Not the way it was supposed to happen.
Everything in Wakanda felt too bright.
The way the sun filtered into the hospital wing, reflecting off the walls and the endless reflective surfaces. It was maddening.
Tony sat on the floor, his knees pressed against his chest and his face buried in his hands. He strained to hear what was happening on the other side of the wall - but Wakanda excelled in their architectural intregrity just as much as they did with their technology. All Tony heard was silence.
"Tony."
"I don't want to talk to you. I thought you were in there helping." Tony snapped, refusing to look up at the man. He'd heard him step out, and even then he wasn't graced with hearing anything from in the room where they were working on Peter - doing everything they could to save the kid's life. He was promised that they would. That he would survive. But what they were dealing with was unprecedented. Even for them.
"He's still in surgery. I can offer advice. But I can't physically assist with that. They are doing what they can to -"
"What part of, I don't want to talk to you wasn't clear. Unless you're here to tell me he's fine, and I can go in there - I don't -"
"This wasn't what I saw happening. This isn't -" Stephen paused, and if Tony wasn't still fueled with so much rage directed at the damned wizard, he might have noticed the pain in the other man's voice. Tony didn't much care at the moment and Strange cleared his throat, deciding to go in a different direction. Tony wondered if this was the real reason the wizard had come out in the first place. He'd already had the argument with Strange about what was supposed to happen. "Is there anyone important you want me to bring here. The kid's family - or - anyone you will want to be a part of his care team?"
There was something about that question that made Tony freeze. His breath caught in his throat, and even his heart seemed to slow. He felt it stutter, and then resume the way it had been beating fast and hard for the past several hours.
I'm his family. Tony wanted to say. But the words got caught in his throat, and he had to flex his fingers in and out -once- twice- three times, before he had the strength to answer. "His aunt," and he wished it didn't come out sounding so strangled. "I haven't even called her yet." He'd been too much of a coward, if he was being honest. "I- she- she should be here. And um. There's a Dr. Jemma Simmons and her husband. She has experience with enhanced individuals."
Tony didn't exactly trust anyone with SHIELD anymore when it came to their relations with Peter - and it stirred something deep in his gut to ask for them- but he knew Peter would feel more comfortable with their presence. For Peter's sake, Tony would have to save his questions for later.
Strange nodded, and then disappeared.
Tony sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as he let his head fall back against the wall.
"Peter- Peter. It's okay; I've got you," Tony promised, clinging the screaming 16 year old to his chest. Peter writhed angrily in his arms and it took everything in Tony to not let him go. "He's still alive. We can - we can help him. We need to help him. Help me."
Tony didn't even know who he was talking to, he begged anyone who would listen. The stunned silence of everyone around him was deafening next to the sound of the kid's screams. Until the screaming stopped -- just as quickly as it started. And god - that was worse. Peter's body seized in his arms, gasping, and fresh panic washed over Tony as he gripped him impossibly tighter. Desperation and fear was the only things running through Tony, keeping him steady. His blood felt like ice.
"Peter. Breathe. Just. Keep Breathing. We're going to get you help. Just keep breathing. You're doing great. There you go."
Tony groaned, pushing himself up off the ground - returning to pacing instead. Every time he started to close his eyes - he was back at the compound, holding Peter with his gut-wrenching scream reverberating through his bones. It was a form of torture that rivalled open heart surgery in a cave.
It had been hours.
Twelve hours since he'd finally gotten Peter back.
Ten hours since Peter stole the stones from him and snapped his fingers, and saved the world from Thanos's destruction.
Ten hours since he placed Peter's limp body on a bed in Wakanda before being pushed out of the room.
Even in death, Thanos still seemed to win.
Pepper had been there with him for the first two hours. Mostly sitting with him in silence. Holding his hand when Tony allowed her, hugging him when he needed one. But after two hours, Tony insisted that she go back home to Morgan with promises of keeping her updated. She left hesitantly, but knew that ultimately, there was only so much she could do for him there and their daughter needed to have at least one of their parents return home to her. Happy loved Morgan, but he'd never had her over night by himself before. The thought of Happy trying to get Morgan to bed was almost enough to crack a smile on Tony's face. Almost.
"Tony?"
So lost in his thoughts, Tony hadn't heard the electrifying sound of one of Stephen's portals open back up at the end of the hallway. The sound of May Parker's voice startled him, and immediately he felt his already tense shoulders grow impossibly more stiff. A lump formed in the back of his throat as he turned to see the woman standing there. She was clutching something to her chest - but Tony couldn't see what it was. There were tear tracks running down her face, and he suddenly realized that she's probably been spending the last twelve hours looking for Peter.
God, he was such a selfish asshole. A cursed selfish asshole.
In a blink, May was right in front of him, wrapping her arms tightly around him in a bone crushing hug - and was she trying to comfort him? What the fuck?
"May, I'm so sorry." Tony gasped, refusing to melt into the hug - he couldn't. This was his fault. If May noticed that he didn’t return the hug, she didn’t question it. Instead she poured into her barrage of questions as soon as she pulled away.
"Where is he? Where's Peter? That man - um, Doctor Strange? He didn’t say much. But the world - its chaos. One minute I’m in my apartment by myself, watching the news and trying to call Peter and then - then the there’s another family there and a woman is screaming at me for sleeping with her husband. And I find out it’s been five years. And Peter was no where to be found. I couldn’t get ahold of anyone. My phone didn’t even work. What the hell happened, Tony?”
“He’s in there,” he sighed, and he wished his voice didn’t sound so broken. But how else was he supposed to sound? This whole situation was just so fucked up. “Peter... took on a responsibility he had no business taking on. But he saved the world, May. He saved us all.” He saved me.
“They haven’t let me in yet. But since the wizard left the room, I’m hoping that’s a sign that they’re almost done and will fill us in soon.”
The words had barely left him before the door finally - finally - opened again, revealing the Wakandan Princess that had suggested bringing him to Wakanda in the first place.
Someone new was standing next to him, reaching forward to feel Peter’s pulse. Tony looked up and saw T’Challa solemnly standing behind her.
“Bring him to Wakanda. We can help him there.”
Tony didn’t have the strength to respond, but somehow managed to stand up. Did he - or was someone else pulling him up? There was an orange glow in front of him, that managed to highlight the markings crawling up Peter’s neck from under his suit- and it smelled like tinged skin. Tony was pretty sure if he wasn’t holding onto his son for dear life, he’d be sick. He barely registered someone guiding him through the portal.
“No. Can't afford -- What -- Mr. Stark -- M'sorry --Please.”
"Kid. Don't try and talk. You're okay. You're gonna be okay."
"You'll be able to go in and see him very soon," The princess promised, and she was wringing her hands together. "His enhancements mixed with our advanced technology have helped greatly and will continue to save his life."
"I'm sensing a but here," Tony lifted his brows at the girl - and not for the first time he noted that she didn't seem much older than Peter. But she held herself professionally, and never did it feel like she didn't belong there. He slid his hands into his pockets, in a poor attempt to keep them from shaking too visibly. He waited with bated breath for the girl to continue, and he felt May tense next to him.
Princess Shuri sighed, collecting herself before going on to explain his injuries - how far the damage spread and everything they were able to do to fix as much as they could. The worst of it had obviously been his right arm - and some of his organs on the right side. His right lung had taken such a hit that he nearly needed a transplant. She explained the issues they had in the beginning putting him under - but thankfully with Banner's assistance they were able to figure out the right dosage to make sure he didn't wake up during surgery.
"But his arm," she continued, a break of vulnerability crossed her features, a timidness that didn't seem to fit right on her. But it was gone so fast Tony thought he might have imagined it - perhaps he was just projecting. "We've done everything we can, but... I am unsure we will be able to salvage it. While there are signs that his body is trying to heal itself at a much faster rate than someone like you or I - there is no regenerative processes happening in his right arm that we can see. We didn't -"
A sob echoed through the hall, and Shuri snapped her mouth shut, looking apologetic. Tony winced - he hadn't even thought - May still didn't fully know what had happened to put Peter there - this wasn't exactly easing her into it by any means. The right thing to do would be to try and comfort her, right? How hard was it to reach out and hug her - or squeeze her arm - or something. But he couldn't move. He could barely look at her without the twisting in his gut worsening.
Shuri did have the notion to try and comfort the woman however. She bowed her head in silent apology and touched her fingers gently to May's arm. "I'm so sorry. Can we get this woman some tissues please?" She ordered over her shoulder and in a moment there was someone there, handing both him and May a box of tissues. Tony hadn't even realized until then that he was crying too.
"I'll give you too sometime. The room should be set up for visitors now. But please prepare yourselves. He may not look fully like himself. If you need anything at all, just holler. And I'm sorry, but you won't be able to touch him yet - we have him under a hyperbaric sphere over him for the time being to help assist with the healing process- especially after having such critical surgeries. Are you ready?'
Tony nodded, though he suddenly wasn't sure if he was actually ready. All he'd wanted for the last several hours was to be with Peter - now he felt like too much of a coward to actually go be with him.
May placed her hand on his arm, and he channeled enough courage to walk into the room behind Shuri.
She was right -
He looked nothing like himself.
There were deep shadows under his closed eyes, and he somehow looked smaller. How was that possible already? Thankfully, most of his body was covered, hiding most of the damages and any bandaging he had. He could see the burns from the stones creeping up the right side of his neck though. The sight made his stomach churn, and he practically fell down into one of the chairs next to his bed.
Vaguely, he noticed sit down in the chair next to him, her hand outstretched for a minute before dropping back down into her lap.
His phone buzzed, but he ignored it. For now. He’d update Pepper and anyone else who was contacting him soon enough. If anything, he was sure Banner would. Tony was surprised he hadn’t seen the man since he’d followed a few Wakandans to help with Peter’s care and Shuri had mentioned him. For someone so big, it should have been difficult to miss him.
The two sat in silence for a couple hours. Tony found a semblance of comfort and seeing his kid breathing- after spending another five years thinking he was dead. On top of the thirteen years before that.
Eighteen years thinking his kid was dead. Yet here he was- on the brink of death, sure, but still alive.
“Peter’s my kid.” Tony blurted suddenly, the sound of his voice surprising even himself. It had been weighing on him, pulling at his heart and he needed to get it out there.
”I know you really care about him, Tony-“ May started, sitting up straighter but didn’t take her eyes off of her nephew.
”May, he’s actually my son. DNA match and everything. I found out a few days before squidward showed up looking for the wizard and the world went to shit. He’s my son.” This wasn’t the way he’d imagined having this conversation - and honestly he’d hoped to tell Peter first but, here they were...
“Excuse me?”