Your kisses taste the sweetest with mine

In the beginning God created the moon and the Wales. Now the cone was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
And God said, “Let there be sporks,” and there were sporks.God saw that the sporks were good, and he separated the utensils from the kitchenware. God called the utensils “Japanifornia” and the kitchenware he called “Germany.” And there was Grease from the dirty utensils and there was England—the first pieces of land.

And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate spoons from forks.” So God made the border and separated the fork under the border from the spoons above it. And it was so. God called the vault “666th parallel” And there was Dance with Devils, and there was Brothers Conflict—the second day.

Then God said, “Let the people be horny: seed-bearing peen bearers and vag carriers on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 The land produced alcoholic beverages: plants bearing Jagermeister seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with Pina Colada seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

And God said, “Let there be cum stains in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark STARISH times, and days and years, and let them be cum in the vault of the sky to give light on the cone.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night - a light that rested dormant now in Shining Saotome. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the cone, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures of the night, such as the previously created Wales, and let birds fly above the cone across the vault of the sky.” So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the cone.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. On Ireland and Scotland, they reigned. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
big titties and fat asses.

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the cone and subdue it. Rule over the Chris Mcclains in the sea and the Shinings in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the dance floor.”

Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole cone and every tree has ice cream sandwiches. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of England and all the balloons in the sky and all the creatures of the night that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every ouid for food.” And it was so.

“But, fuck England,” he said. “Fuck that shit.” And so England was canceled.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Thus the beaches of paradise and the cone were finished, and all the hosts of them. And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.

Let me tell you about the time of Tongues. Tongue Time.

Tongue Time Began when our Lord and Savior was bron.

“FUCK my pussy!” a woman, clad in burlap. Her stomach, distended. What could be inside?

Wah wah. A baby. Born. The baby glows. A shining light. THE Shining LIGHT of GOD.

This light catches the notice of three kings of the East, and they travel by camel to come see the newborn Star. They bring gifts of immortal, unexpirable condoms; dildos made from the cosmic dust of the universe (A/N: similar to what Syghie fucked Shining with many chapters ago), and Jaegermeister. After paying homage to the Star child, they leave and do nothing else that would help him right now as a little baby guy.

The newborn Star is named Shining, after his Shining nature. His eyes are so bright to look at, he is given a pair of RayBans so others looking at him are not immediately blinded. Such is the divine Light of our savior.

The Light of the Star beckoned people from all walks of life- fishermen from Sporks, the whales of Wales, and many more. The only people who did not bask in His Light were those of England, condemned in the genesis of the world for their future unseasoned food and war crimes. His Light inspired others to glow as well, and his followers would be called the Night Lights. They would travel continent to continent, spreading their cheeks to show the source of their Light to shine onto others. This era in Tongue Time would come to be known as the Enlightenment, where true Light would be cultivated in people’s sexual orifices by embracing the Horniness bestowed unto them on the fourth day. (A/N: This does mean that Light Yagami has the equivalent of the name Faith or something in our world).

However, some people were not too jazzed about Shining, and nailed him in the ass, crossly. Shining was so aroused but could not finish the job. He hung for 3 days and 3 nights. Then, his light faded and he was gone.

The people were sad at the death of their Star. However, Shining was suddenly! Revived! Gasp! He was free to walk the earth another 40 days and 40 nights and tell every one of his followers about how he was revived!

Now, Shining lives on - the shining cycle continues. After one shining dies, another shine shines up in its place. He continues to live on!!! Long live and prosper, Mr. Shining!

—
[A/N: Every time we refer to the world of this story as the Earth, it’s been translated from Japanifornian. The original text translates closer to ‘Coeanrth.’ This is likely because...

The world of Your Kisses Taste The Sweetest with Mine takes place on the flat, circular part of a cone. This is referred to as Brazil. There are multiple nations on the sides of the cone, but they are largely nomadic, hunter gatherer groups. The sides of the cone are too slippy for any society to take root. On occasion, people slip down the side of the cone and tumble onto the flat of the cone, typically washing aboard the shores of Forks, the colony of the city state of Yorknew. They do not speak any of the regional dialects, and often the languages the Coneheads speak are different from one another, but there is one word they have in common. France.

France, as one Conehead who learned Japanifornian and was vital to our understanding of the Conelands, described France as the region at the tip of the cone. A society so precariously perched at the tip was shocking to anthropologists and scientists, but relics of their society have been brought to Brazil. A film depicting a rat manipulating a man’s hair to control his musculoskeletal system to cook (it is unclear if all individuals residing in France are capable of such manipulation, given that they have been described as largely humanoid in nature), a plastic miniature of a triangular building, and a single pastry described as a croissant. Coneheads speak dismissively of France, and often spit the word out with disgust and disdain.

In the iconic Bustin Jeiber novel, “My Wiener”, he refers to the audience of this novel as everyone “[from] Brazil to France.” Thus the phrase has become commonplace, and though modern science has not been able to send a successful probe nor expedition to France, Brazillian historians maintain that France is a legitimately recognized nation at the tip of the globe.]

Then, there was a man who was ugly as hell. His name was Marl Karx. Now you might be thinking, u literally stan Jin. I would consider that to be unprovoked. However, I will say that I will no longer come for his looks because he’s done so much for Sporkunist theory for the distribution of utensils meanwhile all Jin does is fan service pushing 30.

The United Spoon Sfork Republic (USSR) was a nation built of Spoons and Forks centuries after God had separated them during the second day. Because of their unique shared history of the two days, the two nations decided to collab and become dedicated to an ideology of only producing sporks. For 50+ years, the USSR traded only sporks with the rest of the world, much to the dismay of Japanifornian population who preferred to use both spoons and forks. As a result, Japanifornia sanctioned the Sporkiet Union and refused to acknowledge such an ideology of producing only sporks. The inner turmoil in the USSR led to a great collapse of the Chopstick wall which divided west Germany, a country that preferred to separately use spoons and forks - aligned with the Japanifornians, and east Germany, a country aligned with the Sporkiets that was forced to use sporks. After this, it was decided that Spoons and Forks would once again be their own sovereign nations, and Sporkunism became less popular. Now, we’re not saying we’re against Sporkunism, in fact, I love a good Spork - but we must acknowledge in this moment of our history, it did not work out too well.

It was after the collapse of the USSR that films produced in Forks began to flourish. These films include Twilight, Twilight: New Moon, Twilight: Eclipse, Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt.1, and Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt. 2. A district called HolyForks was built due to the great impact and legacy of these films made in Forks.

While all the nations of Brazil had its eye on Forks, the city state of Yorknew had an eye with colonial intent. Thus begun the Fyorkening Wars, a fierce legal and military battle for control of Forks. This came right after a conflict with Spoons, and the Spoonian people were unwilling to provide aid to their Forkian counterparts. The military prowess of Yorknew overtook Forks, and the government of Forks was forced to yield and become a colony of Yorknew.

Spoons and Forks, although legally never getting along, often relied upon one another for trade purposes. Under the new legislature of Yorknew, restrictions and tariffs were placed to weaken the relationship between Spoons and Forks further. This was done with the intent of weakening Spoons, while the Yorknew military and economy recovered post Fyorkening Wars, to successfully colonize Spoons as well. While the Spoonian media output did not compare to the film franchises that came out of Forks, Spoons did have a significant monopoly on the soup trade. Soup was produced in the bowl-shaped valleys between the mountainous regions, and was only able to be exported via Spoonian transport vehicles. Yorknew saw the economic potential of “good soup,” and once they had the financial backing for a war, would soon initiate the Nepoonian Wars.

Although the Forkian people were initially unbothered by the conquest of Spoons during the first Nepoonian War, attitudes would soon change with the beginning of the second Nepoonian War. The Forks and Spoons conflict had run for centuries, but seeing the tactics their oppressors used on Spoonian soldiers gave Forkian soldiers enlisted in the Yorknew army deja vu. Small rebellions would erupt- Forkian soldiers would defect and fight alongside Spoonians, many Forkian film directors went on strike, and the first Sporkian baby in hundreds of years would be born between the second and third Nepoonian war. These rebellions would be fought by severe backlash from Yorknew government, and eventually, the Nepoonian wars would be ended by the deployment (that many political figures, even within Yorknew, deem unnecessary) of a nuclear bomb. The radiation reached regions of Forks that were swiftly evacuated, and Yorknewian government officials deemed the country of Spoons eliminated. Spoons has been eliminated from the world map, and Forkians mourn their historic companions.

Now, we reside in the year 2023 A.T.T. (After Tongue Time). There exists a great international trade market. The spoons have fallen into the bottom of the sea. Forks still exists. Wales exists also, swimming around freely. The moon is sad and horny. Japanifornia has good tourism. Germany has a chokehold on the alcohol market with their Jaeger. Forks is not sunny usually, which has inspired a colony of vampires to take up residence there. Grease is greasy. Ireland and Scotland are fine. The City State of Yorknew has a great auction scene. Mexico is chilling. And who knows what else resides past the bounds of the cone… A great Dark Continent looms past the boundaries of the cone… On the inside of the cone… Into the depths of the universe… What mysteries does it hold?

—-

As you could probably tell from the complicated history of our cone, there is a lot of conflict constantly happening from the top of the cone to the bottom of the cone. Such conflict inevitably leads to spying. Recently, Forks citizen, Liam Payne, was arrested for war crimes like kidnapping the author of “your kisses taste the sweetest with mine,” but his location cannot be found. This has made many Forks citizens believe in the conspiracy theory that Spoons still exists because where else would be a suitable prison for a guy who committed war crimes and has a rather xenophobic fear of Spoons. Forks has been developing a high level of military capabilities in secret to not upset their colonizer YorkNew. The key advancement has been a quite large Knuckles the Hedgehog spy balloon. Using a Sonic Boom, it is capable of double jumping infinitely into the air, traversing the map with more ease than a regular balloon. Maybe, if Forks sends this balloon towards Spoons, the citizens will finally know the truth.

And so, the balloon was sent towards Spoons.

Suddenly, it’s the jet stream and the cone sending that balloon flying and spying over the beaches of formerly Paradise, but now it’s just Too Hot Too Handle.

The gloomy atmosphere of the beach changes when the cast sees that beautiful piece of advanced Forks military equipment in the sky.

“Look, it’s a bird,” Azusa points.

Tsubaki in twingenueity also points towards to the circular object, “Look, it’s a plane!”

Huffing out a Syghie, Syghies informs “It’s a Knuckles balloon dumbasses.” Everybody on Paradise looks up at the sky in wonder, forgetting about their horny woes of being on Too Hot To Handle for a minute. What a beautiful Knuckles balloon greeting them. He seems to be saying Hiiiii. Their moment of peace is soon interrupted by their British captor, Lana.

“I am detecting a malicious object of spyware up in the sky. I can predict with 99.99% confidence that the balloon is from the city state of Forks.”

Resident intern, Shigure Souma is told by producers that he should deal with shooting it down. Employers expect too much from interns smh. Well, Shigure is handed a single axe. He has one shot to successfully strike down the balloon.

Everybody hollers and claps for Shigure, manifesting his success, and by the powers of male manipulation, he is able to shoot down the balloon. There are many syghies of relief, since many people did not trust him to not kill someone.

Everybody stops cheering for Shigure and jeers at him for once again, being a male manipulator.

“Booooo.” Natsume says. He is not a male manipulator.

“You suck.” Jain screams. Jain is not a female manipulator.

“Ugly dog.” Joie mutters. He is truly nothing but a hound dog.

“Go back to the kitchen,” yells Kite, maybe missing the point.

“Make me a sandwich!!!” Qoot shouts, supporting her twin.

“SYGHIE,” huffs Syghie at 420 decibels. Ni and Coughie nod supportively on either side of her.

Shigure turns into a dog and then returns to the dog house. Woof woof.

Back to the matter at hand, the balloon is now soaking up the sand on the beaches of Paradise.

Jain quickly makes her way over and notices that there is a screen on the inside of the balloon.

“Hana, dul, set. We are one! EXO. Annyeonghaseyo Baekhyun ibnida!!” It’s Baekhyun appearing in what appears to be a Cameo. Wait, SM is making him do that now. I hate them.

Everyone screams. He is free! But how did this happen? (A/N: On Earth, in our spherical universe, it is because he completed his service. Is this the case in YKTTSWM? We’ll see…)

Ding a ling. “Do not interact with the balloon as it could be dangerous and result in fines if you get too naughty with it.”

Chris Mcclain twiddles his fingers, trying not to show just how disappointed he is about the whole fines thing. Also, did he just lose his job? Or did the people who hired him to run this season of BIP… male manipulate HIM into being on Too Hot to Handle? He feels uneasy at the thought of someone lying and committing crime against him, but he sees warmth and gentle reassurance in the faces of his new lovers. Tsubaki and Azusa stand near him, each of them wrapping an arm around him. “We’re here for you, Chris~” they croon in unison into his ear. He does not tell them to get out. They are in there.

“I am calling in my creator to investigate this trap. Now, please offer a warm welcome to 707.”

707 is transported from the comfort of his bedroom where he usually completes his hacking jobs onto the beach. The contestants who were attendees of the sleepover party remember him immediately because how can they forget his bang with the gang…

For once, the beach is silent. Everybody thought 707 would never return again. He is a shy little guy, and after that night, it would probably be very embarrassing for him to show his face again! For the crimes committed that night alone, he will have to repent for the rest of his life to make up for it. He looks pointedly away from those who bore witness to his sexual deviancy, and prays that his soul can still be saved as he begins to examine the balloon.

707 pokes at the vessel, hardcore investigating it. It does appear to be spy material similar to equipment produced in Forks. Inside of the balloon is a letter and instruction manual. 707 throws the letter, and Jain is quick to catch it.

707 is reading the instruction manual while Jain opens the letter.

To Eris,

Hi. I am Baekhyun.

I have been serving in the military. I am not a ghost. Writer.

Thank you, as well as the RFA, for trying to free me, but I have been focused on completing my military service. Not for Korea- but for somewhere else. It will all make sense once you read the instruction manual.

Before I change your perspective of the cone, I wanted to thank my fans for supporting me!

So with that being said.

I’ll also give you a sweet dream next night.

Saranghae,

Baekhyun