Straight from the Horse's Mouth
You may be wondering: How did Oedipus see his mom in the last chapter? [OEDIPUS REX SPOILER]
The man had his eyes famously gouged out. How can he C? This will all be revealed on Day Thee of The Bachelor in Paradise.
—-
“Hey, Oedipussy,” Coal Sprouts says over a cup of black coffee that he begins taking aesthetic photos of. “This here is the photo of your mom?”
Oedipus nods. “It’s so hot, right? Like, I know that it’s the reason I gouged my eyes out and all, but this guy named… Fraud? He told me that I did that because she was so hot, and has been repeatedly showing up to my house to consensually make love to me while whispering in my ear about how hot my mom is. His dick is microscopic, but he still uses it well. Anyways, I think my mom is hot now because of the sweet and tender lovemaking that comes into my life like a well timed Outlook Calendar event.”
Coal Sprouts rolls his eyes. “Oedipus, how do you know that this is a photo of your mom?”
Oedipus huffs. “Well, anyone could plainly see that…” he trails off, gripping the Polaroid so tightly that it begins to crinkle cronkle crunkle. “Shit.”
“You litcherally just said that you gouged yer fucking eyes out, mate.” Gred says, sliding onto the seat next to Oedipus. “Did you really think you’d be able to see the photo? Christ, man, that’s bloody mental.”
“Oh, don’t listen to Gred, he’s a right git.” Forge says, sitting down on the opposite of Oedipus, and places a reassuring hand on his back. “That photo is a bloody lovely image of a man fellating corn dogs.”
“It is quite nice,” Gred agrees. “I’m sure he’d make a lovely mother.” Coal Sprouts snorts at this, as he illegally posts the coffee photo to his Tumblr, and begins to gaslight fans who call what he’s drinking coffee. Oedipus, however, pushes his face into his hands and sighs.
“Maybe I should get eyes,” he says forlornly. He begins to weep, but without the eyes, it’s a little gross. Coal Sprouts wrinkles his nose and begins to walk away with his coffee, while the security team begins a new Rumbling as they chase him for his contraband phone! Looks like it’s time for a punishment… perhaps the Hitachiin twins will be consulted for their experience in punishment games.
Gred and Forge, however, look fascinatedly at the tears dripping out of empty holes of Oedipus’s face. “That’s brilliant, mate.” Forge says, fascinated. Generally, wet orifices really do it for him, and while this one isn’t as erotic, it is very weird and that’s something else he is into.
Gred, who’s a little less into wet orifices, manages to tear his eyes away (not like Oedipus did tho) and thinks. “Normally, we’d send you off to the infirmary and have Madam Pompfrey have a quickie with you. But since we’re forbidden from doing any magic, which is a right injustice, I think Kite and Qoot- the twin women in STEM- should be able to fix you up with something instead.”
Qoot was researching a way to fix Oedipus’ blindness. Kite was not really into this because she likes blind men. However, Qoot convinced her that curing a man’s blindness is an important woman in STEM duty.
Kite decided to relinquish her women in STEM duties for once to her twin and enjoy a nice Peñis Colada by the beach.
“Oedipus, we’re giving you an eye transplant from a donor, Milly Cyprus. She has the most powerful bluu eyes ever. It’s to the point where her old pair of eyes fall out every time she takes a picture, and then they get replaced immediately by newer, more powerful eyes.” Qoot explains.
Oedipus is confused. His story has been told in this so-called Cyprus, but he thought Cyprus was a country? Whatever it is, Oedipus is just excited to see his beloved Μητέρα!
Qoot is waiting on the eye package when she receives a call from Shigure Souma, the resident intern of Paradise.
“Woof.” Shigure howls.
Qoot looks at him in confusion.
He coughs. “Arwf- Sorry something was in my throat.”
Nobody on BIP knows Shigure’s secret that he can transform into a dog. He happens to be the year of the dog in the Zodiac family. Everybody just thinks Shigure is a bit dodgy but not necessarily doggy. Qoot is starting to get a hunch about the doggy stuff, but maybe he’s just a furry? Well, nobody has completely figured it out because Shigure must be embraced by a woman to transform into a dog. And let’s be real, no woman wants to hug Shigure on the beach.
[A/N: Shigure can be hot, but I can’t defend him.]
Shigure continues, “Anyways, I am here to inform you that the Milly Cyprus eye package got lost on the way to BIP. The delivery truck took the wrong turn to Love Island.”
Qoot peer at Oedipus looking for concern in his eyes, but in her momentary forgor-state, quickly realizes she’s just staring at two holes.
[A/N: And no … not like that, my so lovely but so pervy reader chans!!]
Whatever will Qoot do?
“Contestants and twins ! I have an announcement. A new contestant has arrived, and he’s here with a gift! Come down to the cabana to meet him,” Chris Mcclain megaphones.
“Wait, aren’t the twins contestants?” Reiner muses, who we forgor about. He’s not really a twin, but his titan form is a twin we think.
Shigure takes his clipboard and marches off. Qoot is concerned as she looks into Oedipus' eye holes. The more she studies him she realizes how broken he must be. He can be fixed with a little love…
Qoot’s brain unlocks the swag. And once she does that, the swag unlocks. “God, what am I thinking? I’m supposed to just fix his eyes, not him,” she ponders to herself. What if she locked the swag and broke down her walls when it came to love? To truly embrace love, one must LOCK the SWAG, and further, the SWAG must LOCK.
Qoot’s brain is going into overdrive with all of the unlocking and locking the swag along with the swag unlocking and locking simultaneously. Her swaggy thoughts are interrupted by Oedipus.
“You should go meet the new contestant…” Oedipus tilts his head down.
“Oedipus, I won’t leave you. I’ll figure out a way to fix your eyes,” Qoot promises her slight-perhaps crushie wushie.
Oedipus reaches out his hand struggling to find Qoot’s hand. Qoot notices his blind struggle and reaches out her hands to clasp Oedipus’. Oedipus relaxes into her touch. It’s been so long that he’s felt this wonderful human contact. The last time he felt such an intimate touch was from his mom. Oedipus tenses and withdraws his hand.
“I’m sorry. It’s just still hard for me to trust. Once I get my eyes back and ensure you’re not my relative, I want to return your affection. I truly enjoy your company.”
Qoot smiles sadly. He is fixable, but they have a long road ahead.
“Anyways, Qoot you should meet the new contestant. He might be able to help with my eye situation.”
“But Oedipus, I hate to leave you in this state by yourself.”
Oedipus blushes. “My darling, I will be fine. Go ahead. I will wait for you, always.”
Qoot smiles, wishing that Oedipus could see how cute he looks when he blushes. She will make sure he can.
“Okay Oedipus. I will be back soon. Stay safe.”
Qoot begins scurrying off but takes a second to look back at Oedipus who holds his hands up to his face in an attempt to hide his giddiness. Oedipus’ lovely expressions will remain Qoot’s little secret. She’ll miss these little secrets once she fixes his eyes, but she is looking forward to the prospect of being able to peer into Oedipus’ eyes.
When Qoot arrives at the Cabana in her flustered state, she is shocked to see gasps and shocks all across Paradise.
“Is that Hairy Styles?” asks Hitachiin twins in erotic unison.
“I don’t know who that young gentleman is, but he has hideous fashion!” The Property Brothers’ Johannthan asks.
“Eighheighmm,” an out of breath voice clears his throat. “Of course, that’s Hairy Styles! Do you even go on Tumblr pfft?” Coal Sprouts screeches while the security guards Baywatch jog across the beach in slow motion after him. It’s very hot, but Coal Sprouts keeps slipping on the sand in his Jughead cosplay, so he’s running at full speed.
Everybody ignores the chase. This is #BIPLife.
“I stopped using Tumblr once they took porn off of it.” Reiner responds. I forgor Reiner was here.
“Porn is now back on Tumblr,” Dill Sprouts supplies, watching his brother struggle across the beach with disinterest.
“I will be back.” Reiner winks.
Jain rolls her eyes at Reiner and Dill’s unhelpful commentary. Jain can’t believe she gave titan Reiner a boob job… She will provide more helpful commentary:
“I used to be a big 1D fan in the past, but once I heard that they kidnapped this literary icon named devilsinthedetails69, it was all over. The 1D stans are crazy for defending that. It’s important for us to prioritize classic literature over 1D, you know? Why not just stan EXO instead?” Jain never forgors an opportunity to plug EXO.
“Oh I forgor.” However, Jain does forgor other non-EXO things apparently. She is not perfect!
“But yeah, like I was saying, since I used to be a big 1D fan, I can confirm that guy is Hairy Styles.” Jain explains.
Everybody gasps. “Yes, it is I! I am Sir Hairy Styles!” Hairy evil laughs, basking in his momentary attention, but then remembers what he has to do.
He syghies, “I was called here to give an eye transplant.”
[A/N: I struck a deal with Hairy. I told him that I was going to press charges against him for his crimes unless he does volunteer work. He decided to choose volunteer work. I had him sign a contract which of course, he didn’t read. In the fine print, it said that he must offer his eyes to Oedipus Rex to advance Qoot and Oedipus’ love line. Once Hairy signed the contract, I put the keys to laptop, and now, here we are.]
Kite looks at her twin. This is a great advancement for science! Though, she can’t help but feel like it’s a loss for the girlies who like blind men. Kite also can’t help but to notice the sheer joy on Qoot’s face. What’s going on here?
“You can do it, Hairy? Oh my gosh, thank you thank you thank you!!!!” Qoot is squealing and begins hugging everybody in sight. Before Shigure can dodge Qoot’s hug like his taxes, Qoot has him wrapped in an embrace. Qoot doesn’t even notice that Shigure has turned into a dog. Everybody else gasps. The gasps fall on deaf ears for Qoot as she rushes Hairy to the lab.
“But wait luv xx, Lizzie just died. I’m Brit#ish and yam supposed to be mourning! Do yew get wut I’m saying?”
[A/N: Oh Hairy? You think you can escape. You are a VOLUNTEER. You signed a contract. You must accept your duties VOLUNTARILY. This is Paradise bb. We are free from the monarchy. Your excuses won’t work here!]
Hairy hears A/N’s voice. “Alright, alright. I volunteer as tribute.”
“Great!” Qoot got a little bit lost in the sauce. She was so excited to give Oedipus an eye transplant that she didn’t really care about the medical regulations of transplants requiring the transferee to give permission for the transplant voluntarily. Love makes you do crazy things, like even ignoring women in STEM protocols.
Qoot knocks on the door of the lab, “Oedipus?”
“Come in, dear”
—--------
“Shigure, du bist ein Hund?!?” A.Frankensteiner says.
A.Frankensteiner is the middle school representative of Germany’s tennis team in the Prince of Tennis World Cup. He also happens to be Jain’s half brother. As you can probably tell by now, Jain’s lineage produces excellent tennis players!
“Mein Bruder Jah? Warum bist du im Paradies?” Jain asks him in confusion.
“Meine Schwester. Du hear that Roger ist retiring?”
Jain gasps. Not the dilf! Oh, this is terrible. His tennis was so pretty, elegant, regal, splendid, beautiful, glorious, and transcendent.
“Scheiße! Oh es tut mir leid! Don’t use my language, Bruder, but what will tennis become now?” Jain wipes tears that may just be sweat from her titties. Regardless of the liquid, she is sad.
“Don’t worry, Schwester! I will become the next Roger Federer.”
Coal Sprouts interjects, “Actually, Novax Joker and Rafael Nadal have more Grand Slam titles than Roger Federer. Therefore, he is not the GOAT, and therefore, you should strive to become one of the other two instead of Federer.”
The security chases down Coal. He can’t keep getting away with it!
Jain’s tits emit steam, simmer, and then go from a low boil to a full-on boil, and whistle. She is angry.
Coal is going to get caught at this rate. He adds one more thing before Jain can begin her heated and well-researched presentation, “Why Roger Federer is just as valid as a GOAT as Joker and Nadal.”
“If you think of it like this: Novax and Nadal are the Kings, and Fed is the Prince of Tennis.” Coal's crimes are catching up with him and the security is finally able to catch him. Disrespecting Federer? A crime that he can’t escape. He accepts his fate and gets taken to the jail of Paradise. More will be told about this prison later…
“Did somebody say the Prince of Tennis?”
A trot.
A spot?
A neigh.
A slay?
I lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship. Wait, what? Nevermind.
It’s the Prince of Tennis, Ryoma Echizen, on horseback trotting down the beaches of Paradise.
“Neighhhhhh,” the horse speaks, galloping in the sand.
Ema, hearing her horse girl calling, is awoken from her coma. Iori wheels Ema onto the beaches.
“Guys! Ema is finally awake!!!” Iori shouts. Ema snorts and nickers confusingly until her eyes meet Ryoma Echizen’s lovely horse.
Ema neighs upon seeing such an attractive specimen. His body is rotund. His hoofs are strong and clacky. His legs are so long that they could take him to victory in the Kentucky Derby. His face resembles that of a human with his emerald green eyes and cute button nose. His perched horse ears give him an undeniably sexy charm. Ema needs to talk to him.
“What is your name?” Ema asks.
“It’s Your/Horse’s/Name, but I go by Y/H/N,” he responds. A gentle ocean breeze catches his matted hair causing Ema’s heart to race.
Why does Ema feel like she’s seen him before? Maybe, this is a soulmate connection. Two hearts coming together as one in every lifetime, or could it be something else?
“Do you not remember me, my sweet Ema?” His hoof moves up to stroke Ema’s face, sending Ryoma Echizen straight down into the sand in the process.
(Jain, sensing a romance brewing, picks the Prince of Tennis up and ushers Frankensteiner along with him. These children need to go away to practice tennis while BIP produces some delightful and romantic storylines.)
“Umm. I, uh, just got out of a coma, so I can’t ummm say that I do heh um” Ema’s eyes expand in shy-anime-girl-crush-uwu-gleam.
“You don’t??” A wall suddenly descends on the beach. “Even when I have you like this?” Ka. Be. Don. Y/H/N’s right hoof slams into the wall, emitting the sound, “don,” and traps Ema in his embrace.
It all comes flashing back to Ema. She remembers it all too well.
Autumn leaves falling like pieces into place.
She was playing My Horse Prince thinking it would not leave a trace.
She is feeling like a disgrace.
Y/H/N horse groans. “You treated me so kindly back then, my little cute baka, but now you wanna play so hard-to-get, telling me you don’t remember me because of your coma?”
“W-w–welll uh I uH thought you know that we were maybe not meant to be but uh I always wanted us to like be together in a kidna uh like forever way.”
The princely horse snarls. “You told me you loved me, and now, I have to see you wheeled out with this flower boy!”
Iori is feeling #Lonely. He has been here this whole time watching and waiting. He remains silent. He is the standing man emoji.
“B-b-b-but Your Horse’s Name.” Ema starts, but is interrupted by a snort. “Sorry, uh Y/H/N. M-m-my bad.” Y/H/N looks down sadly.
Suddenly, gaining confidence, she continues, “I was in love with you, but my friend also says she started a relationship with you in the game too. I felt played when I was supposed to be the one playing.” Ema, for once, DOES NOT STUTTER.
“Ema, I had to do that for money. With you, it was different. It was real. You had to know it was!” Y/H/N moves his four legs to face the ocean and look pensively at the crashing waves.
Ema begins stroking Y/H/N’s ear. He initially jolts at the sudden contact but quickly relaxes into Ema’s warm touch.
“Purrrrrrrrrr” he purrrrrrs. Could it be? Does she feel the same?
“I think that this whole time, I’ve been manifesting you. It’s real. I feel it too.” Ema whispers smiling up at Y/H/N.
Y/H/N smiles back and uses his left hoof to pick up Ema’s hand, lowering his human lips to Ema’s hand. “I love you so much. I knew you would come back to me.”
Iori stands there in a continuous standing man emoji posture. Iori accepts his fate as a cucked man and as a standing man. Legend says Iori never stopped standing there on the beaches of Paradise.
Ema is planted on Y/H/N’s back, embarking on a journey that will change them forever. The journey to the boom boom room…
As Y/H/N allows Ema to demount him to land on the bed of the boom boom room, he lights a candle with his hoof. Y/H/N looks at his cute little baka gf and can’t resist saying:
“I’ll also show you a sweet dream, next night.”