Thankful
For a Wednesday night, the highway was calm. Granted it was on the late side and the night before Thanksgiving. A lot of people were already settling down, anticipating a large meal tomorrow.
Tony sat behind the wheel of his most subtle car and headed for his destination.
So much younger than today
(I never need) I never needed anybody’s help in any way
(Now) but now these days are gone (these days are gone)
I’m not so self-assured
(And now I find) now I find I’ve changed my mind
And opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being ‘round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me.
Tony had always enjoyed the Beatles. Granted, he preferred the harder rock of the 80s but his mom had enjoyed them so there was a soft spot there. But as the song played on the radio, the lyrics hit him like a brick. That was very much him, wasn’t it? Last time around, he’d been a one-man show. He was just starting to discover the palladium problem while preparing to settle into his usual holiday season drunken haze.
This time, he took a step that he would wait the better part of a decade to take. His car pulled into the back of a small church and he entered through the unlocked basement door. It felt a little weird to be somewhere completely alone. It didn’t happen often. Usually Happy was with him, or Rhodey, or Pepper.
But this was something he had to do on his own.
The room had been set up with chairs and there were coffee and pasties in the back.
“Tony! You made it?” A man a few inches taller and a bit broader than Tony walked up.
Tony grinned at the sight of his sponsor, Neil Hunt. One of his employees recommended this group to him, in case he was looking. The last time around, he’d immediately discarded the idea. But this time, when the same conversation had happened, he’d taken the hint.
While his family was great for helping literally carry the weight of the world, none of them knew what it was like to recover from addiction. He’d done it already but knew the journey had been hard. In the aftermath of the Civil War, he’d found a group, wanting to be better for Peter and for the world since he knew he’d need to step up.
This time, he wanted that support earlier. So, with Pepper’s blessing, he started attending meetings whenever he was in town. Eventually, he’d switch to a group in New York.
But for now, these people had accepted him. And no one told the press that he was coming.
“Of course. Happy Thanksgiving, Neil.”
“Happy Thanksgiving, Tony. Kids in town?”
“Everyone is here. It’s the first big Thanksgiving I’ve had in… years.”
Well big and happy. The holiday after the Snap had taken a harsh turn and more and more people had trouble being thankful when they’d lost so much. And Tony couldn’t blame them. He felt similarly too.
But this year, it was going to be a massive celebration. The Parkers, Keeners, Rhodey, Happy, Pepper, and him. His family all together. Rhodey’s mom was talking about coming for Christmas to meet Morgan and there was a debate on if they wanted to tell her. All of the kids could use a grandparent and she was the closest Morgan had ever had to one.
Still, something to think about.
“Meeting is about to start.”
Tony nodded, taking a seat in the back like he tended to. Even though the group had gotten used to his presence and treated him like one of their own, he still didn’t like to draw attention to himself.
Neil took a seat next to him as an older man, Wendall, stepped up to the podium. With fifteen years of sobriety under his belt, even Tony who was older on the inside than a lot of people in the room respected his take on things.
A few people spoke, and finally Tony stood. He didn’t talk at every meeting but it was Thanksgiving. And while he couldn’t tell everyone everything he was thankful for, he had a lot to say.
“Hi everyone. I’m Tony and I’m an alcoholic.” He stood in front of the small group but felt more nervous than he had on stage with thousands of people listening. Maybe that was the problem with always putting on a mask, when you took it off, you were scared of what people would think of what was underneath.
“I’ve got a lot to be thankful for this year. Some things if you’d told me a year ago about, I’d laugh. I’m eight months sober, three of those were in captivity in Afghanistan. One thing I’m thankful for is my freedom and being able to celebrate tomorrow with my family. I’m grateful for the chance I had to reconnect with my sons and that they’re here to celebrate. For my fiance and our little girl who might come at any time.”
Tony sighed, leaning against the podium. “For years I’ve hated the holidays. I used them as an excuse to spend five weeks in various states of intoxication. It’s hard to celebrate family holidays within a month of the anniversary of losing yours. But, I’ve wasted so much time. And my time overseas showed me that my selfishness cost a lot of people their lives.”
He paused for a second. “And that’s on me. Every time in the last few months when commentators have asked how I didn’t see it coming, I wish I had an answer for them. I wish I could tell them why my lack of attention led to the empty chairs they’ll have tonight. But I can’t. And I’ll never know how many lives I destroyed. It’s part of the reason I created the September Foundation. I’ve also donated to other causes so that some of the harm I caused can be not fixed but helped in whatever small way I can. I think the guilt is one of the hardest parts of recovery for me. And it hits hard, especially this time of year.”
Tony grinned, not his trademarked press grin but a more genuine one. “I’m thankful for all of you. You could have turned me away when I first came a few months ago. But you didn’t and your support has meant a lot. So, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.”
People returned his greeting and he took his seat. Picking up his coffee cup, he took an extra-long sip. While he couldn’t be as honest as the program technically called for, even being as vulnerable as he was in the group made him uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure if people wanted to see the real Tony Stark or the one they saw on TV.
A bit later, the meeting adjourned and Neil turned to Tony. “If you need anything, call me. At any time. But go home and enjoy the holiday with your kids.”
Tony grinned. “I can’t think of anything I want to do more.”
2017
Tony usually hid from the masses that flocked to New York City on Thanksgiving for the parade or to enjoy their extended weekend. So why he’d agreed to fight traffic to come out to Queens to the Parker’s apartment was beyond him. But he’d left Pepper’s Manhattan apartment and made the trek.
He was under strict instructions to be there before the pre-parade stuff started at 9. If Peter wanted to see the parade so bad, Tony could have gotten them a great view along the route.
“But Mr. Stark! It’s not the same!”
And then the kid had given him that grin and Tony hadn’t quite figured out how to tell the kid no when he grinned like that and so here he was.
Of course, there were six flights of stairs because May refused to let him pay for the elevator to be fixed. But finally, he was there, carrying the pies he’d ordered from one of the caterers that often serviced the Tower.
It wasn’t homemade but it was the thought that counted.
He knocked on the door and it opened quickly to reveal a grinning Peter, still in his PJs. “Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Stark.”
“Happy Thanksgiving, Underoos.” Tony stepped into the apartment and found May already in the kitchen. Once again, he had to remind himself that Peter wanted to celebrate here and that’s why he was subjecting himself to May’s cooking. “Happy Thanksgiving, May. It’s been a bit since I’ve had a chance to properly celebrate so you might have to remind me how its done.”
“May’s checking on the turkey and the parade is about to start. And then there’s the dog show and we’ll cook during it and then eat! You can really stay the whole day?”
“I have nothing on my schedule, Peter.”
That earned him another signature grin and it warmed Tony in ways he wouldn’t admit. He sat the pies down in the kitchen, one for him and May. And a couple for Peter alone. Tony was almost terrified to see how much food the kid could pack away on a holiday where people traditionally ate until they were sick. Just to satisfy his metabolism took an insane amount of calories.
He sat down on the couch and within five minutes had a Spiderling close by. The cuddling had been a newer development in their relationship but Tony found he enjoyed the times when Peter invaded his personal space and made it his own.
Currently, the aforementioned Spiderling’s head was on his lap and Tony ran his fingers through the curls. He got a contented sigh as they watched the festivities taking place a few miles away.
Tony had to say, it was the best Thanksgiving he’d had in years. And it had only just begun.
2008
One of the perks of being a billionaire was that you could afford a house with a lot of space. In a past life, years that never were, sometimes it had felt overwhelmingly lonely. Sometimes, he enjoyed the solitude.
Today he was grateful for the space. May was on a couch while Happy, Ben, and Rhodey were in the kitchen. Tony and May had been banned from the kitchen and Pepper were resting in her favorite chair with her feet up. Her cup of tea rested on her swollen belly.
She was beautiful.
Rose sat on the other end of the couch with Abby who was happily watching the parade. Harley was parked at the coffee table, scribbling away at what looked to be blueprints. But he wouldn’t let Tony get a good look. So, for now, Tony was happy to let him have his secret project.
While he appeared to be six on the outside, inside he was 16 and had had a few lectures on lab responsibility. Hopefully, some things stuck. Granted, Tony was the one to teach him those rules…
Jarvis would back him up and limit the amount and strength of any explosions. There, he could be confident that his AI had his back. There was another thing he was thankful, to have his old friend and original copilot back by his side.
Peter had assumed virtually the same position he had on that Thanksgiving morning at his apartment. Tony had to admit that his smaller size made it that much more adorable. Still, his hand found its way into Peter’s curls and he was rewarded with another contented sigh.
He let one out of his own. This second chance they’d all be given, was the greatest gift he could ever have. To not lose those five years with Peter and Harley. To gain even more of their growing-up years. He was so excited for all the potential they now had. Yes, there were some old wounds but time was healing them. And his family, and even AA.
Tony turned to see Pepper not looking at the television but at him. “Yes, Mrs. Stark?”
“Still Miss Potts, technically.”
“Everyone here knows it’s really Mrs. Stark.”
She shrugged and shook her head at him in fond exasperation. “I’m glad you’re not carrying it all alone anymore.”
“Me too, Pep.” His fingers caught a tangle in the curls and he carefully worked through it. “There’s a lot of uncertainty. And things are already changing beyond what I can see. I’m worried that we’ll change too much too fast.”
May looked over. “We’ll figure it out. To the best of my knowledge, we’re limited to changing things here on Earth. We can’t control what happens out in Space or Asgard.”
“That reminds me. J, keep an eye on New Mexico and let me know if an Einstein Rosen Bridge opens.”
“Of course, Sir.”
He’d already given Jane Foster money through the September Foundation for her research to make sure she was ready for Thor’s visit. Plus, it established a friendship with the scientist he wished he’d had in the previous timeline.
Peter shifted, seeming to snuggle deeper into Tony. Shaking his head, Tony continued working with his curls. “I think you’re even more of a cuddle bug at this age and I didn’t know that was possible.”
“You love it.” He got the cheeky grin he loved so dearly. On a younger face, it was even harder to say no to.
“I do. What are you working on, Patatino?”
“You’ll see. Something I was working on before everything happened.”
That caused Tony to raise an eyebrow. With him being so far away, Harley had designed a lot on his own whereas Peter tended to be more collaborative. He’d let the boy create, after all, he was the one to encourage it in the first place.
The parade happened, the kitchen crew joining them for the bulk of it before wandering back in the kitchen for the dog show portion to continue cooking. The house began to smell amazing and Tony’s mouth watered. Peter had wandered from his lap and the three kids were involved in a spirited debate over which dogs they thought should win each category. May, Rose, and Pepper chimed in.
Tony was content to sit back and alternate between watching the kitchen crew and watching the other group. Next year, they’d have another member of their family.
“Harley, Peter, come here!” Pepper waved them over and the two boys rushed to her side. She took their hands and put them on her belly. “Your sister is kicking.”
Luckily no one caught on that Tony was barely holding on and not giving in to some emotions at seeing the people he cared most about together. Both boys turned and after a second rushed and plopped on either side of him, wrapping their arms around him. He wrapped an arm around each kid and let an easy grin fall on his face. “I’ll have to stock up for when you get back to the age where this is embarrassing.”
“Peter won’t hit it. If he hadn’t it by 16, I’m not sure he ever will.”
“May!” Peter pouted and tried to pull away but Tony didn’t release his grip. Granted, if Peter really wanted to get out of his grip, the kid was the strongest one in the room. But instead, he settled into Tony’s side.
His boys.
His sweet precious boys and in a matter of weeks, he’d have his daughter again. Then, he could live out some of those bittersweet dreams he’d had where he’d introduced Harley and Peter to Morgan.
He was a little terrified at what adventures the four of them (Abigail was her own type of chaotic too) could get into. Add Ned to the mix and he was going to go grey much earlier this time, he had a feeling.
As they were naming Best of Show, Tony ushered the boys to help set the table. He oversaw their work and helped where they couldn’t quite reach but soon it was done to Pepper’s expectations (the most important, there was something to the phrase "happy wife, happy life'').
Soon, the entire family sat down at the table which was weighed down with an impossible amount of food. But between the large appetites he knew sat at the table and Peter’s rapidly growing metabolism, he had a feeling they’d make quick work of the feast.
“Before we eat.” Pepper started but Peter groaned. She shot him a look and he looked at her apologetically. “As I was saying before we eat, let’s go around the table and say something we’re thankful for. We’ve got a lot this year. I’ll start. I’m thankful Tony is here, alive, safe, and sober.”
Tony took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
May turned to Ben. “I’m thankful that I get to spend another Thanksgiving with you.”
Ben grinned, kissing her cheek earning himself mumblings of disgust from the boys at the table - who sometimes really enjoyed acting their physical age. “I’m thankful for such a large extended family.”
At the other end, Rhodey grinned. “I’m thankful that none of us are alone in this.”
Tony nodded, he couldn’t imagine the nightmare of having to do this again all on his own. It was weird enough as it was but at least with this group of people, he didn’t have to act.
Happy was next. “I’m thankful for the chance to make things safer for everyone.”
Then was Rose. “I’m thankful that you all took us in. Tony, you could have walked away and not come back after the Mandarin incident but you stepped into our lives.”
“It’s been my pleasure.” Tony raised his glass of grape juice in her direction.
Little Abby was next. “I’m thankful for Uncle Tony for letting us come and use his pool in November!”
It was such an innocent answer.
Harley was next. “I’m thankful for gaining a brother and more family.”
Peter looked torn as to his answer. “I’m really thankful for Uncle Ben and Dad. You two get to meet and get to know each other and it..” He paused for a second, emotion easily overwhelming him. “it’s been the best.”
“It has, Roo.” Tony grinned at the boy on his right. “I guess it’s my turn. I’m thankful for all of you. For our second chance. And for the brighter future, we can make.”
The house had fallen to sleep but Tony found that dreams chased him down to the lab. In the previous version of this time, he’d bury himself in a few drinks and work on a project. This time around, he focused on the former. There was a lot he could work on.
Natasha should arrive at Stark Industries any day now. He still didn’t know how he wanted to handle her. He wasn’t a fan of her spying for SHIELD. But even despite the betrayal, they’d reconciled in the years between snaps. When she died, it hit him hard.
Next time he was in New York, he might stop by the Sanctum and talk with the Time Stone. While it might not give him a lot of insight, hopefully, it would at least help to point him in the right direction.
There was also the technology to review. And schematics for the Tower. The weather this time of year in New York meant construction was hit or miss. But the interior still had over a year before they could start finalizing it beyond load-bearing walls.
Tony had things he wanted to change and he was excited to put them into action. The penthouse for example was going to be more family-friendly and less billionaire-like.
It was hard to create things and know that he couldn’t invent from scratch as much as recreate for a while. But he could tweak and improve. He also wanted to design body armor for the military so that in situations like New York, they’d stand a chance. Granted, you’d need some bigger muscle too.
Would the Avengers form? Would he join them? He had nothing to say to Steve Rogers and it would be hard to not hold the past against him, despite for him none of that happened. But maybe he could help him while keeping his distance.
So many decisions. At least for some of them, he had time to make them. A certain invading spider was a bit more time-sensitive.