatshirt, and wiped his tears. He shut his eyes and shook His head into his hands as he collected himself. He ignored thoughts and headed out into the living room.
“Tony! There you are!”
Pepper came up to tony holding files. She set them down as she threw her hands around Tony’s neck, pulling the man into a hug.
“H-how did you know I was here?”
Tony didn’t hug her back.
“Happy told me.”
Tony nodded his head, face emotionless.
Pepper squeezed Tony once before pulling away. Pepper and tony looked at each other a moment before peppers eyebrows slightly furrowed.
“I’m happy your taking this step, Tony.”
Peter, who’s love had to die in vain. Peter, who was only 17. Peter, who’s life only started. Peter, who loved tony.
And tony. Who’d taken more lovers than he can count. Tony, who’s life should’ve already run it’s course, then, When the snap happened. Tony who was blind to see the feelings. Who’s feelings? Turning a blind eye to who’s feelings? Who’s fee-
“Tony?“
Tonys eyes snapped to peppers, from the notebook on the counter with peters writing.
“Yes?”
Pepper continued scanning Tony’s face.
“What happened?”
Tony’s fingers twitched towards the papers. But he shook his head, deciding to keep the love to himself.
“Just- just memories. He was just a k-“
He was just a kid.
“Kid, you know? For him to go so young…”
Tony faked a certain level of sadness for pepper. A level of sadness that was acceptable, for a man to have. For his student. A kid. Pepper asked if he wanted to go. He agreed, even if he wanted to stay in peters room. Wanted to breath in the scent of peter. Read the letter again.
He got into the car that happy was driving with pepper. He stared out the window as pepper got into the details of her work load. It was raining. A drop landed on the window and didn’t move. Wasn’t touched by another drop. Didn’t touch another drop. Didn’t connect with another and fall down the glass. It stayed.
It reminded Tony of the love. Peter had for him. Of the love. That was. Inside, somewhere. Locked. Private love. Secret love. A lonely love.
A selfish love.
But, everyone’s allowed to be a selfish person from time to time.
—————————————
Tony blinked away the tears as Jarvis’s words made itself known in Tony’s mind.
“What was that? Jarvis?”
“…. What happened?”
Tony shook his head as he closed the paper. Tucking it away into his sweatpants.
“Nothing- nothing.”
Tony’s breathing calmed, feeling the paper in his pants heavy, a calming presence. That the feelings are near, and they could someday, be returned. As soon. As he gets all this multiverse shit figured out.
The weeks of research, exploring this world for the materials he needs, and constructing, turn into a month and a week. A month and a week, And tony fucking stark figured this multiverse shit out.
Well. Not really. He just was able to incorporate Stephen Strange’s magic into nano tech. The magic actually able to open portals, to the desired person, and tech able to get him from multiverse, to multiverse.
He had plenty of pym particles, as the guy who made em hoarded em till he rotted. 38 tries. To find Peter Parker. Tony Stark’s peter Parker.
First try… let’s go.
“Are you nervous, t?”
“A bit, yeah.”
“You remember our agreement, right?”
“Of course I remember, if we find pete the first time round, it was nice meeting you jarvis.”
Tony had made a promise to jarvis, that if he did find pete, in his home universe, he would deactivate jarvis. Killing jarvis. So he could find peace. Jarvis had said he didn’t want to have to live in a place for who knew how long, without a single person to talk to. Tony promised him, and he would kill himself before he forgot to kill jarvis.
The thought made tony slightly smirk.
“It was nice meeting you too, t.”
Tony put in the pym particle and moved to the most basic portal looking, movie cliche, portal machine.
The thing began to whir and light up in different places, lights all around tony flickering. Tony’s smiled plastered on his face.
The portal opened.
It took Tony a moment for him to recognize the image, the room, but he recognized the decorations he had saved in a storage unit. His eyes fell upon the boy laying in the middle of the bright room.
Peter. Peter with sunlight filtering through the windows, onto his face. Peter with the shirt he had bought him, all those years ago. Peter with the brown eyes and brown hair, that looked almost golden with the sunlight on it. Peter with a sad look on his face. Peter.
“Peter?”
The image lasted a second more, before the whole building powered down. The image of peters soft skin, gone. Eyes, almost gold from the sunlight, gone.
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
Tony stomped his way down to the stairs, running, aiming to get to the basement.
He quickly switched on the backup power on.
Tony stomped around in circles in the now brightly lit basement. Jarvis quietly spoke to the raging tony.
“Was that him?”
Tony’s fury calmed a bit.
“Y-yeah that was my Peter-“
Tony’s hands found their way to the papers. They weighed heavy in his pants. He pulled them out, and stared at the multiple words. Page after page. All saying essentially the same thing. I love you, and I know this love is going to die in vain.
“Did he write those?”
Jarvis asked.
Tony hesitated before responding. He nodded his head shakily, before replying verbally.
“Y-yeah. He wrote these.”
Jarvis didn’t say anything else. The silence calming. The silence tense.
The portal didn’t turn back on the rest the day.
Take 2, this time, with all the power in the city, routed to stark tower. 37 tries left.
The second try went 100x better than the last. Or 100x worse, just depends on how you look at it. He didn’t find his Peter, but he did find a man with a solid beer belly and stubble. But, at least the portal actually stayed open for as many minutes Tony needed.
Tony apologized to the man who looked nothing like his peter and left. Leaving the apparent Spider-Man confused in Tony’s arrival and leaving.
He tried one other time that day, to be met with a man who was dressed in a cheap spandex costume, waving a sign Over his head, the sign pointing to a wrestling center. He promptly closed the portal machine for the rest of the day.
Weeks went by, with no sign of his peter. Only having a few actually interesting talks with Peter Parker’s. Tony had worried that maybe every Peter would look like his peter and he wouldn’t be able to tell them apart, but that just seemed to be the opposite case. He had trouble finding people who even looked remotely like his peter.
It’d been a month, since he started the multiverse jumping. Two months and a week since he landed in this planet. The jumping verses beared no fruit, besides the first attempt that had failed terribly, but had showed tony a glimpse as to who was waiting for him back home.
Tony had kept a steady one try a day rule going on, as he didn’t want to waste them all in a week, and he didn’t want to risk overworking the portal machinery.
He read the letters everyday, before he went to sleep, whenever he did fall asleep. He didn’t dream. But he imagined silly situations, where he came back, and peter ran into his arms-
He stopped them as soon as they came. Tony wouldn’t have peter. He couldn’t. Not when he was so young and didn’t know what he wanted- what he needed. Tony knew what he wanted and needed to do. The wants and needs conflicting.
Tony barely went outside. To the healing earth. Only going out to get fresh air after a visit that would make Tony’s heart beat, in anticipation, of actually seeing his Spider-Man. Only to not be recognized, or for him not to recognize them.
One case, a day ago, had been with a Spider-Man at night. The suit had the same dark colors Peter had last time Tony saw him. Tony had watched as the Spider-Man flipped through the sky. Graceful and sleek. His heart pounded at the idea that, that-
That they could’ve been his Spider-Man. It wasn’t of course. But he still called for them.
“HEY!! HEY! SPIDERBOY!!”
Tony had a few question he asked to every Peter, just to see who had who and what happened where. Seeing and keeping track of differences in different universes.
The Spider-Man’s head quickly turned to tony as he swung over, landing gracefully in front of the older man.
“Hey dude, what’d you need? Your not like some mob lackey or anything like that right?”
“Mob lackey? Do I look like a mob lackey?”
Spiderman pointedly looked Tony up and down and confidently said,
“Yes? I mean you got the goatee thing going on, you look Italian too.”
Tony looked down at himself, he was wearing jeans with a t shirt, on top of it a puffer jacket.
“I don’t see it. But I’m kinda insulted, if anything I would be a mob boss. I am Italian though.”
“You are! Haha!”
“Don’t be too proud of yourself, I’m the fucking pinnacle of Italian.”
“Sure, sure. Anyway what’d you need?”
This Peter was taller than his, lankier.
“I wanted to ask a few questions about this whole gig you got going on-“
“Ah- sorry bro, but I don’t do interviews.”
“Looks peter, peter am I right?”
Spiderman froze.
“Okay peter it is, I don’t wanna waste your time so we could just get this over quick?”
Spiderman nodded stunned.
“Are you the only hero around here?”
“A-as far as I know? Maybe there’s some other guy that got bit by a spider but I don’t think so.”
“Isn’t that tough? Being the only hero around?”
“Yeah- uh kinda? I don’t really know, I just can’t get over the fact you knew my name- who exactly are you?”
Tony extended his hand.
“Tony stark, iron man.”
Spiderman hesitated before he reached his own hand out too, taking the man’s hand in his.
“What’s an iron man?”
They continue talking for a while, Peter eventually taking off his mask. He had the brown eyes and brown hair peters tended to have going on. Tony talked to Peter about the multiverse, and how he was looking for his peter. Peter started jumping around at the confirmation to his ideas of the multiverse, though he promised tony not to get involved in the multiverse.
Tony and peter hugged each other as they parted, peter watching bewildered as tony entered the portal that led back to his temporary home.
After he got back to the planet he had landed on more than 2 months ago,
He stepped outside. Taking a deep breath in and out. In and out.
8 more tries left.
One night, tony did dream, more of a replay of memories than anything else.
The dream.
It had been a year, since the snap. And 8 months since tony had found out about the feelings. 8 months of lying to pepper. Lying about everything.
They had grown distant. Over the months.
It could’ve been excused, by work, and the losses they went through. But Tony was bad at hiding things from pepper. And pepper was good at finding things out about tony.
So one day, when tony was at his lab, working on a prosthetic leg, for the public. Pepper came in. Tony didn’t notice her presence till she dropped a single piece of paper in front of Tony.
Tony looked up at pepper, a glance really and continued working.
“What’s that?” Tony said as he twisted a screw into place.
“You should know.”
Tony licked his lips as he looked away from the prosthetic leg. To pepper. Her face was pensive, eyebrows knitted with concern.
“Do you want me to read it..? Kinda confused right now.”
“Read it.”
Tony wiped his Hands off his pants and reached for the paper-
He paused, hand staying in a reaching motion. It was the same paper. The same paper that came from that notebook. Those pages- the same-
Tony took the page into his hands.
Dear tony Mr. Stark,
I love you. Have for a while. Anyways, I hope your okay, if you ever find this I know your not, because I’d have to be dead for anybody to find these letters. I hope you don’t feel too bad about me being, where ever I am, right now.
Really sorry for any turmoil I may cause you.
Sorry for loving the man who just wanted to help that kid from queens. Sorry for loving your smile. Sorry for loving the way your tongue pokes out your mouth, and the way your eyes narrow when you focus on something in the lab. Sorry for loving your stupid jokes. Sorry for getting attached, to your touch and your eyes.
I’m sorry for loving you. A love that benefits me, and me only is a selfish love I know. But I can’t help, loving the way, you look at me.
Love you,
Peter Parker
Tony, hadn’t read that one before.
He willed the tears not to come. He grimaced at the paper, trying to hold back the feelings he felt from pouring out. He stared at the page, eyes blurring.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me why you’ve been acting like this for the past months.”
“Pepper, you know that I lost-“
“Is it him?”
Pepper sounded mad, on the brink of tears herself, but the words came out soft more than anything.
Tony looked at her after staring at the paper for so long.
“Is what hi-“
“Don’t act stupid tony, you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.”
Pepper rarely sweared.
Tony paused as he folded the paper in half, the same way he folded all the other letters. He didn’t answer the question. He started walking towards the exit of the lab.
Pepper didn’t follow.
“Did you love him?“
Tony slammed the door behind him.
The papers, that were always near him weighed heavy in the pocket of his pants as he walked up the stair to his office. He slammed the door behind him as he sat in the chair. He held his head in his hand, taking deep breaths.
Tony took out the papers in his pocket, and angrily threw them next to the new letter. Tony felt terrible. About the love. About peters private love being out . About Tony’s private turmoil over the letter being revealed.
He heard a knock at the door. The letters were all out. All thrown across his desks. He didn’t bother hiding them as pepper came in.
She walked to Tony’s side of the desk, and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“It’s okay, tony.”
Tonys eyes closed.
“It’s not, its really not. He- he’s gone and he-“
Pepper reached out and touched his shoulder. Rubbing up and down, in a way tony thought was supposed to be comforting.
“It’s okay, if you loved hi-“
“It’s not okay. He’s dead. He’s dead now.”
“We can work through this tony-“
“No. I can’t and I don’t think I really want to-“
Tony was standing now, slightly towering over pepper.
Tony’s hand was clenching the letter he had read hundreds of times over the past 8 months. Pepper looked at the stack of letters and slightly grimaced. The expression lasted a second before she put her hand over Tony’s.
Tony realized he had crumpled the letter that had been crumpled before. Tony quickly began to flatten the paper, trying to get the words back to their original form.
Pepper watched as tony accidentally ripped the letter in half. Pepper watched as tony broke down over the paper. The paper that had Tony’s tears, mingled with another’s. Another persons tears that were never going to come again.
Tears like their love. Tony’s coming long after, Peters came. Joining at last, but too late.
Pepper took the split paper from tony gently.
She took the pieces, and placed them together on the messy desk. Tony watched, breath caught in his throat. Words not coming.
Pepper opened a drawer, pulling out a roll of scotch tape.
She taped the pieces together carefully. The words coming together again. As pepper taped, lines and phrases popped into her vision. No matter how much she wanted to look away. Not read the confession of love, her eyes betrayed her.
I think everyone’s allowed to be a selfish person from time to time.
Random lines, of the boys love.
I’d be fine. Knowing that you had someone in your life you loved. Someone in your life that loved you.
A selfless love. Pepper thought.
For my sake only, I love you.
Pepper flattened the paper carefully one last time before adding it to others, carefully gathering them into a pile. Tony watched as she folded them. He watched as she handed them into Tony’s hands.
Tony took the papers, shakily. The breaths between them, loud and uncomfortable.
“I don’t know, what we’ve been doing for the past 8 months.”
Tony looked down at the papers in his hands, stroking them with his thumb, almost lovingly. As though peter was there. Face in his hands. Tears streaming down, and tony was there to wipe away the tears. Hold him.
Tony remembered holding peter as he dusted away. Tony remembered the pleading, to not to go. To stay. To live. The dust flying away. The dust that was peter. The dust that was his love. Going in the wind. Gone.
“I don’t know either.”
They divorced 6 months later.
Tony had kept the papers in his desk after the encounter. For 3 years, he went back to loving freely, drinking. Inventing whatever whenever.
Somewhere along the way, happy found out about the love that should’ve died in vain long ago.
He went to visit the storage unit that had peters things, that held the words he so desperately tried to forget. He didn’t deserve peters love. Pepper’s. He didn’t deserve the love that seemed to find him.
He went into the unit, searching every drawer, every folder that looked like peters. He found one letter. One letter.
As soon as he found it, quickly opened it, desperate for the words that stated the boys love.
I want to feel, his arms bracketing my head. His hands caressing my face. His lips on mine. I want the heat of his body, leaning over me. The heat, the love. I want to feel his lips trail down my neck, to my shoulders, to my chest. I want to feel his tongue, wet and hot, over the spots he’s marked.
To feel his stubble, rub against my cheek, as he pushes inside. Whispers of encouragement, floating into the air. Heat all around as he quickens his pace. Breath fast and shallow as he pushes in and out of me.
Kisses wet, and long. Kisses that don’t have to be, but they are.
To feel his breath, hot steam, mingled with mine. As we reach the climax. Whispers of I love you’s. As he holds me after the love. Holds me through the love. Pushes the hair off my forehead. Leaving his love on my forehead.
Leaving my love on his cheek. Breathing calmed. Breathing shared. Breathing together.
Tony stared and read over the paper many times over.
He ignored the problem that he felt disgusted about. His dick was sickeningly hard as he stood up from his crouched position, his slightly drunk state not helping the situation at all.
He folded the paper, tucking it into his pants as he closed and locked the storage unit.
He got into his car and drove. And drove. Four and a half years since the snap. By then tony had tried many times to push and ignore the feelings.
The feelings.
Tony pressed harder on the gas as he sped down the streets of New York.
Months went by, of reading the newly found writing, and finding a girl in a club. Or a guy. Tony was never conscious enough to remember.
Tony had made progress on nano technology. New suit fully reparable, without any help of tony. The vibranium tiny and woven together like fabric. The tech giving the suit a pattern that shone in the sunlight.
Tony worked on new suits for… himself. the suits all spider suits. The suits having different elements from villains peter had fought in the past. The suits were a passion project throughout the years. Now almost 5 years since the snap, having made about 137 suits in the elapsed time.
Pepper and tony had reconciled somewhat in the last year. Talking casually again. Talking again.
Happy was still stand off ish, but still showed he was there for tony with bottles of water by his side when he got into a car that happy was driving after a night out. Tony didn’t think he deserved any of the acknowledgment of his being at all. He wished he would just disappear. Into the oblivion that took peter.
When the five year mark came, and some avengers came knocking on his penthouse door, he listened to their crazy bullshit. The possibility of time travel?
Tony laughed, pushing them away. He tried the equations and reconstruction later that day, after a night with some interviewer from some news station.
He talked to Friday, saying to not worry if the calculations didn’t work out. He grabbed a glass and filled it up with scotch.
He promptly dropped the same glass as he saw the calculations work through.
He brought the letters with him that morning to the facility. Gifting captain America’s shield back to the man when he arrived.
The moments before he dusted. Holding peter. Peter wanting him to stay, Tony wanting to stay and hold peter, give Peter the love he had wanted all that time. Peter dusting.
Peter wanting. And not receiving what he wanted. Tony wanted to care for the boy who had so many problems so young. But most of all, he wanted peter to be alright. To be okay without tony. While he was gone.
To not feel bad about the love. If tony could help it, he wanted peter to forget the love.
Tony woke in a cold sweat.
The talk with the Spider-Man who said he looked Italian had happened almost a week ago now.
Two tries left.
Tony rushed down to the basement, turning on the back up generator, just in case anything goes wrong. He did the standard, folding all his notes and discoveries on the multiverse into his pocket jacket pocket. He dressed into a worn button up and suit pants. Jacket, black and dark brown, (more of a coat really) with a soft cotton lining and tons of pockets on the front.
He stuffed the letters into the pocket on the opposite side of the notes, patting himself down, hoping, that this try would be the one.
He grabbed one of the two pym particles left and grabbed the button he made, to shut off jarvis and destroy the multiverse jumper at the same time.
He shoved the button into his pocket and reached out to put the pym particles into the jumper.
“Do you think this will be the one?”
Tony sighed rolling his head around, getting rid of the nerves and nodded affirmably.
“I really hope so, jarvis.”
“What will you do if it’s not?”
Tony paused. Thinking over the question.
“I’d start again, in another universe. I’d find a way to find him…. It was nice meeting you, jarvis.”
“It was nice meeting you too, Tony.”
Tony entered the pym particles into its coordinating place and watched at the whirring and light spouted out the opening of the machine.
Two months and two weeks of time searching. Tony thought, this better fucking be my universe or else I’m gonna have a fuckin conniption.
The portal opened, to a snowy New York, Spider-Man laying on his back, looking up at the sky. Feeling the letters in his pocket. Still heavy. Still giving him warmth as he walked through the portal, to the cold.