TWO
“Are you alright?” That’s all he could muster to ask Steve after everyone had settled. He couldn’t get any reaction from him, it was like he was in his miserable bubble. The moment Steve felt that gentle tap on his shoulder he saw Bucky looking at him with worry and he can’t even respond well to his friend to assure him because he was not alright at all, not even after winning against the mad titan.
He could only stare at him blankly like he lost all the will to go on. Bucky had seen this look before, that was when he lost his mom Sarah. Seeing Steve in this state pained him and could feel his sorrow emanating. He knew losing Tony wasn’t the only reason for his sorrow, giving him the reason to believe that it has something to do with the absence of a certain redhead and this possibility scared him.
He sat beside Steve and after a while of silence, he felt Steve sobbing like all the floodgates he was keeping together just suddenly broke loose. “She’s gone Buck,” he told him and that confirmed his theory about Natasha. He had no idea how to comfort him and just hugged him while he continued crying his heart out.
He saw Sam who was in the corner of the couch crying after hearing what happened to Nat and didn’t even notice the tear falling down his cheeks. They had become a family during those years being on the run and he knew Natalia before she even became Natasha. What they had maybe in the past, but he did love her during those moments when he could remember her.
He can only imagine how much pain Steve was in after witnessing what he and Nat shared during all those years. That strong bond and connection they shared were really special and one of a kind, the kind that would go through any obstacles and struggles but would come out of it stronger than ever.
They sat in silence when suddenly Wanda burst into the room looking frantic and worried when she still hasn’t found what she was looking for. She looked around them feeling lost, “Where is she? I can’t find her anywhere, I need to see her, is she alright? Is she wounded?” She asked no one in particular while tears form in her eyes. Steve stood up and went to comfort her through a warm hug, “She’s gone.” He told her solemnly and that shook Wanda to her core.
“That can’t be, I haven’t even seen her in the battlegrounds earlier, you’re lying Steve, where is Nat?” She retorted Natasha was the person she could always count on and was on her side all those times they were on the run and she was the one who helped her reconnect with Vision after that civil war fiasco. She just lost Vision, she can’t lose her too, she can’t lose the person who had become her sister and best friend. “Who killed her?” She asked angrily her eyes starting to glow red like she was ready to crush someone’s head. Steve saw this and held her shoulders gently, “she wasn’t with us during the battle Wanda. She’s long gone before that even started.” He told her with tears freely flowing down his cheeks. “She sacrificed herself in exchange for one of the stones, she gave her life away to give yours back, all of you.” By this time almost everyone was gathered in the area and felt Wanda’s sorrow the moment she hit her knees on the floor, a blast of red glowing energy was released from her and everyone was hit by its wave, it didn’t hurt them physically, but they sure did feel a bit of pain and sorrow that Wanda was feeling in that moment.
When he gathered Wanda up to her feet to lead her to a room to rest, he saw Clint on the corner looking so helpless and full of guilt. He knows he shouldn’t blame him for Nat’s decision but he wasn’t ready for that, deep inside he wasn’t even blaming Clint because he only has himself to blame. It was his fault for not catching up to her plans, about why she insisted on going with Clint to that unknown planet. It was not like her to go on a mission with only so little intel, but he trusted her because she always had a backup plan on her sleeves when she needs it. Now he realized she did have a plan and that was the only one she had.
He remembered the night before the mission, how her touches and kisses felt like. It felt like she never wanted to let her go, savoring all the moments like it was the last thing she’ll ever do. If only he had caught on to that, he would’ve insisted more, convinced her to go with them or even him go with her. He could’ve stopped her, fought even harder just to let her live.
After putting Wanda to bed, he came face to face with Clint outside her room, “how is she?” he asked him guiltily. He saw that the man couldn’t even look him in the eyes and that’s when he knew that he had to let his grudge go because treating Clint coldly only makes him feel worse than whatever he was feeling right now. The poor man couldn’t even be completely happy about getting his entire family back which had become Natasha’s family as well as his eventually. He pats his shoulder gently and that’s when Clint finally becomes at ease, this was Steve forgiving him and that’s one less burden for him. “I’m sorry for burdening you with my grudge, I’m not even blaming you, but I had to throw blame at someone or else I’m gonna lose it. I’m sorry for throwing it at you, I’m sure you are feeling shitty right now because she was with you when it happened.” Clint burst into tears after that. “I’m sorry, too Steve, I didn’t want her to do it, I didn’t. I was ready and happy to throw myself on that cliff, but she was so stubborn and even used my weapon against me. I should’ve fought harder, It should’ve been me, not her.”
After holding a funeral for Tony, they talked about the plans on putting the stones back and that’s when Steve volunteered to bring the stones back, he talked to Bucky about it and told him that he might not be coming back.
“Buck, I know this is selfish of me to leave you out here, but I really can’t stay here not because I don’t want to because I do, but I don’t know-how, not without her by my side,” Steve told Bucky apologetically. All he could do was pat his shoulder as a sign of him respecting his decision, but deep inside it was hurting him but he understands. It was a bittersweet farewell and he still hopes that one day they’d be reunited once again.
Before stepping onto that platform he looked at Bucky meaningfully and told him, ”don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone,” giving him a tight lip smile. Bucky gave him a timid smile before answering, “How can I when you’re bringing all the stupid with you?”
That was the last thing they told each other every time one of them has to leave Bucky recalled bitterly.