Tony Stark loves with a devotion that can consume him. It also consumes the person who is being loved.
He loves thoroughly, always studying, always learning, exploring and incredibly intimate.
He will forget your birthday but he will remember how your breathing pattern changes when you are sad. When he loves you he wouldn't walk into ruins with you, he would bind you down and run ahead so you are safe.
But how do you match?
How do you respond to a love so immense? How do you make him believe that you love him now and you will love him for lifetimes to come.
How can you even teach him that love comes in all forms when the first time he was truly loved was at 14 by you. All he had ever known til then was distance, neglect and yelling. He only understands love in the way he gives it.
And god does he give. He gives and gives and gives until he is empty.
He gives as he silently pleads you to stay, because no one ever has.
How does Rhodey tell Tony that he doesn't need to beg to be loved?
~
"Dad said he is harsh only because he is trying to make me great. I don't want to be great Rhodey, I want to be loved. Why am I so hard to love?" He asks you at 15, with his big brown eyes full of tears. It has been a year since you decided to keep the tiny young mess you met at MIT with you forever. You want to punch Howard, you also want to hold Tony forever.
The MIT years pass and you watch Tony pour alcohol into himself and pour his love into people who don't deserve an ounce of it.
You stand beside him, too much of a coward to admit the overwhelming love you have for the tiny genius.
You watch as Tony closes himself up after the car accident. Puts a cap on all his love and stores it in a heart too scarred.
You still won't admit when you are at the airport and leaving for the first time. Tony opens then, after two years of emptiness. He hugs you close while he cries and begs you to come back safely. You leave while watching Tony wipe his tears.
Leaving Tony behind feels like you denied him love… just like everyone else.
You don't admit even when it's your third time leaving and Tony cries just the same, clings to you just the same. Tony's face forms a rueful smile, your heart jumps to your throat begging you to reassure the younger one that his Rhodey is never leaving him alone. Reaching inside you remove your dogtags and pull them over the younger’s head. The implications of what you just did are heavy but you don't give a fuck because Tony should know that you will always stay with him.
Both of you don't say a single word and this time leaving is easier with the sight of Tony smiling as he holds on to your dog tags.
It feels like you are one step closer to teaching Tony the way you love. To making him understand that he doesn't have to empty himself just to scrape for love. You are mere inches away from displaying your own devotion.
It scares you because loving Tony Stark means drowning and suffocating with love at times, but you've already loved him for years. And if this is how you drown, oh what a great way to go it is.
Now all you need to do is admit.
~
Rhodes knows he is a genius. He was in MIT at age 16 okay? But he also knows that he is incredibly stupid because he doesn't admit until its too late.
He watches as Tony ruins his life with alcohol and one night stands, and says nothing because he is a coward.
He doesn't say anything for years and then he places Tony in the humvee with his own hands. He stands in the aftermath, amidst smoke and shrapnel, staring at Tony's phone and blood.. so much blood.
He stands there and realises everytime he promised himself that he would say it the next time, he missed one opportunity to really, fully love Tony. He might not ever again get a chance to.
That thought goes as abruptly as it comes because Rhodey will find him. He will because he had held a sobbing and bruised 17 year old Tony Stark and vowed to him that no matter what happens Rhodey will never abandon him.
So he jumps back up and goes on to find his Tones. He looks and looks for months. He looks as all the love he holds burns him from inside because where else can it go? But despite the fear, the pain, he doesn't stop looking.
He wakes up every morning praying to a god he never believed in and goes out to look for his best friend. And then one day an explosion rocks the entire base and he laughs through tears as he climbs onto the helicopter because no one else except one fucker he knows can make it go boom like this.
He has held Tony through a lot, held him as he slept or cried. But this hold, it feels like nothing he ever experienced. It's waves of relief and coming home. He holds on tight and opens his mouth to profess his love, what comes out is "next time you ride with me."
There are press conferences that have him fuming and turning away before he can tell Tony. But later the truths are uncovered and Obidiah is gone. After Rhodey has realised his mistake and guilt is eating him up inside because he didn't grasp how much the captivity had affected Tony. The weapon shutdown was the genius repenting, not being reckless.
It was just another testament of how Tony’s heart is still so soft, wrapped in guilt and regret. Rhodey didn't abandon him but he did turn his back when his Tones needed him the most.
So after, with a heavy heart he supports freshly discharged from hospital and injured man as they enter the penthouse. They end up sitting on the couch together watching rom coms and eating pizza and no one says a thing.
Rhodey knows how to get Tony to open up but he does not know how to apologise for getting angry at Tony, for not understanding. So he does what he did in MIT days, he stays. Just takes time off from the air force and dumps his luggage in the room next to Tony's and stays.
He stays through Tony's nightmares, through his anger and his blankness. He stays until one day when the genius speaks up.
Rhodey is making eggs while Tony walks in and sits on the couch in front of the kitchen. The younger man hasn't slept or spoken in the last three days. With a scratchy voice Tony starts speaking and he doesn't stop until he is talking through tears and shaky breaths as Rhodes turns to kneel between his legs.
There are a lot of words he wants to say but all he does is bring his and Tony's forehead together and whispers "I'm here." It's just two words but they ring so loud for both of them because they recognise the promise.
“I'm sorry,” Tony says because he is an idiot who thinks that everything is his fault.
Rhodey knows nothing he says now or ever can break the years of self hatred and low self esteem the younger man has, but he has to do something.
Almost two decades of friendship, that's what Rhodey is risking when he holds Tony's face softly in his hands and plants a tiny, tender kiss to his lips. “I love you,” he whispers while staring at the genius’ dumbfounded face.
Rhodey always thought admitting it would be terrifying but it's the opposite. It feels like coming home, his heart rate calms down and his nerves settle for a little while. He feels content as he stares at the boy he has loved for years. “You have nothing to be sorry for Tones,” he continues while Tony is just staring at him with a parted mouth and wide brown eyes.
Tony continues staring and Rhodey chuckles, “I think I am the first person to leave the genius Tony Stark speechless huh.”
Rhodey can see Tony’s brain running. He can see Tony considering running or staying, his eyes going through hundreds of emotions. He just hopes that Tony stays because Rhodey’s courage has run out and he doesn't know what else to do.
While Rhodey himself is about to consider running, Tony speaks in a shaky voice, “I will ruin this.”
“You won't”
“I will ruin us. Th-That's all I know how to do. I will ruin everything, I can't do relationships. I can't even do normal couple shit. I will mess up because I am so bad at love and then you will leave forever and If you- If you leave I don't know what-” Tony was stuttering out words while panicking, his hands shaking.
“You have no idea how good you are, Tones. You don't even know how beautifully you love. If anything I am the one who can mess this up because you love so good and I think I will fail to convince you that I love you just as much.” Rhodey speaks as he takes the younger man’s hands in his own. He looks right into Tony’s eyes as he confesses, “The first time I held you when we were in MIT, I didn't sleep the entire night because I knew then that I am never letting you go and it scared me. It terrified me because everything about you was so infinite. I thought I would be consumed whole by love and there would be nothing left in the inevitable aftermath. I was scared of losing myself but I realised much later that I would happily forget myself rather than forget you. And Tony Stark, I have seen you at your messiest and I know you can't do anything to scare me away. I give you full permission for this entire lifetime to keep trying. Try all you want idiot, you know I love winning.” He ends the last part smirking at Tony.
Rhodey knows he has just won over the insecurities eating at Tony’s brain for now because the genius’ grip on his hands is loosening up. Tony sways a bit and then slides down the couch, straight into Rhodey's lap.
He let's his head fall onto Rhodey’s shoulder chuckling wetly, “You are so bad at speeches sourpatch. It is a good thing that I love you too much otherwise I would've dipped after this. You are awful. Terrible really. Zero out of ten.” Tony huffs out a laugh again but Rhodey’s shirt is already getting wet with his tears so he figures he is not really that bad.
“Well good thing they are working for you because you are the only one I plan on making romantic speeches for.” Rhodey faces Tony and grins at him.
“Ugh stop being so sappy honeybear I will puke on you. I swear I will.” Tony grumbles as Rhodey keeps smiling down at him.
And Tony isn't strong enough so he surges forward and proceeds to smack his lips on Rhodes’. Tony definitely used too much enthusiasm because they both fall back and Rhodey’s head hits the floor.
Tony is crushing weight on top of him, Rhodey is having trouble breathing but he doesn't stop the kiss, savouring this moment that he wished for for decades. They break the kiss panting heavy.
As Tony starts to get up, Rhodey holds his face again and speaks while kissing him in between the words, “Let me take care of you. Let me love you. Don't you remember? You fall I catch you, that's the deal.”
“I’m really not worth it. But okay.” Tony chokes out.
“You are. You are to me. And no one, not even you can decide the worth of my universe.” Rhodey kisses Tony again before he can complain about him being a sap.
They end up making out on the carpet. However, they do make a rule of not doing it on the carpet again because it is really not suitable for their age, their backs HURT.