Doubts And Promises
As soon as Tony started talking and informed Peter about Miles, Peter's heart felt as though it skydived without a parachute from an altitude of more than 4,000 feet from a plane that had just been lit on fire. There was no question that the shiver that spread across his body was due to not only just the news he had just heard, but the pure fear of losing the boy he had sworn to protect. Earlier, as Miles led in a bed far away at the end of the lengthy tunnel known as life, he had been rejoicing at "winning.” He thought it was over, truly over, that he could relax for a week or two- but he didn’t even get twenty-four hours before the Parker luck struck again.
Tony was looking at him expectantly. He knew how this would affect Peter, how the words alone were enough to paralyze him. He’s staring with caution in his eyes. He’s fearful too, but not so much for Miles (even though he is worried that Miles won’t make it) but he’s more scared that he’s crushed Peter’s trust by not telling him sooner. Peter watches as he methodically fiddles with the end of his belt, his burning gaze of worry leaving Peter’s face and down to the floor.
“Peter?” Tony whispers. His hands leave his belt, migrating up to the lapels of his jacket instead. He runs one finger down the satin. An exhale of breath leaves his mouth. Peter still doesn’t know how to feel- but he knows he should have more urgency. But all he can do is stand. “Hey, Pete? I’m sorry, kid.”
Peter doesn’t know when it starts, but he explodes. All this pent up hurt from the last few weeks crushes his heart. He can’t hold the weight on his shoulders, so he finally falls. Tony catches him before his head hits the ground. He cradles him softly. Holding him like love personified, Peter felt as protected as a precious item locked inside a safe which was then locked inside an even bigger safe- a sort of ‘Russian dolls’ safe set up. Although he knows that was a bit out there for an explanation… it worked. Tony kept him safe; he’s done so since the first time they met. Even if Tony hadn’t liked him from the get-go, their destiny couldn’t be unwritten. He’s sure he’s Tony’s son in every universe, and his proof is right here in the way he holds him. It’s simply love.
Tony’s hand tangles in the ends of Peter’s hair, they play a tune as they ease into his head. He reckons it’s an attempt from Tony to help Peter relax. He’s not so sure it works- it’s like Tony’s hands are mixing all his thoughts into one. Tony leans down and kisses the side of his head and Peter realises he can feel again- he can breathe.
“Mr Stark, I have to tell you something,” Peter says, quickly.
As Peter’s breath catches him again, it hits him in the side of the head with an idea- a way to get Miles back and safe. He had a promise he needed to keep, and he wasn’t going to let him down. Peter was going to teach Miles how to swing, and that was final.
Tony keeps him in the tight squeeze. If he’s not careful, Peter wonders if he’d be able to ever get up again. Tony keeps him still, knows that if he lets go there’s a chance Peter could be in trouble again. It’s not something he can go through again, knowing that he’ll have to let go eventually. Letting him go lets Peter explore a world hellbent on beating him down. Though, he guesses, it’s not his decision - it’s the kid’s and he will make damn good ones.
“I bet whatever it is, it isn’t as shocking as what I just said,” Tony says.
Tony makes an attempt at some humour, trying his best to lighten the mood in the best way he can. But it falls flat- his words sounding nothing like they usually would. They’ve lost the passion entangled within them that makes you recognise Tony’s voice from a mile way. He’s usually distinctive, easily seen like the elephant in a room. His voice here is quiet, almost as if nobody heard a thing. Luckily Peter had superhearing, so it wasn’t a problem for him.
“Miles, he-” Peter says, but pauses. He knows what it was like trying to hide his identity and wanting nobody to ever find out. Miles hasn’t had the chance to figure out what he wanted before he slipped into that coma. But what if he wakes up- or when- he’s mad at Peter for telling Tony. Peter has to say something, because if it would work… well, it might just safe Miles’ life. “He- he’s like me.”
“Yeah, I saw that. He’s stubborn-“
“No, Tony. He’s like me- like- the other side of me.”
Tony narrows his eyes. He seems to think for a while. Stopping, his hand dropped from Peter’s hair almost comically as surprise rose to his face like the morning sunrise. His eyebrows shot up, his jaw dropping. “Again?” he said, though Peter wasn’t sure what he was talking about, with a pain in his voice. “There’s two of you?!”
Offended by Tony’s unnecessary comment, thank you very much, Peter huffed. But they had more pressing problems happening right now, and he needed to get his point across before Tony’s brain was more fried than one of their projects after a fire spread in the lab… which happened often.
“I was thinking that if we’re both Spider-Man- then, I don’t know- maybe giving him some of my blood could help,” Peter says. “Our genes would be compatible- and- and it might help him heal faster as it could give him a bit of a boost. I can’t just sit here and wait for him to get better if I can just do something about it!”
“We can give it a try,” Tony says.
Peter was sure Tony would be against it, for some reason. Maybe he’d be hesitant as he thought Peter wasn’t recovered fully after his kidnapping. But he helps Peter up, takes him up to the Medbay and up to Miss Cho, telling her the plan and subsequently about both Miles and Peter’s identity- though Peter didn’t mind that so much if it meant Miles could get better.
Peter’s blood was transfused into Miles’ as soon as possible, after everyone on board fully believed that this would give Miles the best choice to get better. After his blood was taken, Peter felt a bit sleepy and woozy- though too much was on his mind for him to go and rest. Though, he did choose to have a lie down. May was by his bedside, watching him with a soft look of love in her eyes. She touches his wrist, smiles, and looks over at Tony who had himself fallen asleep whilst waiting for the results.
“Hey,” she smiles, “why don’t you go to sleep for a bit?”
“Can’t,” Peter shook his head, a slow smile coming to his face as May turns her eyes back onto him. She was always there for him, no matter what, and the conversation he had with Happy the day before about his Spider-Man identity came to his head. He just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Instead, he took her hand into his and squeezes it. “Want to know if he’s going to be okay, first.”
May nods, “Yeah, okay baby,” she smiles.
She squeezes his hand back, leaning down to press a gentle kiss against his knuckles. Peter could tell she was worried, not because of anything she said but the way she had to keep touching him and holding him to make sure he was still there. She always said that the one thing she had to come to regret the most after Ben died was that she wasn’t there- and that she never said ‘I love you’ enough, even though he heard her say it every single day.
Peter stares blankly at their shared hands, thinking of what they’d been through- the two of them. It’s always been them two- he realises. Well, it used to be the ‘three amigos’, him, May, and Ben. His two parents were everything to Peter. Without them, who’d he be now? Would he have used these powers for good? For a party trick? He owes all he is to her; he knows that now.
He turns back and looks at Tony too. Though he hadn’t been around as much as she had, and that he hadn’t even liked him before, he loved him like she did- and him and May didn’t have to be on their own anymore. She didn’t have to give up her life to take care of him. Nope, no more. Tony would never know how grateful Peter was for his love, even if he told him. Words couldn’t portray it. Nothing could.
May tilted her head, edged her seat closer to the side of the bed. “What’s wrong?”
Sometimes she knew things about him he didn’t, and this time she caught this wave of sadness before he could even feel it. He sniffled, pretending the shivers were from a cold- but he couldn’t lie in front of her. He sighed, “I love you, May.”
“Yeah, kid, I love you too,” she replied in a second. It wasn’t even a thought. She didn’t have to think of what to say. Her words were an automatic rifle, shooting him in the chest and making him sniffle once more at the pure amazement of how much she really cared. “Surely you’re not this upset because you love me, right?”
Peter managed a laugh as he tugged his oversized sweater over his hand, raising it up to his eyes to wipe the one tear that managed to escape. “I love Tony too, and- and I miss Ben- and I think I’m just a bit overwhelmed with everything going on now. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life.”
“Oh honey,” she says. She leans over and kisses the top of his head. “We love you so much too.” She looks over at Tony who’s now snoring. He looks comfortable, though, so neither of them even thinks about moving him. “He loves you so much, Pete. I wasn’t sure of him when you first started hanging around him- but he’s a good, no- a great man.”
Peter sees a bit of drool come from Tony’s mouth. He laughs and has moment of realisation that this man who cares so much about him is the same person he idolised as a kid- who Ben once took to see at the Stark Expo of 2010. That Expo was his first ‘save’ if he could call it that, a possible spark of his superhero flame that’s come alive since the Spider bite.
“May?”
“Yeah, baby?” she smiles.
“I’m Spider-Man.”
May shakes her head, then laughs. Laughs so loud that Tony gets spooked and jumps a few metres out of his chair. They both look at him, as he composes himself, and May starts laughing again as Peter stares at Tony for help.
“Did you hear that, Tony? Our boy thinks he’s Spider-Man. Do you think the transfusions made him a bit loopy?”
Peter, nor Tony himself, doesn’t miss that she says ‘our’ instead of ‘my’. If the conversation wasn’t as serious, maybe they’d react differently. For now, they figure it’s smart to stay on track.
Tony looks at her sympathetically and rubs the back of his neck. Peter manages a small laugh- or a small exhale of breath- despite the situation. Tony looks like he’s terrified as he awaits the wrath of May when she finds out he’s been letting her child be Spider-man (like it was his choice, Peter thought. Nobody could tell him to change his mind, not even the Tony Stark). He looks over to the door, back at Peter, who shrugs at him. ‘You told her?’ he mouths, unaware and oblivious to the fact that May could obviously see the interaction.
“…You… actually… are?” May says, taking breaks after every word as she speaks- like the words aren’t hers. She’s careful in the way she holds herself, slower than she just was. She’s waiting for someone to say it’s a joke, but it never comes, and Peter sees the realisation develop in her face. He can’t tell if she’s more worried than furious.
If the smoke coming out of her ears is anything to say about it, he was leaning towards furious.
“Yeah,” Peter nods.
“Tony? Is he telling the truth?” May asks.
Peter’s not sure why she has to get Tony to confirm it, when he’s literally just said it, but she does nonetheless, and the tension remains as a fact. You could cut it with a knife. Well maybe you couldn’t… only because it was as thick as one of Peter’s Spider-Webs, and he was a good engineer that didn’t make flimsy webs that were easy to slice with just a knife. You had to get the special dissolving solution or wait for a long time. Time that he didn’t have right now.
Tony takes a deep breath. Peter’s pretty sure he’s always feared May. Feared her too much since although May looked like it… she wasn’t that frightening… Sometimes. He looked over at the door again, desperate to book it, but May was still sat there… staring. Peter had to admit it, it was unnerving.
“Tony?”
Tony gulped. Physically. Peter really would’ve laughed if- as said before- this conversation wasn’t as serious.
“Yes, May,” he nodded, “It’s true.”
“Oh,” May says. She’s standing up now, pacing back and forth. Peter’s seen her like this a few times, namely when he’s come in late after a patrol and she’s still awake- waiting for him to come home. She never knew why he was out, and he always said ‘Ned’s’, but it never was the truth. Well, it was once- but it’s happened quite a few times after that. It’s when she’s worried. When she’s worried, so is Peter. So, as she paces back and forth, he feels sick in his stomach. “Oh, Peter. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you,” he says, truthfully. “And if more people knew- if you did- then what’s to say someone wouldn’t try and hurt you to get to Spider-Man? And I couldn’t do that to you. Not after Ben.”
“It’s not your job to worry about me, baby,” May says. She’s calling him her pet-names, so she can’t be furious, right? Peter sits up, wincing at the pain from the bruises on his stomach. Bad timing for those to flare up, he thought, but May doesn’t seem to notice as she’s too busy pacing again. “That’s what I have to do. More now, apparently, that it turns out you’re stopping stabbings as an extra-curricular activity. Worrying is what us parents do, right Tony?” she asks.
Tony nods, looking shocked that he hasn’t been yelled at.
“How did you react when he told you?” May turns to Tony, “I imagine you were worried sick when they took him, and you didn’t know he’s got some extra juice.”
“Oh, I knew way before that,” Tony says.
Peter facepalmed. That really wasn’t the right thing to say. Not now. Not ever, really. But he’s done it now. May looks at him, confused. She stops pacing, takes a step closer to Tony. Tony looks smaller than Peter’s ever seen him. Tony might be a genius, but sometimes common sense wasn’t his strong sport.
“What was that?” he questions, pretending to hear Happy call his name. He stands taller, acts more confident. Though, he doesn’t look her in the eye. The corridor looks less angry at him, so that’s what he chooses to stare at. “So sorry, May. It looks like I’m needed out there. We’ll have to pick up this conversation later. What a shame.”
Tony rushes out of the room, a trail of shame following him closely like a loyal dog. A loyal dog that sticks to your feet through thick and thin, that even when you tell it to stay- it chooses not to listen. He’s gone so fast that he misses the laughter coming from the room.
Even though it feels the best yet, Peter was certain that this identity disclosure would be his worst one yet. He expected her to explode, to tell him there was no way he’d ever get in the suit again. However, that was just May. Even after the many years he had known her, and loved her, she continued to surprise him.
A few hours later
May had gone to continue her conversation with Tony soon after he fled the room. She wasn’t an idiot; she knew Happy wasn’t calling. Tony got a pretty good earful, apparently, which Peter wished he could’ve been a fly on the wall for. She told Peter later that they’ve set some conditions for him to stay as Spider-Man. Peter hadn’t expected any less.
In good news, Tony had come to get Peter from his room to let him know Miles was waking up and looking healthier than ever. Peter came to visit him, trying his hardest not to cry when the animated, funny, kid was sat up and telling his father a story. Peter didn’t interrupt their conversation but watched from afar. Tony was stood behind him. Watching those two reminded him of how much he loved him.
Tony looked different, though. He looked like he was about to cry watching Miles hug his father. Peter knew he had ‘daddy issues’ from Howard Stark, but he’s never seen Tony get this emotional this quickly. He steps outside, leaving Peter alone in the room.
“Hey!” Miles’ dad grinned, ushering Peter over before he could solve the case over Tony’s sudden breakdown. “Hey, Peter,” he grins, grabbing Peter and tugging him into the tightest hug. A hug so tight he felt the air escaping his ears. He felt like a tire quickly losing air until he was finally let go. “I owe you everything.”
“I’m not sure about that, sir. It was my fault-,”
“No,” he interrupts. “Nope- don’t go there, son. None of this was your fault. My son’s alive now, and that’s because of you. Focus on that.”
Peter nodded, a lump in his throat. Maybe he understood why it made Tony feel so upset so quickly, although he thinks it might be for a different reason. Peter sits on the side of Miles’ bed, grinning. The colour in Miles’ face had returned, his smile too. “Hey, bud. Are you feeling good?”
“Great,” Miles says, “thank you.”
“It was the least I could do.”
“Well, the least you could’ve done was let me stay there and wilt,” Miles says. He’s sat up, crossed legged, and had a pile of paper in front of him. “And you didn’t. You made the choice to do this- you came up with the idea and it was your blood that made me healthy.” Peter looks down at the paper, sees ‘THANK YOU’ printed across the front of a piece of folded paper. “So, I made you this.”
Peter takes the card and grins widely. Miles has drawn the two of them on the front, each in little Spider-Man masks. Peter notices how his dad laughs at that. He asks if Peter is a big fan, and he has to say yes even though it makes him look egotistical in front of Miles. He’s more of a fan of the Spider-Man in training in front of him. But he can’t say that in front of his dad.
He speaks to them two for a while, tells them to be careful when they finally get released. Miles looks fine, healthier than when Peter met him the first time. Peter gives him his number, promises him some ‘lessons’, ones that his father cannot know what they consist of, and waves goodbye. May, Happy, and Pepper stand with him too. Tony, however, is nowhere to be seen.
“Miss Potts?” Peter says, when they shut the door on Miles and his dad to give then some more time together. She looks down at him, and Peter sees a similar love in her eyes as the other adults in his life. He feels so grateful. “Where’s Mr Stark?” he asks.
“Down in his lab, honey,” she smiles. There’s something behind her eyes Peter doesn’t understand. She seems worried. He’s seen that look before. Things went wrong after that. But Peter can’t remember any part of the day that would’ve made Tony feel like that. “Why don’t you go and say hi? He always loves it when you visit.”
Peter practically runs over. After being apart from him recently, he realised quickly that he doesn’t like it, and that he doesn’t want to go through it again. He enters, sees Tony sat on his desk staring at his computer. He’s not working on a project. He’s still… just staring. Still. Peter’s heart picks up. What’s wrong? He was like this yesterday when he broke down and panicked in Peter’s arms. Peter didn’t want it to happen again.
“Mr Stark?”
Tony turns around, faces Peter, “Hey, kiddo,” he smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “How are you feeling? How is Miles?”
Nevermind me, Peter thinks. How are you? Peter steps closer, watches Tony’s face. He studies it. He wants to know what’s wrong, but how does he say it? “Yeah, I’m good. He’s healthy. That’s all we wanted.”
“It is,” Tony says.
It’s weird that he’s not talking much. That was his favourite thing to do. Peter frowns. “Tony?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
Tony takes a deep breath. He runs his hand over his face, then through his hair. Peter pretends not to see the grey. Tony gets up from his seat, stands up and puts his hand on Peter’s back. “Come on, kid. Why don’t we go gather the gang and watch a film?”
Peter’s eyebrows furrow. “No!” he says, surprising even himself at the volume it comes out as. He turns slightly, takes Tony’s hand in his. Like May had done earlier that day, he squeezes it. It’s meant to let the person know that they’re here, that he cares. He hopes it makes Tony feel safe. “Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“It’s nothing, Peter. Honestly.”
“No, it’s not nothing. You’re sad.”
Tony rolls his eyes as he averts his gaze. Peter has not seen that type of behaviour from him for a while. Not since the times they first met, when they hardly even considered themselves friends. Tony gently pushes Peter in an effort to persuade him to leave, but Peter resists like a rigid old oak tree. He is standing imperturbably on the lab floor, gripping his feet so tightly that it feels as if he’s superglued himself down on the vinyl. Tony continues to look at Peter as if he’s a reflection of who he used to be, as if he had travelled back in time to examine himself when he was Peter’s age. His hand strays and his determination to rid Peter wanes. Somehow, he manages a faint smile.
“I’m not,” Tony says. “Look-,” he takes Peter to the side of the lab. He sits down on the sofa, lets Peter sit beside him. Peter gets a good look into Tony’s eyes, sees the worry behind them, and the shake of his hands as he sits down. “Pepper told me something- when you were in the room with Miles- and I- well, I’m freaking out.”
“What was it?”
“We’re going to have a baby,” he announces. “She’s pregnant.”
Peter grins, not realising that, obviously, Tony didn’t seem over the moon with the news. Peter couldn’t figure out how he was feeling (even though he had told him so second before). Yet, he’s still so excited! A little baby? He couldn’t wait to be there for them. “That’s awesome, Mr Stark!”
Tony’s face falls. His head hits the back of his sofa, the sound of the impact making a soft noise. He closes his eyes, breathes in slowly. Peter watches as he clenches and then unclenches his hands. He hears his heartbeat increase. Peter, though, is confused.
Why was Tony upset?
Tony’s silent, and Peter doesn’t know what to say so he stays quiet too (which, for him, is really hard). Peter’s watching him through the corner of his eye. Tony’s a movie, one that’s been paused for hours but one that you really want to play. He’s desperate for Tony to speak, to let him know why he’s feeling like this- but Peter hasn’t got the remote and he can’t control Tony’s head. No matter how hard he tried.
Tony’s eyes finally open. He turns his heads sideways, looks at Peter. He still looks downtrodden.
“See, that’s how I thought I’d feel. I thought I’d be excited as you are,” Tony says, eventually. He speaks softly, quietly. It’s not like Tony usually would act. “And I am. You know… excited. Ever since you came along and I gave in about how much I cared for you, I, uh, wanted to have another kid- and Pepper agreed. So, I knew this was coming… but… now? Now that it is happening, I don’t know how to feel. I’m scared, kid.”
Peter kept listening, not wanting to interrupt Tony. He did, however, take Tony’s hand once he saw it begin to shake faster than it had before they sat down. He leans into him, puts his head on Tony’s shoulder and smiles when Tony’s breath exhales and his heartrate stabilises (not to a normal rate, but slower than it was before).
“I’m not a normal person, Pete. I’m- you know- I’m a superhero. I’m a billionaire, a very famous man.”
“Egotistical too, apparently,” Peter mumbles underneath his breath, jokingly.
Tony jabs him in the side and laughs softly. Peter immediately smiles. He loves that sound. Whenever he hears it, he smiles too, and sometimes he found it hard not to laugh along with him. Tony leans over, kisses him on the top of his head.
“What I was saying, kid, before you interrupted me… People saw you with me once and look what happened. I’m not saying that you wouldn’t be as important to me, but if the media caught wind of this kid- what on earth is going to happen to them?” Tony says. He sighs, bites his lip and looks back up the ceiling. “And I’m not a good man, no matter how much you say it. My dad screwed me up, and I know I will mess this kid up too…and I don’t want to do that to them.”
Peter understood how insecurities bubbled, especially ones present since a young age. Tony’s been told his entire life that he wasn’t good enough, despite the fact that Peter knew he was one of the best people on planet Earth. He thought he was this convoluted, and cruel, version of himself that his father’s words tried to mould him into, never understanding how other people saw him.
The world pictured Tony Stark with wings and a halo, yet Tony saw himself as a fallen angel- stuck beneath the surface with no way out.
“You’re wrong,” Peter says. He sits up so he’s not leant against Tony. He sits up on his knees, turns Tony’s head towards him and stares forward with a stubborn look on his face. “No, you’re wrong, Tony!”
“Kid- I-,”
“No, listen to me, Mr Stark. You’re a brilliant man. I love you, Tony. Even though you thought you hated me when we first met, you made sure I was fed, and always made sure I was okay. You hold me when I’m sad, care for me like a dad would even though we don’t share any blood. There’s no way you could ever mess a kid up unless your personality did a full 180. You are exactly the type of man any child would dream of having as a father, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world to even have a bit of that part of you as mine.”
“…Pete,” Tony sniffs. “I love you too,” he says, leaning over and taking Peter into a hug. He holds them so they’re chest to chest. Peter’s hair gets in Tony’s face, but he doesn’t care. His eyes well up, though he tries not to show Peter that fact. “Thank you for saying that, buddy.” Tony pulls away but puts his hands on the sides of Peter’s cheeks. “Just know, Petey-Pie, there’s not one second since this new baby arrives that you will be forgotten. Just because they will be biologically mine, does not mean I don’t love you as much as them.”
“I know, Mr Stark,” Peter says, truthfully.
There was never a single moment in which Peter thought Tony would let him feel lost or that he’d leave him behind because of a new baby. Which is an honest testament to how good of a person and dad Tony will be. No, not that he will be, because he already is. He’s simply the best dad in the world.