Chapter 2
Watching Carlotta makes Yelena feel guilty.
When Yelena started rescuing Widows, never did she think she’d form a bond with them. She expected to scoop them off and dump them at Melina’s farm for her to sort out the mess that she made.
But the first night with Mischa as she has a nightmare so violent that she sobbed on the floor of the living room had changed something within Yelena.
Daria and Varvara came along and popped in and out of Yelena’s life. They seemed to prefer Yelena over Melina and Yelena wasn’t going to send them somewhere that they didn’t feel safe. They were still children and they needed supervision but they also deserved to feel the safety that had been taken away from them at such a tender age.
When Daria and Varvara moved in for good, Yelena stops going out to free Widows. Her girls, even if she didn’t know it at the time, needed her. Instead, her oldest started going out in her stead and freeing Widows themselves.
Yelena’s so incredibly proud of them but seeing Carlotta reminds Yelena just why she freed Widows in the first place. They were so lost and confused, not knowing what to do with the sudden control they regained after it had been taken from them for so long. Yelena doesn’t know how long the twelve-year-old has been under chemical subjugation but it severely hindered the emotional development that needed to be happening during puberty.
Carlotta is like Daria in a lot of ways. She’s quiet and prefers to watch rather than join in. Yelena has to push boundaries just like she did with her youngest girls, offering kind touches even when Carlotta would shy away from them.
The first night she spent back that wasn’t sedated, Carlotta had a violent night terror, wet the bed, and spent the next two hours wedged under her bed in fear as Yelena tried to coax her out.
Ultimately, it’s Varvara that gets down onto her stomach next to the bed and talks to Carlotta. Varvara talks about Yelena a lot, telling Carlotta that she wasn’t angry and that she didn’t hit. Varvara shares fond memories she held of Yelena and offered out her hand for Carlotta to hold.
While Carlotta showers, Yelena holds her third-youngest close and kisses her freckles, praising her for keeping calm and soothing Carlotta. Varvara basks in the praise, worming her way closer to Yelena. “Just tryin’ to help, Ma.”
Carlotta’s second day had Yelena introducing her to the list of rules she had on the fridge for her Baby Widows. Carlotta is not one of hers but Yelena also knew how safe rules made them feel.
Carlotta stares at the list of rules that promise her safety, security, and love with disbelief.
Seeing how she reacts makes guilt roll around Yelena’s stomach like a marble. She had willingly chosen to stop going out and helping these girls. Yelena had devoted many months to freeing them and had made a lot of progress but her girls, no matter how much they helped, were trying new things and living their life as well.
Mischa had a girlfriend, Irina was learning to interact with the world around her, and Alice and Viktoria were content to explore what the world had to offer.
They deserved it. It was not their fault and Yelena would never fault them for stopping freeing Widows. It was hard and it took a mental toll on each Widow that would break down at the sudden control they had.
Yelena wondered how many other little girls were out there, unaware that the man that had tortured them was dead, and played their role out perfectly in fear.
Carlotta joins Varvara and Daria in their bed. She likes having someone nearby but doesn’t like curling up around someone when she sleeps. Yelena hadn’t realized how much time she was devoting to trying to help Carlotta settle in until Ksenia wraps her arms around her and won’t let go.
No matter how much Yelena prompts, Ksenia can’t seem to tell her what was wrong, instead opting to bury her face into the crook of Yelena’s neck. So Yelena holds her close, unsure of how to help.
Some of her other girls started to do the same thing. They’ll wind their arms around her and won’t let her go for minutes at a time. Varvara got very distressed and upset when Yelena had tried.
It’s not until Mischa, probably the most emotionally mature out of the bunch, approaches her and flat-out tells her. “I need your attention.”
Her statement caught Yelena off guard but nevertheless, Yelena pulls her close runs her fingers through her hair.
She talks it out with Mischa. Yelena didn’t really realize how much time she was spending with Carlotta trying to help her adjust. She hadn’t meant to neglect her girls, Carlotta just needed a lot of reassurance as she recovers from being chemically subjugated.
Carlotta had severe migraines, common for those just freed from chemical subjugation. Yelena spent a lot of time with her, comforting the girl just like she would with Irina when she suffered from headaches.
When Carlotta feels unwell or sleepy, her guard is let down and she’s a lot more receptive to Yelena’s touch.
Yelena tries to set aside more attention for her girls but it’s still not enough. She catches Varvara sitting on the bathroom counter as Irina dresses a gash in her hand. Varvara hadn’t come to her and more guilt settles in Yelena’s stomach.
Nightmares start to crop up and Yelena finally calls Clint Barton. He had promised that if she needed another parent to talk to then he’d be open to talk.
Clint patiently listens as Yelena describes the issues she’s having. When Yelena finishes he was quiet for a few moments. “I think your girls are jealous.” He finally says. “And unfortunately, because of the sheer amount of kids that you have and the time you need to devote to this new one, you can’t set aside time for each of them that I think will satisfy them.”
“Then what do I do?” Yelena wanted her girls happy.
“I think you need to sit them down and tell them that you love them and you recognize their feelings but the new girl needs help settling in. Maybe remind them of how they first were after defecting,” Clint advises her. “Changes in routine and their schedules are probably also unsettling.”
Yelena lets out a sigh, cradling her head in her hands. “That makes sense.” She comments before inhaling deeply. “Thank you.”
“I hope I could be of some help,” Clint says before bidding her goodbye.
So Yelena takes her advice. That night she rounds up all of her girls in the living room while Carlotta is upstairs with a migraine.
Seven sets of eyes peer up at her in confusion. Yelena’s never called a meeting like this before.
“Viktoria and Irina brought home Carlotta Novello nearly a week ago. I know that things have been tough. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Carlotta and I haven’t been spending a lot of time with you girls,” Yelena rakes her eyes over her girls piled together on the couch and each other. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been giving you the attention I usually do. Do you girls remember the first time you ever met me?”
Seven confused faces peer up at her. Some of them nod but for a few the memories are hazy and they don’t.
“Do you remember how scared and confused you were?” Yelena remembers. She remembers waking up herself, poised over the body of the Widow that freed her with blood on her hands and a gap in her memory. She remembers each Widow that she freed who looked up at her with terror in their eyes.
“You made us feel safe,” Viktoria comments, and Yelena can’t help but smile at the statement.
“I’m really happy to hear that. Carlotta needs the same thing that you needed from me. You can be angry or upset with me for not giving you the attention you deserve, that’s okay,” Yelena hesitates before continuing. “Carlotta may not stay. She has a lot to think about concerning her future and all of that on top of adjusting from being freed from chemical subjugation.”
Some of her girls squirm, shame on their faces and held in their frames.
“I love you.” Yelena repeats. “I hope that you never ever doubt that.”
“We know that, mom,” Mischa replies and her sisters bob their heads in agreement. “We love you too.”
Yelena moves forward and with a little bit of difficulty, she hugs all of her girls.
Her beautiful, smart, kind girls, who deserve to feel safe and happy.
Yelena’s mood immediately plummets when she returns to Carlotta’s side and holds the young girl as she cries from the pain in her head, tugging at her hair to try and relieve the pain.
Yelena carries Carlotta close and paces the room, shushing her softly as she switches between rubbing her back and stroking her hair. She knew just how severe the headaches could be, remembering when she dealt with them on her own and had ended up curled up on the floor of her bathroom by the toilet, unable to move for what felt like days.
Carlotta is in pain. She is scared and confused and she's just a child. She's barely older than Natasha was when she went back to the Red Room from Ohio.
Guilt holds Yelena hostage once again.