Letter 3
dear nancy,
the war has begun and tensions between
general commander senor fluffy the alley cat the third are high. some of the rat concubines have turned to hard drugs like jolly ranchers. it is a sad sight but i must stay strong, for the rat king wants me to birth 1200 babies for his army of half human half rat people. still my heart yearns for senor fluffy, my former flame. if only we could reunite im certain our spark would swell into a california wildfire. i'm sorry nancy, i must end this now, the rat king summons me. he dislikes when i spend too much time on my samsung smart refrigerator where i keep his babies until they can become warriors for the state of ratifornia, which, as you know, is a fascist police state, much like the US. goodbye nancy darling, i love you more than the stars and all my rat children, but not more than i love senor fluffy.
no longer yours,
hermes, bench master, rat king incubator
ps your husband is a sexy daddy dilf