Chapter 8
Bucky is secretly really glad when Steve and Tony's wedding day arrives. It'll at least keep him busy for the whole weekend. The wedding is held at a beautiful location out of town and all the guest will stay at a hotel a few miles located from the actual wedding. He's happy to be away from home, even for a little while.
''Nervous?''
He blinks the thoughts away, turning his head to look at Sam who's driving. The wedding isn't until tomorrow but they decided to go to the hotel a day early. Tony and Steve will be there, too.
''Why should I be nervous? Bucky asks, ''I'm not the one getting married.'' He's merely Steve's best man, so as long as he doesn't drop the rings he should be fine.
Sam doesn't take his eyes off the road as he reaches out, curling his fingers around Bucky's vibranium hand. He only now notices that they are slightly shaking. His first instinct is to pull his hand back before remembering Sam reached out to touch him.
He doesn't even know why he's shaking, suddenly feeling the buzzing anxiety that possesses his body. It's probably the stress from the past few days leaving his body now he gets the change to finally relax.
''What's on your mind?'' Sam asks, quickly glancing at Bucky before turning his eyes back to the road. He takes a deep breath before answering. He can't exactly say; I realised I'm into you and now I'm constantly feeling on edge whenever you're near.
Sam keeps holding his hand as the silence drags on.
''I don't know.'' Bucky settles for. ''Just stressed from work.'' It's a lame excuse but he doesn't know how to explain what's really going on without spilling the whole truth. He's still trying to wrap his own head around the fact that he's attracted to Sam so he's not ready to drop that bomb on Sam, too.
Sam softly squeezes his hand and hums. ''You work too much.'' he comments, not unkindly. ''It's not a shame to take a break once in a while.''
''Right.'' Bucky stretches the word. ''How many days in a week do you work again?''
He smiles as Sam grins before letting go of Bucky's hand to squeeze his knee in answer. Something hot burns inside his tummy when Sam touches him so casually, the warmth of his skin seeping through the material of his jeans.
''I love my job.''
''And I don't?'' Bucky asks.
Sam shrugs. ''I didn't say that. I'm only saying you should focus on yourself a bit more. You're always so busy taking care of others, I just worry you forget you're important, too.''
Bucky falls silent, not knowing what to say because-
Yeah.
Of course Sam is right, he always is. Bucky works too hard, sometimes even going to work when his body is begging for rest. Some days his shoulder hurts like a bitch, something that often happens since the accident, but he still goes to work. Pushing through is what he does best.
They arrive at the hotel before Bucky can answer, grateful for a way out. He gets out and stretches his back, groaning in satisfaction when he feels his joints crack.
Sam laughs at him as he closes the door. ''You're getting old.'' he says.
''Fuck off, Wilson.'' Bucky cracks his knuckles, just to irritate Sam a bit more. He laughs when he sees his face.
''You're so annoying.'' Sam rolls his eyes but there's a smile on his face. Bucky simply shrugs before retrieving his bag from the backseat.
The hotel looks nice on the outside but is even more impressive once they step inside. A thick carpet underneath their feet, huge flower arrangements everywhere they look and chandeliers dangling from the ceiling.
Bucky whistles lowly as he takes it all in. ''Steve and Tony certainly didn't hold back.'' he comments, slowly following Sam towards the front desk. ''You know Tony, he never holds back.'' Sam points out and Bucky hums in agreement.
He waits for Sam as he checks in, quickly checking his messages. It doesn't take very long before Sam returns, a weird look on his face. He doesn't look unhappy or anything, just .. weird.
''You got the keys?'' Bucky asks, holding out his hand so Sam can hand him his key. They're on the same floor as Wade, Peter, Natasha and Clint, that's all they knew before coming down here.
Sam swallows visibly and Bucky forces to keep his calm. It's not exactly family-friendly to give Sam a hickey in the middle of the lobby. He drags his eyes away from his throat, ignoring the pull behind his ribs.
There it is again.
Shit.
''Yeah, uhm.'' Sam holds out a key for Bucky to take but he only frowns.
''Apparently we're sharing.'' Bucky's brain stops working. ''All the rooms are booked so they needed to move things around a bit to make sure everyone had a place to stay.'' Sam explain, suddenly seeming nervous. Which, okay?
Bucky takes the key from Sam, flickering his eyes down to look at the room number. This is fine. They're adults, there's no reason why they can't share a room for two nights. They share an apartment for God sakes, how is sharing a hotel room any different?
**
Apparently the universe is out to get him.
There's only one fucking bed.
Bucky wants to hit his head against the wall. How is this his life? What did he ever do so wrong to be punished like this?
It's a nice suite; a small kitchen, a living room area, a luxurious bathroom and the bedroom. With only one bed. It's a double so there's room enough for both of them but his skin feels clammy just thinking about sharing a bed with Sam.
He turns his head to look at Sam. ''I can just take the couch.'' Bucky proposes but Sam is quick to shake his head in disapproval.
''You're not sleeping on the damn couch when there's a perfectly fine bed right here, Buck.''
Bucky lets the nickname slide. He tries not to think about how it makes him feel when Sam calls him that. Instead he shrugs, trying to come across as casual.
''I don't mind.'' he answers. ''Besides, I'm a restless sleeper. I don't want to keep you up with my tossing and turning all night.''
He doesn't say that he's scared he'll have a nightmare while Sam is directly beside him. It's one thing when it happens at home when they're in their own rooms, at least a whole wall separating them. It feels different so close, more scary.
''No worries.'' Sam throws his own bag on the bed. ''If you kick me I'll just kick back.'' A beautiful grin is decorating his face and Bucky needs to hold himself back from cuddling him.
God, he's pathetic.
He tries to come up with a logic reason for them to not share but he comes up with nothing. He's sure that the reason 'I'm afraid I'll pop a boner the second we lay down'' isn't very qualified. That's why he rolls his eyes, trying to come off as casual.
''Fine. But don't come crying to me afterwards when I get too rough with you.''
They share a look and immediately Bucky backtracks.
''That's not what I meant.''
''No?'' Sam laughs. ''what did you mean, then?''
''I'm- I didn't-'' He sputters, eventually giving up because Sam keeps fucking laughing at him. ''You're a child.'' Bucky settles for.
It only makes Sam laugh harder.
They spend the rest of their evening with Tony and Steve. The couple seems a bit nervous for the wedding but Bucky can tell they're only happy nerves. It's also excitement, as if they can't wait for the big day to finally arrive.
For dinner they go down to the restaurant, taking their time to settle down and catch up. During the weeks they're always so busy with work, it's nice that they can finally have a quiet moment.
Bucky finds himself actually enjoying himself. All the stress and anxiety left his body, making room for happiness and calm. A small part of him keeps waiting for something to happen that'll make him pull back into his shell but it never comes.
Tony and Steve are the happy couple they've always been, giggling the whole time as they eat and drink. Sam is loud, as always, cracking jokes and making them all laugh. A few years ago Bucky would have clawed his eyes out by frustration, not knowing how to deal with Sam being so obnoxious.
Now he only has eyes for him.
He doesn't speak a lot but he never does. Bucky likes to think he's more of an observer instead of a talker, not minding to simply listen. He basks in the warm feeling that coils inside his tummy as he listens to Sam talk, his eyes trying to take everything in at once.
They eat. They drink. They talk and laugh. Bucky's so happy he feels like he's going to combust, his skin buzzing with excitement and joy. Steve and Tony leave the table for a moment and Sam immediately turns towards Bucky. His dark eyes bore in Bucky's.
''You're quiet.'' he states, startling Bucky a little bit. He didn't expect the question, especially not with the matching worried gleam in Sam's eyes. ''You okay?''
Bucky can't do anything else besides smile like a love-sick dork, quietly accepting the fact that the squeeze behind is ribs is something permanent around Sam.
''Yeah.'' he answers. ''Never been better.''
**
Anxiety starts to creep up on him again when they return to their hotel room.
Tony and Steve left an hour ago, too drunk on love for them to continue their conversation. Bucky forced them up to their own room when Tony's hands began to wander. He loves them both but that's something he doesn't need to see, thank you very much.
Sam and him stayed for a little while longer, drinking coffee and talking about the wedding. They don't have to get up early in the morning but eventually they both decided it was better to turn in for the night.
He's freaking out.
Sharing an apartment with Sam is difficult enough at times, especially when Sam takes a shower and stalks around the apartment with only a towel around his waist. How the fuck is he going to survive sleeping next to him?
He's considering crawling in between Tony and Steve, they can have sex for the rest of their lives anyway, when Sam waves his hand in front of his face. He snaps out of it, eyes settling on Sam's worried face.
''Are you sure you're okay? You seem .. off.''
Bucky nods before clearing his throat. ''I'm just tired, was a long day.''
Sam doesn't believe him, it's written all over his face, but he merely hums in answer. He doesn't push, as if he realises Bucky doesn't want to talk about it.
He lets Sam have the shower first so he can have a moment for himself. This shouldn't be a big thing, it isn't a big thing, and it frustrates him that it does feel like a big thing. His heart needs to understand that nothing else is going to happen beside sleeping.
After Sam returns he locks himself away in the bathroom, taking a shower and letting the hot water burn down his back. It gives him something else to focus on aside from the war going on inside his head. Suddenly he feels exhausted, all the excitement and happiness from before slowly leaving him.
Sam's already in bed when he returns, thumbing away at his phone. He doesn't look up when Bucky shuffles into the room, turning the lights off before he also slips underneath the covers. The light from Sam's phone illuminates his handsome face so Bucky is a little sad when he turns it off.
The darkness provides him enough safety to remove his shirt before laying down. They turn to their sides at the same time, facing each other in the dark. It's too dark to see clearly but he can vaguely make out the shape of Sam's face and his body.
His heart is racing inside his chest and for a minute he's worried Sam can hear.
''Buck?''
Sam's soft voice breaks the silence so abruptly his heart stutters roughly behind his ribs. He hums softly in answer as he tries to get his heartbeat back to normal.
''Do you ever wanna get married?''
He frowns, a bit frustrated he can't see Sam's face.
''Yeah.'' he breathes out. ''I mean, I never really thought about it? But when I see Steve with Tony, the way they look at each other ..'' Sam keeps quiet as he gathers his thought. ''Marrying the person you love seems really nice.''
Darkness always feel safer when he speaks about his feelings, maybe that's also why he is so easy with his answer. Besides, it's the truth.
''What about you?'' he asks, shuffling a bit closer to Sam. There's more than enough room for both of them but his fingertips bump against Sam's in the middle of the bed nevertheless. He doesn't pull his hand back.
Sam heaves a deep breath. ''I want to get married, too.'' His fingers slowly uncurl so they brush against Bucky's. Warmth spreads out from where they touch.
''Did you want to marry Brian?'' he whispers, afraid of overstepping a line. Sam never speaks about his ex since he moved in but he was there during the aftermath. They were clearly in love before Sam found Brian in bed with someone else. That must have hurt.
Bucky carefully lets his fingers slide in between Sam's, smiling softly when Sam wastes to time in squeezing his hand. His answer surprises Bucky.
''No.'' He swallows audibly in the silence. ''I thought I loved him but I never saw a future for us. Brian believed marriage was only a piece of paper, never really cared about it.''
His body moves towards Bucky and he tries not to choke. They're so close now he can feel their bend knees almost touching beneath the blanket.
''I want a big family with two or three kids.'' Sam's voice is quiet, like he's speaking about something he shouldn't. Like it's a secret.
''I take it Brian didn't like children so much.'' Bucky answers, allowing himself to softly run his fingertips over Sam's wrist. There's a tension building between them the longer they speak and the closer they move. A small part of him is selfish, yearning for Sam to touch him, do anything. No matter how small.
Sam huffs out a laugh. ''Nope.'' he agrees, sighing again. ''How about you?''
''I love kids.'' Bucky confesses, a bit angry at the way his voice comes out all soft.
''Why do you sound so sad about that?''
Bucky shrugs. He tries not to flinch when Sam's hand starts to travel up his arm, eventually settling in the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Everything inside his head stutters to a halt and goosebumps break out on his skin.
''I'm not exactly lucky concerning love.'' Sam's thumb starts rubbing over his skin, making him forget how to function. It feels like there's no remaining space between them, the air prickling with tension and something he can't pinpoint.
''Don't be stupid.'' Sam mutters, poking him in the chest with his free hand. Bucky reaches out with his vibranium hand to take it and hold their joined hands against his chest. ''Every girl would be lucky to have you.''
The words hang between them as they settle. The way Sam spoke them indicate there's more to them than just an opinion. Bucky slowly starts to understand what is going on, his head finally catching up with what his body already understood.
The touching. Sam moving closer. His double-meaning words. How they're spoken.
Oh, God.
Fuck.
He's going to die well before Sam does as much as kiss him.
''I don't want any girl.'' he confesses in a whisper, squeezing Sam's hand that's resting against his chest. Sam must feel his heart vibrating behind his ribs, no doubt about it, but he doesn't shy away this time.
Sam's body moves closer again and Bucky unconsciously moves along with him. The anticipation is killing him, threatening to squeeze his lungs until there's no air left.
''The same goes for guys, you dork.'' Sam jokes but Bucky notices that edge again, as if he's asking a question without actually asking it. ''They're pretty stupid if they're not willing to throw themselves at your feet.''
The rubber band inside Bucky snaps.
''Then you must be a fucking idiot because I'm still waiting for you to kiss me.''
Despite the darkness Bucky can see the exact moment Sam starts to grin. He wraps his arm around Bucky's waist, moving them until he's on his back with Sam above him. His legs spread on their own accords to grant Sam more room.
''You never made it a secret you thought I'm an idiot either way.'' Sam states, his free hand running up Bucky's ribs. It's scary intimate and totally natural at the same time.
''Maybe if you kiss me I'll reconsider that fact.''
Sam laughs softly, pushing his body against Bucky so he can loom over him with ease. Bucky's blood pumps through his ears and his breathing becomes shallow. The tension is fucking killing him, his hands itch with the need to reach out and pull Sam down.
Before it actually gets that far Sam cradles Bucky's jaw before kissing him.
His whole body goes pliant beneath Sam's hands, everything slowing down until he can only focus on Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.
He knows how to kiss, that's for damn sure. Bucky's stomach gets hot with the way Sam manoeuvres his head the way he wants to, starting out with soft kissing until they grow deeper. Bucky can't help but whimper softly inside Sam's mouth which he uses to his advantage, slipping his tongue past Bucky's lips.
Sam licks inside his mouth as they kiss and his hands roam over Bucky's body, seeming a bit restless as if he doesn't know what part to settle for. Bucky's hip move on their own accord, a moan tearing from his throat when he notices that Sam is hard, too.
Holy fuck.
They part and Bucky flushes when his chest heaves with every intake of breath. He feels ripped apart in the best way possible, just by kissing Sam. Everything inside him is begging for more so he tilts his head upwards, chasing Sam's lips. He can hear Sam's smile when he speaks up.
''So? Did I pass your test?'' His voice sounds deep and a bit gravely, clearly just as affected as Bucky is feeling. It's pathetic how easy he is being, ready to throw himself at Sam after one kiss. His dick disagrees when it twitches at hearing Sam speak.
Fucking traitor.
''I'm not really convinced yet.'' he teases, settling his shaking hands on Sam's sides under his shirt. The muscles shift underneath them when Sam moves. Suddenly Bucky isn't so ashamed anymore for reacting so strongly. He wanted this so badly for so long, even without realising, that it's quite normal for him to react like this now he can finally have it.
Sam makes a soft humming sound. ''No?'' he asks. ''Maybe I need to put a bit more effort into it, then.''
Bucky doesn't get the change to ask what he means because suddenly Sam's hand dips lower and settles between Bucky's legs. The air gets knocked from his chest and an embarrassing sound rips from his throat.
''That's- y-yeah.'' He breathes, squeezing his eyes shut when Sam starts to move his hand. There's still a layer of fabric between his cock and Sam's hand but his body doesn't seem to mind. His dick starts filling up even more as Sam palms over him.
He starts pressing open-mouth kisses against Bucky's neck, not stopping the movements of his hand. ''Feels good?'' he whispers and Bucky nods his head sharply, can only focus on the delicious friction that Sam provides him.
His whole body goes taut when Sam's fingers move, slowly untying the cord from Bucky's joggers. He picks up on it immediately, pulling his head back so he can kiss him softly. ''Hey. Still okay?''
Bucky nods but his fingers grip Sam's biceps a little too harshly. The anxiety starts rushing back but it keeps at bay with Sam so close. He's still processing that this is happening. That Sam is kissing him and touching him and-
It's a lot.
''We don't have to do anything you don't want, baby.'' Sam reminds him. His free hand comes up to cradle the side of his face, thumbing softly over Bucky's cheekbone.
''I want to.'' Bucky swallows, basking in the way Sam called him baby. He isn't one to really enjoy sappy nicknames but with Sam it's different. Everything is different with Sam. Maybe that's the thing. His heart knows but his head is a little slow on the update.
''Yeah?'' Sam bends down to kiss him again, slower this time but with just as much feeling. His body starts to react again, nerves now a distant buzzing.
He presses a kiss against Sam's nose, smiling when he can see the vague outlines of Sam's own smile. ''Just- nervous.'' Bucky whispers, tracing his fingers over his partner's chest.
He's a little scared he's going to lose it the second Sam touches him.
Luckily Sam doesn't mind, pressing another kiss to his lips. ''We have all night.'' he promises and, fuck. If that doesn't make something hot coil inside his tummy.
Now he has permission Sam doesn't waste any more time. His hand dips underneath Bucky's joggers and he groans, pulling Bucky closer. ''Fuck, that's hot.'' Sam curls his fingers around Bucky's member, obviously pleased that he went commando.
Bucky's hips buck up at the sudden contact and he moans softly inside Sam's mouth when he kisses him again. His lover sets a nice pace; pulling him off with little finesse but a lot of intention.
After a while he grows impatient. Bucky tries to catch his breath when Sam lets go of him, sitting back on his heels so he can remove Bucky's joggers. He throws them next to the bed and his own shirt follows when Bucky tugs at the hem, quietly asking him to get rid of it.
''You're beautiful.'' Sam whispers, bending his back to press a kiss against Bucky's chest. He follows a path downwards, smiling against the skin. Bucky laughs a bit breathless.
''It's dark, Samuel. You can't see shit.'' His words cut off into a groan when Sam softly bites the inside of his thigh. ''I don't have to see to know you look fucking gorgeous.'' Sam answers simply before he continues his path.
He takes his time. Bucky tries to hold himself together while Sam works over his body; gently working the skin between his teeth before licking over it to sooth the stinging pain. Bucky's so hard, he can't remember ever being this turned on. His cock is steadily leaking on his tummy, precum dribbling from the tip every time Sam touching him just right.
Bucky whines at the loss when Sam's lips disappear. Sam quietly shushes him as the mattress gently rocks beneath Bucky's back with Sam's movements. It's too dark to see what he's doing so he waits.
His lover crawls back over his body again, Sam's lips finding Bucky's in the dark. 'So good for me,'' Sam whispers, ''making the prettiest noises.'' Bucky can't help but let out a high keening sound when Sam wraps his hand around him again, grinning against his lips as if he's pleased Bucky proves his point.
Sam starts to jerk him off slowly, taking his time as Bucky slowly falls apart beneath him. Every time he rubs his thumb underneath the head of his cock Bucky's whole body goes rigid as arousal shoots through his belly.
''Please-'' Bucky tries to cooperate when Sam kisses him but it's so hard to focus when his partner touches him like this, his hand creating a delicious friction, slowly pushing him towards the edge.
Sam shushes him quietly, pressing a hot kiss against his lips. His hand keeps going in a steady rhythm, sometimes speeding up and pulling Bucky right towards the edge before he slows down again.
''I'll take good care of you.'' Sam promises. He moves his head to Bucky's neck, focussing on his pulse point where he presses hot kisses against the skin. Bucky's heart flutters underneath Sam's tongue.
The familiar pull starts in his belly, warning him he's getting close. His moans get more high-pitched the more Sam gives him, clinging to him as he lets it happen.
''Sam, fuck-'' He cries out as Sam reaches down, a dry finger ghosting over Bucky's hole.
''Are you gonna come?'' Sam's voice sounds wrecked and Bucky notices the way his movements are becoming more erratic, his hand sliding wetly over Bucky's dick. He doesn't find it in him to properly answer, a hoarse 'yeah' pushed out of his chest when he throws his head back against the pillow.
Sam immediately latches on, pressing wet kisses against his throat. ''C'mon,'' he whispers, ''let go, baby.''
He presses the pad of his finger more firmly against Bucky's hole and Bucky's done. He tips over the edge and Sam kisses him through it, swallowing every moan as if he's starving.
It feels like he keeps coming, his whole body trembling as Sam holds him through it. ''That's it.'' Sam's voice fills his ear and a soft kiss is pressed against the skin beneath his ear. ''You did so good, Buck.''
The praise makes his cock stir but he's too spend to go again, merely moaning weakly as Sam kisses him again. He tries to get his brain back online when he feels Sam grind against his hip, more shallow as if he's can't help himself.
Bucky feels spend but he still reaches out.
''Let me-'' Sam gently takes his hand, entwining their fingers before he presses a kiss against Bucky's knuckles.
''Just relax for me, baby.'' Sam says, removing his boxers before shifting on his knees. He presses a hand down on Bucky's torso to keep himself somewhat upright and his free hand wraps around his own cock. Sam starts to jack himself off, groaning in satisfaction.
Bucky can't really see because of the darkness but he can see just enough; the way Sam's chest is trembling with every intake of breath, the way his legs are shaking, his hand working over himself as he chases his orgasm.
His dark eyes are hyper-focused on Bucky, even in the dark he can see the way they're staring straight at him. There's something very intimate at the way they look at each other, even more than Sam jerking off in front of Bucky.
Sam's moans grow deeper the closer he gets, Bucky can see it happening. A warm feeling spreads through his chest and the same pull tugs.
He carefully leans up on his elbows without knocking Sam over, claiming his mouth in a searing kiss. After a while Sam's only moaning and breathing against Bucky's lips instead of returning the kiss. Bucky doesn't mind, softly biting Sam's bottom lip.
''Come for me, sweetheart.''
Apparently it's the final push Sam needed because his whole body locks up as he comes, shooting across Bucky's chest. He milks himself dry until the pleasure fades into painful, cursing softly before claiming Bucky's lips in another kiss.
They trade soft kisses as Sam comes down from his high, his warm hands roaming over Bucky's body. He tries to stay calm but everything catches up with him so fast he feels a bit choked-up.
It's a whole other feeling to have this with Sam, the man he wanted for so long. There was a time where they didn't get along, at all, but with the way he feels right now he can't even remember why they hated each other in the first place. His heart is ready to burst from his chest with emotions for this gorgeous man.
He lets Sam kiss him even long after his eyes start burning from exhausting. He lets Sam clean them both up before they cuddle up underneath the covers. He lets Sam's strong arms pull him close.
He lets everything happens because he doesn't think there's a single thing he won't give to Sam at this point.