Matthew's feet dragged their way into his apartment, he wasn't physically tired yet the earlier emotionally exhausting scene was enough to bring him down. The entrance was a muddy mess and the peals of thunder coming from the city's sky helped him understand that he could never have a calm night in Hell's Kitchen.
His tie was almost ripped off his neck and his shirt half-unbottoned, his soaking wet hair was turned into a chaos made out of coppery strands. None of it mattered, note even when he let himself fall to the dirty floor.
Rain wasn't the only thing on his face. There was something else between the blood dripping down his lips and the salt running down his cheeks, it was deception.
He could already listen Foggy scolding him for messing around with someone like The Punisher. He could listen Castle's promises, assuring him he'd do better. But the worst of it all was that he could listen himself falling for his lies over and over again.
That was a lucky night. Only his lips were bleeding but, what would bleed the next time?
No, he wasn't lucky at all because if he lost Castle, what would be left for him?
Murdock layed his head on his knees and hugged his legs. Silent tears wet the fabric of his pants and sighed as the metallic taste took over his mouth just to remind him that he had it coming.
That was his prize for taking the forsaken road.
Meanwhile and from the other side of the city, Castle was looking into the shatterde mirror. Evertything behind him was a disaster after losing control. In front of him, he could only see what everyone said about him: a monster, distorted by the cracks in his soul.
His t-shirt was ripped and as dark as the bruise on his cheek that was starting to manifest, on his arms layed one more scar for his collection of old unforgotten wounds.
Frank was supressing any emotion seeking to bubble to the surface. He could only see his own eyes with that same look on them, the one that blamed him of everything and knew that, as long as he was close, he couldn't ever have a moment of peace.
"What? Have you already forgotten what you did?", his demon wondered.
"Me... Me?", Frank questioned. "Everything was fine, it was perfect until you decided to take it from me".
"Oh, Frankie... I'm not talking about that lawyer, I'm talking about them... the blood on your hands, the blood of all of the ones that you once cared about".
"But I got over it, accomplished my sole mission", Castle answered. "Honored their death, I can't do anything else".
The monster laughed on his face, making fun of his naivety and cynism.
"What do you think is gonna happen to Murdock if he stays around? Do you think that you deserve someone like him after what you did to them?"
"I will protect him, and even then, he doesn't need my protection", Frank clenched his jaw. "I do not deserve him. But not for what you say... because I didn't do it"
"Well, I find it ironic, Frankie. If you're not responsible of their death then, why do you insist on loving someone capable of defending himself?".
"I told you I didn't do it!", Castle yelled at the mirror. "I didn't!"
"Then, why do you love Matthew? Because your really mean it or because he couldn't die for being around you?"
"He's the only one who understands me, the one who really knows me", Castle pointed to the mirror. "And I just ruined and it's your fault, your fucking fault!".
His demon clicked his tongue in disagreement: "Don't you see? I'm a mere reflexion of you, someone who actually knows your true nature... fucking murderer."
Tears came out of Frank's darkened eyes, he hated himself for allowing himself to sabotage everything he loved.
"If you don't want Murdock to die for your own bullet like Billy, stay away form him."
"Stop!", Castle screamed.
"If you don't want his last breathe let a teardrop fall to your arms like Maria's, then keep him away from you."
"Don't you dare say another word!", he said as his fist clenched on rage.
"If you don't want him to happily look at you before falling to a pool of blood just as Lisa and Frank did, then don't ever come back to his arms."
Frank grunted in sorrow before punching the mirror on the wall several times, tainting it red and letting fragments fall to the ground.
"One Batch, Two Batch. Penny and Dime", the voice whispered.
"One Batch, Two Batch. Penny and Dime", he repeated while falling onto his knees.
He exhaustingly gasped, tired of fighting himself. He was crying for the pressure he had been enduring for so long. Frank was hurt, he could never step out of his own way.
The promised catharsis never came to save his life from the abysm.
He didn't care that the crystals on the floor were tering his legs' skin, the blood running down the wall felt unimportant, he wasn't even worried for his knuckles fucked up in a mix of glass, flesh and blood.
Everything Frank wanted was his suffering to be over but it'd be impossible as long as he were a part of his life. He wasn't talking about Murdock but the remaining shatters of the monster he once used to be.
Castle stood there for a while, trying to chose between making it up to Matt or simply letting himself bleed out so his demons couldn't mess it up again. His choice didn't matter because at the end anything he would see was that deathly color, the same shade of red that had been following him all his life.