Dearest Anthony
When we were young, we would listen to the radio, recording all our favourite songs. When I sang along falsely it made you smile. You would dance with me in the living room, spinning me until me would both fall exhausted on the floor. It was the happiest time of my life, the greatest days of my life, so long ago.
Now I listen to those same songs, reminiscing on a time when I used to be yours. When they get to the part where he breaks her heart it makes me cry. I cry because that was exactly what you have done. Love hurts and scars and maybe my heart was just not strong enough.
You were my shelter, my warmth. Giving my life to me, setting me free from the prison I build myself. And for a second, I would give anything just to have you back again. You were my destiny and when you held my hand, I understood our magic.
We both swore to be true, but maybe we were just too young to understand what that meant. We could be true to each other or true to ourselves. And it is basic nature to protect yourself. Put yourself first. Maybe what we had was never love…. I kind of miss it, whatever it was, because in the end you were the only one who really knew me.
Memories of the angry silence and the look in your eyes at the end, plunged me into a darkness. A darkness that left me with crippling anxiety. I was hoping for the best but expected the worst. Everyone moved on, for me it was the end of the world when we buried your parents.
You watched me walk away. Leave without a trace. I was so scared that day, I wished that you would have stopped me. Gave me some reason to stay… One word….Stay…. would have been enough. But you just stared as I got into the cab.
So now I watch you on the television. Feeling like a stalker some days. I watch your antics and I can see that you aren’t doing great. People thinking nothing is wrong, but I see you. I know you.
You can go to every party, be all funny, laugh and smile, in your drunken haze. Put on that shiny red suit and be the hero, do you really have a death wish? Don’t you care about the people you will leave behind?
Yeah, I saw the pretty blond. Smart and sophisticated. She seems to adore you. Don’t mess it up. Trying to keep your ass in line is an exhausting job, I know. I kind of hope she doesn’t love like I do.
I never fell in love again. You were it for me. I live a life filled with wonderful but safe adventure. I never needed much. Writing to you is making me angry and sad. I want you to be happy. Really happy Tony, but I feel that you’re wasting your life.
I wonder if you sometimes think of me. Dream of what we could have been. I do and my world turns a misty blue.
Next time you fly a missile into space or you piss of some inventor please remember the ones who love you.
Forever in my broken heart…..