Heavy Load
“What are we dealing with, Captain?” Barbara asked as a formality. All she needed to know was right in front of her eyes.
“Car crashed into a tree. We got the driver’s out, but she’s unresponsive and losing a lot of blood. Left leg was stuck.” Melissa explained.
“Scene’s medical now.” the older woman stated before instructing her team “Janine, check her vitals. Jacob, get a tourniquet for her leg.”
One single look at Barbara Howard was enough to recognize her worth as a paramedic. By witnessing her in action, no one would’ve been able to tell she had only recently gone back to saving lives. It was what she was meant to do, and returning to her calling simply felt natural to someone like her. From the day she breathed life into a patient for the first time, she had forever become one with her job. She always appeared confident and prepared, and she was, but there were times in which she highly questioned herself, and those doubts were still dormant in the back of her mind, waiting to jump out when triggered.
“Captain, the patient’s wearing a medical alert bracelet: it says she’s pregnant .” Janine Teagues said, making Barbara’s heart sink.
“I managed to stop the bleeding, but she’s still out, Cap.” Jacob Hill added, repeating himself after a long silence “Captain, is everything okay?”
They were both waiting for further directions from their superior, but the woman was not answering.
Learning that she was treating a pregnant woman made Barbara feel like she was being choked. She couldn’t breath and her head shut down completely, making her unable to hear or see what was happening around her. It was the worst time for the ghosts from her past to collect their due, and she had to do something to stop them before it was too late to save her patient.
“Captain Howard, what’s going on?” Melissa asked with a worried look. Her team was still securing the nearby area.
“What?” Barbara replied, slowly coming back to reality.
“You froze for a moment there, how are you?” the firefighter asked, putting her hand on her colleague’s shoulder.
“I don’t freeze, Captain Schemmenti. Please, step aside. We let you do your job, now let us do ours.” the paramedic said, distancing herself from the other woman.
Melissa was once again regretting everything about their interaction. Every conversation they ever had, with maybe a couple exceptions, ended with her feeling angry and hurt, and yet she kept making the same mistake over and over again. It was obvious that their relationship was never going to evolve into the friendly kind, but deep inside there was something telling the redhead that things could be better.
“Get her on the gurney, we’ll keep working on the ambulance. All we can do right now is keep her stable, the hospital is going to take care of the rest.” Barbara said, her eyes fixed on the pregnant woman laying in front of her.
“Captain, she’s going into cardiac arrest.” Janine alerted, a ceaseless beep coming from the monitor.
“It must be blood-loss induced. I’m starting CPR.” her superior announced, kneeling next to the patient before putting both hands on her sternum. Everyone was holding their breath.
Captain Howard knew she couldn’t lose someone, not in that way. That woman was going to live and meet her baby: there was no other outcome allowed. “Come on, don’t give up.” She whispered. She was talking to the patient, but also to herself. She could feel life slipping away from that young mother.
“Cap, she’s back!” Jacob cheered. The patient was stable again.
“Good job, team. Let’s go, we can’t wait any longer.” Barbara said, letting out a sigh of relief. In moments like that, she knew God was somewhere up in the sky.
“Evening, people.” Melissa said while walking up to the table her fellow firefighters were sitting at.
“Captain, you made it!” Stevens exclaimed “Ah! Juan, you owe me.”
“I totally thought you were gonna stand us up, Cap. I even bet on it!” Martinez playfully replied.
“Evening, Cap.” Borowski added with a nod.
Melissa didn’t really feel like going out, but she knew what it meant to the team’s morale. Spending some extra time with the people who risked their life by her side everyday was a simple way to bond with them and earn their trust: saying no to a night out would’ve made her come off as a very different leader from the one she wanted to be. Also, a drink was exactly what she needed to ease up a bit from what was going on in her life.
“Come on, youse guys. Our twenty-four hour long shift just ended, and it’s a Friday night. Even old ladies like me deserve some fun!” the redhead joked, taking a seat.
“Amen to that.” Stevens commented, raising her glass for a toast.
“Hey, I know Ava’s too cool for us, but where are the nerds at?” Martinez asked.
“There they are! Is that…Captain Howard with them?” Borowski said with a surprised look on his face. The news made Melissa turn around so suddenly she almost broke her neck.
Barbara entered the room right after Janine and Jacob, who had somehow talked her into joining their little party. Although she wasn’t used to that kind of activity anymore, especially after having her daughter, she convinced herself it was what it would take to distract herself from a tough call like the one she had earlier that day.
“Good evening.” Barbara timidly said.
“Evening, Captain. Wow, I can’t believe I got to say that twice tonight!” Borowski replied, making his colleagues smile. “Please, take a seat.”
“All right now, what’s everyone drinking?” Melissa asked “I’m paying a visit to the bar.”
Melissa noticed that Barbara was trying to avoid looking at her, and she didn’t want the others to make it weird by stressing the fact that they were all hanging out together. She wasn’t expecting to see her there, and sitting right next to each other made the firefighter pretty nervous, so she came up with an excuse to leave the table.
“That surely is a lot of glass to carry, need help?” Barbara asked, leaning against the counter.
“Heavy load, right? It’s a good thing the kids have a day off tomorrow.” Melissa replied with an awkward smile.
“Right…Listen, I’m sorry about what happened earlier.” the brunette explained “I didn’t mean to be rude. I did freeze, it’s true.”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s a tough job. I do it all the time.” the redhead replied, trying to hide her surprise. Was the Barbara Howard actually apologizing to her?
“No, you don’t. I’ve seen you out there.” the paramedic noted.
The two women were finally having a peaceful conversation after knowing each other for almost three months, and not a single sip of alcohol was involved in the magic.
“You’ve seen me? I know I look good in a fire suit, but Mrs. Howard…” Melissa boldly joked.
“It’s “Miss” now.” the older woman said, blood flowing to her cheeks. “Anyway, there’s a reason why I reacted the way I did.”
Flirting while opening up about her traumatic past was not in Barbara’s bingo card, but it was already strange enough to be in the other woman’s company under such circumstances, so she just let it all happen.
“Do you feel like talking ‘bout it? Rumor has it I’m a decent listener.” the younger woman asked while looking into her eyes.
“Yes, actually.” Barbara explained ”I froze because…I lost a pregnant patient in a similar way a long time ago. She was so young, and so close to meeting her baby: they both didn’t make it.”
“God, I’m so sorry.” Melissa replied, any other word failing to come out.
“I was so desperate that I stopped breathing, I felt like I was dying with her. Next thing I remember, I was in a hospital bed, and the doctor was talking to me. Did you know what he said?” the paramedic asked, not expecting an answer “He said I was pregnant. That was supposed to be the greatest news I had ever received in my life, you know? We had tried everything to have a baby, and we were about to give up, but I hated myself too much to rejoice about it. I still haven’t forgiven myself for what happened.”
“Sick fucking universe.” the firefighter said, warm tears slowly running down her cheeks.
“You can say that. Well, that was my last call. I went on maternity leave and never went back to my old station. This is my daughter Gina, the light of my life. She’s almost seven.” the other woman added, showing her coworker the picture of a small girl.
That explained the gap in the woman's file, but what brought her back? Melissa’s heart broke while listening to Barbara's story. All she wanted to do was hug her and tell her that it wasn’t her fault, that things like that can happen to people in their line of work. She wanted to comfort her, as a friend would, but they weren’t friends: they were just two wounded women crossing paths, and she believed it was better to convince herself that the moment they shared wasn’t going to mean anything the next day. She knew it was the right choice, because by doing so, going back to cold greetings and avoidant looks wasn’t going to hurt as much.