How did this happen?
Wanda's thoughts were running wild as she stared out of her bedroom window. The night was clear and the moon was illuminating the lake next to her cabin. She pulled the bathrobe tighter around herself before she turned her head and looked back at his form, draped on her bed, his muscular body partly covered by the rumpled sheets.
Three months. It had taken her three months to betray Vision. She shook her head. She knew he wouldn't see it this way but she couldn't fight the guilty feeling that was closing up her throat.
How did this happen?
She had no idea. After Westview, she had decided to be on her own for a while, away from people, so she wouldn't hurt anyone, again. In America, she'd been public enemy number one and the authorities were still looking for her, hoping to be able to put her in a cage. Again. After what she'd done to the innocent citizens of Westview she couldn't blame them. So, it was a good thing that Sokovia didn't extradite people to the US government.
She had spent her time, trying to accept her faults and mastering the Scarlet Witch and surprisingly, it had worked. Wanda had managed to keep her detached from herself, in an extra room, away from the rest of the world while she would make coffee or read a book. However, her mind was still playing tricks on her for at times she could still hear her sons calling for her. She would cut the link to the Scarlet Witch then, go to the bathroom, sit down next to the tub and grip its edge with both hands as tightly as she could, desperately trying to ground herself. Her sons were not real, they never had been. She kept telling herself as much over and over again and even though, her mind would eventually succumb to reality, her heart refused to do so. The pain she felt had changed over the past months from a searing burn inside her chest to a dull ache that had taken over her entire being.
Some nights she had slept on the floor, unable to feel herself otherwise. Some days, she had stayed in bed. Some days, she longed for Steve or Clint to show up and simply be there but she knew better than to reach out to any of them. She had already started a war between her friends once, she would not be responsible for another war between them.
Wanda guessed that was the price she had to pay for her power. She destroyed everything she touched and lost everyone she loved. Like Agatha had told her, the Scarlet Witch would destroy the world. If that was what she was meant to be, she thought she could handle it. With great power comes great responsibility and all that. So, Wanda had taken it upon herself to master the Witch. In that way she could at least try to prove Agatha wrong.
She had almost resigned herself to a life in solitude when one day, in the middle of a snow storm, James Bucky Barnes had appeared on her front porch.
At first, she had tried to blink him away, convinced he was just an illusion. But James had recognized her behaviour immediately and had taken her hands in his (nobody had dared to touch her hands in years except Vision!).
“Yes, I'm really here. Feel that?” He had squeezed her hands lightly and she had felt his warmth through his leather gloves and felt his breath against her forehead and suddenly she had realised just how lonely she had been.
Wanda was pulled from her thoughts when she heard a whimper coming from the bed. James was on his front, his face half hidden behind his arm. His human arm. His brows here furrowed and he kept on emitting sounds of distress, telling her he was suffering from a nightmare. She stepped away from the window and sat down next to him on the bed, gently bringing her hand to his temple. But she stopped herself. She would never cross that line again.
So, instead, she turned on the bedside lamp and carefully carded her fingers through his short dark hair while quietly saying his name.
“James. James, it's me.”
He shied away from her touch for a moment, trying to hide his face in his arm but she went to touching his cheek instead.
“James.”
He sat up in a flash and almost tackled her to the ground but stopped mid air, on his knees, his hand gripping her wrist and his metal arm raised behind him, ready to defend himself. Wanda willed herself to stay absolutely still. The Scarlet Witch was roaring a little in the back of her mind but she calmed her down.
He won't harm me.
James' eyes cleared a second later and he pulled back immediately.
However, Wanda didn't let him back away too far. Instead, she brought her hand up to the side of his neck, trying to ground him. It's what they were doing, grounding each other.
“You alright?” She asked. He gave a nod, his eyes averted.
“Sorry.” He murmured before taking her hand from his neck and kissing it.
“Don't be. I understand.”
James let out a sigh of relief at that and pulled her into his arms. They sank down on the mattress together, her head resting on his good arm (as he liked to call it). Wanda opened her robe and threw a part of it over him in a laughable attempt to provide him with warmth. James was huge in comparison to her. All muscle really but also warm and capable of the most tender touches as she had found out tonight.
“Why didn't you just stop the nightmare?” James asked after a while, his breath hitting her forehead. Wanda tightened her arms around his middle.
“I didn't want to invade your mind without your permission.”
James pulled back a little at that to look at her.
“But I gave you permission after my first night here.”
Right. He had. The first night, James had spent in her cabin he had slept on the couch, ignoring her protests, claiming that he could sleep anywhere, even the floor. That had been the first time Wanda had noticed the almost shocking similarities between them. But she had decided not to dwell on that at that time. That first night, he had woken her up with his screaming. She had rushed down the stairs, the Scarlet Witch in full control, ready to get rid off any threat in her home but her fear had died down as soon as she had seen James writhing on the carpeted floor of her living room. His body drenched in sweat, his features contorted in pain. She had woken him up then by staying a few feet away from him, calling his name rather loudly until he had finally woken up.
Seeing him like this had made her offer him her abilities of chasing nightmares away and replacing them with comfortable nothingness or even good dreams if he wanted. He had appeared sceptical at first but after she'd promised not to enter his memories he had agreed. James had slept peacefully for the rest of the night and had thanked her the next morning, telling her that she could interfere with his nightmares in that way whenever she saw fit. He had trusted her then. And he was trusting her now. With his mind, one of the most troubled minds she had ever encountered and she had recognised this trust as the responsibility that it was. Still.
“I know, I just...I wanted to make sure.” She pulled back and sat up next to him, her eyes somewhere in the distance.
“Because, as much as you trust me, I don't trust myself. And I don't know where the line is and should I cross it you might not be able to stop me anymore and I don't want to betray you like that, after everything you've been through-”
“Hey, hey, hey.” James sat up and put his hands on her shoulders, stopping her. He placed two fingers under her chin and gently turned her head towards him. His gaze was soft and affectionate. It brought her back to the moment.
“I'm not a puppet, okay? You didn't cross any line here. And you won't.”
Wanda blinked and tried to swallow her upcoming tears.
“How do you know?”
James smiled.
“Look at you. Look how worried you are about crossing the line. You know that there is a line and you're aware of the risk. That's a start. You may not see the line yet but you're getting there. You're trying. I've seen it since the day I came here. You know your faults and you're trying to manage them. That's something I couldn't do for a long time. Trust me, I know a lose canon when I see one. And that's not what you are. You got this, Wanda.”
She kissed him then, unable to put into words what it meant to her to have him here with her, trusting her and understanding her in a way nobody else ever had, not even Vision. James knew exactly what it felt like not to be able to trust your own mind and abilities. He also knew what it felt like to be viewed as a monster by the entire world. And not only had he spent the past year, making amends and owning up to his mistakes as the Winter soldier, he was also here with her, showing her that there was a way to make things better.
“I'm so glad you're here.” She breathed against his lips and allowed him to pull her back down onto the bed.
In that moment, she desperately wished that she could stop time to make it last forever.