BOOM!
Pain shot through his body as Hulk was thrown into the building. With an almighty crash, the windows shattered and glass flew around his head. A flash of light seemed to blind him as the sun was reflected in the shards of death, hurtling onto the street. The people below him screamed in terror.
BOOM!
Hulk jumped down and hit the ground like an earthquake, pounding the asphalt with his huge fists. They all started running. Running away from him. They were tripping and yelling, children were crying, gathered up in their parents arms. He groaned as another flash of light burned his eyes. Up from above, an attack helicopter, targeting him. Gunfire rained from the sky.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Hulk jumped up, up into the air, leaving a crater in the street. Everything blurred around him as he moved like a bullet, blinded by rage. The helicopter got bigger and bigger until he could see the shock in the eyes of the pilot, and the tears running down his face as he yelled. Hulk reached out and grabbed the chopper, ripped it in half and pulled it back down with him. As they fell, he pummeled the destroyed helicopter, ignoring the man’s screaming. It exploded around him as they hit the ground, bright white flames burned his skin and he roared in pain. Hulk closed his eyes to the light of the fire engulfed him, and covered his ears to another loud
BOOM!
Bruce’s eyes snapped open. He groaned again, feeling the cold sweat over his skin and drenching his sheets. Gingerly, he sat up in bed. A flash of white light illuminated the room, and he jumped, clutching his chest. It was almost immediately followed by a loud rumbling. A thunder storm. Noticing his frantic heartbeat, Bruce checked his wrists and, sure enough, he was met by emerald green veins. “Oh, geez.” Their ugly and alien appearance made him wince. But he was no stranger to these Hulk inducing nightmares. They had become a common, almost daily occurrence, in fact. So Bruce closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. Within a minute the green roots under his skin had returned to their usual blue.
He turned around and reached for his phone, ugh, only four A.M. Falling asleep again seemed out of the question, what with his soaked sheets, troubled head, and the raging storm right outside his window. With a rather dramatic sigh, Bruce stood up and shuffled on his slippers before heading out the door. And as he wandered through the cold maze of metal and glass, he figured some tea would do him good.
*---*---*---*
One too many mugs of tea and a hot shower later, Bruce made his way down to the kitchen for breakfast. As he approached the glass door, he saw Tony, Thor and Natasha gathered there. “Morning, guys.” He mumbled, making his underwhelming entrance. They all looked up at him. “Hi, Bruce.” Natasha smiled warmly. Thor nodded, but his friendly grin faltered almost instantly. Dread filled Bruce’s stomach. What had he done now? Or was there something wrong with the way he looked? His face felt hot. “What?” Thor stood up quickly and waved a casual hand. “Oh, it’s nothing, Banner.” His voice was nonchalant, but it seemed insincere. There was something else in his eyes. Bruce decided to ignore it. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. As Thor approached him, he frowned again. “You look tired.” He stated. “I’ve noticed, lately. The shadows under your eyes are darkening.” Bruce’s eyes darted around the room. He performed badly in confrontational situations. Everyone was looking at him. “I’m fine. Doing alright.” He laughed a small, deflective laugh.
Tony, who was standing by the kitchen counter, pouring himself a green shake of some kind, decided to pitch in, talking over his shoulder. “You should get more sleep, Bruce. Don’t think I don’t know how you stay up all hours of the night, working in the lab.” This was getting worse and worse. “Is everyone here spying on me?” Bruce asked, incredulously. “Oh, I’m not. I’ve got better things to do. No, Jarvis was spying on you.” Tony said, finally turning around to look at Bruce. “The team needs you well-rested, buddy.” The dread in his stomach dissipated. He nodded, and smiled. But then he realized that he was speaking to the poster boy of insomnia. “You’re one to talk! When’s the last time you had a proper night sleep?” Tony raised his eyebrows and pointed a scolding finger at Bruce. “Do as I say not as I do.” Then he grabbed his shake and walked out the door. “See you sad-sacks later. Daddy’s got work to do!” Natasha snorted. Bruce sat down at the table next to her.
“Where are Steve and Clint, anyway?” he asked. “Out for a jog, I think.” Nat answered with a grimace. “Poor Clint.” They all chuckled. Thor sat down opposite Bruce, but didn’t say anything, just looked down at his coffee. Natasha placed her hand on Bruce’s shoulder and Thor’s eyes flashed up, just for a split-second. “You really alright, Bruce? Why can’t you sleep?” Her voice so comforting and her eyes so kind. Bruce wondered how she was even real. He sighed, and his eyebrows knit together as he spoke. “Uh. I guess I’ve been having these-uh, these nightmares? I think that’s what they are.” Bruce supposed that must have sounded strange. Why wouldn’t he know they were nightmares? But these dreams were different. He felt them. He felt the Hulk. It was like he turned at night. Like the Hulk was trying to talk to him, or to get out. Which was highly unnerving.
“Hulk Nightmares, you mean?” Thor asked. And the loud depth of his voice was such a contrast to his and Natasha’s quiet murmurs, that it sounded surreal, bellowing, that it snapped Bruce out of his musings. He looked at Thor, his eyes were filled with worry, and he kept looking. Only when Natasha coughed, glancing between them, did Bruce speak, his eyes still on the god in front of him. “Uh, yeah.” More silence. He noticed Natasha roll her eyes at him, which urged him to continue. “I’ve always had them. But these seem different. More real? I guess? Maybe it’s just the fact that the other guy comes out more frequently than he used to. Maybe it’s starting to take a toll on me. I guess I’ve just been feeling down. And maybe Hulk can sense that, and he wants to take the opportunity to get out. Seize control while I’m weak. I don’t know, really.” Bruce shrugged. He didn’t love sharing these kind of thoughts with others. He felt he would just inconvenience them by being the downer that he was. A deep sigh escaped his lips.
Suddenly he felt two large hands, heavy on his shoulders. Bruce jumped. At some point during his depressing rambling, Thor had stood up and walked around the table. He was now standing behind Bruce, leaning over his shoulder. As he talked, Bruce felt occasional wisps of hot breath on his ear. “Well, Banner, our good friend Korg always tells me ‘bro time’ cheers him up when he is feeling unwell. So why don’t we hang out today? It’s been a while since we’ve spent the day together.” He turned his head to look at Thor, their faces now very close. Bruce smiled awkwardly. His heart was beating fast. He supposed this was because of the shock he’d had earlier, and yet it only seemed to be beating faster. His face felt hot again. “Yeah, Bruce. Some bro time ‘d be great for you!” Natasha said. She sounded like she was trying not to laugh, and there was a knowing smile on her lips. Which was very confusing. There was nothing to know.
“Okay, yeah! What- what do you wanna do, though?” Bruce said, sounding a little bit breathless. Thor flashed a pleased grin. He placed one hand one the table in front of Bruce, still hovering over him. His body seemed to radiate a warm, comfortable glow. “Why don’t I assist you with your research today? I’m certain I could be of help to you.” Bruce was somewhat taken aback. Thor didn’t have any interest in bio-chemistry, did he? Why on earth would he want to spend a whole day in the lab with Bruce? Besides, he wasn’t even working on anything. “Uh. I’m not really d- doing any research today, uh, specifically.” He answered lamely. Thor’s face fell slightly. He furrowed his brow. “Oh, right.” An awkward silence fell. But then- “Well, I’m sure, with a mind like yours, you can think of something to research!” Thor said, sounding more hopeful, rather than sure of himself. Bruce had to laugh at that. Thor laughed too, admitting it was a rather weak save. Natasha stared at them with a mixture of fondness and incredulity.
*---*---*---*
So, to the lab they went. Thor had made them both tea. Bruce had been surprised to find out that Thor knew exactly how he liked to drink it. It had made him feel warm inside. Or was that just the tea? Thor was now hunched over in his chair, blowing his tea -which must be cold by now, Bruce thought- and watching the computer screen avidly. Bruce was feeling rather foolish. There really had been no point in coming here. No research, no ideas, no sparks. He was messing around with some of Tony’s unfinished maths. But he didn’t really know what he was doing. Propping his head up on his elbow, and in doing so squishing half of his face in a most unflattering way, Bruce decided to look at Thor instead. Some moments went by rather easily then. After a while, Thor’s electric eyes turned to Bruce, and his face cracked into a gentle smile. “Your face looks sweet like that.” Which caused Bruce to promptly avert his gaze, startled by the casualness of such an endearment. Once again, he felt his face burn. He really needed to figure out how to deal with being complemented. This time, however, there was something new. His stomach felt like it had done a flip.
Thor didn’t react to Bruce’s bashful awkwardness. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed. Instead he waved a pointed finger to the computer screen. “It’s wonderful, these numbers.” He said with raised eyebrows. Then, after a slight pause, “I don’t understand any of it, though.” They both laughed. Bruce wanted to say that these particular numbers weren’t very exciting at all, and on top of that, they weren’t even his. But Thor seemed impressed with him, and that felt nice. “Are there Asgardian mathematicians?” he always loved hearing Thor’s stories about his home-world. Before the events of Ragnarök a few months ago, he had dreamed of Asgard, desperately wanting to escape the ruins Hulk kept leaving on earth. A fresh start in a beautiful place where nobody knew him, or hated him. But now he knew that other planets just had a rather stressful effect on him, as most things seemed to.
Thor furrowed his brow as he thought about how to answer. “No. Not in this way.” He gestured to the screen again. “But the same science exists. On Asgard magic and science are one and the same. I suppose it’s difficult to separate the two, or find where they diverge. There are the ones who engineer our machines, our weapons and ships, who might be compared to earth’s scientists.” Thor’s voice was deep and gentle. Bruce felt almost mesmerized. He noticed then, that their hands were lying on the table, painfully close together. Electricity seemed to run between their fingertips. But he must have been imagining that. After another few moments, Bruce remembered where he was, and how creepy he must have looked, staring glassy-eyed at the golden god sitting next to him. He shook himself. “Uh. Thor? Honestly I don’t really know what we’re doing here. I told you, I’m not working on anything at the moment.” Bruce blurted out. Thor seemed a bit startled by this sudden confession. “Oh. No matter, of course. We could do this another time.” He said, rather sheepishly. Bruce felt his stomach twist in a knot. Was Thor disappointed?
“No!” He half-yelled. His hands were raised, as if reaching out to something. “No, I wanna hang out with you. Today. It’s working, I mean, I’m feeling better.” Thor’s face melted into something relieved and fond. Something much more pleasant, less gut-wrenching. “Let’s just watch a movie.” Bruce suggested, and the other agreed. So, they moved to one of the living rooms, which was almost always empty. Thor perused the shelves of DVD’s. “Banner? What would you like to watch?” Something happy and easy, calming. He didn’t think he was in the right state of mind for some gruesome, thrilling adventure. Bruce was about to answer, but he realized just in time, that he would much rather find out what on earth Thor’s pick might be. It ended up being a western. Which was probably the last thing Bruce had anticipated. He quickly got everything set up. Thor had tried to do this himself, but the thoroughly confused look on his face had said enough. “Don’t worry about it.” Bruce had laughed. They both plopped down onto the squishy couch as the movie started playing.
About thirty minutes in, Bruce decided that he hated it. It was dull, and slow, and just a little bit racist. Thor on the other hand, seemed to find it enthralling. His eyes shone as he laughed at things that weren’t even supposed to be funny. “These angry little men in their crotch-less leathers, very amusing.” He chuckled. Bruce decided not to tell him that it wasn’t meant to be a comedy. He wondered if Thor had ever even seen a movie at all. And though the movie was just about the least entertaining thing Bruce had ever witnessed, he decided he didn’t mind, because seeing Thor excitable like that was entertainment enough. He sat back against the armrest, legs stretched out along the couch, toes just grazing the side of Thor’s leg. Bruce’s eyes were solely fixed on the other man now, trying and failing to remove the stupid smile from his face. After a while Thor, too, leaned back into the couch, getting comfortable. He rested one of his hands on Bruce’s leg, loosely gripping his ankle. The room was getting very warm, and dark, with the curtains drawn, and everything was soft. Bruce felt his eyelids droop, then everything went black.
*---*---*---*
But blissful oblivion did not hold him for long. In what felt like seconds, Bruce stirred, awoken by something warm on his head. Fingers fluttering over his face, stroking gently through his hair. As his eyes opened slowly, he realized these fingers were accompanied by a voice, barely more than a whisper. “Banner? Banner. Wake up. The film is over. Banner?” Thor was crouched beside the sofa, looking as if he had also fallen asleep for a while. His hair was oddly tousled and his eyes, though still dazzlingly blue, looked weary. “Urgh. What time is it?” Bruce asked groggily. He brought his hands to his face, kneading his furrowed brow while also hiding his bedhead from Thor, god of handsomeness. “It is, eh, four in the afternoon” Thor replied, looking around almost frantically in search of some kind of clock. Bruce wanted to freak about the time, but then realized that he had absolutely nowhere to be, anyway. He sat up languidly, feeling like his body hadn’t quite woken up alongside his brain. Thor kept rubbing his arm for some reason, in an attempt to be comforting, Bruce supposed. He probably hadn’t had many opportunities to perfect his bedside-manner.
They both stood up, Bruce in a rather unnecessarily dramatic way, groaning as he swung both his legs over the side of the couch and heaved himself up. His body felt stiff and unused. He stretched his arms over his head, then yawned, trying to get rid of this sleepiness. Any kind of actual energy was perhaps too much to ask for that day, but he didn’t tend to get anything done while drowsy. Looking over at Thor, he noticed an odd smile on his face. Kind of hazy, vacant. When he saw that Bruce was looking at him, eyes narrowed in confusion, he seemed to shake himself out of it. Then, even more curious, his face got flushed, reddening almost alarmingly. “I have to go now. I need to, uh, train. Getting out of shape” Thor laughed somewhat awkwardly, laying a large hand on his stomach. “This was very enjoyable. Thank you.” And before Bruce could reply to any of that, Thor hurried out of the room, his ruddy head held low, leaving a completely bewildered Bruce in his wake.
*---*---*---*
Over the next few weeks it was business as usual. There were a few small-scale missions. None of them earth threatening, which meant, thankfully, no need for the Hulk. Bruce came along sometimes, however, but merely for assisting with recon, strategics and wizening up the less-informed. At avengers headquarters, life moved slowly. Bruce found himself in somewhat of a rut. But there was one thing that peaked his curiosity. The days after their, slightly odd, movie date, Thor kept mostly to himself. Bruce even suspected, that Thor had been avoiding him. For he had, on occasion, seen Thor talking, even laughing with the other members of the team. Had he offender Thor, somehow? Just when Bruce had started to get really worried, and started to feel a pit developing in his stomach, he was back, like nothing had happened. Thor started talking to him again, which left him thinking that it might have just been a fluke. Or had he been imagining things? All he knew for certain, is that his friend was not lost to him. Which was more than enough.
But then, something was different. He had begun to notice Thor hanging around him almost constantly, in stark contrast to the week before. Bruce almost felt like he was being stalked, though he wasn’t complaining, because he liked Thor’s company very much. He was shocked, however, when Thor started touching him. Very innocently, to be sure, but very noticeably. Lingering hands on his shoulders, arms slung around him as they walked or sat next to each other, pats on his back just a little too often to be natural.
One day, when Thor was headed out to meet Dr. Selvig, he even hugged Bruce before he left. The hug was quite brief, but warm and tight. Bruce had stood there, rooted to the spot, watching Thor as he walked away. And though he had been startled, he also felt something fluttering wildly inside his stomach. As he turned around to walk back to his room, he noticed Bucky sitting in the living room, his feet up on the table, smirking knowingly at him. Bruce then realized that there had been plenty of that going around, and he’d had quite enough of it.
*---*---*---*
This funny business all came to a climax one afternoon in march. Bruce was making himself what might have been his fifth mug of tea that day. Behind him, Steve, Clint, Sam and Natasha were sitting around the kitchen table. And, as had been usual lately, Thor was standing next to Bruce. He was half leaning, half sitting on the counter, listening in on the others’ casual conversation. When the kettle finally boiled, Bruce poured it out into his large purple mug. He grinned to himself as he listened to Sam, who was wondering aloud which kind of facial hair makes him look the sexiest. Natasha and Steve both seemed to be rather strongly opinionated about the subject, just on opposite ends of the spectrum. Nat was all for the beard, whereas Steve almost begged Sam to bring back the goatee. Just when he was about to announce his decision, however, Sam trailed off.
Because Thor, seemingly absent-mindedly, had slid off the counter and moved around Bruce, hugging him from behind. Thor’s strong arms wrapped around his sweater-clad middle. He knew everyone must be looking at them, and he felt he ought to be embarrassed, but he wasn’t. Thor and him had grown very close over the past year. And though this much closeness was new, it didn’t feel alien. Just the opposite. It felt comfortable, familiar even.
Natasha was the first to force back a conversation, trying to act like she hadn’t noticed anything. It was fairly convincing, though her voice sounded, perhaps, a little robotic. Thor just stayed there, breathing softly into the nape of Bruce’s neck. Bruce sipped on his (still far too hot) tea, burning his tongue in the process. He kept standing by the counter, not wanting to break the embrace. Then he heard Thor’s deep voice in his ear. “I’m going upstairs to take a shower. I shall see you at dinner.” He kissed Bruce on his temple, squeezed him slightly, then let go and walked out of the room. Bruce felt cold, all of a sudden, as if he were naked. He finally turned around to a room full of grinning faces. Not really knowing how else to react , Bruce just shrugged and laughed. “Aww, I didn’t know you two got married!” Clint exclaimed, throwing his hands up in mock jubilation. Bruce took another sip of his tea and sat down by the table. “Yeah. Sorry you weren’t invited. It was essential avengers only.” Everyone laughed. Nothing more was said on the subject.
*---*---*---*
It was Thursday night, two weeks later, and Tony was throwing a party at the mansion. He’d said it was in celebration of one of their recent (small) victories in battle. But Tony never really needed an excuse to flaunt his skill at party hosting. And while these get-togethers were usually lots of fun for everyone involved, Bruce was not in the mood. He’d been determined to attend, politeness being one of his few redeeming qualities, but the sound of everyone’s loud chattering was giving him a headache. As he wandered around the room, occasionally waving and saying hello’s, he fought to keep the tired grimace off of his face. Bruce couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t the only one not having a good time. He had been watching (and trying to hide the fact that he was watching) Thor all evening, a favourite new pastime of his. Thor was slouched in one of the armchairs, looking just about as miserable as Bruce felt. As far as he knew, Thor had been holed up in his room all day, and hadn’t spoken to anyone at the party.
Bruce looked up from his untouched drink, once again glancing at the armchair in the corner of the room, but it was empty. He looked around, confused, and spotted Thor just as he left through the large glass doors. Bruce followed immediately, though he thought Thor probably wanted to be left alone. His feet seemed to be moving without his consent. It had been unseasonably cold, the bitter winter clawing on with all its might. And yet he saw Thor stalk purposefully through the hallway, then outside, down the steps and onto the lawn. Thor must have noticed him by now, but he didn’t say anything. Bruce halted, standing at a safe distance, waiting for something to happen. 'Something' never happened, however. They just stood there, in the cold and the quiet.
When Thor looked up at the heavens, so did Bruce. There wasn’t a cloud in sight. The sky was inky black, and littered with shimmering stars. Suddenly, Thor lay down on the grass, hands behind his head. Bruce walked over to him, his footsteps soft and his breathing heavy. He felt oddly nervous. Like something was about to go very wrong. Taking Thor’s silence as an invitation (or at least not a dismissal), he crouched down with a sharp breath and mirrored Thor’s position. The grass was wet. Bruce shivered. The minutes slipped by. The moon seemed brighter by every one of them. Bruce felt the icy cold bleed into his bones, but he ignored it. He turned his head to look at Thor. And apparently that’s all he ever needed to do, because that was when Thor finally spoke. “Do you see those stars? The three bright ones? Over there.” He raised his arm and pointed to a wide triangle glittering above them. Bruce nodded. “That’s where Asgard used to be.” He said. Then, in a much more quiet voice “Where it should be.” Bruce felt the sadness radiating off him, and it settled in his own heart. Though he also felt relieved it wasn’t anything worse. He honestly couldn’t relate much to feeling homesick. But then, how could you not feel homesick if your home was the most beautiful city in the cosmos. He didn’t really wasn’t sure what to say. He settled for “I know.”
Yet another silence fell. This one heavier, but less tense than the last. Once again, Bruce waited for Thor to break it. And he did. “You didn’t have to follow me here.” His voice was still so quiet. Only on very few occasions had Bruce heard Thor sound so tender. It always startled him. Made him melt, too. “I know” he said again. Thor replied considerably faster this time. “Why did you follow me here?” He sounded genuinely curious, one might even say suspicious. Bruce furrowed his brow. The answer seemed rather obvious. “I wanted to know if you were okay.” He could hear Thor letting out a shaky breath next to him. Bruce’s eyes traced the jagged shapes cut into Thor’s hair, then the shape of his nose, then his fluttering eyelashes. Thor turned head to look at Bruce with warm eyes and a grateful smile. They’re faces were far too close, now. Both of them quickly looked up at the stars again, lest they do something they might regret.
“Thank you, Bruce.” His voice no longer sounded weak. Fragility had made way for something dear, gentle, and fond. Gone was the aching sadness, gone was the bitter cold. Bruce smiled to himself. It was quite shocking, the effect it had on him when Thor said his name. It was just his name, for crying out loud, everyone else used it. But from Thor it felt special, intimate. “For what?” Bruce asked. He thought the others probably would have done the same. Everyone cared about Thor. Especially Natasha, or Steve. And yet there was something in the back of his head, that said maybe they wouldn’t. Just maybe he cared more than they did. Maybe. “I don’t know.” Thor whispered. It was so quiet, Bruce wondered if he was supposed to have heard it at all. But he had.
Thor moved his arm from behind his head, and placed it next to Bruce’s. He could hear it shifting closer, bit by cautious bit, just from the grass rustling ever so faintly. Until suddenly, there it was. Thor’s little finger nudged his hand, then hooked around Bruce’s own. Bruce felt those nervous jitters again, his stomach doing somersaults. Thor seemed to be waiting for him to make the next move, his breath bated. Bruce unhooked his finger from Thor’s, and for a moment he felt Thor tense up next to him. And though his heart was pounding, he knew he’d never been more certain of anything in his life, as he intertwined their fingers. He laughed shakily as he heard Thor breathe a sigh of utmost relief. In that moment, Bruce felt something fit into place. This made sense. This was them admitting something to themselves, and it had been a long time coming. Thor squeezed his hand in an affirming way. Soon they would have to get inside to change out of their cold, wet clothing. But not yet.
*---*---*---*
A few days later, avengers headquarters was attacked. Bruce remembered scoffing through the windows, at the man standing alone on their lawn. “Some wannabe who’s got beef with Tony, probably. That’s usually what they are.” Clint had said. But this wannabe posed much more of a threat than they had anticipated. And he wasn’t pulling his punches. So they ended up needing a strong guy. The strongest guy they had. Code Green.
*---*---*---*
Curled up on his bed, Bruce was cast in almost complete darkness. A sliver of weak sunlight was fighting its way through his curtains. He had been lying there for what must have been hours now. But time was very hard to tell, just wasting away in his room. His stomach grumbled. It was roaring at him to go and feed himself, but he didn’t think he could get up if he wanted to. By the wet patches on his pillow, Bruce could tell he’d cried at some point. He didn’t remember it. When he was told they needed the “Other Guy”, his only comfort was that he was fighting just one man. It would be secluded from citizens, the damage would be minimal. But when the fight got nasty, Hulk did what he does best. He got angry. He beat the attacker, no problem. Turned out he was in a less than cooperative mood. After about an hour, they managed to subdue him. And in his disastrous wake, he left lots of destroyed property, thirty-four badly injured, and two dead.
Bruce was ripped from his miserable musings by three gentle knocks on the door. At first he ignored it, hoping the faceless hand would identify itself. The lump in his throat was making him very reluctant to speak. But no such luck. Another series of knocks on his door. “Who is it?” Bruce asked. It came out cracked, and mostly breath. He doubted the person on the other side would have heard it. “Please let me in.” Thor’s voice came through the door, like a somber pleading. Bruce hesitated only seconds before getting himself out of bed. It was more of a struggle than he’d anticipated. His limbs felt heavy as lead. He made his way to the door. When he reached out an arm to grab the handle, he felt like he was trying to reach the sun, his arm stretching for eternity. But then he felt the cool metal against his palm, and the door swung open to reveal Thor, whose face looked sullen. Without warning, he pulled Bruce into a tight hug. One arm wrapped around his shoulder, the other one cradled Bruce’s head and tucked it under his own. Bruce sagged into the embrace, failing to lift his arms and hug back, though he very much wanted to. It felt nice, being able to lean on Thor. It was a simple gesture. But it was the support he needed.
At some point Thor let go of him, and Bruce’s knees buckled. Just before he toppled onto the floor, however, Thor caught him and steadied him by wrapping an arm around his waist. “Sorry.” Bruce croaked, embarrassment evident from his reddening ears. Thor patted him on the back. “That’s alright.” He grinned. Then, in a more serious tone, “Do you want to talk about it?” Bruce could tell from his eyes that he felt sympathy, but also apprehension. He probably had no idea what he would say if Bruce did want to talk, but he was more than willing to try. That fact made him feel just a bit warmer than he did before. But Bruce didn’t want to talk about it. At all. What would he even say? I wish I hadn’t killed those people? I wish I never killed anyone? I wish I didn’t exist at all?
“Uh, not really, no.” he answered. Thor seemed relieved, but was trying very hard to hide it, which was quite adorable. If it were any other circumstance, Bruce would want to kiss him. “Know this, Bruce” Thor said, gripping his shoulder and gazing intently into his eyes, “You should not blame yourself for the Hulk’s wrongdoings.” Bruce wanted to say that there wouldn’t be any hulk if it weren’t for him. But he knew Thor would take issue with that, and he didn’t feel like arguing. So he just nodded and looked down at his feet. They seemed detached from his body. He felt like a floating head. Thor let go of his shoulder, and in a few large strides, he was by the door. Bruce’s mouth opened without him wanting it to. The words came out panicked. “Stay with me!” Thor turned around and looked at him, seemingly taken aback by this sudden outburst. “I don’t wanna talk, but I want you to stay. Please.” There was a beat of silence. It was awkward. And a little tense. Thor furrowed his brow in confusion. “Is this- Are you coming onto me?” Bruce wanted to laugh and scoff at the same time. It came out like a choked breath. “No!” he said defiantly. Thor looked somewhat mortified now. “Oh. Sorry.”
“I, uh, just need you here with me. You help me. Make me feel better, you know?” Bruce explained. He couldn’t look at Thor when he said that. He felt raw, exposed. If he had looked up from his feet, he would have seen Thor’s face brighten, and his eyes melt into something a lot like love. But he hadn’t. So he didn’t. “You make me happy, too, Bruce.” Thor said. And Bruce was so flustered by this, he simply couldn’t respond. But Thor hadn’t expected him to. Neither of them said anything for long time after that. They moved to Bruce’s bed, continuing their hug from before. It was more comfortable than Bruce remembered ever being. He sighed into Thor’s chest. Most of the tension had immediately left his body when they touched again. He thought he might want to exist like this forever, surrounded by soft sheets and Thor’s strong embrace.
*---*---*---*
Reparations on the east wing (the part of the mansion that Hulk had partially destroyed) had begun. Bruce avoided any sight of the construction as he paced the hallways. It wasn’t like he needed reminding. He had only started coming out of his room the day before. He’d been dreading facing the others. When he apologized profusely to them, they’d said they didn’t need to hear it, and some of them had hugged him, or patted him on the back. But, as usual, this hadn’t made him feel much better.
Bruce’s mind was racing. Exploding with ‘what ifs’ and worst-case scenarios. The realization that he had feelings for Thor, had hit him like a school bus. And the thought that Thor might feel the same, was exciting and terrifying. “might” being the key-word there. Should he follow his instincts? (Said instincts usually being to run and hide) Or should he risk their friendship, for what might be his best and only chance at a relationship? Perhaps it would be safer to keep his feelings to himself. He just wanted to open up his head and let all the thoughts swarm out, like a jar filled with bees. He needed to talk to someone. But who? His first thought was Natasha. She was arguably the best one for the job. Not only was she close to both him and Thor, but she was good at that kind of stuff. Nat understood people, saw through them. She was honest, but kind. Objective. Bruce pondered briefly, that she could have made a great therapist. But then he remembered that knowing smirk on her face, that one morning, so many months ago. He didn’t think he would be able to stand it. Nat trying to hide her smugness as Bruce came running to her to confess something that she had known all along. Maybe not, then.
As he passed an open door on the ground level, he heard the gentle, robotic tones that were Vision’s voice. Bruce’s eyes followed it, hoping to have found his makeshift therapist. The open door belonged to Wanda’s bedroom. They were sitting there together, on the bed, chatting peacefully. Summer had arrived, at last. Plentiful sunlight was pouring in through a large window, bathing the room in a warm glow. Wanda hugged her knees to her chest as she spoke animatedly about something. Vision sat listening to her, his head tilted slightly, with his hands folded in his lap.
Bruce really didn’t want to interrupt them. It didn’t seem like they were talking about anything too private, though, seeing as the door was wide open. He knocked on the doorframe and leaned into the room awkwardly. “Uh, hey guys.” They looked up at him and smiled, which was a relief. “Hi, Bruce!” Wanda said in a kind voice. Vision gestured for him to come sit with them. So he walked over to the desk chair and set it down next to the bed. “I, uh, was wondering if I could talk to you guys. Clear my head a bit. I feel like I’m going nuts.” He laughed a humourless laugh. They both pulled sympathetic faces. Well, Vision tried his best anyway. “Is this about last week?” Wanda asked. “No” he replied quickly. “This is something else.” Then Bruce fell silent. He was trying to figure out what to say. After some time, too much time apparently, Wanda made a noise that was half exasperated- half amused. Vision urged him to elaborate. “What’s this about then, Bruce?”
“Okay. Uh, over the past year, you might’ve noticed, uh, Thor and- and I have gotten pretty close” Vision and Wanda exchanged looks, grins on their faces. Bruce’s eyes darted between them questioningly. “Yes, we’ve noticed” Vision confessed. He then looked to Wanda, who said “I think we all have. Were you trying to hide it?” This was all rather confusing. Bruce frowned. “What do you- No? No, we weren’t hiding anything! Because, I don’t- I don’t think there’s anything to hide. I mean, I’ve been thinking that maybe, uh, maybe I have feelings for him.” He sighed. His head was in his hands now, fingers kneading hopelessly at his knotted brow. Wanda and Vision said nothing.
“I mean, he’s Thor, he’s amazing. And I thought that, just maybe, he felt the same.” Another sigh. “But now that I say it out loud it sounds ridiculous.” He sat back up, looking at them with a sense of defeat about him. Bruce shrugged a weak shrug. “I just don’t know what to do. I can’t just go right out and say it, I’ll freak him out! And I just can’t lose him.” And as he looked, he was met with Wanda’s smiling face. What the hell was there to smile about? His affronted reaction was evidently written all over his face, because her smile faltered slightly. “Bruce. I mean this in the best way possible, but sometimes you can be such an idiot.” She said. He gaped at her. An idiot?
He looked to Vision, who rested his hand on Wanda’s shoulder. “She doesn’t mean to make light of your situation.” He hesitated for a moment. “What Wanda means to say is merely that you ought to follow your heart, not your head, and everything will fall into place.” An extraordinary kindness radiated from the synthetic man in front of him. A wave of calm that washed over Bruce. He felt his mind clear and his pulse slow. Wanda interlocked her fingers with Vision’s. “Well said” she whispered. “So you guys think he likes me back?” Bruce asked unnecessarily loudly. Suddenly the question felt silly. Suddenly he already knew the answer. Suddenly he felt more sure about this than he had ever felt about anything. Did Vis use some kind of Jedi mind-trick on him? “Bruce!” Wanda exclaimed. Throwing her hands up in frustration “Of course he does!”. Bruce jumped up out of his chair. “I’ve gotta go find him.” He said more to himself than to anyone else. He muttered a quick thanks and hurried out of the room.
*---*---*---*
It was times like these when Bruce hated how large the mansion was. He panted as he hurried through the labyrinthine hallways, his heart thumping in his chest. He had to find Thor. Finally he heard it. Laughter, coming from a room ahead of him. It was beautiful. Deep, booming, thundering laughter. Filled with mirth. He sprinted towards the door, but then, when he stood in front of it, stopped dead in his tracks. Did he really want to do this? Was he really ready? To admit his feelings to the world, and himself? It had never been a strong suit of his in the past. Though Bruce would like to imagine he’s grown over the past few years. That he’d learned to open himself up to people. Learned to allow himself friends, a family, even. Yes. He decided he did want to do this. Not only that. He needed to do this. Or he might burst with the sheer force of his desperation. If he bottled this up any longer, being around Thor would be unbearable. And a life without him, Bruce realized, was not one he wanted to endure. This was it.
Bruce opened the door with unnecessary force. It swung hard and hit the wall behind it. Bruce cringed at the loud noise and the dramatism of it all. Steve was there, sitting at one of the desks. Thor was standing next to him, leaning over to look at something. Some sort of photo album. When the door banged, they both looked up at Bruce’s frenzied expression, their smiles quickly disappearing. “Bruce! Good God, are you alright?” Steve asked him. Thor just stared, wide eyed. His fists were clenched tight by his sides. Bruce’s throat felt tight and his tongue heavy. For a moment he wasn’t sure if he would even be able to produce words. But before he knew it, he heard himself speak, as though far away. “Yeah. Thor, I need to talk to you.” Steve looked at him with knotted eyebrows. Then, almost comically, he looked back and forth between the intent in both their faces, cottoning on. He mumbled something that Bruce never heard, and hurried past him through the open door with a rather red face.
Never breaking eye contact, Bruce walked towards Thor, excruciatingly slowly. He wanted to speed up. To run and trip towards Thor until he could touch him. But his body wouldn’t let him. Instead he struggled through quicksand, each step taking far too much from him. Until he finally made it, close enough to count his lashes. There he was. And those eyes trapped him in an electric ocean, yet again. It was as if Thor knew what he was going to say before he said it. His large hands reached out and only stopped themselves an inch away from Bruce’s face. He could feel Thor’s fingertips ghosting over his skin. It was like static. Goosebumps travelled across his neck and the expanse of his back.
“My heart wants for you, Banner”. His voice was deep and cracked yet still soft somehow. As Bruce watched those blue eyes, he saw Thor’s pupils dilate until almost none of the colour was visible. Warmth pooled in his belly and his legs started to tremble. Thor still didn’t touch him. He was waiting for confirmation. The situation felt surreal, and for a moment all Bruce could do was breathe. He slowly raised his shaking hands and rested them on Thor’s chest, where he could feel a fast but steady heartbeat through his soft hoodie.
“I love you.”
Once he’d said it, there was no hesitation. What would be the point? Thor let out a breath he’d apparently been holding. Bruce grabbed two fistfuls of Thor’s hoodie and pulled him in close. Thor’s hands finally made glorious contact with his skin. His fingers ran through Bruce’s hair and cupped his face, lighting him on fire. Their lips and tongues collided in something desperate and beautiful. Something they’d both wanted to do for a very long time. And Bruce wondered how on earth he’d been able to live without it all this time. When they separated it took Bruce a while to catch his breath. His head felt pleasantly empty. And a little dizzy. He grinned in a rather sheepish way. Thor smiled back at him with pink lips. “That was nice.” He said. He grabbed Bruce’s hands and held them in his own. “Yeah. Uh, yeah, it was.” Bruce replied, giving Thor’s hands an affectionate squeeze. Bright rays of afternoon sunlight shone through the window behind Thor, making it look as though he had a halo hovering above his head. It bathed him in warm yellow light.
Finally he had found a place where he wasn’t a threat.
*---*---*---*
The avengers had gathered for their monthly scheduled team meeting. This always happened the first Monday of the month. it was supposed to, at least. Tony had been adamant about it when these meetings were first instated. Though it was usually him who cancelled, when he was otherwise engaged. Most of the team were gathered around the conference table. Others sat in the corner chairs, looking disinterested. The meeting had gone on longer than usual, because some big-shot had sued them for destruction of property. Fair enough, they thought. But as it turned out, the only thing broken in her multi-million dollar mansion, was a vase, which now had an ugly crack down the middle. Clint had suggested she just turn the vase around, which did nothing to dissolve her bad attitude. Ignoring the fact that the avengers probably had had nothing to do with the cracked vase, it was of no historical or sentimental value, which meant that the amount she was asking for was laughably ridiculous. The whole thing had been an incredibly dull and frustrating ordeal.
Tony sighed. “Okay, so that’s over. Finally.” He straightened his back and clasped his hands together. “That was our last official order of business for today. Thank you all for your input- not you, Wilson.” Sam grinned to himself about a particularly witty comment he’d made earlier on in the meeting. Tony gave him a pointed glare. The corners of his mouth twitched upward slightly before he continued speaking. “There is one more topic of discussion I would be delighted to touch on, however.” He said this a little bit louder than normally, because some people were already rising out of their chairs, clearly itching to get out of the crowded conference room.
Tony was quiet for just a moment. He seemed to be fighting down a smile. Bruce could see his eyes sparkling with excitement, or was it something else? It was hard to tell through those tinted glasses. To Bruce’s alarm, Tony then gestured towards him and said “Banner, Odinson, congratulations on your copulation.” He could feel the colour drain from his face. A couple of people gasped good-naturedly. How could Tony already know? Had they been that obvious? No. They’d barely touched each other when they were in company, because Bruce had been plucking up the courage to tell everyone. It had to have been- Bruce turned to Clint in an indignant sort of way. Clint shrugged. “I didn’t tell him.”
“Oh, no. Clint didn’t tell me. Though I’m highly offended he opted to keep it from me. No, I found out from Pepper, who found out from my forehead of security.” Tony said. There was a slight pause, during which everyone looked at Tony with furrowed brows or questioning eyes. Everyone except Stephen, who seemed thoroughly disinterested. Tony explained “We got you on camera. CCTV’s always watching. Happy was so proud of you both, and I have to say, so am I.” Tony went on rambling and reminiscing for a while, saying things like “I gotta say, I knew it from the start. When I brought you two together…” and “I will, of course, be best man at the wedding. I’ve already started writing my speech and let me tell you, it’s gonna blow you away.” But no one was really listening anymore. They were turning to Thor and Bruce, smiling and congratulating them.
“So you two finally did it, huh? ‘Bout time if you ask me” Sam chimed in. There were some grins and murmurs of agreement. Bruce didn’t really know what to say. He was quite embarrassed by the fact that apparently everyone had known way before he had, and he squirmed under the attention of the room, but knowing they were all supportive and happy for them made his chest feel all warm and light. Thor on the other hand, looked as comfortable as ever. He beamed at every comment as he sat back in his chair, with one arm slung around Bruce’s shoulders. Across the table, Scott’s face was one of comical confusion, his whole face scrunched into a question mark. “I’m sorry, what’s happening? Since when is this a thing?” he asked. Natasha turned to him and replied with a comforting voice. “You haven't been around much lately, so you didn’t notice. Thor and Bruce have been making googly eyes at each other for the past few months. And they finally got together.” A smile stretched slowly but widely across Scott’s face. “Oooh, I see. See the things I miss out on when I’m at home? Congrats, Guys!”
*---*---*---*
Hulk hit the ground like a torpedo, slamming his fists into the earth, sending the leather-clad soldiers flying in every direction. Rage filled eyes darted all around him in pursuit of his next target. Up ahead he saw Tony, a small speck in the sky, blasting enemies on the ground. They had just rolled out some ludicrously big gun. It looked like some form of plasma, no doubt capable of obliterating someone in one hit. Just as Cap shot past him towards the henchmen loading the gun, a trilling sort of alarm went off over his com. Somebody was in danger. “Does anyone know who that was?” Natasha’s voice came panting into his ear. “No.” replied Cap. “I’m- uh- a little tied up right now.” He heard the familiar sound of fists hitting flesh repeatedly. “Yeah, me too. Anyone free? Hulk, you on this?” Tony asked. “Hulk going.” He started running at once, though admittedly, he had no idea which direction he needed to go. He figured heading back to the enemy base was a solid idea. The others had been there only moments ago. As he ran more voices came through his intercom.
“So who’s in trouble? You alright, Wanda? Clint? Vision?” Cap asked through grunts and the occasional distant scream. All three answered him, albeit with various degrees of success. “Thor” a couple of voices realized at the same time. Panic seeped into the anger, filling his head with a loud buzzing. Thor had never sent a distress call before, which meant that this must be serious. His enormous strides carried him back to the base in under half a minute. He needn’t search for the problem. The sight that greeted him, stopped him in his tracks and he skidded on the wet earth, almost crashing through the side of the base. Thor was there, in the middle of a clearing, being completely overpowered by one of the henchman. That alone would have been a rather peculiar sight. Stranger still was the bright purple glow emanating from the attacker. It seemed to come off him in waves, distorting his image like heat in the desert. Clearly the result of all that experimental weaponry. He had Thor pinned to the ground, and was pushing his face into the mud, stopping him from breathing. The attacker seemed to be attempting to crush Thor’s skull in his hands.
Hulk came to his senses and roared in anger. Within a split-second he hurtled towards the attacker, grabbed him with a huge fist and threw him to the ground. The purple glow dissipated almost immediately, but he spared it no thought. As the henchman struggled to get up, Hulk jumped on him, feeling bones splinter beneath his gigantic feet. He was squashed and crumpled like a horrible, large, swatted fly. A few meters behind him, Thor coughed up mud. Hulk made it over to him on all fours and inspected the god with concern. Beside the spluttering and some very red eyes, however, everything seemed to be okay. Relief flooded Hulks brain. In fact he almost forgot they were still at battle. Though after almost losing the one most important to him, everything else seemed small and insignificant. They defeated the enemy in time for lunch.
*---*---*---*
The heart of summer had arrived. Bringing with it heat, humidity and the refusal to want to do anything but lounge around headquarters. The grass was vividly green and the sun sparkled over the surface of the lake. Team members were littered all over the grounds. Most were engrossed in a very competitive game of beach volleyball. Others dangled their feet in the water of the lake and basked in the warm weather. Scott and Peter were reclined in lounge chairs, chatting excitedly about something and laughing loudly every few minutes. Bruce watched the others peacefully. He sat curled up with Thor on a bench overlooking the lawn. Bruce’s head nestled against Thor’s shoulder. Thor gently caressing Bruce’s arm. Lazy smiles on their faces as the sounds of laughter and yelling wafted up towards them from the volleyball match below. Bruce, however, was listening to Thor’s low breathing and focussing on the steady rise and fall of his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so calm, so safe.
Ever since the incident the previous week, he’d felt a sense of pride, like a warmth in his belly. A feeling he couldn’t remember ever feeling before, at least not this powerful. At first he’d been confused by it, but he thought he’d figured it out by now. Being able to save Thor’s life had been a blessing. He knew that if it wasn’t for him, Thor might not have been here sitting with him. And while that thought was frightening, it was also immensely gratifying. He realized as he listened to the god’s calming breathing, that he was grateful. Grateful for being able to help him. An ability he himself did not possess. He wouldn’t have been able to save Thor’s life if it wasn’t for the Hulk. And he’d never felt grateful for the Hulk before. Suddenly a wave of emotion washed over him, feeling that maybe someday he could learn to embrace all parts of himself. For the Hulk was him. And vice versa. And if that day came, it would be because of Thor.
Bruce will always want to be able to protect him. And being able to was a gift. The Hulk gave him that. He also knew that Thor will always want to protect him, and might be one of the only people in the universe who actually could. Bruce thought that maybe he actually deserved to be here. Maybe he’d finally earned this, to be here, swaddled by Thor’s glowing embrace. Silent tears started to fall down his cheeks and onto Thor’s chest. He could tell Thor had noticed. He seemed to be more alert than before, though he didn’t say anything.
“Thor?” Bruce asked quietly. “Hmm?” Thor replied in a deep hum. “I’m so happy you’re okay.” A moment of silence passed as Thor squeezed him slightly, comforting him. “And… I think I’m happy that Hulk was there to help you. I- I’ve just never felt so at peace with myself. I think this is why hulk exists. This is what he was meant for. To protect the ones I love. To protect you.” The tears continued falling. He didn’t look at Thor, but clutched at him. Holding on tightly, not wanting to ever let him go.
“We’ll always save each other. I know this. We fit. It's as if we were predetermined.” Thor said, voicing exactly what Bruce had been thinking. He kissed Bruce on the temple.
Then he smiled and said
“I’m happy too.”