Chapter 8
When the three Gryffindors woke up the next morning Sirius was still nowhere to be seen. It ruined their mood a little. They were exited to meet their friend after two whole months! James, Peter, and Remus were disappointed that Sirius hadn't returned to Gryffindor Tower overnight. They had been looking forward to catching up with him. They decided to slowly make their way to breakfast.
Peter couldn't contain his curiosity any longer and broke the silence. "Do you think something happened to Sirius? I mean, he wouldn't just disappear without telling us, would he?"
James shook his head, trying to reassure himself more than anything. "Nah, knowing Sirius, he's probably just lost track of time somewhere, or got caught up in some mischief. He'll turn up soon enough. Regulus told me he got into some trouble yesterday."
As they were discussing possible scenarios, Remus heard familiar footsteps. Not meaning to ruin the moment he decided to ignore them.
"Hey, mates!" Sirius greeted, as if nothing was amiss. "Did you miss me?" He smiled as wide as he always did.
"Sirius! You fucker! You had us worried for a second, where were you?" James hugged him.
Sirius's injuries began to throb with pain. He didn't sleep last night. Madam Pomfrey warned him, he is going to be sore for a few days, but he was hopeful the pain was gone. He was so wrong. The reality of his injuries was sinking in. He winced with each pet on the back from his friends, feeling a sharp ache shoot through his body. He tried to ignore the pain as best as he could, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Until finally Remus got his turn to greet his friend, instead of giving him hug or a punch to the arm, Remus gently placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder. He knew Sirius was in pain, he could recognize the look anywhere. Remus was familiar with it. He experienced it every full moon.
"Leave him alone, poor boy! We are punching him the second we see him!" scolded Remus Pete and James. "Now tell me... Sirius" he paused. "Where have you been, you Dog!?" James and Pete joined Remus and poured all sorts of questions on him.
"Airight, Alright! Leave me alone for a second oKE!" he put his hands up to the air signaling him giving up.
"My brother and I got into some trouble earlier...So I've been stuck at the infirmary whole night. I am so sorry guys!" Sirius winced as he spoke, the pain in his injuries making it difficult for him to concentrate on the barrage of questions from his friends. He tried to put on a brave face, but Remus could see through the facade.
"It's okay, Sirius. We're just glad you're okay," Remus said softly, his voice full of empathy. "You don't have to apologize, but you look terrible, mate!"
Sirius managed a weak smile, grateful for Remus's understanding. "Thanks, Moony, been working on it all summer!"Sirius tried to change the topic "NOW TELL ME BOYS, WHO IS HUNGRY I SURE AS HELL HAVEN'T EATEN FOR A LONG TIME." they sat on their way towards food. The boys didn't want to pry on what happened to Sirius, they knew it didn't have much of a chance of finding out anyways, but they did share a knowing look with each other full of worry. Their friend always had been pale and skinny, but this was not normal. His robes look like they were two sizes too big for him. Even though they were pretty sure it were the same robes that fit Sirius perfectly last year.
"NONO, WAIT." Sirius suddenly stopped in his tracks. "You forgot the most important part! What did they feed you guys? Like really. Moony, Wormtail?" Remus and Pete looked at each other. "At least James is still kind of the same." Sirius sighed dramatically.
"Don't say that Padfoot! Look at my muscles," insisted James " and I've grown a bit too, bro, I swear" the boys laughed, filling Sirius in about their holidays, him listening and enthusiastically nodding, Sirius glanced at Remus from time to time, who was listening, as always and smiling, loving when his friends were sharing their interests.
As they made their way to the Great Hall for some much-needed food, Sirius's appetite returned with vengeance. He eagerly piled his plate with all his favorite dishes, not caring about table manners as he dug in with gusto. The others followed suit, laughing as they exchanged tales of their holiday adventures.
"So, Moony, did you manage to get any studying done during the break?" Sirius teased, waggling his eyebrows mischievously at Remus.
Remus rolled his eyes but couldn't suppress a smile. "Of course, I did," he replied, taking a sip of pumpkin juice. "Unlike some people, I don't leave everything to the last minute, Padfoot."
Sirius grinned, unfazed by Remus's teasing "Well, I prefer to live life on the edge," he quipped, stabbing his eggs with his fork, knowing he has two months of work to catch up with in a week.
Peter chimed in with his own stories, sharing anecdotes about his family's holiday traditions and the latest pranks he had pulled on his siblings. James regaled them with tales of his Quidditch practice and his attempts to woo Lily Evans, much to Sirius's amusement- he still didn't succeed.
"But I think I give up this year. I will not annoy Lily anymore." sighed James and Sirius dropped his cutlery.
"Did I hear that right?" Sirius forgot how to blink for a few minutes, just staring at James. "You are joking right?? You've been trying to get with her since you were 11, dude... And you now just give up? NOW?!"
James chuckled at Sirius's incredulous reaction. "Yeah, I know it's hard to believe, Padfoot," he said with a smirk. "But I've come to realize that maybe I've been going about it the wrong way all these years. Maybe I need to give Lily some space and show her that I've matured."
Sirius raised an eyebrow, still in disbelief. "Well, it's about time," he said, grinning. "But I won't believe it until I see it, Prongs. No more hexing people or writing her love letters with enchanted quills, alright?"
James held up his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright, I promise," he said, chuckling. "No more grand gestures or over-the-top displays of affection. I'll take a more subtle approach this time."
Remus and Peter exchanged amused glances, knowing James's history with Lily and his repeated attempts to win her over.
Pete spoke up, "Well, it's good to see you're finally taking a different approach, James. So what is this change in tactics?"
James nodded, a determined glint in his eyes. "Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot lately," he said. "maybe it's time for a different target."
Sirius and Remus exchanged puzzled looks, while Peter looked on with curiosity. "Different target?" Sirius asked, furrowing his brow. "What do you mean, James?"
James grinned mischievously. "Well, maybe I've been too focused on Lily for all these years," he said. "Maybe it's time to take a step back and see what else is out there."
Remus chuckled. "So, you're saying you're giving up on Lily and moving on to someone else?" he asked, amused.
James nodded, still grinning. "That's right," he said. "I've been so single-minded in my pursuit of Lily that I haven't really paid attention to anyone else around me. Maybe I've been missing out on some great opportunities."
Sirius raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Alright, Prongs, spill the beans," he said. "Who's the lucky girl that's caught your eye?"
"It's a secret, Padfoot. But I can tell you this much - they seem smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. And not afraid to stand up to anyone, which I find incredibly attractive." James leaned in, whispering dramatically.
"Did you even speak to them James?" teased Remus.
James crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, "As a matter of fact I did." raising his voice.
"OH- my gods- does she even know you exist?!" Teased Peter.
"Why do you keep assuming it's a girl, guys?" James sighed playing with a tomato on his plate. "It could be anyone, ya know?"
"Bro- there is no way, you like a dude, right? I mean you have been obsessed with Lily these last 5 years. There is no way you give up on her for a guy, right?" Sirius said, with no malice in his mind, his tone of voice didn't sound as he intended however.
Confused James asked, "I dunno, I guess I've never thought about it. There is nothing bad about it is there?"
"OF COURSE THERE IS NOT" Jumped into the conversation Remus. "Sirius is just being a b i t c h." Remus struck Sirius with hostile expression.
"That's not how I meant it. I am sorry, James." They ate in awkward silence, before Sirius decided to leave, they didn't share another word. Something was wrong with him, and they didn't know what.
Sirius walked away, with his head down. Dissapointed in himself, he wasn't happy with how their first encounter went.
Why must I fuck up every thing?
Sirius was drowning in guilt no one to talk to about his struggles, about his family,
the memories flooded back, and he couldn't help but feel a mix of anger, sadness, and betrayal. He had once been a son, a friend, a brother, but now he felt disconnected from all those roles. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. He doesn't dare to call himself any of that now. How could he after last night, he let Reggie down, he wasn't strong enough. Reggie saw him... Sirius grabbed him forearm, his cheek, as his all his shame made his clothes invisible. As if everyone was watching him and secretly whispering about that half-dead looking boy walking down the corridors. He might as well died just then. The worst of all was the uncertainty. He continued to walk with his head down, lost in his thoughts and overwhelmed by his emotions, he couldn't shake off the feeling of disappointment in himself. He felt like he had let everyone down, especially Reggie, who had seen him at his weakest. The guilt seemed unbearable, and he wished he could just disappear or go back in time and change things.
He wandered aimlessly through the corridors, oblivious to his surroundings. He longed for someone to talk to, someone who would understand. Feeling overwhelmed, Sirius found himself a quiet corner and sank down, burying his face in his hands. He let the tears flow, releasing some of the pent-up emotions that had been building inside him.
I've gone mad.