Chapter 2
When the blinding light vanished he was surrounded by golden walls. He could see his brother and his friends, his father, Heimdail, even his mother.
No one spoke.
He raised his gaze slightly and tried to take them all in. Was this a reaction to him? Lady Sif and the three others were all looking at him in a mostly familiar way. There was suspicion, but that was always there. It was the disgust that he was not ready to process.
Thor was staring at a wall, unmoving, his fists were clenching sporadically.
His parents were watching him like he was an easily spooked creature.
Heimdail was the only one with a mask of indifference, in his watching spot. As if alone.
The einherjar were still holding onto him. Though uncertainly. Of course. They had seen him turn the giant’s blue. He was the enemy, was he not? He supposed he was also still their prince. Certainly they had all witnessed the allfather threatening war over his second son.
He knew they were expecting him to speak, to ask questions, perhaps yell and cry. He felt empty. He had no questions that seemed worth the effort of surfacing from himself. Vocalizing it in anyway would make it real. He knew it was funny in a cynical, objective way. He tried to brace and force himself to think about it from a third party perspective. What if this had happened to someone else and he was but an spectator? What would he think about this? What would he expect the poor arrogant bastard of a prince, to do or say, after being brought crashing down so hard that he had gone through the ground and into the abyss? He couldn’t see it. He just couldn’t. His mind refused to focus, he could only think about how dry his throat was and how he was starting to shake uncontrollably. He wanted to demand the einherjar to let go of his arms and go away. How dare they to manhandle him like that? Him? A prince. But he couldn’t do that. His voice died in his throat at remembering that he wasn’t actually. How funny it must have looked. A runt of a jotun, a rejected little creature, not even worth calling a prince in that land of savages. And here he’d been playing at being an Aesir one.
He stared at the floor, not moving away from the guards or making a sound, and continued shaking, increasingly so.
Somewhere in his mind, near the door where his royal highness Loki of Asgard had left the floor to this one, he was amazed at how quickly you can feel out of place in your home. He thinks of how he could walk around and feel at peace, safe, no place was ever safer than the palace. And now he felt like an intruder.
And then Odin straighten up and said “What are you doing? Release him. He is still the same prince you’ve always known. Nothing has changed. What happened today was terrible and unnecessary. I, as your king, command you all to secrecy. No one outside this room is to know about the prince’s true origin. You are not to speak about this with your families, friends, even among yourselves. If you dare to do otherwise, I will have your heads.”
He heard the guards and Thors friends yell in affirmation. His arms were released and he let them down, then the shaking became stronger and he hugged himself. He was freezing, he felt like he was not really there, not as an active participant at least. It all was foggy and he felt like if he moved even one centimeter, he would puke.
He felt a hand on his face, far too warm to the touch. He looked up and tried hard to focus his eyes. It was his mother.
“My son, are you feeling okay? you are far too pale, and you’re shaking..” he had no answers to give her. “Loki? Please say something”
At that, Thor finally turned around to look at him. After a moment, he walked closer “Loki? What’s wrong with him? Did they do something? Are you hurt?”
Odin turned to a guard.
“Call Eir, tell her to come right now”
“Loki?” Thor, help me to bring that chair. “Loki, my love, talk to me. What do you need?”
He doesn’t remember sitting in the chair but suddenly he is.
“Mother? Is he okay? Why is he not talking? Did that… did he hurt him when he held him by the head? I will…”
“No Thor. I believe he’s gone into shock.”
He was feeling more and more disconnected from his body, like he was not really there. It was like a flame extinguishing. He couldn’t breathe.
“…it was a big shock on his body to be made to take that shape twice, but more than that, I believe this is a trauma response. Being forced into shapeshifting, in addition to him finding out in such a brutal way….”
It was Eir’s voice. He had not even realized when she had arrived. Her words reached his ears but did not do so his mind.
“But he’ll be okay, right?” He heard his brother ask Eir. She reached down to touch his forehead. “Physically, he will be. It might be better to let his mind rest so his body can recover.”
She looked Loki in the eyes. “It’s okay my prince, you can rest now. Everything is okay…”
He felt as if warm water ran through his body from his forehead, then his eyes closed and his mind was silenced.