THIRTEEN
Steve has always been an early riser he was in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee with a peanut butter sandwich something that he and Natasha would have in the morning. Bucky found him deep in thought while staring at his sandwich.
“Did you sleep well?” he asked taking his attention from his plate.
“I slept much better last night compared to those I had months ago.” He said calmly, but the bitterness was still present in his tone. “It’s probably because I was surrounded by Nat’s things and just the thought of her having slept in that room brought me peace. I could’ve had the best sleep I’d ever get if I just came back sooner.”
There he was beating himself up once again, Bucky thought. He can only imagine the struggle he is in after finding out he wasted all those months ago for nothing and missed the chance to be with the woman he loves.
“I know that you’re in so much turmoil and regret right now, but there is something you have to know.” Bucky told him reluctantly and Steve just stared at him as if asking, “could I mess up more than I already did?”
“What did I do Buck?” he asked incredulously.
“Remember the time you danced with Peggy and kissed her?” Steve looked at him unbelievingly, surprised that he knows about the huge mistake he committed.
“With that look on your face, I can tell that you do and that look tells me that you regret that one.” Bucky read his mind and Steve just gave him a questioning look at how he knew about that day.
“Yeah punk, I was there and so, is Natalia she saw the two of you and it pained me seeing her watching you dancing and kissing another girl.” Hearing this from Bucky drained all the colors on his face and he felt like a bucket full of ice-cold water was poured down on him. He felt like his whole world was falling apart down his feet.
“I have to get to Nat I need her to know that whatever she saw meant nothing at all. I need to see her and make her understand Buck.” He was in panic and rushed out the door like a mad man, all he wanted to do was go and see her and talk to her. He has no idea how, but he has to clear that misunderstanding.
Bucky was following him behind trying to calm him down and just stop and think before charging.
“Steve, will you calm down for a second? How will you get to her when you don’t even know where she is right now.”
That woke him up to his senses he stopped and looked at Bucky like he was a lost puppy not knowing what to do next.
“I’m sorry Buck, but I have to talk to her now I can’t let this go on much longer, will you help me out?” he asked Bucky pleadingly, “I told you, Steve, I’ll help you fix things now calm down. I’ll ask Clint about their whereabouts.” That was the last thing Bucky told him before entering the cabin to contact Clint.
Steve was in a state of panic and on the verge of breaking down so he started walking around to calm his nerves until he found himself in the same spot where he found most peaceful and sat under the tree with his deep thoughts.
The moment Bucky got a hold of his phone he immediately dialed Clint’s number and someone finally picked up on the second ring.
“Clint, I know Wanda is still mad at Steve and won’t tell me their location, but come on man I need to know where they are. Steve not knowing where Nat is, is driving him nuts.” Bucky ranted to Clint the minute he said hello.
“No need to fret soldier, Wanda called and told me that they’ll be leaving in a couple of hours and they’ll be there by nightfall.” That was a relief for Bucky knowing that in no time Natalia and Steve will have their time to finally talk.
“I’m also on my way thanks for asking” Clint sarcastically added, “Wanda said something about Nat doing something drastic by the way. I’m not sure what it is but I thought I should let you know, maybe it’s the hair like what she did when you were on the run.” He nonchalantly told him and this somehow did not settle well with him. “Oh and Buck, just a warning they’re bringing the feisty spitfire widow sister tell Steve to watch out for her, who knows what she’ll do to him once she sees him and there’s Wanda too that’s gonna be intense,” Clint warned.
“Tell Steve I wish him the best of luck, he needs it.”
“Thanks, man,” Bucky said gratefully and started heading to where Steve was, but the unsettling drastic change Clint mentioned is still bugging him.
He found Steve in Natasha’s spot again and relayed what Clint told him on the phone, this somehow eased Steve and he can no longer wait to see Natasha again.
They remained seated on the spot and just watched the peaceful lake.
“Steve, can I ask you something?” Steve just nodded while he kept staring at the horizon.
“Did you love Peggy?” The question did not surprise Steve at all he had an idea where this was going.
“No Buck, I mean I thought I did but when I fell in love with Natasha I was sure that I was nowhere near in love with Peggy. What I had with her was a mere attraction and admiration for standing up in a male-dominated world. I was never in love with her because the thing between me and Nat I could assure you that was real love.”
“Aren’t you gonna ask why we did not barge in there and drag your ass back with us?” Bucky asked curious about the way Steve was acting.
“I pretty much have my guess Nat didn’t want you to let me know she was alive, right?” “She pretty much intimidated you not to barge in and just left.” He confidently stated but the regret in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.
“I’m sure that she thought I was happier with Peggy and that I could finally build a life that I truly deserve, she probably thinks I love Peggy more than her. She might even doubt if I loved her at all.” “I owe her a lot Buck, she needs to hear it from me, she needs to know that the woman I’ve only ever loved aside from my mom was her.” Hearing how heartbroken Steve was brought a pang in his heart, it’s like the universe is making a big joke on them with all these misunderstandings and missed opportunities to be together.
“That day, I was only there to honor a promise I made with Peggy before crashing that plane. I owed her dance, that kiss she saw I only did it because I felt the presence of the part that I lost after knowing I couldn’t bring Nat back anymore. If only I knew that it was her I felt that time, If only I didn’t let myself get blinded by grief I wouldn’t have done that. I was so stupid Buck, I hurt her I did the thing I vowed I’d never do to her.”
Bucky pities his best friend who is now crying filled with remorse and regret, he too regrets not barging in that house he should’ve ignored Natalia’s qualms and pulled out Steve in there. He knows that dwelling on the what ifs and what could have won’t get them back in that situation and make a do-over, all they could do right now is just wait for Natalia’s return and finally have that long overdue talk.