Bucky got a little anxious once the packages arrived. Him and Steve had ordered several toys after what happened with Steve's motorcycle, both eager to explore new things together.
Bucky had loved the vibrations of the motorcycle, him and Steve had discussed it and both decided to take the next step and try some vibrating toys. Bucky had been excited to try them. Steve was excited, too.
But in the week it's taken for their order to arrive, Bucky's thought about it more. He's not sure if he can handle this. Specifically, the plugs.
They'd bought a few different sizes of vibrating butt plugs. Bucky hadn't thought too hard about it, he was just too eager to experience the wonders of vibration again to care. But now that he has thought about it, he's uncertain.
When he actually imagines having one of those put up his ass, he thinks of Rumlow.
He's not sure he can handle butt stuff. Him and Steve have only had sex so far with Bucky being the one in Steve's ass. He didn't really ever want to try the other way around.
Rumlow wasn't the only HYDRA agent to rape him. But he was the most frequent, and the most recent, so he's the one that sticks out in Bucky's memories. Rumlow had stuck plenty of things up Bucky's ass. His dick, his fingers, toys, his stun baton, even the barrel of his gun. It's all Bucky can think about when he imagines anything going up there now. He tries to shut the memories out, he's with Steve now, Steve loves him, Steve would never hurt him. But he can't seem to separate any anal play from his memories of Rumlow raping him.
He wants this. He wants to do fun, sexy things with Steve. He wants to try the plugs, he really wants to feel the vibrations in there, he can just imagine it buzzing against his prostate, he knows it will feel amazing. But Rumlow keeps sneaking into his mind and corrupting his fantasies.
Bucky keeps his thoughts to himself, trying to push them out of his mind as him and Steve get ready to play.
He watches as Steve opens the package, pulling out the contents. His heart speeds up seeing the plugs. But he wants this, he tries to tell himself. It will be different with Steve. Steve loves him. Rumlow's gone. Nothing bad will happen.
"Color?" Steve asks.
Bucky tries to swallow down his fear and anxiety. He wants this, Steve wants this, if he backs down now they've just wasted money on these. What if Steve will be disappointed or angry?
"Green." Bucky says quietly. His eyes hover over the plugs. He needs to calm down. He can do this.
"Are you sure?" Steve asks. "You seem anxious. We don't have to do this if you don't want to."
"I want to." Bucky says. He does want to. He really wants to do this with Steve. He just needs to focus on Steve, and not think of Rumlow.
Steve studies him for a minute. "Alright." He says. "You know we can stop anytime, or slow down if you need a break."
"I'm fine." Bucky insists. "I want this."
"Alright." Steve says hesitantly. "Let's go slow. You know all I want is for you to feel good." Steve picks up the smallest plug. "Let's start small, and see how you feel. We can go from there."
Bucky watches as Steve coats the plug with lube. Maybe that will make it different. Rumlow never used lube. He takes off his pants and underwear, sitting down on the bed.
"You're soft." Steve observes. "Are you really sure you're ready?"
"Green." Says Bucky. "Let's just do it. I'm sure once it's in and we start I'll get stiff."
"Okay, Buck. Get on your hands and knees, and don't forget the stoplights. I promise I won't be mad if you need to stop."
"How many times do I have to say I'm fine!" Bucky huffs, getting impatient. He wants to just get it over with already. "I'm green!"
"I'm just reminding you, Bucky, that's all. I want this to be good for you. For both of us." Says Steve.
Bucky gets on his hands and knees, biting his lip in anticipation as he waits for Steve. His heart is racing, he's trying as hard as he can to not think about Rumlow. He just wants to have fun with Steve.
He shudders a bit as he feels Steve rub some of the lube over his asshole.
"Here it comes." Steve says.
Bucky tries to calm his anxiety as he prepares for the plug to enter him. He can do this, he wants to do this, he thinks to himself. But as soon as he feels the tip of the plug pressing at his hole, he panics. Images of Rumlow flash in his mind, all he can think about is Rumlow, like it's Rumlow about to brutally rape him, instead of Steve gently preparing him for fun.
"Red! Red! Stop!" Bucky cries.
Steve immediately puts the plug down, grabbing Bucky and holding him tight against his chest, running his fingers through his hair and pressing urgent kisses all over his face and head.
"Hey, hey, it's alright, Bucky. I'm here, I've got you. Thank you for using the lights. You did so good, letting me know you needed to stop. You're so good. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"I'm sorry!" Bucky sobs.
"Don't be sorry, sweetheart. It's alright. I'm not upset. I don't want you to push yourself, and I'm glad you didn't. You don't have anything to apologize for." Steve soothes.
"I want to do this, I really want to, Steve! I want the plug in me, I wanna feel it buzzing in my ass, I know I'll like it. I promise I want this with you, I want it so much. But I can't stop thinking about Rumlow. Anything to do with my ass, just reminds me of him raping me!"
Steve pales at hearing that. "Oh, Buck. It's alright. You know I won't push you. I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much. We don't have to do this."
"But I want to! I want to do this, I know Rumlow is gone and things are different, I want him out of my head! I just want to be happy with you. I want this, I promise. I just don't know how to not think about it." Bucky cries, holding onto Steve tight and trying to calm himself. "I want this."
"It's gonna be okay. We can figure something out. I want you to be happy, we both need to enjoy it or there's no point. We can try another time." Says Steve.
"But I want to. I'm sorry. We can keep going. I want this, I just have to get over it. I can handle it, I promise. I'm green." Says Bucky.
"Red. I can't let you push yourself when you're not into it." Steve says.
"But I'm into it! I really am. I just need a minute to calm down. Please don't be mad."
"I'm not mad, Bucky. I just want this to be a fun, good thing for us. It has to be good for both of us. If you really want to, we can try, but you need to promise you won't push yourself."
"I promise. I really want to do this. Let's just slow down. Yellow." Bucky says.
"Yellow." Steve nods. "Okay. We'll go slow. I've got you now, nobody can hurt you anymore. Just focus on me."
Steve keeps eye contact with Bucky as he slides his hand down to between his thighs, pointedly going slow, and watching Bucky for any sign of fear or discomfort.
"I love you, sweetheart. I won't ever do anything to hurt you. It's just me, Steve. There's nobody else here. It's just us. I love you so much, and I want to make you feel good." Steve says, cautiously rubbing around Bucky's asshole with his finger, making sure he's still up for this. "Listen to my voice. Look at my face. It's me." Steve slowly presses the plug into Bucky, gently sliding it in. "You're everything to me. I want you to enjoy yourself. You deserve it."
Bucky keeps his focus on Steve the whole time, taking deep breaths to try to stay calm. He feels the plug go in, and he tries his hardest to concentrate on Steve. And then it's over. The plug is in. He can feel it, it doesn't hurt, it's nothing like anything Rumlow did. Rumlow was rough and cruel, only caring about himself and his own pleasure, and never caring about anyone besides himself. Steve is gentle and kind, he loves Bucky and will always put his feelings first.
"I'm okay." Bucky says. "Thank you for helping me. I love you. I'm green."
Steve kisses Bucky. "I'm glad I could help. Just remember we can stop anytime, and I won't be mad."
"I love you." Bucky says.
"I love you too. Let's get you ready." Says Steve. He gently lays Bucky down on their bed, leaving him with a kiss before he goes to the closet to get a diaper. He goes slow as he puts the diaper on Bucky, being careful around the plug, and making sure it's not too tight, double checking that Bucky is comfortable.
"You're doing so well." Steve praises once Bucky is diapered. He picks Bucky up, holding him and kissing him. Bucky wraps his legs around Steve's waist. He can still feel the plug in his ass, and it still doesn't hurt.
"I bet you're thirsty, aren't you?" Steve teases.
"Green." Says Bucky.
Steve carries Bucky out of the bedroom, and to the kitchen. He opens the fridge, taking out several bottles of water before sitting in one of the dining chairs with Bucky straddling his lap.
"Green?" Steve asks.
"Green." Says Bucky.
Steve uncaps one of the bottles, bringing it to Bucky's mouth and holding it for him as he drinks. Bucky drinks the whole bottle, and they repeat the process several times.
"Have some juice. It will make it easier to drink because it tastes good." Steve says after four bottles.
"Okay." Says Bucky.
Steve gets a glass of apple juice, holding it for Bucky like he had with the bottles, and then he lets Bucky finish the rest of the water, four more bottles.
"Are you feeling okay, Buck? That wasn't too much?" Steve asks. Eight bottles of water is a lot, and would be way too much for an average person, but their enhanced metabolisms allow them to handle it.
"I'm good." Bucky says. He feels so full with all the water and juice, but he still feels okay.
"Alright, doll. Let's watch a movie, yeah? What do you want?" Steve asks.
"It doesn't matter to me. Watch what you want." Says Bucky.
"Are you sure, Buck?"
"Yeah. I'd rather just cuddle. I don't need a movie." Bucky says.
Steve carries him to the couch, where they sit, with Bucky still straddling Steve's lap. He puts his arms around Steve's neck and lays his head on Steve's shoulder.
"You're doing great, doll." Steve says, kissing Bucky's cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too." Bucky answers.
Steve puts on something on the TV, Bucky doesn't pay attention to what. All he wants is to cuddle with Steve, and bask in his love. He's so lucky to have someone like Steve, who loves him no matter what and will never hurt him, who always puts him first and makes sure he's happy.
They cuddle for a long time, with Bucky eventually starting to drift off.
"Don't fall asleep, Buck. We don't wanna miss out on our fun, right?" Steve says, gently rubbing Bucky's back.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm awake." Says Bucky, yawning. He can't fall asleep now. He'll wet himself in his sleep and they'll have to start over, and they both know it.
He already moderately needs to go, with the liquids filtering through him fast.
He cuddles with Steve a while longer, careful to stay awake, until he starts to get desperate.
He shifts a little, squeezing his thighs around Steve's waist. He starts slowly rutting into Steve, just looking for some pressure. He's not really bursting yet, but he's getting there.
"You need to go, darling?" Steve asks, stroking Bucky's hair.
"Yeah. Not really bad yet, but bad enough. It's getting there." Says Bucky.
Steve holds up the tiny remote that controls the butt plugs. "Are you ready to start?" He asks.
Bucky eyes the remote, thinking about it. Why not? What could go wrong? He thinks to himself.
"Green." He decides.
Steve presses the button.
The butt plug turns on and immediately the need amplifies significantly. Bucky can feel it vibrating inside him, buzzing against his prostate making him feel so fucking good. But it also feels like his whole bladder is vibrating, as well as its contents, making him feel like he's about to lose control, even when he had a pretty good grip on it just a minute ago.
"Fuck." He gasps, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lower lip, rutting harder into Steve as his cock starts to firm up. "I'm not gonna last long!"
"That's okay, doll. You know you can let go anytime you want." Says Steve. "Let yourself feel good."
"I do feel good. I feel so fucking good." Bucky chokes out. "I wanna try to hold it. But I don't think I can."
Bucky grinds down on Steve's thighs, thinking it will add some pressure and help him hold it just a bit longer like it usually does, but this time, all it does is press the plug in further, making it grind against his prostate, nearly making him cum right then and there. He swears his vision goes completely blank for a second as he gasps for breath.
Bucky groans and grabs at his crotch, pressing down on his hard cock firmly trying to keep himself from leaking. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He chants, desperately trying to keep control.
"You're doing great, babe. You're so good. Go ahead and piss yourself." Steve encourages. "Soak your diaper on my lap. I still love you."
"I...I wanna...I wanna hold it." Bucky whines, squeezing himself hard through the padding, trembling with the strain as he tries his best to keep it all in. He's definitely about to do something, he's so far gone and feeling so good he can't even tell if it's piss or cum about to leak out of his cock. "I'm gonna piss and cum. I'm gonna do both. I can't stop it."
"It's physically impossible to do both at the same time, sweetheart. Your urethra closes off the bladder when you're cumming." Steve says.
"Well I can't tell which it's gonna be. They're both gonna happen soon. Oh God, it's amazing. It's so amazing, Stevie." Bucky pants.
"Well there's an easy way to find out." Steve says teasingly. He pulls out the vibrating wand, which Bucky didn't even know he had on him. He moans at the sight of it.
"Stevie, what's that for? What are you gonna do with that?"
"Color." Steve says, foregoing a straight answer.
Bucky whines, grinding and rutting against Steve, feeling the plug vibrating inside of him, his bladder spasming harshly and his cock throbbing with need. He thinks hard about his answer. He's not gonna make it much longer either way.
"Green." He says, feeling his bladder and his dick pulsing in unison.
"Move your hands." Steve says.
Bucky slowly obeys, clenching up as hard as he can but still leaking as soon as his hands are no longer applying pressure. He nearly loses control just from the spurt that sprays from his cock, but he manages to cut it off before it becomes a full stream. It still leaves a wet, warm spot in the padding where his tip rests.
Steve turns on the wand, cycling through the vibration speeds and picking the highest one.
"Still green?" He asks.
Bucky nods.
"I need to hear you say it, Buck."
"Green." Bucky whines, feeling his control quickly slipping away the longer he waits.
Steve presses the wand to the front of the diaper, rubbing it up and down Bucky's shaft through the padding.
Bucky gasps, gritting his teeth as he grabs Steve's shoulders, hanging on for dear life as the vibrations both internal and external take over his entire being, feeling like he's about to explode in ecstacy.
"Aaah! I can't, I can't! Oh fuck, Steve! I can't! Oh fuck I can't take it!" Bucky yells.
Steve doesn't stop, Bucky didn't tell him to, Bucky doesn't want him to. He's never felt anything like this. It's fucking bliss.
Piss leaves his cock in sudden spurts, as hard as he's trying to hold it in. The diaper is quickly growing hot and wet around his cock and he's losing it, simply unable to control himself as the vibrations take over.
Steve slides the wand up higher, finding the tip of Bucky's cock and holding it there, pressing it in gently and that's it, that's the end of it, Bucky loses it completely, spraying piss full force as he moans in pleasure. The stream goes strong for a minute before it suddenly stops, but he still needs to go so bad, he's confused for a second before he realizes. It's something else about to leave his cock.
"Oh fuck, Steve! I'm gonna cum!"
"Do it, baby, cum for me. You've been so good."
Bucky cums with a feral cry, feeling the hot, sticky liquid coating his tip, dripping down his shaft and joining his piss in the diaper. It's like nothing he's ever experienced, cumming hard as the vibrating wand is still buzzing against the tip of his dick, leaving him shaking and panting and gasping for air.
As soon as his orgasm is done, literally the very second he's done, piss replaces the cum again, leaving his cock even faster than before, quickly soaking the whole diaper as he can feel the pressure dissipating from his bladder.
He collapses against Steve, letting his bladder drain itself into the diaper, letting himself get lost in the intense pleasure of both the relief and the vibrations still in his ass and against his cock. His dick is already perking back up, and once he's empty, he cums a second time, before finally it's too much.
"Red. I'm done." He wheezes.
Steve turns off the wand and presses the button on the remote, turning off the plug.
"You're amazing, Buck. That was amazing." Steve says, hugging Bucky against him and kissing his head. "You did so well."
Bucky rests against Steve, feeling relaxed and tired from such a gratifying play session. His whole body feels limp and heavy.
"I'm gone, Steve. Like I need a nap. I've never felt anything so intense and so satisfying. That was so much better than the motorcycle, even more than that because we didn't have to leave the Tower. I feel like I'm floating. I'm sorry, I don't know if I can get you off until I at least have maybe fifteen minutes to recover." Bucky says.
"No need, sweetheart." Says Steve. "I came in my pants already."
"For real?" Bucky can't help but giggle a bit.
"Really. You were so hot, Buck. I couldn't help myself. The way you looked, your moans and whines, losing control and falling apart right in my lap, you're the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen. Also you grinding on me didn't help."
"I love you." Bucky says.
"I love you too. You can nap I you want, I've got you." Says Steve.
"I'll leak." Bucky says. The diaper is completely full with piss and cum. If he wets in his sleep it'll overflow on Steve's lap.
"That's okay. I don't mind at all." Steve says. He holds Bucky close, running his fingers through his hair until Bucky's asleep against his chest.