Chapter 23
"Hey Sirius!" Remus slammed the door to their dorm, threw his bag on the ground. "I think Reg is doing well, but tell me..." Remus started to untie his tie. "How would you feel about James fucking your brother?"
"A FUCKING WHAT?" Sirius shouted jumping out of his bed.
"He looks at him the same way he looks at Lily, ya know. The way he does when he things she isn't looking" Remus chuckled.
Sirius got in his face, he took the colar of Remus' shirt into his hand. "What the- are you fucking with me, Lupin?"
"A bit-" Remus smiled placing a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him away. "if you went there, you know like- actually be there and talk to him. Then you would have known." He smacked Sirius with the tie he just took off. "You can't run away from your problems Sirius."
"Oh- like you would know anything about that." Sirius snorted watching him walk back to his back bed. Sirius had the tie will in his hand, it looked identical to his, but it was Moony's. He tugged it away in his back pocket, hoping Remus will forget about it and he gets to keep it.
"I do actually. Every month I try and I continue to fail." He turned around and their eyes met. "So trust me, I know." The left corner of his mouth lifted. Remus looked so graceful with that crooked smile of his, it was contagious.
"Yeah," Sirius smiled back at him. "sorry. That was stupid of me to say." He paused and sat on his bed. "You really think James would date my brother?"
"I dunno- I was just trying to get a reaction out of you."
"Oh- fuck off Moony." Sirius threw a pillow at him.
"Why do you guys keep trowing stuff at me?" He laughed.
Remus caught the pillow and threw it back at Sirius. "Because you're an easy target." he teased.
"Says the one who's as skinny as a twig" he said and stuck out his tounge.
They continued to playfully throw pillows at each other until they were both laughing and out of breath. It was moments like these that reminded them why they were such good friends.
"So, do you really think there's something between James and my brother?" Sirius asked, finally getting back to the topic.
"I don't know, Sirius. It's just a feeling I have," Remus said, shrugging falling onto his bed. "But maybe you should talk to your brother and see how he feels about James. It might clear things up."
Sirius rolled eyes at Remus' suggestion, brushing it off with a hand wave. "Want a smoke?"
"Oh- yes, please!" Remus moved from his own bed to Sirius', He laid down next to him. Patiently waiting for Sirius to find the cigarettes and a lighter. " Hey Sirius-"
"Yeah?" Sirius replied, handing Remus a cigarette and lighting it for him.
"Y- Nevermind, It's nothing." he took a drag of the cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly. "Just thinking how happy I am to have you..." he paused, they looked at each other for a moment, an awkward moment. Sirius could have sworn that for a second he saw Remus's eyes sparkle "...guys." He look away, taking another drag.
Sirius smiled, taking a drag from his own cigarette. "Yeah, we are pretty lucky, aren't we?" He looked over at Remus and nudged him with his shoulder. "And I wouldn't want it any other way." They continued to smoke in silence for a few moments before Sirius spoke up again. "You know, I don't think it would bother me too much if James was into my brother. As long as they're happy, AND they DON'T kiss in front of me. It's fine."
Remus just stared at him for a bit, holding back laughter. "Really, Sirius? I never would have though you would be okay with sharing Reggie with someone. Especially since you were about to knock my teeth out for just mentioning it. You're ridiculous." It was hard to make out what he was saying, after that. Sirius just looked at him, again. He would be happy looking at him until the rest of their life.
"I don't understand what's so funny. Besides, I've spend enough time with you. I learned a thing or two about being amazing" He pushed him off the bed."and ridiculous." Remus was now laying on the ground, crookedly grinning at Sirius.
"You give me too much credit. I'm a mess and you know it." Remus laughed.
"Nah, not a mess." Offering him a hand to pull him back up. "I would say more of a work in progress? Or a ticking time bomb?" Sirius said as he pulled him back up.
Remus smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Sirius noticed and frowned. "What's wrong?"
"It's just..." Remus trailed off, taking another drag of his cigarette. "I don't know. I'm never going to get better. Like... I'm always going to be this... this thing. Nobody is going want to put up with me. You guys might be the only once who- "
"Thing?" Sirius cut him off, confused.
Remus sighed. "You know what I mean. A werewolf. A monster."
"No. You're not a monster, Remus," Sirius said firmly. "You're anything but that, ok? You're a excellent student, a brilliant friend, you're kind, loyal, and funny as hell." Sirius chuckled. "You always know how to make me feel better when I'm down, and I can always count on you to kick my ass when I'm being a dick. And most of all you're just... an amazing, good person, Remus." he said softly. "And I love you for who you are."
Remus's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Sirius really just say that he loved him?
"We all got our own problems, Moony. And I know being a werewolf is probably way worse than anything we've ever been through. But trust me I won't ever see you as anything less than the incredible person that you are."
Remus felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. "Sirius-" he whispered, barely able to get the words out. Remus's heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought it might burst.
As Sirius finished his sentence, he realized what he had just said. Love? Did he really just say that? He looked over at Remus, who was looking at him with wide eyes, as if he couldn't believe what he had just heard. They both sat there in silence for a few moments, the only sound being the soft crackling of their cigarettes.
Finally, Remus spoke up. "Did you mean that, Sirius?"
Sirius took a deep breath, looking into Remus' eyes. "I-i-, shit, sorry. Remus- I don't know what's gotten into me." He stuttered and started to shake. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I-" Sirius tried to turn away from Remus, but he stopped him and placed his palms on his face. Sirius and Remus stared at each other for a moment, the tension in the air growing thicker by the second.
"Fuck it." Remus whispered and finally, he leaned in and pressed his lips to Sirius's.
It was a soft, gentle kiss at first, but it quickly deepened as Sirius responded eagerly. They kissed for what felt like hours, their hands roaming over each other's bodies.
They pulled away, both breathing heavily. Remus looked at Sirius, his eyes filled with so much love and adoration that it almost made Sirius want to cry.
"Shit." Remus scoffed as he lightly brushed Sirius's face.
"Shit, indeed." Sirius whispered. They kissed again. More passionately this time. Sirius didn't know where to put his hands. He felt like he wanted to explore every inch of Remus's body. Remus however, seemed like he knew what he was doing.
They broke the kiss and Sirius looked at Remus with wonder in his eyes. "You've done this before, haven't you?" he asked, slightly out of breath.
Remus chuckled softly. "Not exactly, but I've had some experience." He leaned in and kissed Sirius again, his hands sliding down his back and pulling him closer, the other hand brushed through his hair, gripping it firmly. It made Sirius let out a quiet moan.
"Well," Remus pulled away and raised his eyebrow. "I kinda liked that." Remus pulled him closer by his belt and whispered into Sirius's ear, "I've been wanting to do that for a long time."
"Oh~ really?" He responded in the same flirtatious tone, grinning, observing Remus mouth. Sirius felt a rush of excitement and nervousness but he couldn't wait to kiss him again.
"Yeah." Remus pressed Sirius up against the wall, kissing him hungrily. Sirius moaned into the kiss, running his hands through Remus's hair. Remus pulled Sirius's shit off him, he was ready to explore Sirius's body, trace the contours of his muscles and-
"Holy shit Sirius! What happened to you! Your body- holy shit." Remus's touched that were filled with lust turned into caring strokes.
"I assume that's not a holy shit you're hot kind of holy shit?"
"No, it's not." He said not really focused on Sirius's words. Remus's touches became soft and caring, he treated him like he was made of porcelain . "Fuck, how did you get so many scars."
"I preferred the horny the Remus." Sirius sighed with annoyance, rolling his eyes, but letting Remus continue to touch him.
"I'm sorry, Sirius. It's just that... it breaks my heart, how did- what happened?" Remus said softly, his hand tracing the biggest scar on his chest. "You didn't- didn't have that last time I saw you-"
"I keep telling you. I had a real mess of a summer." He knew he was referring to one specific scar. He was just hoping Remus wouldn't get too stuck on it and they could move on.
"No don't fuck with me Sirius. I know a fresh scar when I see one this one is at most a few months old. Did I do that?" Remus was shaking, his eyes filling with tears. "I fuckin' did that. Didn't I?"
Sirius's heart sank at Remus's words. He had hoped to avoid this conversation for as long as possible, but he knew he couldn't keep it from Remus forever.
Sirius pulled him into a hug. He wanted to hold onto Remus forever, never let him go. "It was my fault. I didn't transform fast enough." He squeezed him and placed a kiss into his hair. "You have no control over the lycanthrophy. I have control over my transformation. It's my fault. And besides, you were quite a sweetheart after."
"Fuck, I feel so guilty." His head was burried in Sirius's shoulder, voice sounded muffled. Sirius could sense that Remus was overwhelmed by emotions.
"Remus, please don't- don't feel bad. Besides. The story behind the rest is waaaay more fucked up and now we match." Sirius smiled at Remus, who was still crushing Sirius's body under his weight.
"I don't care about the other scars, Sirius. I care about the fact that I hurt you," Remus said, his voice still shaky. "I just wish I could control it, so I wouldn't hurt anyone else. I am a fuckin' monst-"
Sirius pulled back to look into Remus's eyes, cupping his face in his hands. "Listen to me, Moony. It's not your fault. You have no control over it, and you never will. But I forgive you, and I always will."
Remus's eyes softened, and he leaned in to kiss Sirius. The kiss was slow and gentle, filled with love and forgiveness. They broke apart, and Sirius rested his forehead against Remus's. "And you missed the tattoos."
"The what- You're jokin' right?"
"Nah- look." He showed Remus his inner left fore arm. It was covered with all kinds of little dots connected with lines. Remus guessed they were star constellations."I didn't do these myself. But I got some on my legs that I did. Wanna see?"
"Sure- show me." Remus sit up on the bed as Sirius crawled out of it. He unzipped his pants and clumsily jumping out of the trouser legs. As he did the door to their room opened.
Sirius froze in his half-naked state, looking at the door with alarm. Remus quickly got off the bed, grabbing Sirius's blanket and throwing it at him.
"Hey, guys, so guess what-" Pete said, walking into the room, completely oblivious to the situation. " oh, sorry, I didn't know you were changing." Peter started to dig though his own suitcase. "I had dinner with the girls. And Marlene said that one girl from Slytherin got attacked by a hippogriff during Kettleburn's class, can you believe it?" His hands were full of clean clothes so he stuck a hair brush between his teeth. "I-fust hofe she's alrighw-" He back up into the bathroom, shutting the door with his foot.
They look at each other, holding back their laughter. Until finally they gave in. What a situation they got themselves into. Sirius nodded and pulled off the blanket off himself, reavealing a series of small designs etched into his skin. Some of them were kind of crooked and uneven, one of them was a little flower with a smiley face.
"I really like this one." Remus teased. "You did that yourself?"
"Oh piss off-" He smacked him. "That's a story for later."
"Ok-ok, deez... I'm sorry." He laughed, covering his mouth, Sirius was charmed. He couldn't help but admire how beautiful Remus looked in that moment. The moonlight was shining in through the window, casting a soft glow on his face.
Remus ran his fingers over the rest of the tattoos gently, tracing the lines and shapes. "They're beautiful," Remus said softly, looking up at Sirius.
Sirius smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "You're beautiful," he murmured against Remus's lips.