Didn’t I?

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

5 minutes ago

Peter was slightly nervous about the hangout with MJ, the kind of nervous where you get an excited buzz, the same buzz you get when you’re going to Disneyland, except he was hanging with the girl who was the new member of the spider crew (duo?) that before just made up of ned and Peter. She understood Peter and his struggles being Spider-Man and even to some capacity, his feelings about Tony’s death. Nobody would ever understand his feelings about Tony’s death, but it was sweet when people tried.

Peter carried her through the city with her clinging hard around his neck as they flung around the city, landing on a street corner. It was nice having MJ around. As a friend. He said his goodbyes to her, getting ready to take off again, but not before the large billboard screen caught his attention. Oh it was about him! What could it…

Present

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK

Carrying mj with him as he swung through buildings, stopping to call Ned, freaking out over the phone, helicopters all came in a flash before peter, adrenaline fueling most of his decisions. He rushes home changes, may finds both mj and him in somewhat compromising positions, turning on the tv, closing blinds. All of it becomes a memory.

Him and may are staying at happys now. Happy sleeping in a recliner, sleep apnea machine in full working order. His days have been filled with dislike from the public, studying material tony left behind, reading books left in storage, to prove to himself he could really get into any school he wants. When the first letter came in is when he started studying quantum relations and really any study of science he could get his hands on. His days filled with words and numbers. Nights filled with thoughts of tony and how all this would’ve been different if he was here. He still missed him a fucking year later. A year since he last heard a word from him.

His funeral. He learned that pepper and tony divorced some time during the blip, he felt the inclination to ask why, but knew it wasn’t the right time at the funeral, and that he probably wouldn’t see pepper any time soon. Not without tony, the only real connection between the two, dead.

Dead dead dead deadity dead. Funny how people hate to say it . Hate to say it for what reason? It’s too harsh? Inappropriate? It’s always “when he passed” or “when he left this world”. Tony wasn’t religious, he died. He’s dead. No need to sugar coat it.

Sugar coat. Sugar coat… sugar. Im hungry. Peter slowly peeled himself off his couch heading to the kitchen to get a snack. The clock on the microwave reading “2:02”. It’s not like he has to wake up for school tomorrow. School. He had school coming up in a few weeks, that was gonna suck dick so hard Jesus. Peter grabbed a couple Oreos from a container and grabbed a cup, filling it with milk.

Flash had been pretty annoying in the month after his forced coming out(as Spider-Man) Bothering him by texting and constantly calling for interviews for his book(writing a book? Seriously? ). it was extremely annoying to Peter and he didn’t know if he would be able to handle flash if he were to go back to midtown. Senior year. Graduation. They would all be different now. At least he only got rejected by one college so far. So far. Jesus this was depressing. Thinking. Thoughts.

Peter finished up the last amount of milk and placed the dirty cup in the sink, Turning on the tap rinsing it out before actually setting it in the sink. He sat down at the table where all his current research has been taking place. Looking at his new fluid he made. He took some inspiration from the suit t’challa has from the buildup of energy coming from outside forces, bouncing back against the outside force. He made a web-net that, hit enough would make the offender that was trying to tear or hit the webs would get an equal or greater force back at them.

It was meticulous and difficult but he really was getting somewhere with it. He looked over his own notes, revising and looking over variables and possible uses for the webs that would be utilizing nano tech. He stayed up till morning studying and analyzing his work. Falling asleep arms cushioning his head.

He woke up startled hearing the door to the fridge slam shut. “Shit, sorry pete, didn’t see you there!” Happy said awkwardly.

Peters voice came out gravelly as he dismissed happys apology. He made to go stand up and headed over to the fridge happy had previously closed. “You alright pete?” Happy asked, as peter continued staring at the same milk carton he had for the last 5 minutes.

“Happy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you- ahem - do you know why, Um.. why Tony and pepper divorced?”

The silence that came after that question was long and tense. “D-did pepper finally tell you?” Happy said softly.

Peter pulled his head out of the fridge to look at happy. Happy had his head tilted down staring down at his cereal with furrowed eyebrows. He sat at the counter with his fist clenching his bowl and spoon.

“Did pepper finally tell me what?” Peter said with honest curiosity, gravel now gone from his voice.

Happy tilted his head up meeting peters gaze. Happy analyzes peters face moving from
eye- brows to where his eyes where shining curiously.

“Ah. Right, okay. Tony and pepper, ever since y- Sigh- ever since, The first snap, they just weren’t the same. They tried to keep up with each other but- they just fell out of love. Peter. You know how it is, how tony is.”

Peter stared at happy a second more, then turned his head back to the carton of milk.

“How Tony was.”

“Yeah, right. Was.”

School came. People took pictures, videos. It was terrible. Flash was even worse than expected. The only alone time he ever got was with Ned and MJ on the roof of the school. He didn’t know how school was gonna turn out, but it was okay. Ned and MJ were there, and if Peter couldn’t get a scholarship, maybe they could.that was until the MIT letter came, the excitement came. The buildup, all of it. They had been hoping, dreaming of getting into MIT. All of them, sharing an apartment, going to school. But no.

Peter. Peters fault. Of course it was. How stupid was he, to think he could get into a school with a rumor he murdered a man, oh no not just any man, THE Mysterio. The rumor running rampant through the world. Of course not, how could he expect that. But he didn’t expect it to affect his friends. He didn’t want it to. Why couldn’t he just suffer alone while his friends went out and went to school. Why.

He didn’t think it was fair.

The wizards on the decorations reminded him of a certain someone who was on that battlefield one year ago. What was it? Doctor…

Peter finds himself looking up at the intimidating building that supposedly hosted the great sorcerer supreme. He reaches to knock on the door, but the door opens before he could even make contact. As he walks in a chill crawls up his spins. He folded his arms together, trying to fight the cold. Looking around, eyes falling onto the people shoveling snow. “H-hi! Do you think you could help, I need dr- Um-“

Doctor strange agreed to help!!!!!!! Peter was practically creaming in his pants from happiness . His friends would have a second chance, his aunt would be able to go and about again. It would work out for the best.

It wasn’t working out for the best. Not at all.not at fucking all. After being kicked out of Dr. Strange’s lair after messing with his spell 5 too many times, peter booked it after calling flash about the lady who could hopefully get Ned and MJ into MIT, to make them reconsider their decision.

SHIT FUCK DUCK ASS! He was so stupid to think he could actually help them. So fucking stupid. He screwed everything up again. Fighting the green goblin was hard enough, no matter how many hits peter threw he always seemed to be just unaffected. Crashing onto the first floor, Being pinned down by the green goblin might’ve been what was making his spider- sense to go haywire, but he felt like it was something else, the feeling of not knowing filling his stomach with anxiousness and dread. A familiar feeling.

May. May. May. “Just breath, it’ll be okay may. We’re just gonna catch our breath right?” The green goblin flew away. May. Peter saw a puddle of red pooling underneath his aunt. Lifting his hand out of the puddle and trying to find where the blood could be coming from. So much blood. Too much blood.

May. It was his fault. I did this. I hurt her. I shouldn’t have tried to help them. It was so stupid of me. So fucking stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I killed her. I killed her. My fault .

On the roof of midtown was the the first place he went to after- after he. After. He sat down, head tucked into his knees, arms wrapped around his knees. He should just die. He’s been the cause of so many deaths. He was selfish. . Killing tony. Killing Ben. Killing May. if he never became Spider-Man this wouldn’t have ever happened -

He’d been on this thought track before. Things would be better if he never knew Tony, never became Spider-Man. It was useless. He loved tony. He had to become Spider-Man. As much as he wanted to suppress his love. Say to himself that it was never there and it never truly blossomed into anything, there was still some hope inside of his stupid head that tony would come back. Stupid hope that May was okay. She really did just need to catch her breath and she’s in a hospital okay now.

Stupid hopes. Hopes for a better future and purer past. All pointless.

His neck tingled. He felt them nearing before he saw them. MJ and Ned. He looked at them as they came down the stairs. Barely contained tears come flooding out as MJ and Ned trap him in their embrace.

3 Spider-Men. That’s cool. SO COOL. Peter distracts himself after the heart to heart with the plan to get all the villians from alternate universes to all one place. Peter just can’t get over the excitement of alternate universes out of his head! Other versions of himself!!! How cool is that. Peter#2 even said he himself had an MJ, said they dated(dating?).

While all the peters worked on their piece of equipment for taking away their villians powers, peter get distracted thinking of may. Maybe he could get her back somehow, maybe, oh! Maybe he could somehow travel through the multiverse and get may back, OR or! Or maybe dr strange would be so impressed by him taking down and fixing all those villians he would cast a spell to get May back! Maybe-

It was stupid. He knew that. There was no way to bring back the dead and peter would just feel weird about replacing aunt May with anyone else. He should stop giving himself false hope. But everything right now didn’t seem as though it was actually real. As thought it’s all just one big elaborate dream.
Just a dream. He wished everything since that donut shaped space ship appeared on earth was a dream. A dream. He would wake up, to aunt mays terrible pancakes, go to school, mr stark would be there picking him up. Saying something about urgent business. He would take him to his lab at the avengers new building upstate. He would make stupid jokes and peter would laugh at every one. Tony would show peter new drafts of his new spider suit, get his opinion on it, ask questions. Peter would answer.

Peter would actually confess. No matter the outcome. He’d say he loved him, even if he would push him away, even if they never spoke again. He wanted the acknowledgment. The rejection. Just so he could get over it. He could’ve went home and wept in mays arms, not having to tell her anything about the rejections because she understood him. Understood that if he wanted to talk about it, he’d talk about it. She’d hold him, they’d watch a movie and talk about it the next day. She’d understand and hold him, and she’d be ther-

“Peter!”

Three heads popped up at the name called in the high-school lab. Ned goes on to ramble to try and gather the right peters attention. It was pretty funny.

Now, all three peters are on lady liberty, peters#2 and #3 questioning peter #1 about what added pieces are being made and put onto lady liberty.

“Yeah they’re adding Captain Americas shield onto it.”

“Woaoshhhh, that’s so cool, back home we Just got plain old lady liberty, with no shield” peter # 3 says.

“Isn’t that kinda, disrespectful though? I mean where I’m from lady liberty was a gift to us, adding things onto it…” # 2 states

“Yeah, lotsa people are against the remodeling, me included, but it’s not really like I got a say.” # 1

The conversation dives from there to talking about other topics surrounding the area.

“ yeah the avengers, you know, Thor, Hawkeye, black widow, hulk and Iron man.”

“Wai wai wait- did you just say iron man?”
Peter # 3 says

“Y-yeah? Do you have an iron man??”

“I don’t but- you said you knew the avengers, you yourself are an avenger? So that means you know tony?” Peter # 3 continues

Peters eyes widen at #3 as #3 takes some excited steps forward.

“Y-yeah, I knew Tony, but how do you know about him? How do you even know his name?“

“Oh my god! You must be his peter! Jesus Christ this is so co-“

Conversation cut short as #2 warns the other two spiders of the arrival of enemies. Peter delves into the battle, still completely confused as to what his last interaction with #3 meant.

The moment he got green goblin alone to fight he knew what he wanted to do. Kicking, and punching wouldn’t be enough. He had to pay for what he did to May. Pay. He knew he wouldn’t ever do it, but with the goblins gliders sharp rods pointed at the green goblin it was hard to stop himself. He knew he couldn’t but he had to. Knew he couldn’t. Didn’t want to. Didn’t have to. Peter #2 stood in front of him. A look that told him that everything. Whatever he was considering doing right now. Would be regretted in the future. He wouldn’t forgive himself for killing another person. He knew it. As he set the glider down safely, feeling his tensed face muscles relaxing, and tension Leaving his body, the sound of a blade ripped through the air into #2’s back side came quickly through the air. Quick as the stab came so did the syrum, #1 catching the serum on instinct, stabbing it into the exposed neck of the green goblin.

Hugging his spider friends goodbye,

He webbed himself up to the top of lady liberty, who was now shieldless. Finding dr. Strange with a focused gaze on the skies around them. “Sir! Sir! How’s- how’s it looking?”

Dr strange grimaces as he turns towards peter, locking eyes with the spider boy.

“Peter, it’s not looking good…”

Peter and dr strange talk about the consequences of the heavily edited spell and how it’s pulling in thousands of personas from tons of realities. Peter wanted to be selfish so badly. To have all he wanted, to have May back, for MJ and Ned to remember him, but. He couldn’t do it. He knew what his responsibility was, he had to keep his friends safe. Keep anyone who he ever had close to him, safe from Peter.

“Thank you, sir, sorry for all the trouble I put you through-“

“Call me Stephen , kid”

Peter flinched at the phrase, looking at Stephen with wide eyes before clenching them shut.

“Thanks, Stephen.”

Peter smiled tight lipped up at Stephen before waving goodbye as he webbed himself down to where his friends were.

He felt tears prickling at his eyes but he couldn’t ruin this moment with tears.

“Hey! Hey guys!” He rushed towards both of them, wrapping an arm around both their necks, Mj having to slightly bend down to fit into the quadruple hug.

“Peter!! What’s going on up there?” Ned says concern seeping into his expression and tone.

Peter pulls back to look both of his friends and study both their expressions as he takes one step away getting space away from them as he tries to piece together what words to use.

“It’ll all be okay guys- its-“ peter sighs as he pressed his palms to his beaten face.

“I- the spell. Dr. Strange is gonna revert it back to its original state to save us from all those people who know who peter Parker is, from coming through.”

“W-what’s wrong peter? What was the original spell?” Mj asks, hand landing on peters shoulder, clenching slightly, nerves making the trio jumpy.

Peter runs his hands down his face as he looks both Ned and MJ in the eye.

Peter says softly, barely over a whisper “I-it’ll wipe everyone’s memory of me. Including both of you. Y-you’ll forget about me being Spider-Man, me being.. me and, so will everyone else.”

Both friends eyes widen as they run through possible solutions in their heads. Mj speaks first and says calmly “and there’s nothing we can do about it?”

Peter pauses before clenching his eyes and nodding his head. They pull each other back into a hug as the press all their foreheads together.

“It’ll be alright though, right? You could just- you could just come to us, explain it all to us and we’ll be friends again!”

Mj jumps onto Ned’s idea seemingly excited and relieved to have a solution to their problem “Y-Yeah! Peter you just tell us about you being Spider-Man and our past and we’ll be friends again, it probably won’t be exactly the same but we’ll have each others backs! Right?”

“Yeah, yeah, your right, I’ll just find you guys and we can be friends again! Haha why didn’t I think of this before!”

They all exasperatedly chuckle, not out of humor but of desperation to find a reason to be happy. They stay locked in a hug as the spell finishes. Eyes closed. Sun bright . Too bright.