I Promise

The door opened. Bucky walked in but kept his distance, knowing Peter was probably, and rightfully scared. He watched as Peter almost hid behind Tony, a bit like a scared child. But that’s what he is, Bucky realized. Hydra had taken and traumatized a child. He forced his fury toward Hydra not to show in his expression so he would not scare Peter. He waited for Tony to introduce him so he did not overstep.

Tony spoke up, “This is Bucky,” he said to Peter in a soft voice. A voice that Bucky would not have attributed to Tony Stark since he has gotten to know him. He then turned toward Bucky, “and this is Peter.”

Bucky waved with his metal arm and smiled, “Hi Peter.”

Peter waved back, but still hid behind Tony. The interaction was awkward and seemed to not be going anywhere. Tony cleared his throat trying to think of something to say, “Can Bucky sit down over there?” Tony pointed to a cushioned arm chair in the corner of the room. He knew Peter did not trust new people and hoped that the chair was a far enough distance from them to make Peter feel more comfortable. Peter looked up at him and nodded. Bucky smiled and nodded at both even though Peter was not looking in his direction, although Peter could still see Bucky in his peripheral vision.

He started to make his way over to the chair. As soon as he took a step Peter's attention snapped fully back to him. Peter was tracking his movements making sure he was always in sight. Bucky remembered this from Hydra training. Never let your target, or in this case, threat out of your sight. Once Bucky was seated he noticed that, although Peter was still staring at him, he was more specifically staring at his metal arm. “Oh, this?” he said with a light smile looking towards his arm, “You should see the other guy.” Peter smiled a little but did not laugh, he had heard the stories of the Winter Soldier. How he got his metal arm and more. The information at the most forefront of his mind was when they said that the Winter Soldier was the most dangerous assassin in Hydra history. They had Peter study and learn his fighting techniques inside and out.

“How?” The word caught the two men off guard, especially Tony. ‘Peter just spoke to someone other than me!’ It was a good sign, he was hoping it was at least.

“My arm?” Bucky said, he tried to think how he was going to explain the train and Hydra finding him, “Oh well I-”

“No” Peter cut him off, “Life after Hydra.” His voice was still a bit gravelly and definitely scared. Scared of Bucky or scared of the answer or even scared of both, no one knew but Peter. He was still hiding a bit, but was in view a little more, as he stared at Bucky, fearful and curious of the answer.

It was one sentence, ‘Life after Hydra,’ but it packed so much weight to it. Bucky knew that when you're in Hydra nothing else seems possible. At first you might dream and hope of rescue, you might plan escape, but once you lose hope you accept that Hydra is all there is. That is until they hollow you out with that godforsaken chair and words, then there is nothing but nothingness. In the few small intervals of coherentism, when the brainwashing wears off, you get that spark of hope back. That little voice that tells you to fight, but then it gets extinguished by punishment or by the chair once again. Even after escape, even after Steve helped him, life, a normal life, seemed unattainable. And maybe it is, there really is no normal after Hydra. But there is light, there can be happiness, it just takes a while to get there.

“There is a life after Hydra,” Bucky says with determination yet gentleness, “You might not be able to see it now. It took me quite a while, but I had help. Just as you do.” he smiled a little as he said that last part. The smile meant, I want to be a part of that help for you, if you’ll let me.

“I was supposed to be better.” Peter looked down. Although he never ever wanted to go back, he still felt like he did something wrong. Like he was built for one thing, to serve Hydra, and failed. ‘How would Tony or anyone else be able to trust me if he can’t even stay loyal,’ he thought.

Bucky was confused by this statement, while Tony just looked sad. He had already had this conversion with Peter, yet it still looks like he feels as if he betrayed Hydra, but that’s all hydra does. Betray. Betray free will, human rights, and peace. “What do you mean?” Bucky asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“They made me study you. Study the Winter Soldier.” Bucky did not like where this was going, “They tried to make me better so I couldn't betray them like you did.” Peter looked down so he did not have to look into Bucky’s eyes as he explained. “They made me stronger, made me learn to fight better, and to complete missions faster. Still I fought against them and still I betrayed them when I went with you,” He said this part as he looked up at Tony. “How can you trust me if I can’t stay loyal?” He said the question out loud that was festering in his mind. He said it in a hopeless way as he looked down.

Tony looked at Peter sadly, “You only betrayed them because you knew what they were doing was wrong.” Peter still looked distraught and despondent. Tony couldn’t think of what else to say, couldn't think of how else to convince him. Luckily for him Bucky spoke up.

“Peter?” Peter looked towards Bucky and saw the conflict etched into his features, “You can only betray someone or something you believe in. They are evil, plain and simple. It's hard to accept that since you and I were once called part of Hydra. But to be part of something you have to be trusted by it. You and I were never part of Hydra. They never trusted us, they made that very clear by, at least for me, taking away the memories of who I once was so I wouldn't fight back. Making me a shell for them to manipulate.”

“Ch-chair?” Peter whispered. Tony heard it because he was right next to Peter, Bucky heard it because of his enhanced hearing. Bucky went rigid at the word.

Bucky then took a breath, hating that Peter had to go through that. “Yeah, exactly, the chair.” He said it with such sadness and a hint of fear. But his next words were filled with unwavering confidence, “We were just used by them as pawns. We were nothing but puppets to them.” His words are harsh but true. “You can’t betray something that never had trust in you.” At Bucky’s words Peter slid out from hiding behind Tony, but still stayed close to him. Bucky smiled at him softly. Peter was smart and knew Bucky’s words were logical and probably true, even if it’s hard to believe.

Suddenly Peter’s stomach grumbles. He blushes. It’s been a little bit since he had the broth and his stomach is getting reaccustomed to food that he ingests instead of getting straight from the GI tube. His enhanced metabolism begging for more than just some measly broth. “Sounds like it's time for the next course.” Tony says with a laugh. “Do you want anything Buck? Helen is going to send up a sandwich for me either way.” He is not used to being so casual with Bucky, he usually calls him ‘Barnes’ but he wants Peter to be comfortable with him, so he tries his best to play nice and act as if they are friends.

Bucky was a bit surprised at Tony’s pleasantness towards him, but could guess it was for Peter’s sake. He too wanted Peter to trust him, or at least feel more comfortable with him so he had an idea, “I’ll have whatever Peter is having.” He wanted to try and make Peter feel more normal. He knows it’s one of the most difficult things after Hydra, ‘Feeling normal,’ or normaler at least. If they are eating the same thing hopefully Peter won’t feel so odd or out of place. It’s a small thing, but it’s at least something.

Tony looks at him with surprise, but then shrugs, “Okay. FRI? Send up whatever is next on Helen’s meal plan for Peter, but send up two portions. And I already know Helen is making you send up a sandwich for me so, make it a BLT.”

“Will do boss, although I doubt Helen would want you eating bacon with your heart.” FRIDAY replied.

“Yeah well, Helen did not specifically say anything about it, so send it up.” Tony replied a tiny bit frustrated. He knew Helen would not like him eating bacon, he knew she was just looking out for him, but he loved bacon, so sue him.

“Yes Boss.” A few minutes passed with them guessing what Peter’s next food would be. Bucky guessed applesauce, Tony guessed yogurt, and Peter said “I don’t know.” He wasn’t used to guessing or answering questions. He was only used to direct orders. After the words came out of his mouth he looked almost fearful for a split second, like he was worried he had given a wrong answer and was expecting to be punished. Bucky noticed this and remembered how he himself also felt like that in the early days after Hydra. Both Tony and Bucky smiled at him to reassure him that he did nothing wrong. Although their lips were smiling, both the men’s eyes had sadness in them, Buckys had sympathy as well.

Then FRIDAY interrupted, “Your food is outside the door boss.” Tony gives Peter a smile as he gets off the bed to go open the door, he looks back at Peter to make sure he is okay with him opening it. Tony is not quite sure who is at the door, if it was Helen she would have knocked, but no one did. Peter nods in confirmation that it’s okay.

Tony opens the door, a bit worried since Peter is already probably overwhelmed by meeting Bucky and adding another person would almost certainly be too much for him right now. He was happy to see it was not another person. He was greeted to the sight of DUM-E carrying a tray consisting of a BLT and two bowls of multi-colored cubed jello. Tony takes the tray before DUM-E can drop it and then moves aside so Peter can see. “Peter, this is DUM-E, DUM-E this is Peter” DUM-E waves its claw at Peter and Peter giggles as he waves back. “I made DUM-E when I was sixteen years old.” Tony says with a smile.

“Why is he called DUM-E?” Peter asks in a small voice.

Tony laughs, “Because he is a dummy. He breaks things, drops things, bumps into things, and uses the fire extinguisher on things that are not on fire.” He said the last part a little harshly in DUM-E’s direction. DUM-E lowered its claw, like a person would lower its head in shame.

“Thanks for bringing the food DUM-E.” Peter with a slight smile. DUM-E perked up at that. Its claw movements were that of a happy dog, if it had a tail it would definitely be wagging.

“One minute with the kid,” Tony directed his sentence to Bucky, still trying to show Peter he is a friend and not a threat, “and DUM-E already likes him more than me.” Peter and Bucky both laughed.

“Can you blame it?” Bucky said light heartedly.

A few weeks ago Tony would have taken that as an insult. Especially coming from Bucky, but now, “No, I definitely can’t.” He said with a smile. Tony had only known Peter a short time, but he already knew Peter was better than him. This kid has been through more than a person should ever have to, and yet he was still polite, caring, and kind. Even if the world has not been kind to him. “Alright, time to eat, and back to the lab with you” he said to DUM-E. Peter waved and DUM-E waved back, turning around. His claw hit the wall and Tony just shook his head at the robot’s uncoordinated carelessness while Peter giggled.

Tony closed the door and brought the tray over to the night stand. He picked up one of the bowls of jello and a spoon, bringing them over to Bucky. Bucky took them with a small, “Thanks.” Tony gave him a nod and headed back to Peter.

“Ever had jello?” Tony asked while picking up the remaining bowl. He regretted the question as soon as he looked up at Peter.

Peter looked confused, but more than that, distraught, “I- I don’t remember, maybe?” He posed it as an question in case saying ‘I don’t remember’ was the wrong answer.

Tony tried to move past it as smoothly as possible. He felt so stupid, ‘Peter has proablay not had any ‘fun’ or ‘kid like’ food since the orphanage or possibly even before, when his parents were still alive,’ he thought. He tried to smile through these sad thoughts, “Well, hopefully you’ll like it.” He handed the bowl to Peter with a spoon. And then placed a pillow on Peter's lap so he could put the bowl down, just as he had done with the broth.

Peter nodded and tried to return the smile as he accepted the bowl, “Thanks.” He looked down at it, interested in how colorful it was, but was also confused. “It doesn’t look like food.” He said, as he stared. He was used to food being bland colors with not much taste. Tony and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh because it’s true, Jello really did not look like normal food. It also had its very own texture and consistency, there was not much else like it out there.

“Well, I promise it’s edible.” Tony said, still laughing a bit.

“Let’s try it together, is that okay?” Bucky asked. Peter nodded, blushing a bit at how much the two men laughed at what he had said. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Red and blue?” Again he phrased it as a question.

Bucky did not bring it up, “Okay, pick one and we’ll try it on the count of three, okay?”

Peter nodded and looked back down at the bowl. He wasn’t sure which to choose, or more which was the right one to choose. He carefully put his spoon in the bowl and fished out a red cube. He looked up to see if he had made the right decision, a bit of fear in his eyes. Bucky smiled at him and then fished a red one out of his bowl as well. “Okay, on three, ready?” Peter nodded, “One…Two…Three.” They both tried it.

Peter found the texture to be not what he was expecting, but liked it more than what he was expecting. It wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t too liquidy. It was almost fun. A grin appeared on his face which seemed to be infectious. As soon as his grin appeared matching ones appeared on both Bucky and Tony’s faces. “They should all be different flavors, so you might like another even more.” Tony said while still smiling.

“My favorite is the orange,” Bucky added.

Peter looked surprised and delighted that there were more flavors. He tried them all and ended up agreeing with Bucky, orange was the best, Lemon and lime came in second and third. They ate and talked about the flavors and colors for quite a while until there was a knock at the door. Peter looked towards it, his carefree demeanor shattering as his eyes turned apprehensive. Tony was not expecting anyone, but knew only a select few had access to the penthouse, so it would only be someone he trusted. He put down his plate as he took a last bite from the BLT. He walked to the door and looked back at Peter. Even though his eyes showed fear he still nodded that it was okay for him to open it.

Tony opened it to find Helen with an IV bag, she smiled at him. He smiled back, but did not let her in yet. He turned to Peter, “It’s Helen, can she come in?” Peter relaxed a little, but was still visibly stiff, still he nodded. Tony opened the door to let her in. “Hi Peter,” he waved. Tony made a note of that. Peter had talked to him and Bucky, but still not Helen. It was most definitely because she was a doctor. “Can I replace the IV bag?” Peter nodded. “Does your voice still hurt?” Peter made a so/so motion with his hand. Tony also took note of that, ‘Is that true’ His voice was still a bit gravelly, but worlds better from where it started, ‘or was he just too scared or uncomfortable talking to Helen?’ Tony thought. “Do you need to use the bathroom before I connect the new one?” Peter nodded and ducked his head a little. Tony sighed, he knew they still had a long way until Peter felt comfortable asking for what he needed. “Ok, I’ll disconnect you and Tony can help you alright?” Again Peter nodded.

Helen swiftly disconnected the IV. Tony reached out but did not touch until he said, “Can I carry you?” When Peter nodded he, like usual, put one arm under his knees and one under his back. He carried Peter to the bathroom. “Okay same support method and tapping as last time?” he wasn’t sure Peter wanted to talk.

Peter nodded, as his eyes shifted from Tony to the bathroom door. Helen was kind and caring, but to Peter she was just a doctor. Doctors had never been kind to him, from what he remembers, so he doesn’t trust Helen, even if she seemed nice. Tony did not bring up his darting eyes, but instead just turned around to give Peter some privacy, but leaving out his arm as support.

This whole time Bucky had been silent. Watching on with sadness and sympathy. He recognised Peter's apprehension toward Helen. He also recognized that Helen was in normal clothes instead of her standard lab coat. ‘Good call’ he thought. He had freaked out at some doctors right after Hydra and almost seriously hurt them. Even just the coats were too familiar to Hydra scientists. He hated anything medical or to do with doctors for the longest time after Hydra. Steve would have to force him, and sometimes drag him to the doctor’s when he was sick or hurt for a long time. Bucky greeted Helen, who he now trusted, even if it took a while, and waited. Not long after Tony came back out holding Peter.

Once Tony set Peter back on the bed and covered his lower half with the blanket Helen came back over. She looked at Tony with sharp eyes and at the plate beside him in the nightstand and then back at Tony, “You should know I have now ordered FRIDAY to not let you order BLTs anymore. You know it is not good for you with your heart. You also know I would not be happy when I found out.”

Tony looked a bit guilty as he said, “Uh oh, busted.” Peter giggled and Bucky laughed.

Helen just hummed in affirmation. “Okay, now that that’s settled, can I connect the new bag?” Peter nodded, “I also need to talk to you two about something,'' Helen looked back at Bucky and then at Tony in question.

Tony understood, “Hey, Barn- Buck,” he corrected, still trying to act casual towards him, “mind giving us some privacy.”

Bucky did not want to overstep, but he needed to say something to Peter, “Actually,” Tony raised an eyebrow at him in warning, “Helen can you give us a minute?”

Helen looked a bit surprised and looked at Tony who was still looking at Bucky. Bucky gave a look or ‘Please,’ Tony needed to trust him if he wanted Peter to, so he looked at Helen and nodded.

“Okay, can you have FRIDAY tell me when I can come back in?” Helen asked, Tony nodded with a small smile and she headed for the door.

As soon as the door was closed both Peter and Tony were looking at Bucky expectantly. Peter still had an uneasy expression on his face. “I-I see how you look at her.” he was trying to carefully pick his words. “Like at any minute her calm, kind demeanor will switch to a wicked one.” Peter nodded slowly. “I get it; that’s how I felt. I refused to get help when I was sick or injured because I was afraid.” He used ‘help’ instead of ‘going to the doctor’s’ because, if Peter was anything like him, he would be afraid of medical words. He wasn’t much anymore, but he used to be terrified. “It will take a while for that overwhelming, and valid fear to dissipate, but it will. I promise.” Peter looked at him with some more trust than before. Only one person had used the phrase ‘I promise’ to him. Tony. And everything he promised had been true so far. If Bucky was saying ‘I promise,’ Peter had to believe it was true. “I will say that Helen is, in fact, genuinely kind and caring, not to mention incredibly smart and professional. If I ever need help, I go to her. I trust her and you can too.”

Peter relaxed a lot at that, “Thank you.”

Bucky smiled, “You’re welcome. If you ever need to talk about…them” He did not want to say Hydra, “I'm here. I am here even if you don’t want to talk about that.” Peter smiled softly and nodded. “I am going to give you, Tony, and Helen some privacy. Can we chat again soon?”

Peter’s smile grew a bit as he said, “Yes.”

“Alright, night Peter, Tony.” He gave Tony a nod.

Tony had been silent that entire conversation. But then again, that conversation wasn’t for him, it was just for Peter. This is exactly what he was hoping for. Having another person Peter can trust and talk to about things Tony couldn’t understand, no matter how much he wished he could. He was thankful that Bucky was helping Peter where he fell short.

As Bucky opened the door they saw Helen returning. FRIDAY must have informed her that the conversion was over. Bucky walked out as Helen walked in. Before leaving he whispered, “Thank you” to Helen who smiled and nodded.

“Ok, I’ll finish hooking the IV backup while I talk, is that okay?” Peter nodded, not looking as apprehensive as before thanks to his conversation with Bucky. Tony was as in the dark about what Helen had to say as Peter, so he made sure to pay close attention. Helen took out a few alcohol swabs as she started cleaning the IV ports as she began talking, “How was the jello,” she started the conversation lightheartedly. Peter put his thumb up. She smiled, “Good, I’m glad. Sadly that will be the last thing you eat tonight because Bruce and I have finished synthesizing an anesthetic and pain med.” Tony was surprised and delighted at that, Peter was looking a bit more fearful at what that implied. “We need your stomach empty for the procedure.” Peter flinched a little at her last word.

“That’s great. When will it be?” Tony asked over excited to show Peter that this was all good news.

“First thing tomorrow morning if that is okay. You seem to be doing well so far with eating orally so taking out the GI tube would be best. As well as fixing your legs.” Tony noticed the frightened look on Peter’s face. He got back on the bed and wrapped an arm around him.

“Hey, this is good. You will be able to walk soon and you won’t have to worry about the tube anymore.” Peter still looked beyond scared. “You won’t feel anything. You will be asleep and I’ll be there when you close your eyes and open them up again.”

Peter noticed he did not say ‘I promise,’ he threw caution to the wind, even though Helen was still there and talked. “You Promise?” He said as he looked up at Tony. His voice was small and child-like.

Tony had never heard anything so precious, he smiled softly, “I promise.”

Then Peter nodded, still a bit scared, but also determined. Tony looked back at Helen “Okay, I will come tomorrow morning. By afternoon it will be all over.” She said as she finished with the IV and gathered the used supplies. Peter nodded.

“Tony, can I talk to you about logistics for one second?” Tony looked down at Peter for permission, Peter nodded.

He got off the bed and followed Helen out the door and to the other side of the Penthouse like usual. “What’s up?” Tony asked.

“When I spoke to Bucky and Steve a bit ago they informed me of what happened on the jet.” Tony nodded slowly, the jet seemed so long ago, even though it was only a couple days ago. He wasn’t quite sure what she was referring to about it. “He was afraid of the Gurney.” Tony remembered and realized they would have to use one to transport Peter downstairs.

“I can carry him down.” Tony offered as a solution.

“Listen Tony, it’s not just the gurney. Everything in the Medbay screams medical. I don’t think he will be able to handle it. Not to mention that it won’t just be me, it will be me and a team of nurses and doctors. He barely trusts me, if at all.”

Tony frowned, “What do you suggest? He needs this.”

“I know. I suggest I administer the Anesthesia in your room while monitoring his vitals with a portable machine. Once he is out we can use a gurney. We will have him back in your room before he wakes up.”

Tony was glad she had thought this all through, because he had definitely not. “That sounds like a good plan.”

“Okay, good.” Helen sighs with relief. “During the surgery I am going to have a cleaning team come up and sanitize your room. I want to lower the risk of infection after the surgery since he can’t stay downstairs.” Tony nodded. “Alright, I will come by at 8:00am.”

“Thank you,” Tony said sincerely.

Helen just smiled and gave a nod as she headed to the elevator. Tony turned and headed back to the room. He knocked and opened the door slightly. Peter looked beyond tired. He waited for Peter to make eye contact before he walked in. He did not want to scare him. “Ready for bed?” Peter nodded and yawned. Tony laughed softly, “Let’s get some rest, big day tomorrow.” Peter nodded, his eyes still showed a hint of fear though.

Tony climbed back on the bed and laid next to Peter. Peter shifted closer to him and laid his head on Tony’s chest. Tony instinctually brought his hand down to brush through Peter’s curls to lull him to sleep. In no time Peter’s breaths evened out signifying that he fell asleep. Tony then realized just how tired he was and closed his eyes. He was out like a light.

_____

Tony woke up and checked the time, doing his best not to jostle Peter. 7:45am. Helen would be coming in 15 minutes. He really did not want to wake Peter, he was sleeping so peacefully. He waited 5 minute and then tapped him. “Hey, bud, time to wake up.” Peter slowly woke up. He kept shifting and after 5 minutes he opened his eyes. He looked up at Tony. Tony smiled down at him, “Helen will be here in a few minutes.” Peter’s eyes went from groggy to fully aware in a split second. Fear radiating off him. “Hey, it’s ok. Remember, you wont feel anything. I will be right with you, I promise.” he made sure to add the last part after Peter had specifically asked him to. It seemed to comfort him and seemed to make him trust what was said more, Tony thought. Peter nodded, but still looked afraid. Tony held him and felt him go rigid when there was a knock on the door a few minutes later. Tony did not know what to leave Peter and go open the door, luckily he knew who it was. He looked down, “Can she come in?” Peter looked up anxiously, but nodded. “Come in.” Tony called out, but not too loudly so it did not hut Peter’s oversensitive ears. He sat up with Peter. Him against the headboard and Peter against his chest.

Helen walked in, “Morning Peter.” She said with a smile. Peter did not wave like usual. He was too frightened. Helen noticed this and tried to tread lightly. “Were going to take things slow ok?” He nodded nervously. His eyes wide with panic. “First things first, can I put this on your finger?” Peter looks at the device with apprehension. “It is just to check your heart rate and oxygen, it doesn’t hurt.” He shakily put out his index finger. “Thank you,'' she said, putting it on him.” After a moment it read: %SpO2 (Oxygen) 98 and PR bpm (heart rate) 115. “Your heart rate is high, can you take some deep breaths for me?” He didn’t do anything.

“Hey, look at me, please.” Tony asked. Peter looked up, eyes full of dread. “Can you follow my breaths?” Tony started to take deep over exaggerated breaths. Peter tried to follow, but his were faster and more panicked. “You’re doing great, just keep breathing.” After a couple minutes his breaths became slower and his heart rate went down to 90 bpm. Helen gave Tony a nod to say it was back to normal. “You did such a good job bud.” Peter had a hint of a smile from the praise, but he was still afraid.

“Alright,” She said gently, getting the medication ready to put in the IV. She had a choice between Peter inhaling the anesthetic or putting it through the IV. She chose the IV because she hoped it would be less intimidating and scary than a mask. Especially since he just recently got the Muzzle off and she didn’t want to reawaken memories of that. “I’m going to put the medication in the IV, ok?” Peter was too scared to answer and just kept staring at Tony. Tony looked up briefly from Peter to give Helen a nod to do it and look right back down at Peter with concern. Helen nodded back and disconnected the old IV bag replacing it with the bag with the anesthetic.

Peter felt the effects almost immediately. His eyes started to droop, but his fear fought for him to stay away. He kept looking at Tony, “Stay.” He basically pleaded.

Tony held his eye contact, looking down at him. “I’m not going anywhere kiddo.”

Peter was losing his fight, his eye lids were so heavy, keeping his heads up was impossible. He let his head fall now being completely supported on Tony’s chest, “Promise?” he slurred out.

Peter faintly heard Tony say “I promise.” As his body went limp.

He was then swallowed in the black abyss of unconsciousness.