Here I am waking up
Its been two years since I've been out of the ice, and almost seventy years after I've lost bucky. Oh god bucky. Tears rose to my eyes at the memory of James screaming as he fell, reaching desperately for me. When i had been awoken from the state in the ice, I remembered bucky immediately, and demanded where he was, but the person, who was dressed up like Peggy, didn't know who James was. It pissed me off. Peggy knew James, and was my coverup so we could be ourselves behind closed doors and flaps. I was at shield, working my ass off. I was abusing the punching bag in front of me, slamming my fists into it again and again. I cursed under my breath, muttering profanities as the hard rock played in the background. I was pissed off that I survived. I wanted to die. I didn't want to be in a world without bucky.
Still can't sleep on your side
I had moved into our old apartment, fixed it up, and replaced everything. Even if I did, I still couldn't sleep on the left side because that's where Bucky always laid. The bed had a slight indentation of where I laid, and nothing on the other side. Even in my sleep I didn't move from my spot. I walked out of the room after having broken my sixth punching bag. I didn't care what fury had to say. I left the music on, because, well, I didn't even turn it on. I walked outside, staring at the rain. I scoffed and walked off to my car, going home. There's your dog tags on the nightstand The words fades with time I often stare at Bucky's dog tags I set on the nightstand. As I walked into the house, I heard the faint rain. Great, the weather matches my mood for the day. I shut the door behind me, letting it almost slam. The apartment shook at the force. I winched.
If I can dream long enough
You'd tell me
I'd be just fine
I'll be just fine
I see Bucky in my dreams, I always do. Sometimes I get hallucinations of Bucky, in the corner, or standing on the street but as soon as someone walks by, he's gone. It sucked. Tears threatened to fall and I bit my lip harshly, going to the bathroom after grabbing a fresh set of clothes. I started the shower and set my stuff on the sink, shutting the bathroom door. A deep sigh escaped me as I looked up only to see the reflection of me, but pre-serum, and bucky behind me. I shook my head harshly “stay out of my head,” I growled out. I took a long hot shower, the water almost scalding my skin. I took a deep breath, sighing softly. It was just me. Even as I heard footsteps echo faintly, I ignored it, knowing it was my hallucinations. I got out of the shower and quickly dried off, then got dressed in the shirt and sweats.
So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you
I hate walking through the house because of all the memories I had in my head. Fuck. so many memories, mostly amazing and loving. Being in our apartment, knowing my childhood apartment building had been torn down a year ago. I managed to save some things. Pictures, clothes, you name it. I had them in my room in boxes, just tucked out of sight so I could forget about it. “Stevie! Wait up!” I ignored the voice, trying to get to the kitchen so I could take my medicine. “Steve!” the pouty voice whined “You're not real,” i said simply “But I am! If I wasn't, how come I can talk to you?” “You're not!” i snapped, grabbing my pill box immediately. A hand grabbed mine. I immediately looked up, shocked to see the hallucination touched me. “See steve? I'm real,” Bucky told me, and I stared at him, tears rolling down my face now. A loud bang made me flinch and duck. I looked up, only to see it had been thunder. Bucky’s gone now. Shit. it was getting worse.
And I chase it down
With a shot of truth
I walked to the sink, sighing to myself as I filled a cup of water, and grabbed my medicine. I was on antipsychotics and antidepressants. I had told Natasha about the hallucinations, and she told fury, who took me to a doctor, where I had to get medicine for PTSD, Hallucinations, depression, and severe anxiety. I put the medicine in my mouth and chased it down with water.
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you
I scoffed at myself as I realized how crazy it seemed. I walked into our room, sighing to myself. Something seemed to be calling me into our my closet, so I walked in, and found a small hole in the wall.
Cleaning up today
Found a old box
You left when you went to war
And no one could feel your fear
I found a box in the wall when I had stuck my arm in. I grabbed it, and went to the bed, sitting down. I opened the box, and tears rose to my eyes at the photos I saw. So many of us. So many of me. I looked through the box silently as I set the photos aside to look through later. I found James’ and I’s promise rings he got us once we graduated high school. Tears fell as I held the rings that were on a chain necklace. Inside the ring till the end of the line with a heart was engraved in the metal. I set it aside, and reached in again, grabbing something soft. wait…
We're too young, too dumb
To know things like love
But I know better now
(Better now)
I grabbed the hoodie, pulling it out from where it had been folded neatly for the past seventy years. I felt tears roll down my face as I felt a box in the pocket, pulling it out. It was an engagement ring, made of pure silver with rubies around the band. More tears rolled down my face as I saw it. It was still in perfect condition. I let out a whimper, running my fingers over the ring. It was too small for my fingers, probably would've fit just fine with my pre-serum body. I put it on the chain with the promise rings.
So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you
I put the necklace on, and looked at the photos, gently grabbing them. I set the box and the hoodie inside. I knew there was more in there, but I wanted to look at the photos. The first photo was a picture of us at the science fair. I smiled sadly, I still would have lost bucky either way, I knew that. I set it aside and looked at the next photo. My smile instantly disappeared. It was a photo of us cuddling, which I know Bucky took, and I was small again. It must've been after mom's funeral. The next few photos were of us messing around and enjoying life. If only past us knew what would happen. Maybe Bucky wouldn't have gotten drafted. I don't know. I put the photos up after a while of looking through them. I found one last thing, and it was my mothers necklace. I let out a little whimper, and bit my lip.
And I chase it down
With a shot of truth
I knew I wasn't ever getting Bucky back, that was just the truth. I knew I lost him forever the day he fell from the train. Bucky wasn't here anymore. I got up, grabbing my keys after putting my stuff up. I looked at my phone, which lit up with Natasha contact. I immediately silenced my phone and shut it off, setting it on my bed. I walked to my car, sighing to myself as I shut the door behind me, locking the door.
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you
I walked to my car and began the drive to where I felt closest to Bucky, which was the Barnes’ family farm. I drove up to the house, and parked, getting out. “Oh- hey steve,” rebecca was in her eighties, and still remembered me, how? I had no clue. “Hey Becca,” I muttered out, heading off immediately, to where mine and buckys secret hideout had been. I knew where it was by heart. I walked into the woods to the cabin we had found at the age of eight and nine. I got there, and was immediately met with a light in the cabin. Wait. wait wait wait.
I snuck up to the back door, sliding in, and I heard a soft voice I thought I'd never hear again, “who's there?” they called out. Bucky. James! I spoke out, “identify yourself!” I demanded, and was met with a soft, “Steve…? It's me James-”
“how do I know!?”
“your mothers name was Sarah. You used to put newspapers in your shoes to make you seem taller,” I smiled sadly, only James knew that. I slowly snuck out from where i was hidden
Too young, too dumb
To know things like love
Too young, too dumb
I saw James in all his glory. “James-” I whimpered out, tears beginning to roll down my face.
“Stevie,” he spoke softly, opening his arms to which I immediately ran to, ignoring the metal arm
So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you
I gasped out as I felt a pistol to my temple. “I'm so sorry Stevie,” Bucky whispered. “I have to,”
And I chase it down
With a shot of truth
I heard the pistol go off, and my world immediately went black.
Steve’s body fell to the floor, dead. The Asset stared at the body before him, then grabbed the shield from where Steve had sat it down.
That my feet don't dance
Like they did with you
“This is the Asset. Captain America is dead.”
After a long moment of silence, a horrified whisper escaped the Asset.
“Steve!?”
((i know i changed the lyrics guys but it fit better that way ^^))