A Blimp in Time
Blimp Blimp Blimp.
They are all aboard the blimp.
After Jain’s horrific breakup with Jumin Han, the clique (not to be confused with the skeleton clique. This is 2022. TØP is not relevant like that anymore LOL) including our OCs and their respective hose. hoes. hose? Boats and hose. Spray spray spray!!!
Oh right, the Jain-Jumin breakup aftermath. Basically, the clique was barred from further use of the Royal Carridickean. Elongated Musk was last seen getting exposed by Azealia Bonks on the ship. Jumin and Rhymes were also there but…
With the Royal Carridickean’s state of softness due to Elongated Musk boarding the ship, the boat DROWNS, causing Elongated Musk, Jumin, and Rhymes to perish in the sea. Azealia Bonks lived BTW. RIP to the Royal Carridickean.
Does perish imply death? We’ll find out when I decide if I want to bring them back.
Elongated Musk, however, is not privy to such ambiguity. He’s fully gone this time. Got hit by another boat.
As you can see, another mode of transportation was necessary for our characters to get to YorkNew city. Kite’s thinks they might be wanted for murder in Germany. She does not trust the investigative duties of Germany because Jain just had a messy breakup with Jumin, and now he’s dead.
However, it is important to note that the Royal Carridickean died from the lack of stimulation due to the Elongated Musk’s lack of sexual prowess. How sad for the Royal Carridickean. It is nice to know that the Royal Carridickean lived a long life of overstimulated sexual adventures that empowered others to take trips of a lifetime.
Kite begins to sweat, stepping back from the dock. She bumps into Jaehee, who is looking at the roiling ocean, bodies bobbing in the water, with wide, interested eyes. “I think I’m going to pursue my dreams and open a cat cafe in Paris now. I’m kind of over this.” Jaehee looks down at Kite, and presses a final kith to her cheek. “With how euphoric this death is making me right now, I shouldn’t be dating anyone. Bye.”
Kite nods, numb. Her girlfriend…. gone. Well, Kite was planning on breaking up with her anyways, but still. Oof. Her friends touch her arm with sympathy.
“Don’t worry, Kite.” Jain smiles reassuringly, boobs ta ta tiki ta-ing in a confident manner. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Oh, you definitely will,” purrs a low voice behind her. The gang whips around, and Bunny squeaks! It’s Henry Winter! He is tall, dark, and dangerous. Also not canonically described as handsome, but you know how it is. “Is that a dead body over there?”
Kite meets his eyes. They are a little overwhelm. She looks out to the sea, at the dead bodies. She looks back into his deeply intoxicating eyes. “No,” she replies. A particularly tall wave jettisons Elongated’s body up into the air, and it crashes back into the water with a mighty SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLASH that causes a fine mist of seawater to cascade romantically around them.
Bunny makes a rabbit noise. It is unpleasant. He charges at Henry Winter, screeching homophobically in a gay way. “You talked shit about me in your Latin diary? While we were on vacation together? I’ll kill you!”
“You won’t,” says Henry, sidestepping Bunny and letting him fall for the second time. Bunny curses, and plunges into the water. Henry steps closer to Kite. “This is just like that time in ancient Greece.” Kite nods. Henry proceeds to teach her about ancient Greece, something about how beauty is terror and a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. The fact that he knows all these things is what attracted her to Armin, and it’s definitely doing something for her.
Jain, however, is better versed in toxic men, and boobily breasts in. She knows that sometimes Kite simply does not exercise taste. “So, you’ve tried to kill people before?” She twirls her hair, and her tiddies evoke somewhat of a Diyonisic frenzy in him due to Jain’s innate power. While he’s distracted, she whispers into Kite’s ear, in a normal way and NOT a Nail Horan way. “Kite, this guy is giving a downward spiral for the last half of the book girl don’t do it.”
“I won’t do it girl I’m just thinking about it I’m not gonna do it,” Kite affirms, snapping out of her toxic academia hot boy stupor.
Henry nods in response after overcoming his Bacchanalia moment. “I have. I also need to practice hiding bodies-” Bunny squawks indignantly, still floundering in the water- “and you’ve been so kind as to provide me with some.”
Jain’s business acu(wo)men snaps into shape, her tiddies shifting into business mode. She pulls out a laptop and rests a pair of XXXXXXL business glasses on her boobs, and begins chanting a mixture of phrases, including “let’s circle back,” “per my last email,” “to whom it may concern,” and “hereto forthwith.” To Kite, it looks like hypnaughty arts. But Jain’s just using her business minor to get a transaction to secure a ride for the besties to Yorknew. Jumin wishes he could. Mostly because he’s dead and he can’t.
“That’s a good deal,” says Henry, too rich to know it’s a bad deal. “What form of transportation do you want?”
Jain smirks. “What better transportation than a Hunter x Hunter BLIMP!”
Almost immediately, the sensual blimp begins dropping it low towards the dock. The gang boards, and the blimps thick blimpy curves seductively surround its occupants. Jain, Syghie, Kite, and Joie are sipping a Jagerbombed-diet-Coke-piña-penis-colada-fruit-punch-titos-vodka-mojiTOED-fireball-mocktail that Pitbull (A/N: the dog) donated all the way from Margaritaville. Ritsuka and Azuna share a concoction, and L and Light sip from their own drinks. The group falls into idle conversation, and is so ready to enjoy a relaxing trip. But they’ve never had a non erotic time travelling in any form of transportation.
“Wait here, you fucking arsehole!!!!” a voice SCREAMS from on board the blimpy blimp. It’s Leorio, from Hunter x Hunter. He is wearing his classic blue suit and carrying a briefcase. He is RUNNING!
“Whoa, whoa mate, what’s going on?” says Syghie, in English.
Leorio pants, and wipes sweat from his brow. “Just chasing after this FUCKING ARSEHOLE! This guy, Ging, is my friend Gon’s deadbeat dad and doesn’t even care that Gon’s been hospitalized!!”
Wow, everyone thinks as Leorio explains. This guy is a DICK.
“Want to help me kick his ass?” Leorio asks.
“Any misogynist is an enemy of mine,” Kite says resolutely.
“I like slapping stupid white men,” says Syghie.
“His hat is fugly!” says Joie.
“I hate incels.” Jain says.
“Alright, let’s capture this bitch.” Leorio smiles, a glint in his glasses.
Meanwhile, Ging had been mildly walking around, trying to stay low-key and such on the blimp. Jeez, he thinks like an adult incel, I shouldn’t have picked such a place. There are so many people on board, and if I had to make an emergency escape, I might endanger the others on board… I’m trapped until we manage to make a safe landing. Ging is okay with abandoning his son, but he draws the line at aircraft safety. His old friend, a pilot turned pirate named a P name, made sure he knew the ins and outs of aircraft safety rules and regulations.
“Halt, you toe-sucking whore,” a voice says. Ging groans, and slowly turns around. It’s Leorio! And friends. They gather around him like a mob.
“Open the pit!” shouts Jain.
A little dance circle opens up in the crowd of everyone on board the blimp, with Ging in the middle. Ging is trapped - he doesn’t want to hurt these people. Like how he emotionally traumatized his darling rosebud boy, Gon.
“YOU BITCH!!” Ging is broken out of his reverie, and is slapped by a sudden fist??? Wait, where did that come from???
Aha. Leorio’s fist has been portaled from his arm to Ging’s jaw. Owwwww.
“Everyone, go at him!”
With a large number of people still surrounding them, the main crew gets in line and prepares to slap Ging. They go up in an orderly fashion and slap the shit out of Ging, one by one. Or they punch him. Or whatever they feel to punish this weird man.
Ging moans on the floor, after this helluva beating. “You… SUCK!” Ging yells from the floor. Unknowingly, he unleashes a wave on Nen. Everyone moans as they are struck by his grimy green aura. But suddenly, their pores are opened!!! Aura, aka Nen, begins leaking out of them!!
“No!! Everyone, take a natural stance and try to control your Nen!”
“Oh, I got it,” says Kite.
“Me too,” says Jain.
Wha-? Ging blinks in confusion. But it seems to be true! These peeps… They have mastered Nen flow so easily! This is a one in a million - nay, one in a Billion rarity!
Leorio scratches his chin. “This is crazy! But hey, while you’re here, might as well take a Nen divination test?”
“Waaaah, what about me??” Ging says from the floor, ignored by everyone walking away, distracted by the prospect of the test.
Joie goes first. The classic glass with water, a leaf floating about, is prepared on a little sidetable. They focus their aura around the water, and the leaf begins to change. “That’s cool as fuck,” he says. He concentrates just a little harder, and the leaf begins changing colors like it’s in ProCreate.
“A manipulator,” Leorio says decisively.
Jain goes next. Upon her concentration, the glass begins overflowing with water!
“Enhancer!”
But I have never seen such a concentrated aura…. Particularly around her… bosoms, Leorio thinks. Leorio has grown since his Hunter exam days. He will not simp this time, although it’s tempting.
Syghie goes next. She concentrates and the leaf begins moving.
“Manipulator, again!”
“I actually knew about nen from before. I have my own sexy contractual bindings I have placed upon myself - with safe words, of course - and it increases the amount of pleasurable power I get. However, it is a secret,” Syghie says while winking.
No one can know… I manipulate the men around me to do my bidding, but it works better when their astrology charts line up with the current time. I also require a lucky item based on the horoscope of the day. Otherwise, they are just regularly controlled, as if they are in love. I also need to peg the man to gain control over him in the first place. Not to mention, when I am aroused enough, I can conjure my Celestial Cock. Like that time with Shining. My restriction is that I can only peg cis men in a destructive manner, to take them down a peg. Otherwise, it is not Celestial.
I am lonely… I wish I could tell my friends. But no, I cannot let them know. It would only put them in danger by unpeggable men who put their masculinity above their own pleasure. These fucking straight boys are unbearable and need to be pegged into submission. The caveat will be that they beg for me, of their own volition - they will themselves surrender their high and mighty toxic masculinity to the all-consuming radiance of my Shining Cock. I cannot let anyone know about my power until my mission for world domination is complete.
Kite goes last. She uses Nen and the leaf… It dissipates!
“A specialist…” Leorio looks at Kite curiously. “You have a type of Nen that is not like the other girls’.”
Huh, Kite goes. Perhaps this has some Woman in STEM implications… I must investigate.
-
A few hours later, after everyone has disbanded from the excitement of beating the shit out of Ging, Joie stands at the wrap-around window in the blimp’s cupola, watching the placid ocean turn a bright orange with the setting of the sun. Sensing a presence behind him, he speaks without turning around.
“Well, I knew this was cumming. Hello, Light…” He trails off, pausing dramatically before swiveling around looking very much like Chris Hansen.
“Or should I say… Kira!”
If Light felt any emotion in response to his ruse being uncovered, he does not show it. Instead, his face twists into an unseemly smirk.
“Seems you’ve been spending a little too much time with my boyfriend. Which was what I wanted to talk to you about in the first place,” he says, shifting into an accusatory position. Joie can tell that this will be a battle of wits rather than a physical one, as both adversaries suffer from acute noodle arm.
“Well, from what I understand, the only reason he’s your boyfriend in the first place is so you can kill him. I think being a homewrecker gives me the moral high ground,” Joie responds. The two begin to slink in a circle squiggle triangle across from each other, neither wanting to make the first (metaphorical) move.
“You know I can kill you instantly, right?” Light spits derisively. “Then I’ll have L all to myself, to s and f AND kill whenever I please.”
“Try it, then. Try to kill me. I’m genuinely interested in how you do it. Is it like psychic powers? Or magic? Because magic probably exists in this universe- I think, the writers never made the rules very clear. Or are you physically killing people? That would be impressive because then you’d have super speed or something–”
“Silence, worm! Your incessant babbling is emblematic of humanity’s worst. Not to mention your weed smoking!” Light screeches, momentarily breaking his composure at the thought of the devil’s lettuce. “Now, you die!”
He reaches into his shirt pocket (A/N: What a fucking nerd) and pulls out a folded sheet of paper and a pencil that has been worn down to a nub. While beginning to write, the enemies’ circle sexy square speeds up.
“There. It’s written that you will explode right now. You were a formidable opponent, but it appears as though the god of the new world has won again!”
A beat passes. No one has exploded.
Joie quirks their face quizzically.
“Um…” They both say simultaneously.
“Why haven’t you exploded yet.” Light relaxes. The conflict is diffused. He holds the piece of paper up to the window, illuminating his writing with the dying light of the sun. In his neat handwriting, the words “Joey Hawley” are clearly visible.
“Ohhhh, there’s your problem. That’s not how you spell my name. But it’s good to know how your power works… you write down their name and then they die, huh?” Joie nonchalantly strolls up to Light and snatches the paper scrap, examining it closely.
“Goddamned special snowflake! Have a normal name!” Light begins to throw a bit of a temper tantrum. Not very becoming of a god! Or maybe too similar to a god. Hmmm.
“I can tell that you have bested me by sheer not like other girls willpower. Would you like to make a deal?” He asks defeatedly.
“I’m listening…” This time it is Joie’s time to smirk. “It works out, since unlike you, I’d feel bad about taking a human life. Seriously dude, you have issues. Have you considered therapy?”
“No, I haven’t. I’m normal. Anyway, how about this: I won’t kill you for stealing my man, as long as you don’t go to the police about me.”
“That works for me. For what it’s worth, I do feel a bit shitty about that… not enough to stop doing it though because you’re a murderer,” Joie shrugs. “Also, have you looked into ethical non-monogamy? You and L seem to have fundamental differences in philosophies and goals that are irreconcilable with a monogamous relationship.”
“God, you people are all so long-winded. Don’t make me regret this,” says Light, extending a hand. They shake tenuously, signaling the beginning of an uneasy alliance.
-
The hot and dangerous people, Illumi and Hisoka are there. I’m so sorry for this one. I’m making my YouTube apology video right after this chapter goes live, reader-chans.
Curious about that little ring on Illumi’s finger, Jain approaches the needlely stranger.
“Hello. You look like nice people…” She directs at clown man and needle man. Hisoka smirks because he is a creepy clown who cannot not smirk. Smirk. Illumi stares.
“I just wanted to look at the ring on your finger! It’s stunning <3” Jain expresses, letting out a breath of air that momentarily deflates her titties to 90% capacity. As quickly as they deflate, they rise just as fast. Back to 100% capacity.
Illumi stares in confusion. How did she say <3 out loud? Sensing his confusion, Kite whisper-translates “less than three,” and he understands.
“Oh this little thing….” Illumi twirls around and extends his hand. Hisoka smirks at his husbando. The ring has little needles poking into Illumi. Does that not hurt?
Hisoka finally speaks. (ew) “You see those little needles dig into Illumi’s fingers. It’s a kink thing, so that it would hurt him to take the ring off.” Jain’s tits widen in confusion. Jain does not kink shame, for obvious reasons. However, this is a bit… concerning.
Hisoka continues, “We were inspired by our idols, MGK and Megan Fox. You see, I’m MGK because I’m a predator, and Illumi is Megan Fox because he’s hot.”
(A/N: I will roast MGK, Hisoka, and Jared Leto at any opportunity. It’s my favorite hobby and pastime)
Jain, feeling creeped out, determines she must kill Hisoka. She nods at the strange duo and heads back plotting her murder pulling out her notes from her left tit - the more rational tit. A Hisoka murder is rational. Jain’s no body no crime moment approaches!
Kite continues to fruitily stare over the side of the blimp, as she has for the past couple chapters whenever there is a balcony for her to be wistful. She waves down at the Going Merry, the ship from One Piece. Luffy winds up his arm and flings a rubber hand up for a high five. Wanna be my friend? Yes. High fives. Maybe the Straw Hat Crew will come back once Kite is deeper into One Piece. Kite is snapped out of her distraction in the wistful mist by the vibrating sensation of the blimp landing.
It’s Yorknew City bitches! Jain is upset because she wasn’t finished with her Hisoka murder plot. It will have to wait. A slowburn death for Hisoka is more fitting anyways. Although her nen is inherently strong, she wants to be able to train her craft more to get rid of him more epically.
In the distance, Chrollo’s eyes gleam silver, like a spider’s silk. He senses that they have landed Legs legs for days. He’s not that tall though. His birthday would be sometime in January or February because he gives male Aquarius.
“So you’ve made it this far,” he whispers, from a decrepit empty apartment building in York New City. “Jain,” he moans.
—-
Everyone has landed at the Yorknew blimport!
“I feel funny,” Kite says because she has emotional motion sickness from the One Piece nostalgia and the rocky blimp ride.
“Laugh it up, chuckles!” Jain advises recalling what Dr. Bieber told her to do it when she gets emotional motion sickness.
Kite begins to laugh it up. Chuckles. Emotional motion sickness = no more. Cured.
Syghie interrupts Kite’s nonstop chuckling to ask Jain an important question: “So who is this man? I’ve never seen this man in my life. Sorry to this man.”
“He’s edgy. Like really edgy. He wears ornaments for earnings and is hella rich!” Jain says, knowing nothing about this man.
Joie is suspicious of this man. “He seems maybe not husband material based on the rumors I’ve heard. Maybe wait on the engagement this time, Jain.”
“I’m never getting engaged again! Men ain’t shit. Tysm Joie for the advice though. B-B-B my BFF because IDK what’s coming next. And I’ll let you LMHO with the rest. So TTYLXOX.”
Jain boards a taxi to Chrollo’s abode after her inspired performance of Bella Thorne’s smash hit. Her friends join her in the taxi, despite the TTYLXOX. Although Jain’s friends are supportive, they are also concerned. Jain, please get standards.
On her taxi ride over, Masaomi rings Jain. Ring ring ring. Jain looks to the east to where Masaomi is staying in Germany. Wow, he’s really calling from all the way over their. Jain picks up, nervous to hear about Levi’s state.
“Hey Jain! I’ve got Levi on all the sleepy sleepy drûgs!” Masaomi says.
Jain furrows her eyebrows as her tits fall in concern. “Oh no. Is he okay?”
“Y-y-yeah just a little loopy. I think he’ll be okay. He/his condition destabilized when we got to the hospital, because of a positive inflammatory feedback loop. Your potent, sensual woman DNA from the female antigen integrated into his virgin genome. Transcription was crazy upregulated, and antigen concentrations dramatically increased because his virgin body was so thirsty for a woman.”
“Like pegging?” Syghie asks, listening in a little bit because the phone is kinda loud, not in an eavesdropping way though.
There’s a little silence, and Syghie and Jain look confusedly at the phone. “Oh, I nodded. I forgor that you can’t see me from over their,” he/they apologizes. “But you’re right. We had to use an experimental technique to determine what cells had the hot girl DNA and excise it out, so quite a number of drugs were administered all at once. But his initial immune response has largely subsided, with the inflammation pretty low at this point. I think he’s made enough memory cells from this one exposure to not have as severe a reaction anymore.”
Jain syghies with relief. “That’s good to hear. Thank you so much, Dr. Hinata.”
“It’s literally my job, but you-” Masaomi is cut off. Scratchy sounds?
Levi, himself, grumbles on the line, “Jain?” tsk is gone. His voice has a dreamlike quality, but is underscored with something he’d never voiced before. Something… tender.
He knows my name? Jain blushes. “Yes?” she responds nervously.
“I’ll also show you a sweet dream, next night.”