Please
Tony breaks onto a sob as he enters his lab. He went in there to see if he could program FRIDAY to detect Peter’s heat signature. The whole team's heat signatures are programmed into her database except Peter’s, but with all the time he has spent at the tower she has to have some kind of reading, even if he did not explicitly ask her to log it in when he was here. Although now he wished more than anything that he had. They had lost track of the helicopter and were trying to find other ways to track it and Peter/Bucky. FRIDAY was already scanning for Bucky’s heat signature, but Tony deemed that not good enough and went to see if she could track Peter’s as well. What he forgot about was the suit.
The suit he made for Peter dramatically displayed in the centre of the room. Tony, being Tony, wanted to do a huge reveal where Peter closed his eyes as Tony led him to the lab and then counted down from three and then he would have shouted something lame like ‘Tada!!’ And here it is, glorious and beautiful, bright blue and red, but to Tony it was none of those things anymore. It was meaningless and ugly, dull and drab. The red and blue, instead of reminding him of the throw blanket and Peter’s soft smile as he snuggled under it, reminded him of blood and tears. Peter’s blood and tears.
It stood there just mocking him. A whirlwind of thoughts that he didn’t want to think about accompanied the sight of the suit and passed through Tony’s mind, ‘Peter may never see this suit.’ ‘Peter may never wear this suit.’ ‘If I had finished it earlier he could have worn it and he would have had a tracker on him when it went down and I would already have him back.’ The guilt wrapped around him like a boa constrictor, breathing was hard, but what wasn’t without Peter?
Peter.
That’s the one thing he needs to be thinking about. Getting Peter back. He forced air into his lungs, strode past the suit, trying his best not to look at it as he walked by, and went to program FRIDAY.
______
Bucky kept holding Peter as he slept until he heard footsteps once more. It had only been a few hours by his calculation. As he thought, the metal door opened a moment later and Bucky tightened his grip on Peter, but tried not to wake him. Both guards came in each holding a tray. “Dinner time.” One sneered.
Bucky glared at them, even though his stomach clenched at the sight of food. Neither of them had lunch and their super metabolisms were not happy. The guards each set a tray down, one in front of Bucky and one next to it for Peter. “This,” one said, getting Bucky’s attention back, “is for you traitor.” Again Bucky glared. “And this one is for it. Understand?” He said it in a condescending manner, like Bucky was a child acting out.
“Him.” Bucky said through clenched teeth. The guard cocked his head in confusion, but his eyes stayed almost angry. “Him, not it.”
The other guard spoke up, “The Spider has no pronouns. It is a weapon for Hydra’s use, nothing more.” Bucky knew to pick his battles so he just shut his mouth and kept glaring, if looks could kill they would be dead. If he was out of those cuffs, they would be dead. After the guards heard nothing more they exited the room.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that.” Bucky said once the door was closed. During their brief conversation, if you can even call it that, he noticed Peter’s breathing pattern change. He woke up, but Bucky didn’t show that he knew. He didn't want the guards talking directly to Peter or to do something to him. Realising Bucky knew he was awake Peter sat up. Bucky looked down at him. “You know none of what they said is true right?” His eyes were lit with fury at what the guards had said, but they were also genuine.
Peter didn’t say anything. Logically he knew they were evil and anything that came out of their mouths were bad, but bad didn’t mean dishonest necessarily. He knows they have lied to him in the past, but being back here makes him almost feel like his time with the Avengers, his time with Tony, never happened. Like it was a fantasy hisn mind created in order to cope. That he was never a person again, he was and is still Hydra’s weapon. He would actually believe it was all fake, his time away, except that Bucky was here. Bucky was his one anchor to the outside. To believe he is more than what Hydra wants him to be, but his mind is struggling to agree. His mind is warring with him. Did he become free, or was it a trick? Bucky breaks through his thoughts, “Peter I know what you're thinking.” Peter’s eyebrow furrows at that. How could he? “You're asking yourself whether you will ever be free.” Peter’s eyes widened, it wasn't exactly what he was thinking, but it was pretty damn close. He gives a slight nod. “You will.” Bucky says with certainty.
“How do you know?” Peter whispered in a hopeless voice. Bucky was about to answer, but Peter spoke again before he could. ”I can already feel the memories trying to slip away and I haven’t even been to the chair.” Bucky visually winced at the reference to the chair. But it’s true. Peter’s mind is almost trying to hide the memories of freedom from the past few weeks. Like that hope will drive him insane while he’s once again trapped. If he pretends they were just a fantasy or represses them he won’t be ‘disappointed’ if he doesn’t get out and he won’t worship false hope.
“You need to hold on to those memories Peter. My memories of Steve, in my lucid moments here,” here ment Hydra, even if this particular facility was not the one, or ones, he was kept in. “were the only thing keeping me sane. Keeping me… me.” Bucky said ‘me’ to convey that he was talking about himself, Bucky Barnes, not the Winter soldier. Not Hydra.
“What if I’m not strong enough?” Peter’s eyes started filling with tears.
“You are.” Bucky said with no hint of uncertainty. His arm was still around Peter and he tightened his grip as reassurance. “And I’m here with you. I will remind you of your strength and your memories every day if you need me to.” Peter nodded, but his eyes still showed fear through the veil of salt water. “How about this? When they leave us alone, if you are not asleep we’ll talk about the others who are, no doubt in my mind, trying to find us. Our family.” Peter nodded again, a faint smile on his face. “Good, but first we eat.” He said, eyeing the food. “We both need to keep our strength up.”
Peter looked down at the trays in front of them. They were almost identical. A bowl of high nutrients grey mush that he used to, and is sure he still hates, and a small bottle of water. It’s not much for their super metabolism though. Peter’s tray had one extra item. It almost looked like a milkshake, but it, like the mush, was also grey. He remembers it is like a power shake, but for enhanced individuals. “Why don’t you have one?” Peter asked, pointing at the shake.
Bucky sighed, “My guess is they need you to keep up your strength, not me. I’m just here so they can use me against you.” He said it almost in shame, like it was his fault.
“We can share?” Peter offered.
Bucky smiled at him, “Thanks, but that would get us both in trouble.” Peter knows he is right, but he doesn’t want Bucky to go hungry. The amount on his tray will not be enough to satiate his enhanced metabolism. “You need more anyway. Your metabolism is faster than mine, we learned that from the drug they gave us.” Bucky added the last few sentences to alleviate Peter's guilt. None of this was his fault anyways. Bucky picked up his bowl and spoon and Peter copied. After eating a few bites Bucky spoke up, “Alright, I want you to list the Avengers. Can you do that for me?”
Peter nodded as he swallowed his bite of food and then spoke up, “Mr. Stark, you,” of course he started with them. “Steve, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Thor, and Sam.”
Bucky smiled, “Good. Before we go into specific memories I am going to ask you to do that every day, is that okay?”
“Yeah.” Peter said with a small smile. He wanted to keep his memories so he would do whatever Bucky asked of him.
“Good. Now, tell me your favourite memory at the tower, don’t forget to eat though.” Peter nodded and took another bite.
“Um,” He thought for a second, “using my web shooters in the training room with you, Mr. Stark, and Steve.”
Bucky smiled at the memory. “Why?” He asked after a second and then took another bite of the bland, almost bad tasting food.
“Because I felt free and safe. I got to use my own invention, which made me feel…I don’t know…useful? And I was with three people I trust.” Bucky’s smile grew and his chest bloomed with warmth, a stark contrast to the cold room. Peter trusted him and he trusted Steve. Trust is such a precious thing, especially when it comes from someone who used to trust no one. Hydra takes your trust away just as they take everything else.
“What is your favourite movie that you've seen at the Tower?” He wanted to keep Peter talking to not only reinforce his memories, but also to comfort and distract him as much as possible.
That was easy, “Star Wars!” Peter said happily and Bucky laughed, his eyes crinkling at the sides.
“Which one?” Bucky didn’t know all of them, but he knew there was more than one. He remembers watching one of them with Peter.
“All of them!” He stated.
“That’s cheating.” Bucky laughed.
“Fine,” Peter fake pouted and thought. It was beautiful and odd at the same time watching Peter be excited and laugh. With everything that has happened to Peter it is sometimes baffling to Bucky just how young he is. How, if his life went another way, he would have just been a normal carfree risk taking teenager. When he smiles and laughs Bucky can almost see a glimpse of what could have been. That is if it weren't for the constant worry behind Peter’s eyes, the fear in them that would never fully go away. At least not while they're here. He can see that giggly excited child, but it’s behind a heavy layer of trauma and right now dried blood. “the first.” Peter answered after a moment of thought. Bucky nodded, but then noticed Peter’s smile fade.
“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked, his smile turning to a frown of concern.
“Mr. Stark was going to take me to see the stars. He promised.” He looked down.
“And he’ll keep that promise.” Bucky assured. “He will find us.” As much as Bucky wanted to find a way to escape he was too afraid of putting Peter in harm's way. His one ‘mission’ was to keep Peter safe as much as he could. Peter nodded, but it looked like he didn’t really believe Bucky no matter how much he wanted to. “Eat.” Bucky reminded softly. Peter did as he was told. He ate the rest of his meal while answering Bucky’s questions and then, after the guards came in and took the trays, this time without saying a word, thank god, Peter curled up into Bucky’s side and slept. Bucky did not. He decided he would sleep while Peter was gone. Even though he wished Peter could stay with him, he knows they will take him again, no matter how much he objects. Sleep can wait.
_____
Tony was going crazy. It was only the end of the first day, but it felt like it had been way longer. Time without Peter was meaningless and too damned meaningful at the same time. Meaningless because Peter wasn’t there, and meaningful because he was somewhere dangerous. The more time that ticked by the more time that were in that hell hole. Tony felt like he was going insane, like the tick tock of the clock was taunting him. Tick (You) Tock (Promised), You Promised, You Promised, went nonstop in his head.
Steve wasn’t fairing much better. This was the third time he had lost Bucky. The third time Hydra had taken his best friend and lover. How many times can he lose him without breaking? Part of Steve was happy Bucky was there for Peter and Peter was there for Bucky, but another part of him was being selfish. A part that wished Bucky wasn’t taken. Of course he would never want Peter to be taken again, but he still wished that they had left Bucky behind. Steve was not only worried about himself breaking down, but Bucky as well. Bucky had spent so much time recovering and making progress. Distancing himself from the Winter Soldier. Thoughts swirled around his mind, ‘Would all of that work and achievement be lost?’ ‘Will Peter’s also be gone?’ ‘If they find them will it be them, or will it be The Winter Soldier and The Spider?’ Steve realised he thought ‘if’ and not ‘when’ they find them. He shook his head, he can’t be thinking that way.
He turned to Tony who was at his computer typing furiously. “Anything?”
“No! If I found something I would have said something!” Tony snapped. He wasn’t mad at Steve, but he was frustrated and losing it. Steve didn’t mention his outburst since he knew it wasn’t really directed towards him. He just turned back not knowing what to do. He wasn't good with computers and they had no leads for him to check out, he felt useless.
Tony also felt useless. He was trying everything and nothing was working. Friday can’t find Bucky or Peter’s heat signature anywhere. He tried to hack air traffic control to find where the helicopter went, but there was no information on it. The few Hydra agents left behind were still unconscious. They were nowhere just as it seems Bucky and Peter were nowhere. Nowhere Tony could find. “Hang in there Pete, I’m coming for you.” Tony whispered into the air, wishing it would travel to Peter. Take his message to wherever they were holding him.
Steve heard what Tony said, but didn’t say anything. He was basically saying the same in his mind, but more to Bucky, ‘Hang in there Buck. I've found you not once, but twice, I can do it again.’ He thought it not only as a silent assurance to Bucky, that he can’t hear, but also for himself. To make himself believe what he was thinking was true; he will find him. He then heard Tony again, and he heard the tears in his voice, “I will find you Peter, and I will never let you go again. I will find you and tell you how much I love you. Just hang in there until I can get to you…please.” He said the last word like a prayer. Sent to whatever god might be up there, even to Thor, who was now coming back after hearing that Peter and Bucky were taken. He repeated that one word again, begging, “please.”